Chapter 14
“Brinley.” Aspen popped her head into my room. “Family meeting in ten minutes. Get yourself together.”
“All right.”
Forcing myself out of my warm bed, I wiped the sleep from my eyes, dreading our weekly Saturday morning check-in with Lehi and all the sister wives. Leandra didn’t hesitate to monopolize each meeting with complaints, demands disguised as requests, and demonstrations of her control over the household. The rest of us spent the hour keeping sweet, nodding along and accepting any requests made of us.
All seven of the other wives were seated at the table with Lehi when I joined them. Leandra scowled at me, her arms crossed in front of her. Rebecca’s words from a few nights ago echoed through my mind.
Leandra was right about you. You’re a bad seed.
Deliberately I averted my gaze, unable to look Leandra in the eye knowing she thought so little of me. I’d never done anything to intentionally cause problems for her or any of my sister wives, and I resented her animosity toward me.
“Now that we’re all here,” she began, shooting a nasty look in my direction, “Brenda has some unfortunate news.”
Brenda was Lehi’s third wife, and the most private of the wives. She didn’t socialize with many of us, preferring to keep her interaction to a minimum. She was, however, an extraordinary mother who treated her four daughters with love and kindness.
“My mother passed away last night,” Brenda said softly. “My daughters and I will be with my family for the remainder of the weekend. If someone would please—” She choked on her words as her emotions overcame her, then sat up a little straighter. “I’d appreciate it if someone would complete my daily tasks today.”
I spoke up. “I’ll help you, Brenda. What can I do?”
Relief eased the wrinkles on her pained face. “Thank you. I, um, I have a list.” She reached across the table and slid a small tablet of paper my way. When I read the list, my stomach dropped in disappointment. With her chores on top of mine, there was no way I’d be able to sneak away to see Porter.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said. The other wives nodded, but none of them expressed their condolences to Brenda. A chill ran down my spine. She was our sister wife; weren’t we supposed to support her in times like this? And what about her husband? Shouldn’t Lehi join her this weekend, to support her through this difficult time?
My thoughts focused on Brenda as the meeting continued. Leandra recited a list of complaints she’d compiled throughout the week. Gloria’s children had been too loud. Aspen’s sons had broken a vase that belonged to her mother. The carpet in the common area was in need of deep cleaning, etc.
Finally Leandra was ready to wrap things up. “Lehi would like to conclude our meeting this week. Dear?”
“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Thank you. There are a few things I need to cover and then I’ll let you go about your day. First, a great honor has been bestowed upon our family. Brinley?”
I lifted my gaze quickly to meet his. An honor? What was he talking about?
“The prophet’s mother is ill, and she’s in need of a caregiver. The prophet has asked for you, specifically, to care for his mother.”
Caregiver? For the prophet’s mother? What did I know about caregiving?
My mind raced as I stammered, “Well, I—um—”
Lehi cut me off with a dismissive wave of his hand. “She is aging rapidly and is becoming quite senile. She’ll need you to assist her with basic tasks. She sleeps quite a bit, so you can spend time cleaning or running errands for her.”
“Errands?” I asked, seeing the possible silver lining of the situation.
“Yes. The prophet keeps her home well stocked, of course. But occasionally she may run out of toiletries or milk, and you can make a quick trip. Do you feel you can accept this honor?”
“I’m sorry to interject,” Ida interrupted. “But may I ask why Brinley has been chosen for this honor? She has no children, or any background in caregiving—”
Ida was the fourth wife of Lehi. She was in her early thirties and had given up a job in caring for elderly adults in the community when she gave birth to her third child, and Leandra informed her that she was needed at home. The other wives were not willing to care for her children while she worked outside the home. According to Aspen, she’d been bitter ever since.
Ida and Aspen were not at all fond of each other. Their personalities were similar: strong, opinionated, and devout. Ida, like Gloria, was devoted to her quest to please Leandra and Lehi at all times, which Aspen despised. Aspen was devoted to Heavenly Father, but she would not compromise herself for anyone. She refused to brownnose anyone in our household.
“We are not to question the prophet’s will,” Lehi snapped, his eyes boring into Ida’s. “He knows best. He specifically requested Brinley.”
Ida quickly dropped her gaze as her cheeks reddened. Aspen snickered quietly under her breath, and both Ida and Gloria whipped their heads up, glowering at Aspen.
“Besides,” Lehi said, “Brinley does not have children . . . yet. So this makes the most sense for our family.”
“It would be an honor, Lehi,” I said, attempting to calm the energy at the table.
