CHAPTER 21
My Dad had this lame saying that he used to quote to my brothers; it was usually when my Mum asked who had made the mess in her kitchen. De Nile is not just a river in Egypt, it never failed to make us groan but I had had that saying going around in my head for two weeks now and I was unsure why. Well I wasn’t, not really, I knew why and if De Nile was just a river in Egypt, I was drowning in it, I had drowned in it, for two weeks, I had felt like I had stones tied around my neck and I was firmly weighed down and on the very bottom of that river and the reason being was the guilt I felt over Cam. Not for what I had done, not for the way things ended but for the fact that I missed him so much. I loved Sean; I love Sean with a passion that defies logic. We have spent every spare moment together this past two weeks and he’s been in my bed every single night, we’ve woken up together every single morning, we’ve talked and talked and talked, we’ve decided not to waste time, we’re already looking for our own place. The press haven’t worked out where I live yet but they know who I am. Last weekend one of the Sunday tabloids run a front page and a whole double spread inside about mine and Sean’s ‘Great Love Story’. How we were childhood sweethearts and how we were ripped apart by his fame, they didn’t mention the rape incident because the accusation was withdrawn, charges dropped and the press threatened with legal action if they ever mentioned the incident, without making it perfectly clear that it was a fabricated story so it was just never mentioned but because the press knew who I was. They had camped out at the gates of my parents drive and the house had been bombarded with phone calls and post for me, lots of the calls were abusive from fans, lots of the mail were hate filled threats for me to back off. Sean was theirs and I needed to stay away. Some letters were actually really sweet, telling us that what we had was something special and wishing us well. Some were just plain weird, pictures of blokes’ dicks, with notes telling me I was beautiful and that they bet Sean wasn’t as well-endowed as they were. In the end, everything sent for me to my parent house was put in sacks and sent to Sean’s personal assistant Andrea. She siphoned through it and only sent us the things she thought we would like to read, which wasn’t much. All of the publicity had done wonders for trade at the shops, lots of new customers coming in, buying something small, just to see if I was there but I had stayed away.
My Mum and I had met for lunch on the Tuesday after Sean and I got back together, we talked through everything and I told her I forgave her. I’m not entirely sure that I did but I did understand her motives, I had said then, that I would carry on with work as normal but now, two weeks into my relationship with Sean, it was becoming apparent that this was going to be impossible so after a meeting yesterday. We had promoted Ashley as area manager and put a new full time manager in all six stores that we now had, and we had taken on an admin team consisting of a personal manager, staff in charge of accounts and orders and two new buying assistants, basically, my Mum and I, were part of the business in name only.
The band were touring the states next year and Sean had asked me to go with him, because of Len and Jimmie’s wedding they had taken the whole of June off and were only committed to a few television appearances over the rest of the summer. They were back in the studio in August to start recording their new album, due to be released in March as the U S tour kicked off. Sean and Marley had written a few new songs for the album but they would start getting together more regularly in July so that they were prepared to start laying down tacks by about September. All of this meant lots of free time for Sean and I to spend together but when he got a song in his head, he was gone, off with Marley to do their thing and as I was too scared to go out because of the press. I stayed home and had too much time to think and to feel guilty that I was missing Cam and that’s exactly what I was doing on this Friday lunch time, almost two weeks after I had last seen Cam. I’d just finished talking on the phone to Jimmie, her hens do was in a week’s time, twenty six women, all off to Marbella in Spain for five nights, friends, Mums, sisters, cousins, ranging in age from eighteen to sixty five and I couldn’t wait. Hopefully Marbella was going to mean anonymity for me, five whole days of nobody knowing who I was, I had only experienced two weeks of this fame game and already I was over it.
My buzzer on the intercom went and my belly went over, I was worried all the time that the press were going to find out about our little love nest. They had besieged Sean and Marley’s place and were totally confused about Sean’s whereabouts as he hadn’t been back there, he’s had Milo bring his clothes and toiletries and guitar here and here we had hidden away for two weeks, waiting for the ridiculous amount of interest they had in me to die down, which so far, had failed to happen. My palms were instantly sweaty as I stood up on the intercoms second buzz.
“Hello,” I said nervously.
“Georgia?”
“Who’s that?”
“Georgia Darlin’, it’s Benny, Cam’s Benny, dya think I could come in and have a chat babe.”
