Writing Our Song:A Billionaire Romance

Chapter 17


The stars aligned perfectly as far as arriving at the airport at just the right time for a flight were concerned. Renting a car was surprisingly pain free, but getting to the beach was a borderline nightmare. I’d learned to drive with a driving school, and they had loaned me one of their cars for my practical driving exam but since then I hadn’t driven much and I was rusty to say the least.

Combined with the fact that I was in an unfamiliar city and had no idea about the best route to take, it wasn’t easy. The one and only time I’d been there I should have paid more attention rather than sightseeing out of the side windows.

Eventually I found my way through Malibu and slowed the car to a crawl, constantly pulling over and letting other people pass while I tried to find the two houses sharing the same gate. I was cursing the car in frustration by the time I spotted it.

Parked outside was a lone black car that might have been Jeremy’s but I couldn’t remember exactly what make or model his had been. There was also no driver, which I supposed would make sense if Jeremy didn’t want anybody to know where he was.

The gates were closed and I had no idea what the code was to open them up, but when I looked at the keypad I saw that one of the buttons was a picture of a bell. Unfortunately, when I pressed it, there was no response after the initial phone-ring-like sound and when I looked through the gates, I could see no sign that anybody was home.

I looked both ways and didn’t see anybody paying any attention to me, then examined the gates dubiously. They were wrought iron with mostly straight up and down bars but it also had a decorative swirl that might give me a few hand and foot holds.

The bars ended in ornate spear-like spikes at the top that would probably still do just fine for impaling me if I slipped, but I had to check the beach. I’d run down, check the beach, Jeremy wouldn’t be there and then I’d leave. No harm, no foul.

I climbed up to the top with relative ease and then delicately eased myself over the top, grimacing in trepidation until I was clear of the spikes. A couple steps down and then I jumped to the ground, feeling like quite the daredevil.

Just like the last time I followed the path between the houses and came out through the hedge to be confronted by that spectacular view. I immediately scanned to my right and saw him sitting there under the tree, the barren branches only beginning to be replaced by new green leaves, staring out at the ocean.

For some reason, even though I’d come all this way on the hunch that he would be here, I’d managed to convince myself that it was a long shot. He hadn’t noticed me yet and I had no idea how he would react to seeing me here. This was a private place, his special place. I’d revoked any right I may have had to be here when I’d cut things off with him.

Timidly, I approached him and it wasn’t until I was almost in touching distance that he glanced up at me with eyes that had seen their fair share of rubbing in the recent past. His gaze didn’t linger though, he turned his head back and looked out at the sea again.

“Bea. What are you doing here?” he said, close to a monotone.

“Your sister called me.”

“Send you out on a hunt, did they?” he asked.

“No. It was my idea. She doesn’t know yet.”

“You shouldn’t have come.”

“They’re worried about you…” I began.

“They’re not worried about me!” he spat out with more venom than I’d ever heard him use. “They want me to fix everything, take care of everything! I can’t do it! I’m tired. I don’t have anything left. It’s always me that has to solve everything. Who gives a f*ck what color flowers should be there? Can you tell me that? Cause I don’t.”

I knelt down beside him.

“Jeremy…”

“And you… where were you? I needed you, Bea! I needed… somebody. I trusted you.”

I extended my hand and put it on his shoulder but he shrugged it off.

“Don’t. I’m fine, it’s too late. You should leave.”

I wrung my hands together for a moment, sitting there next to him in the hostile silence, feeling almost like my palm had been burned when he pushed it away. How many times had I told people I was ‘fine’ when I was anything but?

Nobody had cared enough to fight through my self-destruction and help me through to the other side, but Jeremy deserved better. I put my hand back on his shoulder and shuffled closer until my knees were almost touching him.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jeremy. You’re not fine, no good person would be, and you’re the best person I know. I’m sorry I wasn’t here with you. I’ve got some… issues, you might have noticed. I’m trying to get better, I’m trying to be that person you thought I was. I think that’s who I was a long time ago but you were the only one that could still see her.”

Jeremy continued staring straight ahead. I didn’t even know if he was listening to me or concentrating on the sound of the waves but he looked like he was almost ready to explode, like a boiler with a defective safety valve. I continued anyway.

“But I’m here now. I want to help. Lean on me a bit, Jeremy, I can take it. Talk to me, tell me something that doesn’t solve anything… just let it out. Get it out like it’s poison.”

For the longest time Jeremy didn’t say or do anything, he just sat there while on some pressure gauge deep inside a needle was edging towards the danger zone. I rubbed his back gently, watching as his eyes glossed over with fresh tears.

“I failed him,” he blurted out at last.

“No…”

“I did! Do you… do you remember I told you how Dad leaving gave me the motivation to go into business? Because I hoped he would see and come back?”


“I remember.”

“I did it because I wanted him to come back so Kev could grow up having a dad! It didn’t work, I failed him. I didn’t have any other ideas.”

“Jeremy, nobody…”

“But when he was growing up, I was kinda like half-brother, half-dad. I tried to do everything I could for him! I was in all those three-legged races, went to all his soccer games! I was there for all those ‘firsts’, I remember his first words, his first steps!”

Jeremy brought his hands up to his eyes and I felt his shoulders hitching under my hand as uncontrollable sobs shook his body.

