They came together, cried out with the intensity of it.
As they lay there afterward, neither able to speak with their lungs gasping for air, Elizabeth understood that she had just crossed a line of no return.
She had allowed Joe Hennessey in side her. She, a doctor, had participated in unprotected sex. But worst of all she’d freely given over her already damaged heart.
“Elizabeth, I’ve wanted to make love to you since the first time I saw you,” he murmured, his lips close to her temple. “No matter where I was, I couldn’t close my eyes with out seeing you.”
Her chest felt tight. A part of her wanted to confess to the same weakness, but that would be to admit that three months ago she’d already disengaged emotionally from David. What did that make her?
She squeezed her eyes shut and blocked the thoughts. She didn’t want to think right now. She just wanted to lie here and feel Joe next to her. She wanted to let her body become permeated with the scent and taste of him.
Just for tonight.
“When this is over,” Joe said softly, “I want to see where these feelings take us. I don’t want to let you go.”
When this mission was over…then there would be another. Clarity slammed into her with crushing intensity. And another mission after that. Each time Joe would be gone for days or weeks. He could be killed in some strange place and she would never even know what really happened.
Just like before.
She had known this would be a mistake. She couldn’t let her self believe in—depend on—a man who risked so much. She’d already gotten too close to him. Letting it go this far was crazy.
“I can’t do this.” She scooted away from him and to the edge of the bed. “You should go.”
He sat up next to her. It was all she could do not to run away. But she had let this happen. She had to face the repercussions of her actions.
He exhaled a heavy breath, turned to her and began, “When I get back—”
She jerked up from the bed, fury and hurt twisting in side her. “If you come back.” She hurled the words at him through the darkness, imagined his face—his real face.
He didn’t respond immediately, just sat there making no move to get dressed. She couldn’t see him really, just the vague out line but she could feel his frustration.
“I will be back, Elizabeth. I won’t leave you the way he did.”
A new rush of tears burned in her eyes. “How can you make a promise like that? You have no idea if you’ll survive this mission much less the next one!”
“Elizabeth, don’t do this.” He stood, moved to ward her, but she backed away.
She was too vulnerable right now. If he touched her again she might not be able to stick by her guns. She just couldn’t do this to her self again. It hurt too much.
“I know you don’t want me to go,” he whispered, his voice silky and more tempting than any thing she’d ever experienced.
Don’t listen!
She had to be strong.
“I want you to go,” she reiterated. “I’m not going to fall in love with another man who can’t live out side the lure of danger. I won’t let that happen.”
She had to get out of here. Nothing he said would change how she felt. She felt around for her gown, found it and quickly jerked it on. The sooner she put some distance between them the better off she would be.
“Maybe it’s not too late for you,” he said causing her to hesitate at the door. She would not let her self look back. “But,” he went on, “it’s way too late for me. It’s already happened.”
She walked out.
A numbness settled over her.
What was he saying?
She shook off his words.
Nothing he said mattered.
She had to protect her self.
This was the only way.
Joe dragged on his clothes and pushed his feet into his shoes. A rock had settled in his stomach. He needed to convince her that they could do this, but she didn’t want to listen right now.
A part of him wanted to track her down and make her see this his way. But that would get him no where fast.
Maddox had hurt her. She was only protecting herself.
Joe was the one who’d made a mistake.
He should have realized she needed more time. Especially under the circumstances. For God’s sake, she’d scarcely gotten through giving him the face of her old lover and learning of the full extent of her former lover’s betrayal. How could he have expected her to fall into his arms and live happily ever after?
Be cause he was selfish. Desperate to have her as his own. But he’d screwed up. Succeeded in pushing her farther away. Regaining that tender ground might very well be impossible.