What on earth did Benny want? I was suddenly nervous, had Cam sent him to kill me, would Cam kill me, did he despise me that much?
“What’s wrong Ben, why do you need to chat with me?”
“Georgia, look Darlin’, its Cam, I don’t wanna do this over the intercom love, I just need five minutes.” I thought about it for a few seconds. Dave had been assigned to look after me when Sean wasn’t around and was sitting outside in a big Toyota four wheel drive when I looked this morning.
“I’ll come out,” I said to Benny.
“Sweet.” I heard him reply.
I looked out of the window onto the parking space below, Dave was out of his car and was obviously watching Benny and looked a little bit unsure of what to do. I went out and opened the door to Ben and stepped outside, I put my hand up to Dave to let him know that everything was okay and then turned to talk to Cam’s minder. “What’s up Ben, what can I do for ya?”
“Georgia, look this is a bit embarrassing, I know you’re with that pop star an’ everything now an’ I’m sorry an’ all that but the boss is a mess an’ I don’t know what to do. His bruvers an’ his sister av bin an’ tried to sort ‘im out but he ain’t ‘avin none of it, ‘is hittin the bottle and he could keep an army marchin’ for a month on the Charlie ‘is snortin an’ it’s all since you left ‘im.”
He looks at me pleadingly. “I’m scared love, I’m really scared ‘is gonna neck ‘imself.”
Shit, I really don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do but Sean will go mad. I could, not tell him, shit. “Ben, if he’s in this mess because of me, then I’m probably the last person he wants to see.”
“Na, ah fink he wants to see ya, I fink he just needs to see ya, he won’t listen to no one else, you need to tell ‘im to sort ‘is shit out, else they’re gonna put ‘im in rehab again.”
“Again, Cam’s been in rehab before?”
“Yeah, yeah he has, twice before, when he was younger and then again after he lost Chantelle. He was a mess for a long time after that, then ‘is brothers took charge and he ended up in rehab for nearly six months. He hated it, nearly killed ‘im and that’s what they’re talkin’ about doin’ now, they’re givin’ ‘im a week to sort ‘imself out, then they’re gonna lock ‘im up, they got a court order before, he ‘ad no choice, he ‘ad to stay.”
Jesus, what a mess.
“Where is he?” I can’t believe I’m even considering this.
“Up the flat above the wine bar.” I nod, I owe him this much, he saved me from myself, now I need to see if I can return the favour.
“Let me get some shoes on.” I run back inside and slide my feet into a pair of flip flops, grab my keys and head back out. I follow Ben down the stairs, run over to where Dave is leaning on his car and tell him I’m just popping out to see a sick friend, that I won’t be long and that I don’t need him with me. I jump into the Jag and five minutes later, Ben is unlocking the front door to Cam’s flat.
Music is blaring and I hesitate in the doorway, Ben juts his chin forward. “You go in, I’ll wait here, he ain’t gonna be ‘appy ‘bout this but I dint know what else to do.” I must look nervous as Benny adds. “I’ll be right here, I won’t go anywhere.”
He nods as if to reassure me, I walk down the hallway, the place is lit up like Christmas, and every light appears to be on. As I enter the open plan living and kitchen area, I’m struck by the mess. There are bottles everywhere, whiskey, wine, beer; the coffee table is covered in them, along with lots of little empty bags that coke was obviously once in. There’s a tray on the floor with two lines ready to go on it, along with a rolled up fifty pound note. The place smells awful, stale alcohol and vomit mainly and a hint of cigar smoke. The song that’s been playing has just started to play again, its Fake, by Alexander O’Neal, he has a couple of his CD’s that he plays in the car. I look over to the kitchen; there are a couple of plates with mouldy food on them, a pizza box and more bottles.