“From the first moment he could walk and talk, even when he could only crawl, he knew I’d do anything for him. If he was hurt, he’d go to Mom but if he was scared he’d come to me. Smart kid… such a smart kid, makes sense, Mom was a nurse and I’d protect him from anything under the sun.”

I stayed silent, letting him say whatever he needed to say, trying to will whatever strength I might have to flow into him.

“Then he crashes his bike and breaks a leg. After the screaming stops and we’re at the hospital getting x-rays and everything done, he’s confused, it wasn’t that bad a crash he says. The doctor sees something he doesn’t like on the x-rays, a bone tumor. My mom and sister are like ‘No problem! Jeremy will take care of it, find the best people, get you as good as new!’ and I tried, I tried.”

I reached out with my other hand, slipping my fingers across his palm and grabbing a hold of it to remind him I was still there, he wasn’t alone. When his eyes looked out through the tears, past the red and puffy eyelids, it was like he was staring at some horror movie on a distant screen, watching the worst things possible play out and having no idea where the off-switch was.

“All the most qualified doctors, all the most expensive treatments. But they kept on finding more and more, they said it started in the pancreas, the bone tumor was meta… meta-something, it was in his lymph nodes too. Eventually the doctors said to stop, make him comfortable, prepare yourselves. PREPARE YOURSELVES! How the hell do you do that?”

“You can’t.”

“I was sitting there next to his bed, he’s the most lucid he’s been in a while and he’s lookin’ at me. Like… f*ckin’… desperation and, just like when he was little, he’s coming to me. ‘I’m scared, Jeremy. I’m scared!’ he said, and I didn’t have anything. I just said ‘me too’ and cried. I failed him again!”

Jeremy broke down again, little phrases about Kevin escaping his lips every now and then, and his volume rose in frustration, as he tried to speak but couldn’t. It was enough. There would be more later, but that was enough pressure let off now.

I moved my hand from his back up to the rear of his head, curling my fingers around and pulling him towards me until he leaned over and hid his face from the world, pressing his eyes against my neck. I held him against me tightly and whispered in his ear, trying to stop the tirade of regret.

“Shhhhhhh…”

“His voice hadn’t even broken…”

“Shhhhhhh…”

“He’ll never play anoth…”

“Shhhhhhh…”

“Never get kiss…”

“Shhhhhhh…”

“He’ll never…”

“Shhhhhhh…”

“He…”

“Shhhhhhh…”

He stopped trying to speak and the sound of the waves and wind took over, punctuated every now and then by a hitching breath from Jeremy. I felt more of his tears flowing down my chest and disappearing under my collar as I blinked away a few of my own. When I heard his breathing return to normal I whispered in his ear again.

“It’s not fair and it’s not your fault. You didn’t fail anybody, least of all Kevin. Listen to yourself, you didn’t cure cancer and that’s a failure? You say he was a smart kid… how many times did you come through for him, for all your family, that they looked to you for something as impossible as this? He was lucky to have you, I bet he knew that. Even at the end you came through for him. You gave him the truth.”

Jeremy shook his head in weak protest, but I held him even tighter and stopped it from moving.

“Yes. You don’t have to be the one that does everything, that solves everything. You don’t have to be perfect. You’re going to get through this, I promise. Because… Jeremy, I love you. I love you with everything I’ve got. I hope it’s enough. I hope it’s as much as you deserve. I love you.”

Jeremy didn’t move for a long while, then slowly pulled back until we could see each other again. With a furrowed brow, he licked his lips as if he had just crossed a desert without water.

“I lo…” he began.

I put my fingers on his mouth, stopping him, and shook my head.

“No. Don’t say it now. It’s not about me right now. It’s about you. And Kevin. You’ve got to be strong for him one more time tomorrow. If you still think I deserve it after everything I did, you can tell me when the time is right.”

“I can’t go… they’re… they’re going to put him in the ground… he was always so scared of the dark.”

“In that case he’d want you there. Wouldn’t he?”

Jeremy winced and nodded, leaning his head against me again. I rested my cheek against his head and stroked his hair, listening to all the sounds of this special place until Jeremy sat up again. His eyes were clearer than they’d been since I arrived and just for a moment I saw myself as he saw me, irreplaceable, lovable, an equal, before the sensation faded again.

“I knew there was something special about you, Bea.”

I didn’t answer, I had no feeling that I deserved any praise, there was no good way to accept it, I just reached out and held both of his hands with both of mine.

“What happened to you, Bea? What gave you those trapped eyes?”

“You still trying to save me?” I asked.

Jeremy looked down at our hands for a second and then looked back up to me. “I kinda need a win right now.”

“You already saved me. I’ll tell you everything one day, if you still want to hear.”

“OK. I’m so tired, I don’t know when I last slept. Can you take me somewhere? A motel or something? I need to sleep.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ve got a rental car out front.”

“And… will you stay with me?”

“Yes.”

“Tomorrow too?”

“Anything you want.”

We left the beach and I drove around until we spotted a vacancy sign. Once we checked-in, Jeremy collapsed on the bed immediately. I sent a text to Jeremy’s phone saying I’d found him, he was OK and would be there tomorrow, hoping Anna or his mom would pick it up.

As soon as it was sent, I turned my phone off and climbed on to the bed with him, pulling him close and stroking his hair until his eyelids drooped and he fell asleep. I was awake for a few hours after him, not daring to move lest I disturb him.

I did my best to cast aside the guilt of not being there for him through this ordeal. I hoped I’d arrived in time to do some good.