“He’s a pain. They all are,” I tell him, and he slowly shakes his head, his expression…raw.
“You don’t know how lucky you got it, Callahan. The big family. Parents who love you, who love each other. It doesn’t matter if your dad has money or not, or that he’s some big-time football player. None of that matters—he loves his family, and he loves his wife. Knowing that, you’re so secure in it, you’re downright smug.”
My mouth pops open. “I don’t think I’m smug.”
“You’re so smug you don’t even see it, and that’s the best part of it all. You’re so fucking lucky. My dad loved me more than anything else, and then he died. And once he was gone, my mom didn’t give a shit anymore. Not about anything. Definitely not about me.” Ash reaches out and trails his fingers down the length of my arm, making me shiver. “I’m not insulting you, Callahan. I’m reminding you that you have a pretty kick-ass family, and they love you. Don’t ever forget it.”
We’re standing in my dimly light kitchen having one of the most serious conversations ever, and I know I will never forget this moment. This night. This entire day. And I’m not even including what’s going to happen later.
That’ll just be the icing on the cake.
“You and Ash seem to be getting along well.”
I turn to find Mom leaning against the doorframe of my bedroom. I’m sitting at my desk, working on homework, desperate to finish so I can take a quick shower, put on light makeup, throw on my favorite two-piece swimsuit beneath my usual sleep clothes and meet Ash out under the stars at eleven.
I’ll have to suck in my stomach and stick out my chest to distract him from that extra roll I’ve got going on, but he’ll probably be too entranced by my boobs to notice.
Hopefully.
“It’s—better between us,” I tell her.
Soooo much better.
She walks in my bedroom, and I hope she doesn’t stay long. I love her, and I appreciate our close relationship, but right now, I don’t want to chat with her. I already feel like I’ve been sneaking around these last few days since Ash arrived. Guilt is something I don’t quite know how to deal with, and I’m feeling plenty of it at the moment.
“I know you took him to his place this afternoon.” She settles on the edge of my bed and I turn to face her, trying to come up with ways to deny what she just said. “Don’t bother trying to give me some lame excuse. I wasn’t born yesterday.”
“Mom,” I start, but words fail me.
“I’m not mad. Well, I am a little. That could’ve been so unsafe. What if that asshole was still at Ash’s apartment? Or his mom? She would’ve called the police and then what do you think would’ve happened?”
I remain mute and just let her talk.
“It would’ve been a nightmare, that’s what.” Mom shakes her head. “Next time ask me, okay?”
“Okay.” I’m so relieved I’m not in trouble, I have to ask the next question. “How did you find out?”
“Ash. He told me he went and picked up his stuff earlier. When I asked him how he got there, he panicked and made up some outrageous story about a couple of friends coming to pick him up here and taking him to his apartment. This is the boy who didn’t want anyone to know where he was, by the way. I put two and two together, and figured out it had to be you,” Mom says, that familiar, knowing look crossing her face.
None of us are able to pull anything over on my mom, for the most part. She is all knowing. I’m thinking I can pull one over her tonight, though. My parents are in bed usually by ten. By eleven, they’re sleeping.
By eleven-fifteen, I should be in the hot tub with a mostly naked Ash.
I can’t wait.
“Just…be careful with him,” Mom says. “Troubled souls are hard to fix.”
There are so many things I want to say. But I can’t. To say those things would reveal my true feelings, and I’m not ready to examine them yet. Let alone have someone like my mother examine them.
“Troubled souls also just need someone to love them sometimes. Someone to believe in them when they already feel so defeated.” Mom’s gaze grows distant and a tiny smile curls her lips. “Your father was like that.”
My father has always seemed perfect in every single way. It’s Mom who went through the rough childhood, or so I thought. “He was a troubled soul?”
“Very much so,” Mom says with a nod. “A big ol’ mess, truthfully. But I stuck it out. I told him how I felt, and even though he ran away from me for a while, he eventually came back to me, and I took him back, because I knew he was worth it. I wasn’t complete without him. We’ve been together ever since.”
“Someday you’ll have to tell me the entire story.”
“Someday, when you’re older, I will. I’ll share every excruciating detail with you, including the time your Uncle Owen punched your dad in the mouth and knocked him to the ground.” Mom laughs. “Oh, that was a surprise.”
“Uncle Owen punched Dad?” I’m in shock.
Mom nods, still laughing. “He deserved it.”
There is so much more to my parents than I even know.
Maybe I don’t want to know.
Her words stick with me, though. How she wasn’t complete without him. Is that what it’s like, when you love someone, when you find your forever? That you don’t feel whole unless they’re with you?
It sort of feels like that with Ash. Maybe that’s why I’ve been drawn to him for so long. I can’t say that I’m in love with him, because I still don’t feel like I know him that well, but I can say without a doubt that we definitely have a connection, and it’s not one sided.
He feels it too.
We feel it together.
Twenty-Three
The cool mountain air makes me shiver as I dart across the expanse of green lawn toward the opposite side of the pool, where the in-ground hot tub is. The pool is dark, but the moon is mostly full, casting its silver-white glow upon the backyard. I can hear the water bubbling and swirling in the Jacuzzi, and as I draw closer, I see Ash sitting there.
Waiting for me.
Watching me.
I stop just at the edge of the tub, kicking off my flip-flops, tugging on the hem of my T-shirt. How am I supposed to do this? Just whip off the shirt and toss it on the ground, then step into the hot tub with confidence? I mean, that’s what I want to do, that’s what I envision. But I’m not sure if I can pull that off…
“Callahan, what are you doing?”
I blink Ash into focus to see he’s watching me with confusion. “I don’t know. You make me nervous.”
He flicks water in my direction, wetting my feet. “You make me nervous too. Especially when you stand there and stare off into space. Now come on. Get in here.”
Deciding I have nothing to lose, I tear off my T-shirt just as I envisioned only a moment ago and daintily step into the hot tub, gasping when the steamy water laps around my ankles, then my knees when I take another step. I stand on the bench seat, trying to work up the courage to submerge myself neck-deep in the water when I catch Ash whistling low, his gaze sliding over me.
“Damn, girl, you are hot as fuck.”
I burst out laughing and duck myself fully into the water, more gasps escaping me as the steamy water licks at my skin. “More like the water is hot as fuck.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I’m trying to give you sexy compliments and you’re making jokes.”
“How can I take you seriously when you say things like sexy compliments?”
He’s grinning. He looks so cute, despite the wounds. Maybe the wounds add a certain appeal, which means I’m weird, but I don’t care. I think Ash is pretty weird too. “You are definitely unexpected.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You keep me on my toes, Callahan.” He somehow finds my hand under the water and pulls me closer, so we’re pressed next to each other, side by side. “I never know what you’re going to say or do.”