Chapter 29
Justin
We’re all sitting around Allie’s drawing desk on Monday afternoon. Todd’s on his third piece of pizza. Shaya is on her second. Allie is still picking at her first. We’d planned this lunch last week, but Allie was surprised when I showed up with two pizza boxes. Todd and Shaya had been ecstatic.
Allie has also been quiet and distant.
Yesterday, after our surprise lunch with Ben, she’d been quiet too as she drove me back to the dorm. I chalked it up to Ben’s nonstop chatter and that she was freaked out her father walked in while I was there, shirtless no less. When I texted her late last night she seemed fine, but today I’m wondering if there’s more going on than her Dad’s disapproval.
I can’t help blaming her quietness on my big fucking mouth. I should have never told her I was falling in love, but in the heat of the moment, the words felt so right. So true.
Never said them before.
Now they’re biting me in the ass.
Beyond tense, I roll my paper plate and force myself to listen to Todd’s story about a customer from last night.
“So I’m kickin’ it to third,” Todd says, still chomping on pepperoni and sausage. “Pounding skin when the fucker passes out.” He swallows and then laughs. “Almost falls out of the chair.”
I’m guessing pounding skin means he was inking at a high speed.
Shaya giggles, causing her curls to bounce. “He says it calmly, but he screamed like a ten-year-old for me to get in there last night.”
Allie’s forehead wrinkles. Though she hasn’t said more than two words so far, she asks, “Why would you push ink like that?”
“Well, he came in at five to nine.”
Allie glares at him. “We take work until nine.”
“Yeah, but this ass wanted a three-hour job and beyond that his back was already almost entirely engraved. How was I to know he needed a * ball?”
At my raised eyebrow Shaya explains, “A tennis ball to hold for pain.”
Todd folds another slice of pizza in half. “He was fine until the fainting thing.”
Allie gives me a weak smile, then her mouth curls in a scowl at Todd.
“Hey, he finished,” Todd says.
“Our first wrastler!” Shaya says with a giggle.
“What’s a wrastler?” I ask.
Allie drops a nibbled-on crust on her plate and glares at Shaya. “It’s not funny.”
Shaya rolls her eyes. “Somebody who faints but finishes,” she replies in a tone that declares the meaning should be obvious.
“Todd,” Allie says irritably, “unless it’s one of your regulars, do not ever kick it to third on someone again.”
Todd scrunches his nose at her, reaching for another slice of pizza. “I’m not a hacker, Al.”
“Then don’t act like one,” she snaps.
Other than the ever-present music playing, the shop is quiet while Shaya and Todd stare at Allie like she’s grown two heads. Apparently, her snapping at them isn’t normal. Finally, Todd shrugs and stuffs pizza in his mouth. Shaya turns to me.
“When can I come and see your band?”
“Not anytime soon,” Allie says, tossing cups in the trash by the counter. “He plays at bars.”
Shaya’s forehead wrinkles. “So?”
“So you’re not even eighteen much less twenty-one,” Allie says with a tone of finality.
I clear my throat. “Just tell me when you turn eighteen. We sometimes have gigs that are eighteen and over.”
“Sweet,” Shaya says, sounding like she hangs out with Todd too much.
Allie pauses from picking up plates to frown at me, but she doesn’t say anything.
I start helping and when we meet at the trash bin, I say in a low voice, “I’ll make sure it’s a mellow show.”
Not looking at me, she just nods.
Fuck. I want to ask her what the hell is wrong, but I’m terrified it’s the oh-shit-Justin’s-in-love-with-me thing and the shop is definitely not the place to talk about it.
A hardcore, thrashing guitar riff suddenly competes with the Paramore song coming out of the speakers behind the counter.
After tossing his plate on the drawing table, Todd digs in his pocket and yanks his phone out. He answers with a “What’s up?”
I could care less who Todd is on the phone with, but the instant stillness of his body, the scowl creasing his face, and the way his eyes flick to me catch my attention.
