“And if I don’t?”
She leaned in as if afraid somebody in this completely empty bathroom would hear us. “You think Alex loves you enough to go to jail for you? He’s got a full scholarship to Syracuse to play soccer. You think he’s going to risk that to defend you?”
“Alex didn’t do anything!” I yelled. Or at least I thought he hadn’t.
“He knew what you were planning to do and covered it up for you afterward. Always protecting his precious Maddy. The way I see it, that makes him as guilty as you. So yeah, you’ll do as I say, because if you don’t, I’ll bury you, then him.”
35
The thin newspaper clipping in my back pocket was like a dead weight that slowed me down and consumed my thoughts. I’d done nothing but think about what it meant. I wondered how I was going to figure it out without Josh, and I was curious as to whether Jenna’s threat had anything to do with it.
I walked into the cafeteria. Everyone was sitting in their usual spots—Alex on top of the table, Jenna to his left vying for attention. Molly was at the end, three empty seats between her and the rest of Maddy’s friends. She had her Physics book out, a pencil in her hand and a notebook open next to it, seeming completely uninterested in the conversations going on around her.
Alex saw me and hopped down, waving me over. I should’ve walked over to him, sat down in my assigned seat, and pretended to be interested in whatever he and Jenna were talking about. But Molly looked so distant, so removed from everyone around her.
“Hey, why are you sitting by yourself?” I’d always wondered why she never tried to make new friends, why nobody, including Josh and me, never once thought to include her.
She looked up from her book, her eyes drifting to Alex before settling back on me. “It’s easier. I tried to make other friends, but eventually they had questions that I didn’t want to answer. Besides, I don’t mind sitting by myself so much anymore.”
I pulled out the chair across from her and sat down. She reminded me of myself those first few days of school after Maddy had made her friends and I was still fumbling my way around. And right now, I could use a little dose of me.
“You know they are both staring at you,” Molly whispered to me.
“Who?” I asked, pretty sure I could guess.
“Alex and Josh. They’ve been watching you ever since you sat down here with me.”
I was almost positive Josh had been watching me for longer than that. I’d caught him looking at me when I walked in. He’d held my gaze for a second before shaking his head in disgust and turning back to Kim. Alex, well … he didn’t want me talking to Molly.
I leaned in, hoping Alex wouldn’t hear my hushed words. “Alex is a bit overprotective these days,” I explained. “And Josh, well, he was close to Ella, so he blames me for a whole bunch of things.”
“I’d like to say that things get easier, that after a while people will stop treating you like damaged goods. But as you can see,” she said, gesturing toward herself, “that’s not the case.”
She giggled at her last words, and I joined in, happy to hear the brutal honesty that everyone else was afraid to give me. “Yeah, well, I don’t mind being ignored. Kind of a nice change of pace.”
“Ignored, huh? I guess that’s one way to put it.” She went back to her homework, her attention shifting every so often to me. I guess she thought I was going to leave, that I’d get up and take my normal seat by Alex. Little did she know, I liked it next to her. I was comfortable there.
She flipped the page and gnawed on the top of her mechanical pencil as she mouthed the words to the next problem. I watched as she worked it out, erasing and rewriting the equation three times.