Chapter 1
Flames licked our tear-stained faces as we gathered around the funeral pyre. Massive bodies tangled in grotesque heaps turned to ash in the powerful heat. It was doing more than penetrating the flesh of our enemies it was erasing their very existence from this world. Their souls would never find rest. Never be granted access to the underworld.
Yet, for me, that still wasn’t punishment enough. Having their souls spend an eternity wandering aimlessly in the void between the living and the dead was too easy. I wanted them to suffer. I wanted them to feel the pain that I felt. The pain we all felt.
Eerie shrieks exploded from the blaze as each body was consumed. The essence of every dark vampire howled; their anchor to this world being devoured by the blazing blue heart of the flames. Within the silver smoke that swirled into the sky were flickers of light. They blinked for only a moment, twinkling like stars before being swallowed up by the gloomy cloak of night.
Was that all we were inside, a tiny spark of light that could be extinguished so easily? Is that what Baal had used his malevolent power to trap inside each stone? They were more than just stones made of dark magic. They were soul stones. I grasped the stones that lay hidden under my blouse and felt them warm to my touch as I slid my fingers across their smooth surfaces.
Maybe fire would set them free?
I took a step closer to the pyre and rolled the thoughts around in my mind. They were thick like molasses and I couldn’t decipher a clear path through them. I wanted to free the souls trapped inside, but I feared letting them go. I feared being without them after they’d saved my life.
“You’re burning hotter than the fire,” Arrick commented as he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me farther from the flames I’d so dangerously wandered close to. “I know you’re angry, Claire, but…”
“Don’t say it.”
I smeared the hot tears across my cheek and avoided his gaze. I knew he was worried about me. Heck, I was worried about me. I couldn’t get my anger under control, but did I really want to? There were more important things I should have been focusing on; like mourning our losses and rebuilding our lives, but those got lost in my thoughts; shadowed by an overwhelming urge to destroy my enemies. To kill them a million times over and tear the flesh from their bones.
Arrick looked up at the moon that spotlighted our gathering and sighed. “I will say it, Claire. I’ll say it a thousand times if I have to. Don’t let your rage consume you.”
I groaned and shrugged off his arm, focusing my gaze on the raging fire before me. Sparks popped and embers sizzled as the flames ravaged the bodies of the dark vampires inside it.
“I know you want revenge. We all do, but we can’t lose ourselves in the process. We’d risk becoming like our enemy, instead of destroying them.”
I agreed with Arrick. I really did, but I couldn’t let it go. Not tonight; it was too soon, and maybe not ever. I glanced away from the flames and cast my eyes around. The bonfire flickered and flashed across the faces of the vampires gathered around me. My friends, my loved ones, and vampires I didn’t even know, yet still ached for their loss. Tonight was just the first night of the mourning ritual, and it was almost more than I could bear. How would I ever make it through tomorrow? How would any of us?
Robin stood beside me, sheltered under her mother’s arm. We weren’t touching, but I could still feel the violent shuddering of her petite frame vibrating through the air. It rippled across my skin, cracking my hard exterior and creating a chasm of misery inside my heart. She didn’t deserve such pain. She was the kindest, sweetest soul I’d ever met, and to see her hurting so deeply seemed a crime against the goddess.
I let Arrick pull me back toward him, but not before I clutched Robin’s hand and squeezed. I didn’t feel strong, but whatever strength I did have I hoped I was lending it to her. My eyes crept upward, as I cast a silent prayer to Nyx. Surely she wouldn’t allow her children to suffer.
Someday the pain would have to end, and peace would return.
Someday.
My nerves tingled, shaking me from my thoughts. I could feel someone watching me. Their penetrating scrutiny rattled me, and I looked across the bodies and flames to find Nicolae’s eyes locked on me. We’d thought him dead until mere hours before the pyre when he and Fox showed up at the palace. They said they’d chased down members of The Dark to the far corners of the region before seeking shelter in a nearby safe house. For some reason, a small part of me didn’t believe them. Maybe because I didn’t really trust anyone anymore; or maybe it was because Fox always seemed to rub me the wrong way. Vampires healed quickly, but we all looked paler than normal and several of our injuries had yet to mend themselves because we weren’t feeding. However, there was Fox, standing off to the side of the crowd looking no worse for wear. He didn’t even look like he was very upset. I suppose some handled grief differently, but when it came to Fox, nothing seemed right.
