CHAPTER 17
We all look at each other as Len goes to answer the door. I’m squeezed in to Sean’s side as tight as possible, he has one arm along the back of the sofa behind my head, the other is stretched across his lap and his hand is holding mine, we both have sweaty palms.
I hear them talking in the hallway and I hear my Dad asking what’s going on and if everyone is okay, then I hear Baileys voice as he walks in the room first, he frowns and looks around the room at everyone and then swings his eyes back to rest on my hand in Sean’s. He tilts his head slightly toward me. “You okay,” he asks quietly. I nod. “Maca,” he says quietly to Sean and sits down next to me.
My heart stops, then leaps up to my throat, down to my stomach, then back up to my chest as my parent walk into the room, there is absolute silence. My parents look around at all of us, checking us all over for any sign of injury, my Dad narrows his eyes at me and Sean and tilts his chin up slightly and asks, “What’s going on Princess? What’s happened? You’ve scared your mother half to death.”
“Can I get either of you a drink?” Len asks.
I can’t take my eyes from my Mum, I knew, the instant she looked at me and Sean holding hands that she had an idea of what this was all about and my heart froze, the wall hasn’t gone back up. It hasn’t gone back into hiding from any feelings or emotions, this is something entirely different. I have an anger burning hot in my belly now, what was a little glow earlier, is now a raging bon fire and I’m struggling to contain it, I really want to lash out at someone and I can feel my breathing become erratic.
“Hey,” I hear Sean say next me, I look up at him. “Calm, the f*ck, down. We’ve got this okay, we’re Sean and Georgia, remember, they won’t break us again,” he nods as he speaks to me.
My eyes wander back to my parents; they sit on the two seater as Len passes them both what looks like whiskey. I can’t wait any longer. I have to speak before I explode.
“Did you do it?” I ask my Mum. I don’t shout, I keep my voice at a reasonable level and I think I sound pretty calm, my Dad looks at my Mum and then at me, my Mum stares into her lap.
“What’s going on George?” He looks back at my Mum. “Bern?”
“Did. You. Do. It?” I ask louder this time and emphasise every word. My Dad is still looking at my Mum.
“Bern, what the f*ck is goin’ on?”
“Shall I tell him?” I ask, finally her eyes swing up to mine.
She knocks back all of her drink and takes a deep breath. “I did what I thought was right.” I fly out of my seat but Sean and Bailey pull me back. “How could you, how f*ckin’ could you?” I scream at her.
“That’s enough Georgia, will someone please tell me what the f*ck is going on here?” my Dad roars.
I bring my gaze to meet his. “Did you know were you a part of it?’
“No,” my Mum shouts.
“Part of what George? I ain’t got a Scooby what you’re on about love.”
“Did you keep Sean’s calls and letters hidden from me? Did you pack them all in a box and send them back to him with a note, supposedly from me, saying do not contact me again? Did you tell everyone that I had been to Marley’s and tried to smash my way in? Did you, or was it just your lying, deceitful, spiteful wife?”
My Dad didn’t know he has no idea what I’m talking about; he looks to my Mum. “Bern?”
My Mum holds her head in her hand and shakes it; she looks up at me and Sean. “It wasn’t like that, at first I wanted you to get back with him, I wanted you back together but you were so broken George, you needed time, I couldn’t let you talk to him, you wasn’t strong enough and you refused in the beginning anyway.”
Lennon goes into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of Wild Turkey bourbon and tops up everyone’s glasses, Bailey has his hand on my knee, Sean has a hold of my hand, and we’re all on the edge of our seats. I take Sean’s glass from him and take a swig of his drink. Len sits back down and my Mum continued.
“I’m your Mum George, my job is to keep you safe” she looks at me wide eyed, and then turns to Sean.“You’d only sent a few letters at that stage.” She swallows hard and closes her eyes for a long moment. “After a few days, I was going to let him talk to you, I thought once the band were back on tour and you could only talk on the phone, that it would be safe, the distance would keep you safe”
She gestures to Sean as she speaks. “Then one day when George was at school, doing one of her last exams, this girl knocks on the door; I had no idea who she was… Anyway, she wants to talk to you George, she said that she needed you to know that Sean had been two timing you with her for years, that he’d only stayed with you because he was scared of being kicked out of the band and that as soon as they made the big time, he was going to break up with you and start a new life with her.”
She swallows and licks her lips, I can see in my peripheral vision that Sean is shaking his head next to me.
“Na, na, na, what girl, who was she?”
“Sean,” my Mum sighs out his name. “You had just broken my daughters heart into a million pieces, I didn’t, I just believed what she told me, I didn’t check up on her story, I just believed it, you weren’t my favourite person at the time.” She sips on her drink. “I didn’t tell anyone else about her because I didn’t want to cause any problems with the band so I just decided to keep quiet, Georgia seemed to be getting better so I had all post addressed to her, diverted to a Post Office box. I thought after a while it would stop coming, or at least slow down but it didn’t. In the end, I packed it all in a box and sent it back to Sean with a note saying, please don’t contact me again, I’m moving on with my life, you should too,” She shrugs as she says this and I want to punch her, I want to cause my own mother physical harm.
