“Yeah.” He shrugs. “But we didn’t get caught, so…”
“I don’t do dangerous things,” I tell him, my voice even, my thoughts in chaos. “Like…ever.”
“Hang around with me and you’ll find yourself doing something dangerous every single day,” he says with a grin.
There’s innuendo there. I’m not stupid. He’s referring to himself. I should tell him that won’t work, considering Rylie’s still in the picture. I might’ve kissed him when I was still with Ben, but I still haven’t forgiven myself for that. No way can anything happen between us while he’s with Rylie. I can’t do that to her.
I won’t do that to anyone ever again.
“I’m serious, Ash. That was freaking scary. What if he caught us? What if he caught me? And did something to me?” My hands are trembling, and I clutch the steering wheel as tight as I can.
“Your dad would’ve had my ass, and Don’s too,” he says conversationally, like no big deal. “He would’ve been so pissed.”
“I could’ve been hurt. Can’t you see that?” I sound near hysterics, and maybe I am. Maybe I shouldn’t be driving. I pull over to the side of the road so I can catch my breath, calm my pounding heart, still my racing mind.
“You weren’t, okay? Everything’s cool. We’re good. We’re safe,” he reassures me, his brows furrowed.
Like the wimp that I’ve suddenly become, I start to cry. And I feel so stupid, especially after hearing him tell Rylie earlier to stop crying. He must not like it when a girl cries, and I want him to like me. Despite everything, despite how mean and rude he’s been to me over the years, and how fucked up his life is, I like him. I care about him. I want him to feel the same way about me, but he probably won’t because I’m a crying, lame-ass wimp.
“Aw, Callahan, don’t cry. You’re breaking my fucking heart.” He rests a hand over his chest, rubbing it absently as I sit there and just bawl like a baby.
“You don’t like it when a girl cries, I get it.” I sniff, wipe at my eyes, but the tears keep coming.
And then he does the craziest thing.
He unbuckles his seatbelt and scoots closer, unbuckling mine as well. He hits the starter button, turning off the car but not the radio, and he leans over the center console, pulling me into an awkward embrace.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my ear as he gently strokes my back. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I press my face into his shoulder and breathe deep, desperate to get myself under control. He smells so good. Nothing like that disgusting apartment he lives in. He’s wearing an old football T-shirt, and it’s so soft. He feels so solid and warm. And he’s most likely still in pain from the beating he took only a couple of days ago.
Yet here he is, comforting me. Telling me it’s going to be okay. Apologizing.
“I’m sorry.” I pull away from him, our faces still so close. Kissing close. His breath wafts across my face, and it smells like mint. “I didn’t mean to fall apart.”
“Hey.” He curls his fingers around my chin and lifts so I have no choice but to gaze up at him. I must look a mess. “I would’ve protected you. If Don had showed up, I would’ve thrown myself in front of you before he could even look at you. No way would I let that asshole lay a hand on you.”
I blink, trying to push away the tears still clinging to my eyelashes. “Really?”
“You think I’m going to just stand there and watch that asshole put even a single finger on you? Hell no. I would’ve killed him.”
He says it with such conviction, I almost believe him.
“I scare you,” Ash says when I remain silent. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering, playing with my earlobe, and I close my eyes, savoring the sweet touch. “I’m not good enough for you. I know that.”
My eyes pop open and I part my lips, ready to protest when he rests a single finger over my mouth, silencing me. “It’s true. You saw where I live. You know what I am.” He skims his finger across the seam of my lips, then traces my cheek, his touch featherlight, making me shiver. “If you just gave me a chance, I’d give you anything you want.”
My heart catches, along with my breath. What is he saying? What does he mean?
“Are you k-kidding?” My voice is so shaky I can barely get the words out.
He laughs, the sound dying as fast as it started. “Never. Not with you. I mean it. One hundred percent.”
This is it. Do or die time. I can tell him to stay away from me or I can give in.
“What can I do to make you believe me?” he asks.
“I can’t be with you if you’re with Rylie,” I tell him.
“I was never actually with her in the first place, so that’s not a problem. I’ll tell her we can’t hang out anymore,” he says without hesitation. He makes it sound so easy, but I don’t know...
My tears have all dried up now, and I can’t help the hope that’s rising in my chest, making me feel as light as air. Like I could possibly walk on clouds. “Really?”
“Really,” he says firmly.
I stare at him, shocked by how agreeable he’s being.
Shocked yet pleased.
“Meet me at the hot tub tonight. Eleven o’clock. I’ll prove it to you that we’re done,” he says, his voice, his eyes, his everything so utterly sincere.
“Ash…”
“Don’t say another word, Callahan. You know you want this.” His mouth rests on mine, but he doesn’t kiss me. His lips are parted, and so are mine, and it’s as if we’re breathing each other’s breath. Filling each other with strength.
With courage.
“Say it. Say you’ll meet me later.” When he speaks, his lips tickle mine, and I can’t help but smile.
“I’ll meet you,” I whisper, and he kisses me. A simple, sweet kiss that makes me burn for more.
“Now let’s get the hell out of here,” he says as he slowly pulls away, settling once more in the passenger seat.
It takes everything I have to not speed home. Ash strikes up conversation, talking about miscellaneous stuff, and I can’t believe how casual we are. How normal this feels. Everything is always so high intensity when Ash and I are together, that it’s nice, just driving home and gossiping about people at school. Laughing over something that happened at last week’s football game. Getting annoyed with him but not really when he starts making fun of some of our dumber cheers.
Yes, we have a few dumb cheers. Yes, sometimes we’re embarrassed to do them in front of the crowds, but our cheer coaches make us, and honestly, a lot of the people in the stands seem to appreciate them. So we do them. And grin and bear it every single time.
“I like knowing you’re cheering me on, Callahan,” he says right when I turn onto my street.
My whole body grows warm. “Really? Or are you just saying that?”
“I’ve told you before, I always can make out your voice above everyone else’s when you guys are cheering. Even when I’m out on the field and my head is buzzing, trying to make the next play. Knowing that you’re yelling for me, encouraging me…” He rests his hand over his heart. “It does something to me inside.”
Laughing, I reach out and push on his rock-hard bicep, shaking my head. “You’re so full of it.”
“I’m being real with you right now.” He is dead serious when he says it too.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Now he’s laughing as I pull into my driveway. “There’s something about you. You turn me into a sappy motherfucker.”
“I do?”
He nods, grabbing my arm when I make to open my door. I turn to look at him, hoping like hell my little brother doesn’t come running out, or worse, my mom. She’s home now. Her car is in the garage and here we are, staring at each other a little too closely.
“Once I’m inside, I’m going to talk to Rylie. I’m a shit person for not doing it face to face, but fuck it. I’ll at least call her. Maybe even FaceTime her.”
“Um, all right.” I mean, what am I supposed to say to that?
“So I might be in my room for a little while, because Rylie is pretty damn persistent,” he says. “She might not go easy.”
I nod once. “O-okay.”
“And we’re still on for eleven at the hot tub?”