An Uncertain Choice

“Did my parents do what was safe?” We both knew the answer without my saying it, but I answered the question anyway. “They chose the risky road, Trudy. They could have stayed back in the castle, locked themselves away, and let the people fend for themselves against the Plague. But instead, they went out and were willing to sacrifice their very lives if needed to do what they thought was right.”


I paced across the room, treading the path in the rushes I’d already made during the afternoon of restlessness in my chamber. After days of solitude, I’d begun to feel like a caged songbird and I was ready to be set free again.

Trudy pressed her fisted hands against her hips, watching me and shaking her head. “Come sit down this instant. You’re wearing me out with all your prowling.”

But I couldn’t stop. A peculiar need was driving me, the need to test the new feelings inside me. Somehow I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until I’d tested them to their fullest and found them wanting.

“Sometimes we have to take risks, even put our lives in jeopardy to do what’s right.”

“Oh, Rose,” Trudy said, using my childhood nickname. Her face crumpled with concern. “More than anything, I want you to be happy. Whatever you choose, as long as you’re happy, then I’ll be happy.”

I stopped in front of her and grasped her hands. “Then will you help me, Trudy? Will you help me discover what all these new feelings mean?”

“I don’t know —?”

A knock on the door echoed hollowly through the chamber. Trudy rushed to respond, and I again padded to the window and listened to the cheerful calls of men and women arriving and being escorted into the keep where my servants had guest rooms prepared.

When Trudy finally closed the door, she held a large bundle wrapped in a silver cloth. “The duke has sent you a gift for the dance tonight, my lady.” She crossed to the bed and deposited the present. Slowly, she lifted the cloth and unveiled a luxurious, shimmering gown of deep crimson, glittering with pearls and diamonds embroidered on the sleeves, neckline, and waist.

We gasped together at the beauty and stared at it with open mouths.

“Did his servant say why he chose to bestow such a fine gift upon me?”

“He said the most beautiful woman in the kingdom deserves the most beautiful gown tonight.” Trudy reverently brushed her fingers across the full skirt.

“It’s magnificent,” I whispered. But did I dare wear something so fine and regal? I glanced at the pale pink gown I’d planned to don. Next to the red creation, it seemed plain and childish.

“He wanted you to know it’s exactly the kind of gown your father would have given you for your first dance.” Trudy’s voice cracked. “He said your father would have wanted you to make your first public appearance looking like the woman you’re becoming and not like the little girl you once were.”

Another knock on the door interrupted us. Trudy bustled to answer and again spoke to a servant in the hallway before stepping back inside holding out a small box. “Another gift,” she said, her eyes wide with wonder. “This one from Sir Collin.”

I took the box, untied a pretty ribbon holding the lid shut, and then opened it. This time, Trudy’s gasp was louder, echoing my inner wonder. There, enfolded in silk, was a necklace alternating diamonds and pearls from clasp to clasp.

“I can’t accept this,” I said in swift protest.

“The servant said you must have it. If you return it, Sir Collin will only send it right back.”

I lifted the necklace from the box, letting it dangle from my fingers. The jewels sparkled in a dazzling array.

Something inside whispered that I couldn’t accept such a gift from Sir Collin. As much as I’d enjoyed Sir Collin’s bantering and easy ways, as much as I liked his goodness and generosity, my feelings for him weren’t yet deep enough to take something so extraordinary.

“You must wear the necklace with the gown.” Trudy bustled to the bed and spread out the rustling layers of the gown. “It matches so nicely.”

A third knock sounded on the door and brought a smile to my nursemaid’s face. “Another gift, my lady? Which knight do you think it’s from this time?” She answered the door and talked with the servant in the hallway. “I was right,” she said a moment later as she closed the door. Her ruddy face beamed as she brought forward a box. “Another gift.”

Would it be from Sir Derrick? My heartbeat skittered forward at the thought. What would he send me? How would he choose to favor me?

The box was longer, and when I opened it I understood why. It was a long, sheer veil attached to a crown of red rosebuds interspersed with the purest white baby’s breath.

“Oh, my lady.” Trudy’s words came out a reverent whisper. “How lovely.”

It was exquisite. But I couldn’t seem to summon the pleasure I knew I ought for such a gift. “It’s from Sir Bennet?”

“Yes, my lady. How did you know?”

I couldn’t quite say, except I had the feeling a gift from Sir Derrick would be different somehow.