I head toward Cam’s bedroom and can hear the shower running; I head into the bathroom quietly. The door to the shower cubicle is open and Cam is sitting inside on the floor, the water is bouncing off of him and out of the open door, making the floor wet. There is a pile of vomit on the tiled floor beside the shower and another beside the toilet. I throw a towel over each pile, he doesn’t notice because his eyes are closed, his legs are out in front of him, arms slumped at his sides, his head is hanging forward and he’s completely naked. He looks… small, which is ridiculous as he’s six foot four and a big strong man but right at this moment he looks small and frail and I feel so bad that I have caused this. I stand and stare for a few moments, my hand covering my mouth as I try to control my sobs, I go back out to the front door and tell Ben to grab some bags and to start clearing away some of the bottles. I go back to the bathroom and shut the door; I go over to the shower and turn off the water. Cam mumbles something and lifts his arm in front of him and reaches for something… someone, me? I straddle his lap and dry his hair and his face. He almost has a full beard growing, it’s dark but with a few flecks of grey. I raise my hand and gently touch his face, his eyes flutter open but he can’t focus, he sucks on his own cheeks, probably trying to moisten his mouth, then he opens his eyes again and tilts his head to the side and gives me a little smile.
“Kitten,” he whispers, very, very softly. “I love you.”
I let out a sob, I can’t help it, I hold on to each side of his face. “Oh Tiger, what have you done to yourself?”
“I love you,” he whispers again, he grabs a handful of my hair, not roughly, just enough to tilt my head and make me look at him, he nods his head and says it again, “I love you.”
I don’t know what to say, my heart is telling me to tell him that I love him too but my head is telling me not to be so f*cking stupid. He shivers and I realise I need to get him out of the shower and into bed. I move his shoulders off of the wall and drape a dry towel around them; I’m afraid that he will slide over and hit his head so I call out for Benny. The music goes quiet and I can hear talking, I call Benny again. Cam whispers, “No, no Benny, just you, just you Kitten.”
The door that separates the bathroom from the bedroom opens and Cam’s absolute double is standing there. “I… I’m sorry, I’m Georgia, I was… he’s cold, I don’t know how long he’s been in here. I can’t lift him.”
Cam’s double is wearing a suit; he takes the jacket off and throws it behind him onto the bed. “Mind out the way. Benny, get your arse in here.”
I step out of the way of who I’m assuming is Cam’s older brother but that’s just a guess as he hasn’t introduced himself. Benny comes through the door, just, his huge frame fills it; he must’ve been working hard at cleaning up as he’s sweating and his bald head is shining. “Mind the spew Ben,” I say as I walk out of the bathroom, there’s not enough room for all of us and I don’t feel particularly welcome anyway.
Thankfully Cam’s bed doesn’t look as though it’s been slept in so I don’t have to put clean sheets on it, I just throw the cushions that we bought to match the new bedding we shopped for just a month ago, onto the floor. My heart stops, starts, sidesteps, and then carries on its normal rhythm at that thought.
“They’re cushions George, we bought cushions and bedding together, we didn’t get married, get a grip girl,” I say out loud to myself. Benny and Cam’s double come into the room with an arm of Cam’s each draped around their shoulders, his feet are dragging along the floor and the way he’s being held, the way he looks, reminds me of Jesus on the cross, just for a second, just for a split second. They drop him unceremoniously onto the bed and I lift his legs and cover him with the duvet.
“You gonna stay here and look after him?” Cam’s double frowns as he looks at me. I look around the room, purely for affect, I know full well it’s me he’s talking to.
“Me?” I ask.
“Yes you! Are gonna f*ckin’ stay and help put right this mess you caused.”
What? I shake my head. “Who the f*ck are you and who the f*ck do you think you’re talking to?”
“I’m Robbie, Cam’s brother and I’m assuming you’re Georgia and if I assume correctly, then I’m talking to you.”
“Yes, I’m Georgia, but I didn’t cause this, he’s done this to himself.” He puts his hands on his hips and nods his head in a stance and a gesture that is so much like Cam that I want to weep.
“You f*cked him over Georgia, you’re the first woman since Chantelle died he’s allowed himself to get close to. You’re the first woman he has openly admitted to me that he’s in love with, he was so happy and then you f*cked him over. You blew him out for your rock star and you broke him, he’s more broken now than when he lost his wife and baby and you f*cking did it, so yes, you are the cause of this mess!”
I feel ashamed, I did cause this, not intentionally and I didn’t know Cam loved me. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know what?”
“I didn’t know he loved me, he never said, he never told me.”
“No, because apparently you have a history of doing a runner when blokes tell ya that shit so he was waiting. He knew you was coming round to the idea, he had it all planned, he was taking you away, for two weeks in June, after your brother’s wedding. He was gonna take you away and show you, make you realise that you did love him.” He stops talking as Cam mumbles in his sleep. “Are you staying or not sweetheart, that’s all I wanna know?” He was taking me away, he knew I was falling in love with him, he knew, I didn’t, did I?