Mara had said it was part of the mourning process to not feed for six cycles of the moon. It was evident in all our faces. We were hungry, grieving and exhausted. The hunger inside me screamed for nourishment, but even though I was starving, it wasn’t that hard to ignore it. Human blood wasn’t what I was craving most. No, I was craving sustenance of another kind; and there was no way to satisfy that until Baal’s cold, dead body was lying before me.
My eyes held Nicolae’s until he finally looked away. There was pain in them, and even from across the inferno I could sense his grief. I could never read him before, but now it was almost too easy. Did he simply stop hiding his emotions, or had I grown more powerful? I guess it didn’t really matter. His agony was sincere, and though I thought I would revel in it, I actually felt pity for him. The man who had me kidnapped as a child and fed me nothing but lies still managed to lay claim to a small piece of my heart. A very small piece, but a piece nonetheless.
We stood there until the fire died down and the bodies turned to ash, leaving no sign of their existence in this world except for the scars on our hearts. They say time heals all wounds. Well, I had an eternity. We all did.
A lump formed in my throat as I watch the crowd disperse. The roar of the fire that had consumed the sounds of the night no longer covered the wails of the grieving. The sting of loss was much greater, and cut much deeper than when I was human. I’d lost my grandparents, or whom I thought were my grandparents, and I helped Liz through the death of her father. But back then, I believed we’d all be reunited again. Not now. Now we must face an eternity alone, an eternity separated from those we loved. That’s what lies ahead for us if we don’t stop Baal and his army of dark vampires. Infinite time with our suffering.
A new wave of loneliness washed over me when Robin released my hand to follow her mother back toward the palace. I watched her walk slowly away, her mother latched onto her arm like she was a lifeline. Edgar, her father, had been slain protecting Mara during the attack. The poor woman had to watch her mate die right before her eyes. I’d only known him a short time, but after those brief moments I’d spent with him, I had grown to love Edgar and his family.
“We should head inside, too. It will be dawn soon. I think we could all use some sleep.” Arrick kissed my forehead and pulled me beside him as I followed woodenly. The palace was a shell of its former beauty, but already there were massive tarps draped over entire wings, and scaffolds towering up the sides, like the bones of a skeleton. Nicolae wasn’t wasting any time with the repairs. But, even with new paint and new bricks, it would never be the same.
I was surprised when we’d finally made it to my room. I couldn’t recall any of the walk back. I guess my mind was too full to concentrate on anything else. My heart warmed as I watched Arrick pull the heavy drapes across my windows. It was the first warmth I’d felt in days, and I didn’t fight the small smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. I didn’t know what I’d do without him. I’d returned to the Noire region just a week ago on the cusp of death, and he’d been by my side ever since. Being my Blood Mate it was his duty, but it was more than that. We were more than that.
He’d done everything he could to help me recover and to make my being here more bearable. I fed from him until the fasting began, but he still offered when he sensed a wave of exhaustion or hunger wash over me. It was a hard offer to refuse. Never before had I tasted anything more delectable than his blood. Just the smell of it set my body alight with hunger and passion.
Even when the servants were too busy with reconstruction, he took it upon himself to repair my room. All the rubble and debris had been swept away, and everything was cleaned. It wasn’t quite what it used to be, but the effect was the same. Tears slid down my cheeks when he revealed his surprise. The part that really broke my heart, and mended it at the same time, was what he did with Louie. He gave the fur ball a bath, washing him as clean as a newborn kitten for the first time in ages. Louie hated every minute of it, as was evident by the scratches up and down Arrick’s arms, but I couldn’t have been happier in that moment.
As if sensing my thoughts, Louie meowed at my feet telling me it was time for bed. I scooped him up and sleepily dragged myself over to my mattress. The second my head hit the pillow, the urge to succumb to slumber tugged at my eyelids, but Arrick’s weight on the bed beside me had me popping them open again.
“What’s going to happen tomorrow?” I asked in a whisper before he had a chance to speak.
His face took on a faraway expression before he replied. “Tomorrow we honor our dead.”
“What happens when a vampire dies?” I wondered it before. The anti-vampire activists said we had no souls, but that obviously wasn’t true. Did we go to heaven like humans believed, or somewhere else?
When he finally brought his eyes back to mine, they were softer. “When a vampire dies, they are never truly gone. Our essence is still connected to our body after we pass. Some say that even in death we can visit our bodies and hear the prayers of the living.”
I didn’t like his answer. “So, our souls are trapped? Like a soul stone?”
“Soul stone?”
