I opened my mouth to argue, but his words had stung something inside me I did not want to touch. I swallowed and shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. If he finds us here together like this now, he will feel it’s his duty to demand satisfaction. And I don’t want you and my brother to duel.”
“Perhaps a duel would not be necessary.”
My breath caught and I stared up into Gage’s searching eyes. He couldn’t mean . . .
Clearly sensing my confusion, he pulled me closer and brushed a stray hair from my cheek. “Kiera, I’m tired of denying this. Tired of pretending there isn’t something between us. You know there is.”
I nodded slowly. I couldn’t refute it. Though I didn’t know exactly what it was.
“I left Gairloch Castle thinking in a few weeks’ time I would forget you. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. And believe me I tried.”
I frowned, not certain I liked the sound of that, but he was still speaking.
“When I let you go that second time, after Dalmay’s death, I already knew there was no use. That it would take a lot more than time and distance for me to stop thinking about you. But I knew you needed time, away from me, from everyone.”
“Is that why you abandoned me in Edinburgh?” I whispered.
His eyes were stricken. “Is that what you thought?”
I nodded.
“Kiera, I’m sorry. I suppose I didn’t want to get in the way of your grief for Dalmay. I know you cared for him a great deal. And perhaps I was a bit jealous.”
“Of Will?” I asked in bewilderment.
His pale blue eyes darkened in color, and the depth of the emotion reflected there made my breath catch. “No man wants to watch the woman he cares for grieve for another man so intensely.”
I didn’t know what to say, but I thought my eyes might be telling him more than enough. I lifted one of my hands from his chest to press it against his cheek. It was warm and bristled with evening stubble.
He lifted his hand and pressed it to mine where it rested on his cheek then slid it around and gently kissed the center of my palm. His lips were soft and his breath hot. When he closed my fingers over it, I squeezed them tightly, as if I might brand the kiss into my palm.
“Kiera, I’m finished trying to forget you. And dare I hope that since you sent for me, you’re finished trying to forget me, too?”
I knew what he was asking, and I knew it was in my power to give. But the pit in the center of my stomach—the part of me I had always relied upon to tell me when something wasn’t right—dropped, and whether or not it was only fatigue or simple anxiety instead of outright fear, I knew I couldn’t hand him what he wanted. At least not yet. I could see he sensed that, for the light in his eyes dimmed a little before I spoke.
“Gage, you know I care for you. I do.” My eyes dropped to the folds of his cravat. “I never thought that someone . . . that I . . .” I stumbled over my words. “But I . . . I don’t know. There’s just still so much you haven’t told me.”
“You’re right.”
I lifted my gaze to his, relieved to see his expression was far from injured. In fact, it looked frighteningly determined.
“There is still a great deal I should share with you. And I will try. But I ask that you be patient with me. I’m no more used to sharing myself than you are.”
I offered him a weak smile.
“Will you do that?”
“Yes,” I replied softly.
“Which I assume means that, though you aren’t ready to admit anything yet, you are willing to explore what this is between us. To let me woo you?”
I opened my mouth in surprise.
“I won’t press you, Kiera, but you have to let me try. And I refuse to dishonor you by sneaking around like this and not at least announcing my intention to pay you court.”
He was right. Thus far there had been no formal declaration between us, and I had been letting him kiss me like I was simply another merry widow, happy to accept his attentions without the benefit of matrimony. The fact that I was inexperienced in those ways did not mean I was not aware of them. Unsure of myself, I had let Gage take the lead. And though I’d known he was honorable, and he would never have coerced me past my own moral and religious compass, I had still relied upon him to guide us.
That he would actually admit to even more honorable intentions where I was concerned had never crossed my mind. Marriage between Gage and me seemed impossible, even foolish for me to contemplate, and yet here he was asking to court me. I was stunned.
“Kiera?” he pressed.
His gaze was so open, so hopeful, I couldn’t help but feel a trill of happiness in my heart. And suddenly it seemed even more foolish for me to deny him.
“Yes.”
He smiled, a flare of pure joy I couldn’t help but return, and then pressed a kiss to my lips and then another.
“I will leave you then. Before your brother, or his dutiful butler, happens upon us.”
I watched as he left, lifting my hand in farewell when he turned back before he disappeared behind the potted palm.
Something warm had taken root inside me, and though I felt the tangled branches of my anxieties trying to worm their way inside, for the moment I pushed them back. Unable to wipe the grin from my face, I turned to pull my apron down from its hook.