His scowl grows. “Yeah, so what?”
Allie stops cleaning and watches him too.
“You know me better than that,” Todd says. “I don’t take sides.” He sags onto a stool. “Dude, don’t even think about it. It’s not a good time.”
Allie moves closer to Todd, partially obstructing my view of him. He watches her as she apparently mouths something, then nods his head yes. I push away from the counter and step behind her. “Is he talking with Trevor?” I ask.
Her eyes are imploring. “I have an appointment soon. Can I walk you out?”
Even knowing Trevor’s on the phone, hell if I can say no to those eyes. “Ah, sure.”
Outside, we stand on the sidewalk in front of my car.
I turn to her and force myself to say calmly, “Tell me he’s not coming here. Tell me you got a restraining order on him already.”
She crosses her arms. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
“You’re not going to get a restraining order?” I ask in an incredulous tone.
She glances at the ground.
My stomach does this strange little drop thing I’ve never felt before. “What the hell, Allie? He basically attacked you on Saturday.”
“Listen, Justin, things are complicated. He’s my son’s father. I own a shop with him. Todd and Shay, even Mandy and Mac, they all rely on me. I have rent and bills to pay. I can’t make a decision based on what’s good just for me.”
The image of Trevor shoving her flashes through my head. “Good for you? He’s dangerous.”
Her chest rises and her arms tighten. “He’s just a jerk, but no matter what, he’ll always be part of my life. I can’t get around it.”
My head spins with incomprehension. I’m not sure what to make of this. On our nature walk, Holly had set my mind at ease about Trevor. I’d believed what she’d said—that Allie wouldn’t allow me to meet Ben if she still had feelings for Trevor. But if that’s true, then what Allie is saying makes no sense.
“What is going on between you two?” I ask, my jaw tight.
She rears back, blinking in confusion. “Nothing. He just…can make things difficult.”
I’m trying to wrap my head around what she’s saying. “So you let him control you?”
She shakes her head and lets out a sigh. “Of course you don’t get it. You have no responsibilities. You go to school and play in a band, while your parents…”
“Throw money at me,” I finish for her.
Biting her lip, she stares across the street and wraps her arms around herself. “I need some time, Justin.”
The entire world fades away as I stare at her while those words slowly seep into me.
Her pewter gaze lifts to mine. “I need to think some things through.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, refusing to believe what it sounds like she’s saying.
“Things are hard right now. I need some space.”
“From me?” I ask hoarsely.
Digging the tip of her boot into the cement, she nods.
“Allie, don’t push me away.” I reach for her, but she steps back. My newly awoken heart cracks like the damaged concrete on the sidewalk below us.
“Just give me some time.”
“So I’m supposed to wait?” She doesn’t answer, just stares at the sidewalk. Anger jolts through me. “What the fuck am I waiting for?”
“I need to straighten some things out.”
“Will you quit talking in riddles? Is this because of what I told you yesterday?” I finally ask.
Her expression is conflicted. “Partly.”
I step closer to her. Close enough our bodies almost touch. “I can’t take those words back because they’re true. But they were given freely, without any expectations.”
“I get that,” she says with a nod. “But those words are still weighing on me. Everything is weighing on me right now.”
“Does ‘everything’ have to do with Trevor?”
“I don’t want to discuss him much less think about him right now.” She reaches for then squeezes my hands. “Give me a few days, okay? I need some space to get my head on straight.”
She pulls away but pauses after taking in my desolate expression. “This isn’t the end or anything, Justin. It’s just a break.”
“A fucking break,” I murmur, trying to control my anger as it spikes again.
Her mouth tightens. “Please don’t make me feel guilty about this. I have enough on my mind right now.”
Though it’s harder than hell, I force down my anger, and hurt, and keep my face neutral. “A few days?”
She nods and tugs open the glass door. “I’ll call you soon, okay?”
I nod but as she steps into the shop, this break feels like it’ll be more than a few days. It feels like the beginning of the end.