“I was thinking about it, and that’s what they seem like to me. Souls trapped inside a prison.”
He considered what I said.
“No, I don’t think it’s like that. It’s believed that because of our powerful connection to emotions and the world around us, it can never be severed even in death, as long as our body remains in this world.”
That made sense. I definitely felt tethered to my body, like there was more holding me together than just skin and bones.
“That’s why we burned the dark vampires. Their essences can never visit their bodies.”
“Good.” A smirk crept onto my face. He’d explained it to me before the fire, but after having witnessed it, I understood better.
“I’ll be right outside your room if you need me.”
I nodded as he placed a kiss on my cheek. His fingers traced my jawline briefly before he stood up and marched out. I wanted him to stay with me, to sleep beside me through the day, but I didn’t tell him that. I don’t know why. Maybe I was afraid of taking things to the next level, or maybe I was afraid he’d turn me away again. I knew it didn’t make sense. Arrick’s and my relationship had never been better, aside from the state of the world around us. But, as I was drifting off to sleep, I realized the true reason for my hesitation. I was afraid of living in a world without him in it. If I allowed us to get as close I wanted, to fall in love and spend an eternity together, I stood the risk of knowing the utter agony of losing him. After watching Mara spiral downward into a deep pit of despair from the loss of her mate, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to survive that. Could I even survive it now? We were already linked together on a much deeper, more intimate level than any normal vampire couple. The pain would be that much more excruciating after spending centuries together. Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
***
Something sharp stabbed at my neck, making me nearly scream out of my slumber before it got caught in my throat. My fangs salivated, ready to latch onto whatever was attacking, but what I found immediately softened me and quashed my hunger. Louie was perched atop my chest, padding his little heart out as he purred loudly.
“Hey, fat boy.” I scratched his chin. “You scared the heck out of me.”
He closed his eyes, ignoring my comment, and lifted his chin to give me a better angle from which to scratch him. He was such a spoiled kitty, but he definitely deserved it. I stayed in bed with him a while, letting him get his fill of affection while I tried to avoid the night that lay before me. Tonight would be much more difficult than the one before. Although it was hard to control the anger that the funeral pyre ignited, there was a place deep inside me that enjoyed watching them burn.
Tonight there would be no retribution; there would only be goodbye.
The night was chillier than usual and the cold air seeped into my skin all the way to my bones as soon as I left the comfort and warmth of my bed. I’d always enjoyed summer more than winter, but now as a vampire, I hated winter even more. With my sharper senses I could feel the frosty air with much more intensity than ever before. Sure, my body temperature ran much colder than when I was human, but that didn’t mean I liked it. I was probably the only vampire in the entire realm that preferred to be warm.
A robe was draped at the edge of my bed, so I slipped it on before heading out to my sitting room. The silky fabric didn’t do much to ward off the cold. I found the room empty, with nothing but an abandoned blanket and throw pillow on the small sofa. Guilt twisted my stomach, and I regretted even more that I didn’t invite Arrick into my bed. At least we both would have been warmer.
I knew he wouldn’t have left me alone, so I headed to the one place I knew he’d be. The curtains of my balcony flapped fiercely in the cool night wind. It released an earthy smell into the air letting all know that fall was coming.
Arrick sat on the edge of the stone railing, his feet dangling over the side as the moon glowed on his skin. I stood in the shadows a moment, taking in his presence. He seemed more handsome to me every time I saw him. Without even realizing it I was weaving a ribbon of emotion and sending it out on the wind to him. It carried the one thought that was lacing its way through my entire being and binding itself to my heart. He was mine.
He turned almost lazily around and set his eyes upon me. His lids were heavy with emotion; and despite the cool night, the warmth of his body penetrated the air and I longed to feel it against my cold skin. I stepped confidently out of the shadows, allowing the wind to blow the robe from my body and dance with my hair, whipping it about as my long curls churned in the moonlight. He opened his mouth to speak, but my lips sought his before he could utter a single word. There was no hesitation. His tongue mingled with mine as we gave way to the connection between us. Warmth spread throughout my body, nourishing every inch of my being. I was no longer thirsting for blood; no longer afraid for the souls of my loved ones or myself, and no longer filled with a chained rage that begged to be released. There was only my lust, an ache building inside, a storm of desire. In seconds, his arms were around me and he twirled me around, leaning me up against the ledge of the balcony. His hands clasped my neck before traveling through my hair. I wanted to drown in the passion, allow it to swallow me and take me to another world of love and endless joy.
