“This is bad.”
“Uh-huh.” She was mostly done packing, but she forced herself to keep moving so she wouldn’t have to look at him. Her heart was jackhammering in her chest, waiting for his reaction.
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, his eyes searching her face.
“I don’t know.” She closed her suitcase with such force that she almost pulled off the zipper.
He glanced down at her bags. His mouth tightened.
“You were going to leave without me.” It wasn’t a question.
“I need to deal with this.” Better to deal with that than with this, she wanted to add. Whatever the fuck this was. He was still naked, partially covered by the duvet, but from the way he was looking at her he might as well have been wearing a full suit of armor.
When she saw the look in his eyes, her stomach sank. She realized that her initial gut instinct to bail had been right on the money. Rational Grey had chastised her, encouraging her to talk to him, try to work through it together. But Rational Grey wasn’t driving at the moment. And now, with his expression this hard and cold, asking him to come with her after all felt as dangerous and ill-advised as staring into the sun.
“How are you getting back?” This was an Ethan she hadn’t seen in weeks, the standoffish stranger punishing her for his own attraction to her.
“I had them call me a car.”
He didn’t say anything, just locked eyes with her. She met his gaze, refusing to look away. There was a knock at the door; the golf cart had arrived. She was frozen to the spot, waiting for him to say something. Tell her to come back to bed, tell her to wait while he got dressed, offer to carry her bags to the door—anything that would give her some hint that he felt anything besides shock and regret.
“Shouldn’t you get that?”
She nodded, perversely grateful that her throat had squeezed shut so she wouldn’t be tempted to say anything. She wished she had been able to sneak out while he was sleeping, so his parting image of her wouldn’t be of her clumsily juggling her luggage as she limped toward the door.
“I’M SO SORRY, GREY.”
Grey thought she should have cried by now. It would be normal, expected, even. But instead, she felt strangely calm. Numb.
In the back seat of the town car on the way back to L.A., she scrolled through one headline after another, until her phone grew hot in her hand and the battery dipped into single digits.
50 Shades of Grey: Ethan Atkins’s Starlet Girlfriend Bares All During Hot ’n’ Heavy Palm Springs Getaway!
Then there were the photos, taken from a high angle with a long-range telephoto lens, or maybe by a drone. Slightly blurry, but unmistakable. Her and Ethan, stark naked, fucking like porn stars on the lounge chairs, in the pool, up against the glass door. Most of the publications had been thoughtful enough to censor their genitalia with cute little stars or hearts, as if that made the images any less obscene.
There were other photos, too: her smoking a joint on the patio. Drinking champagne straight from the bottle. Ethan at a gas station, baseball cap and glasses proving useless at camouflaging his identity, buying condoms. Should’ve worn the fake mustache after all, she thought ruefully. She wanted to laugh. How had this become her life? She’d spent twenty years keeping her head down, petrified of scandal, but now that it was at her doorstep wearing nothing but cartoon hearts, she felt nothing.
She had the car take her straight to Audrey’s, even though she desperately needed an iced coffee and a shower. The receptionist immediately ushered her back to Audrey’s office, where Audrey and Renata were already waiting. Audrey had drawn the curtains over the glass walls of her office, giving the whole endeavor an air of high drama that almost had Grey laughing again before she even sat down. She hoped this would be her new inappropriate response to everything going forward; it certainly beat crying.
However, her urge to laugh quickly died down when Renata confirmed Grey’s worst fears: the Golden City producers had withdrawn their offer. Though the news made her feel like someone had taken a sledgehammer to her chest, Grey’s voice was emotionless.
“So, let me get this straight. I’m being punished for…what, exactly? Having my privacy invaded? Having sex with someone everyone thinks I’ve been dating for months?”
Audrey shook her head.
“I’m on your side here, Grey. I agree, you’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve tried to reason with them, but they’re being overly cautious about this sort of thing. This is supposed to be a family franchise, and the author of the books is extremely religious. Even if you had signed the contract already, they’ve included a strict morality clause. They’re not budging.”
“I don’t think I’ve done anything immoral. Can’t we sue the photographers or something? How is selling naked photos of me without my consent not a crime?” She felt herself get angrier as she spoke, clutching the arms of her chair.
Audrey pursed her lips. “I’m looking into it. But, I’m afraid…I owe you an apology.”
The realization hit her, the second sledgehammer coming through to destroy any remnants the first one had missed. She couldn’t even bring herself to get angry at Audrey. It was their own fault for being so fucking stupid. Of course Audrey had planted photographers. Of course they were never really alone. Of course.
“I’m so sorry, Grey. When I spoke with him last week, he told me there was nothing going on between you two. Those pictures of him carrying you went over so well, I just thought…by the time I realized, they had already sold the photos.”
Grey had never seen Audrey, calm, competent Audrey, so flustered. It made her feel better and worse at the same time. Better, in that she knew Audrey took the situation seriously. Worse, in that it seemed like they were only scratching the surface of how serious the situation actually was.
Grey shook her head jerkily. “It’s nothing. We’re not…there’s nothing. It’s over.” Her mask of tranquillity cracked for the first time, her voice shaking.
Renata looked at her sympathetically. Grey didn’t meet her eyes, staring straight ahead instead. She felt suddenly, mortifyingly aware of how disheveled she was, of the traces of him that still lingered all over her. The marks that hadn’t had a chance to fade from her throat. Her clothes brushing against skin scraped tender by his stubble every time she shifted in her seat.
“I want out. Out of the contract. I’m done.”
Audrey looked chagrined.
“I know this is all a lot to process, but there’s no need to do anything rash. The two of you can recover from this. Public sympathy is on your side.”
“There is no ‘two of us.’ This was supposed to help me, help my career, but so far I’ve just been harassed, stalked, humiliated, violated, and fired. You have to let me out for, what is it? Material damage to my reputation? I’d say my reputation has been pretty goddamn materially damaged, wouldn’t you?”
Grey was trembling again, but her voice became stronger as she went on, downright steely. To her surprise, Audrey didn’t push back.
“You’re absolutely right. We’ll see that you’re released immediately. And I will do everything in my power to turn this around for you.” Audrey began typing furiously on her computer. She paused to look back at Grey.
“I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but I have a feeling this might end up being a good thing. Really.”
She was right. It didn’t feel that way. Grey walked back to the elevator bank with Renata in silence. It wasn’t until the elevator doors closed on them that Grey finally let herself collapse in tears in Renata’s arms.
* * *