Chapter 34
Allie
Across from me, Holly fills my beer and winks at me. Jake puts an arm around her. We’re standing at a tall table, waiting for the band to come out. After two pitchers of beer, they’re giggling and cuddling together. In a bar. At a table in front of the stage. Surrounded by people. Dorks. I take a sip of the beer, wishing Justin were here to cuddle with me so I could be a dork too. Though he’s probably backstage by now—Romeo called an emergency meeting before this show.
It’s been two weeks since Justin had dinner with my parents. We’ve been together whenever possible, but there’s never enough time for us.
With everything going on in my life, we’ve been slowly figuring things out. We’ve had breakfast—well, actually lunch, since breakfast never works—a couple of times over the past two weeks. He’s come to the shop with takeout for dinner. We took Ben to a movie together. We tried to study—we both have spring semester classes—but that didn’t work out very well. We just studied each other.
Besides my busy life, he has the band, and we’ve both had appointments with lawyers. Mine is confident all my demands with Trevor will be met, especially after his two court dates and the temporary restraining order I asked for. Justin’s lawyer is pretty certain he’ll be fined, but he’s hoping to get Gabe off with probation and court-ordered anger management. Justin did have to drag Gabe to the lawyer.
I take another sip of beer and try not to feel too envious when Holly and Jake start kissing.
Though the venue is small, this show is big. Luminescent Juliet’s indie album launches tomorrow, and tonight is the kickoff. Justin has been grumbling all week about Romeo’s decision to do a small show to get the word out. But Romeo would not change his mind about keeping the gig invitation only.
They’re playing only original music. There’s a team of volunteers, from the visual department at our university, that will be recording the show. Most everyone here has agreed to flood Facebook and Twitter and anything else across the Internet with show clips over the next few weeks. Romeo is obviously taking this seriously. I’m guessing Justin just wants to sing in front of a boisterous crowd.
Her own camera ready, Riley waves to me from the side of the stage. Next to her, Chloe waves also. I raise my beer in a toast and they laugh. Justin invited me backstage too, but I like being in front of him. Sometimes when he sings, even in a roomful of people, it feels like it’s just the two of us—and the current of emotions between us.
The lights dim and the crowd’s murmur swells as it pushes toward the stage. High-pitched whistles compete with loud shouts and claps. The stage stays dark and my stomach flutters with the anticipation of seeing Justin perform.
The lights slowly come on and the band stands silent in front of microphones, except for Gabe, who sits behind the drums. Then they break into “Midnight.” One of my favorites. Justin has been loading their original songs on my iPhone and I have been listening to them every chance I get.
Stepping to the microphone, Justin breaks into the fast, bluesy tune with his powerful voice. He’s looking hot in distressed jeans and a form-fitting black T-shirt that melds with the ink on his arms. My eyes devour him, and for a few seconds I don’t notice the music. Just Justin. Dark blond messy hair. Intense gaze. Hard jaw. Flexing inked biceps as he reaches for the microphone. Those eyes find me, and burn into me. Wow. I’m wishing the show were over and we were at my apartment. Alone.
That’s it. I’m not letting him in next time unless he has his guitar.
Next to me, Jake holds Holly while she sways in front of him as the band rips through one song after the next. Justin’s gaze finds me more than once and I can’t help smiling at him. People press behind us and bounce to the music. It’s kind of amazing, but the band sounds as good live as in recorded music on my phone.
Partway through their performance, they change instruments and go acoustic. Justin has shared his fear of playing live acoustic songs with me, and though I know he’s nervous, they sound awesome. His voice is rich and deep, then lush and even. Riley once said something about his vocal range, which I didn’t understand at the time, but now hearing the changing pitches he effortlessly sings, I get it.
Cameras move back and forth in front of the stage the entire time. The crowd is wild and totally into the music. Onstage, the band moves and plays like professionals. During the whole show, I can’t help believing tonight is the springboard for something huge. Tonight is going to catapult Luminescent Juliet into the mainstream.