Our lips parted briefly as Arrick gasped for breath. He lifted me up, sitting me atop the ledge where he had once sat. I looked into his eyes, searching for the glimmer of his soul within them. For an instant, I thought I caught a glimpse of it; or perhaps it was only a reflection of the ample moon behind us, or the millions of stars that flickered in the sky. He smiled as I admired him, pressing his forehead against mine. Sensations swirled through my body like smooth, delectable chocolate mixing with a single ripple of fear as I teetered on the edge of the balcony.
“You make me crazy.” He breathed the words as he moaned through the passion.
“Do I?” I exhaled softly onto his neck.
“You know you do.” He kissed me softly again before pulling back and holding my face in his hands, brushing my cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re so beautiful.” An expression altered his face into something I’d never seen him on him before. It was definitely fear, I was very familiar with that one, but there was something else. Could it be love?
“I want you to see something.” He placed my fingers on his lips before pulling me down from the ledge and twirling me like a princess on the dance floor. A giggle escaped me and I slapped my hand over my mouth. I hadn’t laughed in so long that it felt alien to me, and on a night like tonight it felt wrong.
He smiled encouragingly when he caught my startled expression, pulling my back against his chest. I followed his finger with my eyes as he pointed up to the night sky, where the massive moon hung like a sparkling diamond. Gasping, I stepped closer to the railing.
“I’ve never seen it look like that before.” I cast my eyes across the luminescent globe, painting every inch of it into my memory.
“It’s almost as beautiful as you are tonight.”
His breath tickled my ear and I let out a sigh. He was being awfully sweet to me. I just woke up and I was still in my pajamas, I couldn’t be that beautiful.
“Why does it look like that?” In all my life, human and vampire, I’d never seen the moon like that.
“My mother used to call it the Moon of Tears.” He’d never talked much about his parents before and as much as I wanted to ask him more about them, now wasn’t the time.
“Moon of Tears?” I buried myself deeper against his chest.
“Yeah, look.” He pointed to a darker spot in the sky toward the northeast edge, just over the nearby forest.
I followed his direction. “What am I looking for?” Just as I said it, movement grabbed my attention. What I had thought were merely stars before was more than that. “Are those shooting stars?”
“No, they are falling stars,” he said, sadly.
“Tears.” I understood his mother’s name for it now. It looked like the night sky was crying stars. They floated downward toward the earth, flickering sparkles capturing the light of the moon. “It’s so stunning, but so sad at the same time.”
“I was thinking the same thing before you came out here. I was wondering how something so amazing could be so depressing.”
“How come I’ve never seen them before?”
“Well, the last time I ever heard of this happening was after the Dark Ages. And even if it has happened since then, I don’t think humans can see it.”
I spun around in his arms. “Do you think they’re Nyx’s tears?”
“I’d like to think so. If it is her tears; that has to mean she is watching over us, right?” I nodded.
I thought the very same thing. If it weren’t for my belief in Nyx, I might never have made it through my transformation, and I definitely wouldn’t make it through what was to come. The thought brought chills stampeding down my spine, and sobered any passion left between us.
“We’d better get ready. What time do we need to be at the forest’s edge?”
“Midnight.” Arrick gave the moon one last, longing, glance, no doubt casting a silent prayer to Nyx.
Judging by the distance of the moon from the horizon, I guessed that only gave us about two hours to get ready. As with most ceremonies in my new life, tradition dominated and there were customary garments that had to be worn. Arrick had already pulled our cloaks from the closet. They were a lot like the ones used in our Blood Mate ceremony; only these were a deep navy blue, flecked with infinitesimal silver beads covering its entirety. No doubt they were made to resemble the night sky.
I lifted the smaller of the two cloaks from its hanger, holding it before me as I stood in front of the mirror. I felt ridiculous wondering what I should wear under it, or for even caring how I should do my hair. Neither of those things mattered, but I was so desperate to keep my mind off what I would have to do tonight that I forced myself to do it anyway.
“They were made to symbolize Nyx and to help guide the lost souls of the fallen to her.” Arrick walked up toward the mirror behind me while he buttoned up a black dress shirt. I stepped aside to take in his full form. Dressed head to toe in sleek black, he looked dapper and sophisticated. It was a far cry from his usual ‘tight, dark jeans and flannel shirt with leather jacket’ look, yet it still seemed to suit him. I drank in the sight of him and my heart teased with the thought of allowing him to take my mind off my worries again to kiss him until dawn and sleep my sorrows away. But as much as I wanted to, tonight wasn’t the night.