“I can stay for a couple of hours.” He didn’t acknowledge my reply so I went and sat on the bed next to Cam. “Right Ben, I’ll arrange a cleaner to come through, but for now, can you just check all the cupboards and drawers in here and in the bathroom, anywhere he might stash gear or booze. I’ll get someone over to put some locks on the door and we’ll work out shifts between me, Josh and Tory to watch him. He hated rehab, we haven’t left it so long this time so what I’m thinking is we get a doctor over here to check him out and if it’s okay, we do his detox and rehab from here.”
Benny nods in agreement. “Good, that’s good Rob, you‘re right, he hated rehab, it’ll kill him if he goes back there.”
“I don’t understand this, is Cam an alcoholic or a junky or both?” Robbie’s whole demeanour changes as he comes and sits down on the bed and looks down at Cam.
“Not really, I don’t know, I’m not a professional, Cam usually stays away from drugs, but he does do the odd line of Charlie and he likes a drink as much as the next bloke but he always knows when to say enough’s enough, apart from when he’s not coping. When he’s not coping he uses them to escape, he loses himself in a bottle and when that’s not enough he makes himself feel like he can deal with anything by snorting line after line of coke and that’s what he’s doing now.” His gaze turns to me and he looks me over, like he’s seeing me for the first time.
“I’m sorry alright, about what I said, he told me you had never said that you loved him, he told me you had admitted from the start that you were in love with someone else. He just didn’t expect you to get back with the other bloke.”
“Neither did I,” I say quietly. “I never wanted to hurt him, I wanted to tell him to his face about Sean, but he went to Amsterdam and I arranged to see him when he got back so that I could tell him to his face but he came home early and…” I close my eyes as I think about Cam’s words.
“Thanks Kitten, thanks a lot.” The look in his eyes when he realised who Sean was. I start to cry.
“He turned up at the club and I was there with Sean and I never meant to hurt him, I am so sorry, I haven’t stopped thinking about him for the past two weeks. I just don’t know, I don’t understand what’s going on with me. I think he might be right, I think I do love him, I think, I don’t know.”
Robbie looks at me with eyes so much like Cam’s. “Well that’s something only you can decide Georgia and until that time please don’t go getting my brothers hopes up, because if you decide that you’re wrong or if you leave him again, then I think that would actually kill him.”
I have no reply, I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to feel. I’m left alone with Cam as what can only be described as a military operation goes on around him, his flat is cleaned, bolts and locks are put on the bedroom door. Benny comes in and goes through every draw and cupboard in the bedroom and bathroom, all while Cam sleeps. I’ve noticed beads of sweat are starting to appear on his forehead and top lip so I go into the bathroom and run a face cloth under the cold tap and come back and wipe his face, he stirs and mumbles but doesn’t wake so I go out to the kitchen to fetch a bowl that I can fill with water so that I don’t have to keep dripping the face cloth from the bathroom. The whole place is now spotless and smells fresh and clean. Robbie is still here, talking on the phone, Benny and another bouncer from the bar are sitting on stools in the kitchen, eating burgers. My belly rumbles because I’ve not eaten today.
“What time is it Ben?”
He looks at his watch. “Ten past six.” Shit, I’ve been here since twelve, I need to get home.
“Ben look, Cam’s starting to sweat, I’m gonna give his face another wipe, then would you take me home, I can’t walk, I have the press up my arse at the moment.” Robbie has ended his phone call and is looking at me.
“Go wash his face and I’ll take you. The doctor will be here to give him something for the sweats and shakes.” I nod, then fill the bowl with cold water and go back to the bedroom.
This time when I wash Cam’s face he opens his eyes, they are a lot more focused now and he looks over my face as he licks his lips, which are dry and cracked. “Kitten,” he whispers in a croaky voice.
“Would you like some water?”
I ask him, he shakes his head. “Scotch.”
I give a little laugh and shake my head. “No can do Tiger, water, tea, coffee, them’s your choices?”
“You’re mean.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, would you like some water or some tea?” My heart is banging so hard in my chest that it’s giving me a headache.
He sighs. “Will you serve it to me naked?”
“I’ll pour it over your dick if you don’t simmer down.” He gives a little chuckle.