The thought leaves me bubbly and excited as I sway to the music.
Justin strums the last notes of a fast song with Romeo, then removes his guitar from his shoulder. Dressed like a forties pinup girl in a short, black dress that hugs her curves and a veiled hat, Chloe comes and takes it from him. Several sharp whistles ring out as she carries it off the stage.
Justin adjusts the microphone. “Playing for you guys tonight has been fucking awesome. We’ve played a few new things, but we’re going to close it out with the newest.” His gaze finds me. “I hope you like it.”
Romeo and Sam start a slow, haunting rhythm that isn’t familiar to me. Gabe breaks in with a soft, pounding beat. Justin wraps his hands around the stem of the microphone, closes his eyes, and leans forward. He begins to sing in a clear, deep tone:
Got lost and found what I wasn’t looking for
She smiled and I fell into her a million miles an hour
Brought the stars down from the night sky
Just to drink in her soft sigh
Fell into her a million miles an hour
Again
But the needle dropped
Inked my heart and scarred my skin
Inked my heart and scarred my skin
Though Justin’s eyes are open, he doesn’t look up as the band plays the soft melody between the lyrics. And I’m not sure I could handle him looking at me while the emotion and pain of the lyrics have my knees buckling. I’m not only aware he wrote the lyrics but also know I’m the confused, messed-up source of them. Guilt rips through me and I grip the table edge as his eyes close again.
Empty days go on and on
Bright memories won’t let me sleep in the dark
I want to taste her sigh once more
Suck it in and take her pain
But she’s silent wrapped in a gray-eyed storm
That holds her in and keeps me out
Fell into her a million miles an hour
Again
But the needle dropped
Inked my heart and scarred my skin
Inked my heart and scarred my skin
Romeo plays the instrumental, but Justin still doesn’t look up. My stomach rolls while his lyrics burn into my mind. Forced to face how my self-preservation hurt him, I feel ill. When he sings again, I want to cry, grieve, and beg for forgiveness all at the same time.
The space between us grows
While I wait on hope
And survive on memories
Waiting for the day that breaks through the gray skies
Kills the pain and everything inside
Fell into her a million miles an hour
Again
Still she inked my heart and scarred my skin
Leaving me here alone to breathe her in
Inked my heart and scarred my skin
And the needle drops again.…
When he opens his eyes, they find me. There’s no one between us. No Holly and Jake. No cameras. No fans. No shouts or whistles. The words, the pain, and the emotion of his song have me stumbling toward the stage until I stand beneath him. He jumps off the stage.
“I’m sorry. So sorry,” I say, reaching up and clasping my hands around his neck. Fighting back the tears that have been threatening to erupt, I say, “I never wanted to hurt you.”
He shakes his head slightly and leans to my ear. “They’ll be forever caught in the song, but I promise you those feelings are a faint memory.” He softly kisses the skin under my ear. “Just always be waiting for me?”
And just like that, his love lifts the weight off my chest, because all that hurt is a memory for both of us. So in love with him, and finally completely aware of it, I could never be so self-centered again. Still clutching his neck, I lean back and meet his bright green gaze. “Forever.”
Acknowledgments
I’d like to thank everyone who helped pull this book together. Thanks to Lisa for always reading my early drafts and offering unbiased suggestions. Thanks to Robin Cruise for her awesome editing ninja skills. Thanks to Dooley for putting up with my drive for visual perfection. And thanks to my agent, Jane Dystel, for not only selling this series, but also helping me every step of the way.
I’d also like to thank every reader who gave this story a chance. I’m honored that you would spend your time with my imagination. You all rock!
And finally, thanks to my husband and son for all their awesome support. None of this would have happened without it or them.
About the Author
Jean Haus is the author of the Luminescent Juliet Series, which revolves around a sexy, talented indie band in a small college town. She lives in Michigan with her husband and son, where she spends almost as much time teaching, cooking, and golfing as she does thinking about the tough but vulnerable rockers featured in her books. Visit Jean online at http://www.jeanhaus.com.