Sighing heavily, I did my best to put a stopper on my attraction, at least for tonight. I guess it was a normal reaction. When you lose people you love and care about, those that remain become that much more important to you; and you realize you don’t want to waste any second you have been given with them. Especially when war is the only thing that exists in the future. Many more precious souls would be lost before this war was over.
I followed Arrick’s lead, donning a simple black dress that flowed down to my knees; the lace trim tickling my skin. I felt like a robot as I moved mechanically around my closet, pulling on plain, black ballet shoes and clipping on black pearl earrings. My thoughts wandered to Robin more than anyone else. I hadn’t seen my friend much since I’d gotten back. She had always been an endless ray of sunshine in a world of eternal night, but now she was the polar opposite. I swore to make it my goal for the night to be there for her in any way I could.
Someday she’d be happy again.
I’d make sure of it, or die trying.
As much as I’d enjoyed Arrick’s efforts to distract me earlier, I wasn’t sad when he gave me space to get ready and collect myself. Tonight we were burying our loved ones; saying goodbye to precious souls who would never again speak our names, embrace us, or fill our lives with their treasured presence. Rage began to bubble, but I forced it down to a simmering heat. I couldn’t let myself lose control tonight.
With the cloak draped over my shoulders, I exited my closet avoiding the mirror. I honestly didn’t care what I looked like, and I felt the need to avoid looking myself in the eye. Over the past few days I was slowly becoming someone I didn’t recognize anymore, and that wasn’t who I wanted to be.
Moonlight poured into my sitting room as if it were trying to wash away the pain I’d experienced in this place. I stepped into its glowing beams, allowing it to seep into my pores and calm me from the inside out. My jaw unclenched and my shoulders relaxed, I hadn’t realized how tense I was. Expelling a breath, I turned toward Arrick who was sitting on the edge of the couch.
“Ready?” he asked, looking like he dreaded the evening’s events as much as I did.
“As I’ll ever be,” I answered, heading for the door. Arrick sped to my side and linked our fingers together as we weaved our way through the crumbling hallways. Where there were once beautiful tapestries, fresh cut flowers and intricately woven rugs were now piles of debris and shattered memories. It was leagues cleaner than when I first arrived, but there was a lot of work to be done before the palace would be back to its former glory.
We passed servants and construction workers on our way out of the palace as they cleaned up their work areas after a long and hard day’s labor. I avoided their gazes and ignored their bows or curtseys as I passed by. They were happy to see me because they still believed I was their princess. Would Nicolae ever tell them the truth of what happened here? Of what was happening everywhere? From what I’d heard so far, they’d been led to believe that the anti-vampire protestors attacked again. How much longer will that excuse work? Did everyone really believe that?
Maybe it was time our regions stopped living separately and started uniting together. We probably just made ourselves easier targets living the way we had for the past few hundred years. If it weren’t for Nicolae kidnapping me, I’d have grown up in Naos. Would Baal have still attacked? If so, we might not have stood a chance. Right now, the only thing connecting our two regions was me. It didn’t make Nicolae’s actions justified, but it certainly made me think. Maybe everything did happen for a reason, even the bad things. Baal could have picked us off one by one and we would never have been the wiser. As soon as we got back to Naos, I knew what I had to do. If we were going to win this war we were going to have to start fighting together, and not just as allies in battle, but in life as well. We needed to start uniting our regions; living as one. Allowing people to travel back in forth if they wanted to, without fear of punishment.
The biggest thing though, was that vampires needed to stop hiding the truth from the humans. I’d learned so much since becoming a vampire that I didn’t even know existed when I was a human. That had to stop. I knew the vampires didn’t think humans would comprehend their traditions or beliefs, but humans deserved to know. Keeping them in the dark about what was really going on in the realm only put them in harm’s way. Humans weren’t just food to me. I was a human not long ago, and I cared what happened to them. It’s our duty to protect them, not just to defend the life-giving blood they provided, but because it’s the right thing to do. And if we don’t defend them from Baal, they don’t stand a chance.
“What are you thinking?” Arrick asked as we stepped out of the palace, and made our way across the expansive field that stretched between the palace and the nearby tree line.
“I was thinking things need to change.” I lifted my eyes to gauge his reaction, but his face remained placid.
“They definitely do.” He squeezed my hand tighter and I squeezed back.