Although I wanted to snicker right along with Aspen, it wouldn’t be smart to ruffle any feathers. Rebecca was already angry with me, and I couldn’t afford to earn any more enemies in the household. Ida and I had always managed to stay friendly despite our separate allegiances in the house.
“Very good,” Lehi said. “The prophet expects you to begin on Wednesday. I’ll have the address for you and will walk you there that morning.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded, and I knew he was relieved that the tension was abating. “Next order of business. Rebecca, dear?”
Rebecca responded with a soft smile aimed at our husband. My stomach climbed into my throat. Would she tell my secrets? Embarrass me in front of Lehi and the sister wives?
“Would you like to tell them, or should I?” Lehi continued. Rebecca shook her head, her smile transforming into a look of discomfort.
What on earth?
“Very well, then.” Lehi sat up straight in his seat. “Rebecca is expecting. We’re having our first child together.”
All of my sister wives, Leandra included, proceeded to celebrate this news. Congratulations were given. Her due date was discussed, and offers of assistance with chores and her children were offered by several of the sister wives.
But me? I cried.
My tears were silent as they slid down my cheeks. As the rest of the family marveled at this news, I was crushed. And I knew Burt would be too. Rebecca had officially moved on, given up on the love she’d shared with her first husband. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and watched her as she gracefully accepted the well wishes and hugs from our sister wives. I wanted to stand up, pound my fist on the table, and shout, “No!” But I couldn’t. Instead, I remained silent, watching . . . just watching.
Aspen glanced my way, giving me a look of pity. She must have assumed my tears were for myself, for my supposed infertility. I glanced away quickly, playing the part, feeling terrible for lying without saying anything at all.
When I turned, Rebecca’s eyes met mine and her smile disappeared, her lips pressing together so tightly the skin above them turned white. The warmth in her eyes froze to form daggers meant only for me.
The woman who had sobbed in my arms was no longer my sister, no longer my friend.
She was my enemy.
And it broke my heart.
? ? ?
After hours of completing my own chores around the house—laundry, yard work, and assisting Clea, Lehi’s fifth wife, in the kitchen for lunch—I was ready to retire to my room to rest when I remembered the list from Brenda. Taking a deep breath, I mentally prepared for a few more chores.
I swept the garage, organized the toys in the common area, and ironed her daughters’ cotton dresses. When I brought them to the girls’ rooms, I sighed. Their normally tidy rooms were destroyed, whether by their own doing or by the hyper boys who were playing hide-and-seek earlier in the house. Whatever the reason, I didn’t want Brenda to come home to this mess. I rolled up my sleeves and made their beds, straightened their desks, and emptied their garbage cans.
Before finishing, I returned to the garage, retrieved a simple glass vase from the shelf, and walked to our backyard where a small patch of flowers grew. I picked several flowers, added water to the vase, and took them to Brenda’s room. The bright flowers brightened the somber air of her bedroom, and I knew they would make her smile. I contemplated leaving a note, but decided against it. It wasn’t important for her to know who left the flowers, only that someone had remembered her.
Grateful that this evening was not to be shared with Lehi, I retreated to my room and flopped on my bed, staring out at the sun as it slowly disappeared behind the mountains in the distance.
My eyelids were fluttering, my body exhausted from the day, when I heard my name. Rising up on my elbow, I stared out my open window, wondering if my brain was playing tricks on me.
“Brin,” came the voice again, this time slightly louder and higher in pitch.
Porter.
As I hopped up from the bed, adrenaline coursed through my veins. Porter, a sly grin on his face, was standing beneath my window, a baseball cap on his head, hiding his face. But I’d know that smile anywhere. His blond hair poked out from beneath the cap.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered down to him, fighting the smile that crept across my face.
“I had to see you. Can I come up?”
“No!” I screeched, then lowered my voice. “Of course not!”
“C’mon, Brin. Relax, I can do it. It’s easy.”
Paranoia took my brain hostage and I glanced left and right, looking for anyone who might see us. But Porter was hidden behind the large wall of our property. Lehi was spending the evening with Leandra, and I was certain she was keeping him busy with her complaints.
I had missed Porter. Terribly. Not just his touch but his humor, his kindness, the way he understood everything I was going through.
“Okay, fine,” I called out softly. “But be careful.”
Porter rolled up his sleeves and climbed the tree that grew just a few feet from the side of the house. I watched him in awe, wondering where he’d learned to climb like that; he made it look easy.
