A Stranger in the Mirror

chapter 8
Toby Temple had tried to reach Sam Winters half a dozen times, but he was never able to get past his bitch of a secretary, and he finally gave up. Toby made the rounds of the nightclubs and studios without success. During the next year, he took jobs to support himself. He sold real estate and insurance and haberdashery, and in between he played in bars and obscure nightclubs. But he was not able to get past the studio gates.

"You're going about it the wrong way," a friend of his told him. "Make them come to you."

"How do I do that?" Toby asked, cynically.

"Get into Actors West."

"An acting school?"

"It's more than that. They put on plays, and every studio in town covers them."

Actors West had the smell of professionalism. Toby could sense it the moment he walked in the door. On the wall were photographs of graduates of the school. Toby recognized many of them as successful actors.

The blond receptionist behind the desk said, "May I help you?"

"Yes. I'm Toby Temple. I'd like to enroll."

"Have you had acting experience?" she asked.

"Well, no," Toby said. "But, I - "

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Tanner won't interview anyone without professional experience."

Toby stared at her a moment. "Are you kidding me?"

"No. That's our rule. She never - "

"I'm not talking about that," Toby said. "I mean - you really don't know who I am?"

The blonde looked at him and said, "No."

Toby let his breath out softly. "Jesus," he said. "Leland Hayward was right. If you work in England, Hollywood doesn't even know you're alive." He smiled and said apologetically, "I was joking. I figured you'd know me."

The receptionist was confused now, not knowing what to believe. "You have worked professionally?"

Toby laughed. "I'll say I have."

The blonde picked up a form. "What parts have you played, and where?"

"Nothing here," Toby said quickly. "I've been in England for the last two years, working in rep."

The blonde nodded. "I see. Well, let me talk to Mrs. Tanner."

The blonde disappeared into the inner office, returning a few minutes later. "Mrs. Tanner will see you. Good luck."

Toby winked at the receptionist, took a deep breath and walked into Mrs. Tanner's office.

Alice Tanner was a dark-haired woman, with an attractive, aristocratic face. She appeared to be in her middle thirties, about ten years older than Toby. She was seated behind her desk, but what Toby could see of her figure was sensational. This place is going to be just fine, Toby decided.

Toby smiled winningly and said, "I'm Toby Temple."

Alice Tanner rose from behind the desk and walked toward him. Her left leg was encased in a heavy metal brace and she limped with the practiced, rolling walk of someone who has lived with it for a long time.

Polio, Toby decided. He did not know whether to comment on it.

"So you want to enroll in our classes."

"Very much," Toby said.

"May I ask why?"

He made his voice sincere. "Because everywhere I go, Mrs. Tanner, people talk about your school and the wonderful plays you put on here. I'll bet you have no idea of the reputation this place has."

She studied him a moment. "I do have an idea. That's why I have to be careful to keep out phonies."

Toby felt his face begin to redden, but he smiled boyishly and said, "I'll bet. A lot of them, must try to crash in here."

"Quite a few," Mrs. Tanner agreed. She glanced at the card she held in her hand. "Toby Temple."

"You probably haven't heard the name," he explained, "because for the last couple of years, I've been - "

"Playing repertory in England."

He nodded. "Right."

Alice Tanner looked at him and said quietly, "Mr. Temple, Americans are not permitted to play in English repertory. British Actors Equity doesn't allow it."

Toby felt a sudden sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.

"You might have checked first and saved us both this embarrassment. I'm sorry, but we only enroll professional talent here." She started back toward her desk. The interview was over.

"Hold it!" His voice was like a whiplash.

She turned in astonishment. At that instant, Toby had no idea what he was going to say or do. He only knew that his whole future was hanging in the balance. The woman standing in front of him was the stepping-stone to everything he wanted, everything he had worked and sweated for, and he was not going to let her stop him.

"You don't judge talents by rules, lady! Okay - so I haven't acted. And why? Because people like you won't give me a chance. You see what I mean?" It was W. C. Field's voice.

Alice Tanner opened her mouth to interrupt him, but Toby never gave her the opportunity. He was Jimmy Cagney telling her to give the poor kid a break, and James Stewart agreeing with him, and Clark Gable saying he was dying to work with the kid and Cary Grant adding that he thought the boy was brilliant. A host of Hollywood stars was in that room, and they were all saying funny things, things that Toby Temple had never thought of before. The words, the jokes poured out of him in a frenzy of desperation. He was a man drowning in the darkness of his own oblivion, clinging to a life raft of words, and the words were all that were keeping him afloat. He was soaked in perspiration, running around the room, imitating the movement of each character who was talking. He was manic, totally outside of himself, forgetting where he was and what he was here for until he heard Alice Tanner saying, "Stop it! Stop it!"

Tears of laughter were streaming down her face.

"Stop it!" she repeated, gasping for breath.

And slowly, Toby came down to earth. Mrs. Tanner had taken out a handkerchief and was wiping her eyes.

"You - you're insane," she said. "Do you know that?"

Toby stared at her, a feeling of elation slowly filling him, lifting, exalting him. "You liked it, huh?"

Alice Tanner shook her head and took a deep breath to control her laughter and said, "Not - not very much."

Toby looked at her, filled with rage. She had been laughing at him, not with him. He had been making a fool of himself.

"Then what were you laughing at?" Toby demanded.

She smiled and said quietly. "You. That was the most frenetic performance I've ever seen. Somewhere, hidden beneath all those movie stars, is a young man with a lot of talent. You don't have to imitate other people. You're naturally funny."

Toby felt his anger begin to seep away.

"I think one day you could be really good if you're willing to work hard at it. Are you?"

He gave her a slow, beatific grin and said, "Let's roll up our sleeves and go to work."

Josephine worked very hard Saturday morning, helping her mother clean the house. At noon, Cissy and some other friends picked her up to take her on a picnic.

Mrs. Czinski watched Josephine being driven off in the long limousine filled with the children of the Oil People. She thought, one day something bad is going to happen to Josephine. I shouldn't let her be with those people. They're the Devil's children. And she wondered if there was a devil in Josephine. She would talk to the Reverend Damian. He would know what to do.