“There’s my angry Kitten.”
“I’m not angry Cam, I’m sad. Why? Why did you do this to yourself?”
He closes his eyes, when he opens them, his look is cold and hard and it scares me for a second. “My head hurts, would you please get me some headache tablets and a glass of water?”
I don’t question his change in tone or the way he’s now looking at me, he’s hurt and he’s angry and I’m the cause of his suffering. I think that entitles him to look at me however he likes. “I can get you some water but no tablets, the doctor will be here soon and I’m not sure what he wants to give you.”
“What doctor, why?” He starts to get up out of bed but his legs are unsteady and he stagers and falls back down, I call out for Benny, but it’s Robbie that’s first through the door.
“Back in bed Cam.”
“You’re not locking me up again; I’m not going back to that place!” Cam’s shouting and Robbie’s trying to get him back into bed, Benny comes in and helps to hold him down.
“Don’t hurt him,” I shout at both of them.
“Get her out!” Cam growls. “Get her the f*ck out of here, don’t let her see me, Rob, don’t let her see me like this.”
He starts to sob, and I start to cry. “Please Rob, please don’t lock me up.”
Robbie holds onto Cam as he sobs. “I won’t mate, I promise I won’t, the doctor’s coming. Joshie and Tor are on their way. We’ll look after you here, I won’t lock you up, and we’ll get you better between us.”
Cam stops fighting and just lets his big brother hold him, while I stand in the corner and cry, as I watch the outcome of my actions unfold. Robbie looks at me and gestures with his head for me to get out. I leave, I don’t wait for a lift, I leave the flat and make the ten minute walk back home with my head down and hope that no one recognises me; as I come down the back ally, I spot Sean’s, Len’s and my Dad’s cars all blocking my way. F*ck, I’m in trouble.
Dave is standing at the bottom of the stairs and lets out sigh and then shakes his head as he sees me. “Thanks Georgia, I’m in so much f*ckin’ trouble coz of you.” For f*cks sake.
“I’m sorry Dave, but if it’s any consolation, I bet I’m in more.”
He nods his head. “I think your right there babe, Maca is doing his narna, I think they were about to call the Police.” Shit, f*ck, bollocks.
I run up the stairs and down the hallway to a welcoming party of my entire family plus Jimmie, Ash, Sean and Milo, the whole room falls absolutely silent for a split second. Sean has his back to me; he turns, looks me over, puts his hands on his hips and lets out the biggest sigh as his chin falls forward onto his chest.
“Where the f*ck have you been George?” Bailey speaks first, my Dad rakes his hand through his hair and comes and gives me a cuddle.
“Princess, you scared the f*ckin’ life outta me, don’t ever, ever do that again!”
I swallow. “I’m sorry Daddy.” I look around the room at all the anxious faces, Baileys making a call.
“Fin, she’s here, call the boys off… Na, she’s fine, I’ll bell ya later and let ya know, cheers.” His angry eyes look me over.
“That close.” He shows me a very tiny space between his thumb and index finger as he holds them up. “We were that f*ckin’ close to start banging down doors. Dave said you went off with bald Benny, said you wouldn’t be long. That was seven hours ago George, seven f*cking hours, no one’s seen you, no one’s seen King. You didn’t call, we had no idea where the f*ck you were. We thought he’d flipped his lid and gone psycho again, kidnapped ya, killed ya, we didn’t know George, coz you being the selfish little bitch that you are, f*cked off without a word. Dad was ready to start shooting people, Macas not far behind.” He stops to draw breath. “Do you ever stop and think about anyone but yourself George, ever? You start running around with Sean when you’re just a kid, getting up to God knows what. Then you spend four years acting like we should have you committed, then you start running around with one of the East End’s biggest gangsters, whose wife just happened to die in very mysterious circumstances and then, finally, we get a two week window where we all think that we can finally breathe, you’re back with Maca, finally right where you wanna be and then you pull this little stunt. What the f*ck is wrong with you? What exactly is it you want, do you even know? For f*ck’s sake Georgia, you’re nearly twenty-one, it’s time to grow up and start being accountable for your actions and the affect they have on everyone else.”
