“Can we get in bed first?”
She nodded, and the two of them set about cleaning up their dishes. When he came back from putting the cart outside, she was already curled up under the comforter, her robe discarded on the floor. He slid in next to her and shut off the bedside lamp, plunging them into darkness.
He wrapped his arms around her, gathering her smooth back into his chest. Even though her body was no longer a mystery to him, he felt like it would take a lifetime before he stopped being amazed by it, before the sight and the touch of it stopped triggering the most primal reactions in him. He considered forgetting all about the stupid questions and just taking her instead. By the way she arched her back and shifted against him, he could tell that she was thinking the same thing. It would be so easy to just slide into her right there, straight into blissful oblivion, where nothing existed except the two of them.
He was tired of oblivion, he realized. He wanted to be here. With her.
He took a deep, calming breath of her hair, making a mental note to check the ingredients in her shampoo to see if there was anything hiding there that would explain the narcotic effect it had on him.
“Nora and I were fighting. I don’t even remember why. We were fighting a lot in those days, even before…I think we would have split no matter what, eventually. I was holed up in some bar somewhere and I begged Sam to come meet me. I must have called him a hundred times. I don’t remember much after he got there.” He burrowed deeper in her hair, trying to muffle his voice as much as possible so she wouldn’t hear it crack. “That’s the worst part. The last time I ever saw him, and I was in a fucking blackout.”
She tightened her grip on his arm, draped across her chest.
“We were there for hours. I think I had some Oxys, too.” He felt her tense. “I don’t do any of that anymore, though. No drugs. Not since that night.”
She relaxed again, her lips gently pressed against his arm.
“I don’t know why he tried to drive himself home. I was too fucked up to do anything. There were so many things…”
She was silent. He could feel her heart hammering against his chest, her deep breaths helping to keep his own slow and even.
“You know that feeling…maybe you don’t. The morning after a blackout. You’re just waiting to get that call or that text about what horrible thing you did the night before. And even if you do, it’s usually nothing. Maybe you accidentally insulted someone, or you broke something expensive.”
His words became thick. “And…maybe this sounds bad. But when you get to…where I am, there’s not a lot you can’t undo. That you can’t fix or get away with. If you call in enough favors, if you spend enough money. But this…”
He swallowed hard against his rapidly closing throat, eyelashes fluttering against her hair. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. He’d almost forgotten he still could. He realized he was still talking, half-formed sentences tumbling out of his mouth, switching directions midthought like a malfunctioning train signal.
“I should’ve just…no. It wasn’t. I couldn’t. I’m just so…fuck.”
He shut his eyes, feeling hot, helpless tears stream down his cheeks, into her hair. “He was the wrong one.”
She rolled over to face him. Her eyes were wide and earnest. She brushed her thumb against his wet cheekbone, then brought her lips to the same spot. She tilted his head in her hands to do the same on the other side, kissing away the new tears that had sprung up in their place. He trailed off eventually, letting her continue her ministrations without resisting.
He felt the familiar weightlessness he experienced after he’d had a little too much to drink, but it couldn’t be that. He’d only had a beer or two with dinner. He wasn’t even buzzed. But that all-consuming stillness swept over him, just the same. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this calm and peaceful without any outside assistance. Maybe he never had.
Despite everything they’d done over the last two days, this was the first moment he truly felt naked in front of her. And later that night, when their breathing heightened and she undulated on top of him once more, there seemed to be an invisible thread connecting them that hadn’t been there before. Like they were fused by more than just their bodies. Ethan had never experienced anything quite like it. The feeling was so potent, so unnerving, that when he came, quaking underneath her as she arched and moaned, he thought he might start crying again.
Though the next morning loomed ominously, in some ways it couldn’t arrive fast enough for him. It was less terrifying than what might happen if things were to continue this way between them for even one more day.
* * *
—
GREY WASN’T SURE what caused her to jolt awake. After their exertions of the past two days, it certainly wasn’t because she was well rested—she felt like she could sleep for another year. She could feel Ethan all around her; his heat, his scent, his slow breathing on the back of her neck, the weight of his arm slung over her chest. The pressure in her abdomen quickly alerted her to the real reason behind her rude awakening: she had to pee. Badly.
Reluctantly, she ducked out from beneath his arm. He groaned in protest, but remained unconscious. On the way to the bathroom, she checked the clock. It wasn’t even nine yet. They’d pushed their checkout time from eleven to one, though it was a futile gesture. Reality was still coming for them, one minute at a time.
She ached all over, a throb that began between her legs and extended up through her heart. How were they ever going to return to normal now? In the heat of the moment, it seemed like the only thing to do was surrender, for the sake of their sanity. It was supposed to simplify things. Remove temptation. She’d realized too late that maybe there had been a tiny bit of denial involved, at least on her end. She didn’t regret it, though. No matter what happened next, she knew she’d be reliving every moment of this perfect, stolen weekend for the rest of her life. For now, that was enough to quell her uncertainty.
She considered crawling back into bed without looking at her phone, but it buzzed in the corner, demanding her attention. When she picked it up, her stomach sank.
Missed calls from both Renata and Audrey. Dozens of texts. As she unlocked her phone and swiped through everything, her heart raced. She started shaking. She threw on one of Ethan’s T-shirts and hobbled out to the patio as quickly as she could. Renata picked up on the first ring.
“Grey. Thank god. How soon can you be at Audrey’s?”
Grey closed her eyes, trying to calm her racing thoughts long enough to formulate a response. She felt like she was going to vomit.
“I’m leaving now. Give me two hours.”
She darted around the villa, trying to pack as quietly as possible. However, her attempt at stealth was thwarted when she tripped over a stray shoe with her bad ankle, howling in pain.
She heard Ethan stir.
“What’s going on?” His voice was warm and sleepy. She felt a pang at the sound of it, struck by the sudden urge to crawl back in next to him and pretend none of this was happening. She pushed it aside. Letting herself develop those kinds of fuzzy feelings for him was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.
“Check your phone” was all she could say, her voice coming out high and pinched. As if on cue, it vibrated on the nightstand. She’d already had to fully silence hers, the constant buzzing only making her more agitated. He groped for it as he sat up, his hair mussed and sticking out in all directions, blinking slowly.
She swept into the bathroom to pack her makeup kit.
“Fuck. What the fuck,” she heard him exclaim from the bedroom.
She gave one last once-over to make sure she wasn’t missing anything and limped back to the bedroom to dump everything into her suitcase. Ethan was scrolling through his phone. He spoke without looking up at her.