“I didn’t hear from her, the girl, for a long time, then a couple of years ago, when you boys bought the warehouse between you, she phoned up and said that she had heard through some friends that Georgia was trying to find out where it was and that she was asking a lot of questions about Sean, I was so worried, she was doing so well, you, were doing so well.” She looks at me. “Everything was going well with work, you were gaining confidence but when she called, I got worried that you might have been heading for some kind of breakdown so I panicked and just told all of you lot not to mention that the boys had a place together or where it was.” She shakes her head. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
My Dad reaches across and holds her hand. “You should have told one of us, you should have said something Bern.”
“To who? If I had told you or Bailey I was worried what you’d do to Sean and if I’d told Marley, Lennon or Jimmie, I was worried about this other woman having an effect on the band.”
“What about me, did you not consider talking to me about it?”
“No, no I didn’t George, you’ve been so fragile for so long, I just couldn’t take a chance on setting you back, you’re my daughter, you were so badly broken when you thought he’d been with that girl in the hotel room. I thought that if you found out he’d been two timing you for years that it would kill you. I needed to protect you at all costs. I’m your Mother, it’s my job is to protect you”.
“Well you f*cked right up there then didn’t you? All you’ve managed to do these past four years is cause me untold misery,” I spit back at her; I take Baileys glass and drain the contents.
“What I don’t understand though, is all this about George going to the boys place and trying to get in?” Jimmie asks.
“Well that’s when alarm bells should have started ringing for me and I don’t know why they didn’t. Do you remember when there was that big article in one of the magazines about your wedding last year and they asked you about George being bridesmaid and if it was going to be awkward with Sean being there?” I watch Jimmie as she nods, I had no idea Jimmies future wedding had made the news, bloody hell, were the band that famous?
“Well a few days after that, this Mandy, the girl that had said she was Sean’s secret girlfriend, she called the house and said that Georgia had found out where the boys lived and had caused all sorts of trouble trying to get up to the loft and that she had convinced security not to call the Police. She said that George was obviously in need of psychiatric care and that she needed to be kept away from Sean at all costs, otherwise she would have no choice but to tell him and that she would make sure that he would press charges.”
“I swear to God, this has nothing to do with me,” Sean protests from beside me. My Mum scratches at her head, it’s a most unlikely action from her, she’s always so composed and perfect, doesn’t fidget, doesn’t scratch, doesn’t yawn, a perfect lady.
“George, you were out clubbing all the time, you had lost so much weight and your behaviour was a little bit erratic, I just thought that you were slipping again, I wondered if the thought of the wedding and seeing Sean had caused it… so… ” She lets out a long, long breath. “Again, I told everyone to keep quiet about it, I discussed with Jimmie and Marley and we all decided to wait and see if you mentioned it to us George, we were just worried about you.”
Sean runs his hand through his hair, and then looks at Marley. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”
“Because I thought you would go straight to her and I didn’t think that was what she needed, I thought she was fragile, the same as my Mum, I was just protecting her, my Mum never mentioned a girl though.” Marley looks at my Mum. “You said the security guard called you.”
“Well I couldn’t tell you about Mandy, she swore me to secrecy, she told me that her and Sean were still together but they were keeping it quiet until after Jimmies wedding as they didn’t want to tip Georgia over the edge, I thought she was being considerate.” My Mum gives a bitter little laugh as she finishes speaking. She looks at Sean. “When you turned up at my house that Sunday with the girls on the bikes, it struck me that the girl you was with, looked a lot like this Mandy but what I couldn’t get my head around was, if you was so in love with this Mandy, why were you at my house with her lookalike, then I realised it was her that Georgia had the problem with.”
She moves her eyes across to me. “All you kept repeating George was that she looked just like her… That got me thinking that perhaps you already knew about this Mandy, so I went through all the scrap books, I made them for you George, every piece of news about the boys, I kept and put into a scrapbook, in the hope that one day you would be able to look at it.” She wipes tears from under her eyes and my bottom lips trembles as I watch her do it and I hate myself, I hate myself for caring that she’s upset and I hate myself for being the one that’s made her cry and I’m beginning to feel sick, because I think that I’m beginning to put this puzzle together. I cover my mouth with hand as I can feel it start to water, the way it sometimes does before you vomit.
“I kept the good stuff and the bad stuff, the pictures, articles, song lyrics, you name it, I’ve kept it all and I sat and went through it until I found her picture and that’s when I realised what an almighty f*ckup I’d made.”
I shake my head continuously. “Oh no no no.”
I look across at Jimmie, she looks at me incredulously. “Whorely?” She asks me. I nod my head, then turn and look at Sean, he hasn’t joined the dots.
“It was the girl from the rape charge.” My Mum continues. Sean is instantly on his feet. “No, no, no f*ckin’ way, I have not clapped eyes on that girl since that day, there was never anything between me and her, never G, I swear on my life.”
I shake my head at him. “I know, I know, I believe you.”
I look around at everyone in the room. “F*ck, wow she really does hate me, because she’s gone all out to ruin my life and keep us apart all this time. I need a drink.”
I am so angry, angry to the point where I can’t think or see straight, I need a drink, I need a cigarette, I need a joint and I need my Mum out of my sight while I try to make sense of all of this, my head right at that moment, feels like it’s about to explode.