“But seeing him…” No. I don’t know how I could sit there and not lose it.
“This is about you, no one else. You need closure too. Jasper, you’re still stuck with what he did until you face it. Please don’t let him screw up enjoying having a new baby. He took that from me when I had Everleigh but not this time.” She placed her hand over her perfectly rounded belly. “Cole Junior will have me properly from the start.”
“You know you’re going to have to think of a better name than that, right?”
She smiled. “We can’t agree.”
“Jasper’s an awesome name.”
“Hmm, I don’t like it.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“I’m kidding! We’re swaying towards Bentley.”
I nodded once. “Good cars.”
“Way to get me off topic. You know what you need to do, don’t you?”
“Fuck,” I said. “I need to see him.”
She smiled, but it wasn’t wholly genuine.
“Good. When you’ve got your answers, you can leave him behind and focus on Holly and Sophia. And for goodness’ sake, ask her to move in with you!”
“I will. When I’ve got myself sorted out. She doesn’t need my stress on top of caring for Sophia. And thanks, sis.”
“Any time,” she replied and grabbed two mugs ready to make us a drink.
As soon as Oakley was settled at the table opposite me I blurted something else out that I didn’t intend to: “I love Holly.”
My sister’s smile rivalled a Cheshire cat’s.
“Finally! I was so hoping you’d realise you’re perfect together. And you have a beautiful little girl.” She started to cry. “I’m so thrilled for you, Jas, you deserve all the happiness in the world.”
“I can’t wait to get them home.”
“When are you going to tell her?”
“Soon. Not in hospital. I need to find another house ASAP.”
“Well, maybe if you’ll stop being so bloody picky.”
“I want a decent garden for Sophia to play in.”
She shook her head, laughing.
“Let’s not get into it again. Anyway, now you’ll have Holly helping you so it’ll go much quicker.”
I scratched the back of my neck. “You think she’ll want to move in with me?”
“Do you want her to move in?”
“Of course. I want us all under one roof. Might be a little too soon though, don’t you think?”
“You’ve just had a baby together. But anyway, it’d be a few months if you bought a house tomorrow. I’m the wrong person to have this conversation with.”
“Right. I Should talk to Hol.”
“Yeah,” she said and did the cat grin again. This time I did it too. I just hoped Holly felt the same way – I had a suspicion she did.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Holly
Jasper laid Sophia down in the Moses basket and tucked her in. She slept a lot, but the midwife told me that was perfectly normal for a three-day-old baby. I’d felt better ever since we got home this morning. Back at my parents’ was where my bed and my things were, so I felt more me.
Since he picked us up at half past eight his morning, Jasper hadn’t left our side. He’d taken his two-week paternity leave so he could be here. With Mum, Dad and Brad at work I was glad that I wasn’t alone for the very first day of having her at home. As much as I hate hospitals, having the midwives around was a comfort.
“How long do you think she’ll sleep for?” he asked, staring at Sophia. I loved how he looked at her. She already had him around her little finger.
“Probably three or four hours. She’s not been waking much between feeds.”
“Lazy baby,” he said and smiled.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s storing all that rest up for when she’s older.”
He looked over and grinned wide. “And then she’ll use it to stay awake all night. I can’t wait.”
“Wow, really? Maybe I’ll drop her off at yours at nine at night and pick her up in the morning then.”
“Fine by me.”
You say that now…
He turned away from Sophia, giving me his full attention. “Do you want anything?”
“Something to eat, but I can make it.”
He thrust his hands out to stop me from getting up. “No. You sit and rest, I’ll make you something.”
“You’re taking what the midwife said too seriously, Jasper. I can make myself a sandwich!”
“You’ve given birth and had stitches. The midwife said to take it easy for the next week, so that’s what you’re going to do.”
He grabbed my blanket, which he had insisted on buying from the hospital shop, and laid it over me.
“Now you chill and watch some TV, and I’ll make lunch.”
“Jasper?”
He turned around.
“Thank you.”
“Any time.”
After lunch, my aunt, uncle and cousin turned up to see us. Jasper kept close by and my heart ached at the reason; he was scared of someone hurting Sophia. I hated his dad even more for the anxiety Jasper felt over her safety. I trusted every member of my family around my daughter, but he couldn’t do that. New parents had enough to worry about without those sorts of thoughts going through their heads.