I stand, alone, mortified and let the tears roll silently down my cheeks, everything he has said is true, I’m a spoilt, selfish girl and I don’t take other people’s feelings into account as often as I should, as much as I should. I look around the room, at the worried faces of the people that love most in the world but I don’t make eye contact with any of them. “I’m so sorry everyone, I didn’t mean for anyone to worry, I was asked to help out in an emergency and I lost track of time. I’m so sorry, I should’ve called, I should’ve let someone know where I was or taken Dave with me but I didn’t and I’m sorry.”
I walk past every one, go straight to my bathroom and turn on the shower, I turn the water around to hot, take off my clothes and step under, adjusting the water so that it’s as hot as I can bear it. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I didn’t mean to be selfish, and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or make them worry. I didn’t know Cam loved me, I didn’t know my family had been so concerned for so long but at the end of the day, is ignorance any kind of defence or am I just a stupid, spoiled twenty year old, who thought she knew it all?
I slide down the wall, bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
I’m not sure how long I spend sitting on the shower floor but when I eventually get out, Sean is sitting on the edge of the bath holding a towel. He stands and wraps it around me and just holds me tight, he grabs another from the rack and starts to rub my hair dry with it. I’ve stopped crying but my jaw is still quivering and you can hear it in my voice when I say to Sean, “I’m so sorry.”
He pulls me in tighter and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go to bed,” is all that he says. I climb into bed and sit and dry my hair as I watch him take off his clothes, he strips totally naked and climbs into bed next to me, pulling me to him. I feel safe, warm and loved, which is probably more than I deserve. “Dya wanna tell me about it?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
“I was so worried G, I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in all my life. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to start and what scared me more was how worried your Dad was.” Once again I remain silent.
“Sean?”
“Gia?”
“Make love to me?”
He kisses me gently on the mouth, his hands tangle in my damp hair, he pushes me gently over onto my back and slides down my body and starting with the soles of my feet, he kisses his way back up my legs, bending my knees and spreading me open, kissing, licking and sucking me into my first orgasm, then up and over my belly, onto my boobs, he bites down gently on first one nipple, then the other. He keeps climbing up my body, until eventually he’s straddling my chest. I take his cock in my hand and stroke him. He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip as he looks down into my eyes.
“Squeeze your tits together,” he whispers. He places his cock between my tits while I squeeze them like he told me, he strokes himself right down at the base, all the while, he’s staring into my eyes. “God you look f*ckin’ beautiful right now.”
I give him a small smile, I don’t want him to be nice to me, I want him to be rough and cause me pain. “F*ck my arse,” I say to him.
“What?”
“I want you in my arse, now.” He stills for a few seconds, his eyes fully focused on mine, then rolls to the side.
“Turn over.”
He climbs off the bed and goes into the bathroom, returning a few seconds later and puts something down on the bedside table. He lays down flat on top of me at first, just stroking up and down the backs of my arms, he kisses the back of my neck and my shoulders, then all the way down my spine, he pushes my legs apart with his. “Pull your knees underneath you babe, arse in the air, keep your legs open wide.”
I do exactly as he says; his fingers gently stroke down from the back of my neck, down my spine, over each of my arse cheeks, then through the middle of them, he uses his hands to spread me open and I can feel the calluses on his fingers caused by years of playing the guitar and of all the sensations firing through me right now, it’s that one that makes me groan, it’s so Sean, so unique to Sean. He licks me, from back to front and then back again, his tongue flicks in and around my hole, while he uses his middle finger to rub my *. “F*ck, Sean.”
“That feel good G?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ve got no lube so I’m gonna use Vaseline, keep still for me.” I remain perfectly still while I listen to him unscrew the jar of Vaseline, then he’s back, he starts with just one finger, he rubs it gently in circles, around and around.
“Open your legs wider baby, push your arse higher and relax, you look so beautiful right now, so f*ckin’ beautiful.” He pushes one finger inside me, and then adds another. “That okay, tell me if it hurts?”
I’m biting down so hard on my bottom lip that it actually hurts when I release it, so I suck it to relieve the pain. “Gia, am I hurting you? Tell me baby and I’ll stop.”
“No, no, f*ck no.” He pulls his fingers out, and then rubs his cock up and down my arse crack; he stops and nudges against me. “I love you baby, please tell me you really wanna do this, you know I love you right? Don’t do this if you don’t wanna.”
