Ethan emerged from under the water again, turning to look right at her. He was so beautiful her chest ached. Was he the one to blame? She knew it was never that simple. But still, she turned Nora’s words over in her head: it’s not your job to fix him.
He beckoned to her, beaming, and her doubts evaporated like water droplets on the hot concrete as she went out to the patio to join them.
ETHAN SWISHED THE BOURBON AROUND his glass, ice cubes clinking. The television was on, but he wasn’t watching. Grey wouldn’t be home for hours. After over a month of preparation, she and Kamilah were finally pitching their movie to Nora’s company. She’d left him with a kiss late that afternoon, telling him not to wait up—depending on how it went, she and Kamilah would be out late either celebrating or drowning their sorrows. For the first time since they’d gotten back together, he had the whole evening to himself.
They spent most of their time at his place these days, only occasionally venturing into the outside world. Now that their status as a couple had been officially confirmed once again, the scarcity of their public appearances meant that they created nothing short of a frenzy whenever they stepped out together. Photographers were parked outside his gate all the time now, even without Audrey calling them in advance.
He resisted the temptation to text her to check in. She would let him know when she had any news. He drained his glass and unfolded himself to standing in one motion, heading to the bar cart for a refill. He hadn’t been drunk since the night of her birthday, the night she came back to him. A beer or two at dinner, a glass of bourbon as a nightcap. And most of the time, he barely even thought about it. When she was around, her presence was loud enough to drown out his doubts, his fears, his most self-sabotaging impulses. But sure enough, like clockwork, as soon as the door had shut behind her and the prospect of several unaccompanied hours stretched in front of him, the bar cart beckoned like a siren.
Ethan poured himself another glass of bourbon, more generous this time. He’d been good. He’d earned this. Once in a while was no big deal. He’d be in bed sleeping it off before she got home, and she’d never have to see this side of him. He loved who he was around her, the version of himself he saw reflected back at him when she opened her eyes in the morning, when he made her laugh, when he was inside her. He wanted to be that man all the time. That was what she deserved.
He heard his phone buzz back on the coffee table, and hurried to answer it. Sure enough, it was Grey.
“Hey! How did it go?” He tried to keep his voice neutral, prepared for either response. To his relief, her excitement was palpable, even over the phone.
“They fucking loved it. Couldn’t have gone better. I kind of can’t believe it, it’s basically a done deal,” she gushed. Ethan’s face split into a grin.
“Congratulations. That’s amazing. You two have been working so hard, I’m not surprised.” He settled back on the couch. “So are you on your way to celebrate now?”
“Change of plans. We were talking to Nora afterward and we thought it might be fun if everyone came over for dinner tonight instead.”
Ethan sat up with a jolt. “Everyone? Tonight? Here?”
“Yeah. Like, Kamilah, Andromeda, Nora, Jeff. Sorry I didn’t check with you first, it all happened kind of fast. But that’ll be nice, right? We haven’t had everyone over all together yet.”
Ethan rubbed his hand over his eyes, trying to process the sudden U-turn his night had taken. “No, um, it’s fine. The girls, too?”
“Lucas is watching them.”
“Great. Great. That’s great,” Ethan repeated dumbly. “And we’re gonna…cook?”
“I was going to pick up from Taj, if I ever get out of this fucking traffic. Any requests? I was thinking mostly veggie stuff, since you and Jeff and I are the only meat eaters.”
“Oh. Uh…no, that sounds good.”
“Okay. I should be back in an hour, hopefully less. Everyone else is coming over at eight.”
They exchanged their goodbyes and hung up. Ethan leaned back into the couch and took another sip. He’d been so focused on supporting Grey as she prepared for her pitch that he’d barely stopped to consider what would happen if it went well: his girlfriend was going to make a movie with his ex-wife. They’d had dinner with Nora and Jeff and the girls a handful of times over the past month, and everyone had gotten along better than he could’ve hoped for. Still, anxiety started to pool in the pit of his stomach.
Maybe Nora would start undermining him as soon as his back was turned, whispering secrets about his lowest moments into Grey’s ear, poisoning her against him. Maybe Grey was still using him for the career bump, the connections and exposure he could provide—contract or no contract. Or maybe he was just being paranoid, and this had nothing to do with him.
With the formation of this alliance, Grey would become inextricably entrenched in his life, something he craved and feared in equal measure. It was almost too much pressure. He wondered if they would still want to work together if he fucked it all up, if they broke up. His chest tightened at the thought. Then Grey and Nora would have even more in common: the exclusive club of women whose lives he’d ruined.
He ran his hands through his hair and stood up, then sat back down again. Should he shower? Change his clothes? Drink some water?
He drained his glass and felt his stomach slowly begin to unknot. He was getting ahead of himself. It was a good thing that they were so friendly with each other. No need to twist positive news into something ugly, assume the worst in people. He could put his own bullshit anxieties aside for a night and be there for Grey.
* * *
—
GREY HAD BARELY placed the Indian food bags on the counter before Ethan was on her, grabbing her waist from the side and peppering her with machine-gun kisses all over her face.
“Augh! Jesus!” She laughed, twisting around to give him a real kiss. His mouth tasted freshly brushed, the mint on his tongue making her lips tingle. “Someone’s friendly tonight.”
“I’m just proud of you. And I missed you.” He settled behind her as she unpacked the plastic containers, resting his chin on the top of her head.
“I was only gone for, like, five hours.” Even as she teased him, she felt her heart flutter a little at his words. “Can you finish this and pull out a couple bottles of wine? I want to change before everyone gets here.”
She tried to walk toward the bedroom but he stayed wrapped around her like a barnacle, following in lockstep. “Need help?”
She laughed again and tried to peel herself out of his arms. “Mmm…tempting, but I don’t want to get all sweaty. My hair already looks weird today.”
He pretended to pout as he released her with a farewell kiss on the head and slap on the ass.
“I think your hair looks great.”
She practically floated to Ethan’s bedroom. As she rummaged around in the space in his closet she’d corralled for herself, she paused for a moment. Six months ago, she was unemployed and directionless. Six weeks ago, she was fired, humiliated, and heartbroken. Now she was shacking up with her former pinup crush, about to make her dream project with her best friend, with the help of one of her idols. The goalposts for her life had shifted so quickly that she had whiplash. She tried to ignore the nagging anxiety whispering to her that these kinds of highs could only precede a desperate drop.