I look around at him from over my shoulder. “When do I ever do anything I don’t wanna?” He gives me his ‘front of a magazine cover pout’ then winks at me; he wraps his hand around my hair and yanks my hair back roughly. “I f*ckin’ love you Georgia Rae, now I’m gonna f*ck your arse and make you scream.”
He eases inside me slowly as he talks, “F*ck, you’re tight baby.”
He pulls me up so that I’m almost sitting on his knees, his knees between my open legs from behind, he reaches around me and gently rubs my *, his mouth is at my ear and I tilt my head to the side so that I can feel his hot breath on me as he speaks, “You’re in control Georgia, ride me, go at your speed baby.”
I grind gently onto him, enjoying the full sensation, it’s different but it’s nice. “You want my fingers in your cunt?” Oh God, just him saying that word has me groaning and grinding back on him. “Do ya G? Tell me, else I’ll stop.”
“No, I mean yes, no don’t stop, yes I want your fingers in me.”
He chuckles in my ear. “You’re a bad, bad girl Georgia Rae and I love the f*ck out of ‘ya, now come for me, coz I ain’t gonna last, you’re too much, I can’t last.”
He pushes his fingers inside me and it’s the strangest of sensations, I feel full, stretched and when he pushes the heel of his hand onto my *, it’s too, too much, every muscle I have below my waist clamps around his cock and his fingers. I roll my head back as he bites into my shoulder, I moan and call out his name, trying to relieve the intensity of the orgasm that just won’t stop rolling through me. In the end I have nowhere left to go and just take it, moaning and whimpering my way through it as I listen to Sean’s words, “F*ck, that’s good, I’m coming baby, only for you, it’s only ever been you.”
We collapse in a heap less than a minute later, he holds my back tight against his chest, kissing the back of my neck and my shoulders continuously; eventually we lay still and silent, I listen to him breathe and feel his chest move up and down against my back. I want him to talk, to ask me about today but I also want him to never mention it, he kisses the back of my head.
“Come and shower with me.” I nod and he eases out of me, he pulls me by the hand and we walk to the shower, he doesn’t wait for the water to heat up and pulls me in with him. I scream and he laughs, pulling me tight against his chest as the cold water makes both of our teeth chatter. It eventually starts to warm, he pushes my wet again hair from my face, then holds it with both of his hands, he kisses my eyes, my nose, then so, so softly my mouth, my chin, down through my cleavage, all the way down my belly. He kneels down on the floor in front of me, takes hold of my hands in his and says, “I love ya Georgia Rae, please be my wife?”
Oh my God, I stare down at him, not sure if I’ve just heard right. “I love you Georgia, more than life, I love you like the stars above.” He raises his eyebrows at me and smirks, waiting for me to sing my line.
“I’ll love you till I die,” I continue and he breaks out his best grin yet.
“Like I told ya, Romeo and Juliette have got nothing on us baby. I don’t wanna wait; if other people hadn’t f*cked us up we would’ve been married and probably had a couple of kids by now.”
He’s looking up at me, with those big brown eyes, with their little flecks of gold shinning so brightly in them. He’s my life, he’s my world and whatever feelings I thought I might have for Cam are now irrelevant. Perhaps I do love Cam, I don’t know but it doesn’t matter, because Sean will always have my heart, I have no control over that fact, it is what it is and no one will ever be able to change it.
I push his hair back off his face and smile down at him; I nod first, and then follow it up with. “Yes, yes of course I’ll marry you.”
We make love again in the shower before collapsing into bed and sleeping for a few hours, then he wakes me up as he slides himself inside me, we make love silently and afterwards, when he holds me tightly to his chest, I tell him about my day. I tell him about Cam, I tell him about how guilty I feel, that I didn’t know Cam loves me and I tell him that I think I might love Cam a little bit and he tells me its fine, and that he understands. He’s jealous, hates it, but he understands. Cam was there, right when I needed him and it’s perfectly natural for me to have strong feelings for him, he tells me to go back and help him get better, support him in any way that I can, which just makes me love Sean even more. I cry and tell him how my heart feels like it’s going to burst with how much I love him.
In the end, just as the sun is coming up and the birds are beginning to sing, we decide together, that perhaps it will be better if I don’t see Cam again, it might just get his hopes up and then it might all be too much for him when he finds out that we are getting married. Sean’s happy with whatever I want to do and I decide a clean break will be the best and fairest way forward. I fall asleep, happy, content and without guilt.