“Move out of the way, I have to jump the rest of the way,” he said, clutching the branch that reached as close to the house as he was going to get. Within seconds, Porter leaped from the branch and landed with a grunt on the windowsill. I reached out to grab his hand and pulled him into my room. We sat on the floor, beneath the window, and he placed his hand in mine.
“So, this is where you sleep?” He waggled his eyebrows at me.
All at once, I felt naked, as exposed as the day I was born. If I had known he’d see my room, I would have cleaned it until it was spotless. As it was, my closet door stood open and two pairs of sneakers sat on my carpet.
“Yeah,” I replied with a shrug.
“It’s nice.” He stood and walked around the room, perusing the pictures on the walls and the trinkets on my desk that had been made by Aspen’s children.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know, but I couldn’t wait.”
He walked back to me and smoothed down the hair of my braid before planting a gentle kiss on my lips.
“You’re terribly impatient, aren’t you?” I narrowed my eyes as he pulled me in for a tight hug.
So this was what flirting was like. It was fun, and I liked it. It was easy to flirt, I realized, when I felt comfortable and didn’t need to censor myself.
“Guilty,” he said, raising his arms in surrender. “I can’t help it. I miss your face, your smile, your voice. God, I love your voice.”
“You do?”
“Mm-hmm.” He nodded, kissing me gently on the neck. “It’s gentle and melodic, like you.”
“You think I’m melodic?”
“Yep.” He removed his baseball cap and ran his fingers through his hair. “I hate not knowing when I’ll see you again, it’s torture. Pure torture.”
“I don’t think there’s anything we can do about that. I mean . . .” I paused when Porter’s smile turned into a devilish smirk. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I think I have a solution. I have something for you.” He reached into his back pocket and removed a small phone.
Lehi didn’t allow phones in his household, but some husbands did, so I’d grown up used to seeing women walking along our dirt roads, talking on their phones.
“We can text each other,” he went on, “figure out when to meet, stuff like that. I already programmed my number in.”
“But I-I’ve never used a phone before.”
“It’s easy, I’ll show you.”
A creaking sound came from the hallway and I froze, paralyzed with fear that someone may have heard us.
I pushed Porter down to the floor behind the bed while I crossed the room to check. As I stood with my ear pressed against the door, I could hear nothing but the pounding of my heart. Porter had to go. He was risking too much by being there with me.
A moment passed and no other sounds came from the hall. I tiptoed back around the bed, only to find the room empty. Porter was gone. I sighed and plopped dejectedly on my bed, wishing I had been able to say good-bye.
My heart nearly leaped into my mouth when a hand grasped one of my hanging ankles. In a split second, I was on my knees, staring at Porter who was laughing under the bed, covering his mouth to muffle the noise. I swatted him on the chest as he scooted out from underneath my bed.
“Sorry,” he whispered, holding back laughter. “But that was hilarious.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Fine, I guess it was.”
Porter pushed my boundaries, and I loved that. I loved the way he viewed the world. He was playful, yet smart. He had a rough exterior, yet a considerate heart.
“Come here.” He stroked the collar of my dress, tugging at it slightly, pulling me down so that my chest was pressed to his. He nipped gently at my bottom lip, then took it into his mouth, and my eyes widened at the unfamiliar, but enticing, sensation. He released his hold on my lip, allowing himself to smile in satisfaction. His hand traveled down my back and landed on my bottom, where he squeezed, and I wriggled with pleasure.
A familiar pulsing in my private area returned and I knew that if he didn’t leave soon, our clothing could soon be shed, and we’d be committing adultery in the house of Lehi Cluff.
I couldn’t do that. Not there, not in Lehi’s home. I just couldn’t.
“But you have to go, Porter. We can’t—we can’t do this here. Someone could catch us. And I can’t risk that.”
“All right.” He groaned. “Fine. I’ll go. But first, let me show you, okay?” He reached into his other pocket and retrieved another phone, dialing a number. The phone in my hand buzzed and I flipped it open.
“What do I do?”
“See that? It says new text. Just press this button.” He pointed at a small button that was labeled Enter. When I pressed it, a message popped up on the screen.
P: Cool, huh?
I giggled behind my hand. “Yes, very cool.”
“That’s all you have to do.” He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. “And if you want to text me, you press Enter on the last text I sent, then just type with the keyboard.”
“The letters are so tiny.”
“You’ll get used to it.” He laughed. “I don’t have a charger for you. But I will. And you should be good for a while. I charged it before I came here.”
“Thank you.” Delighted at his gift, I gathered my courage and lifted my hand, allowing my fingers to trail down the side of his face. His skin was so warm, and a little thrill shot through me.
He took my hand in his and kissed it. “I should go.” He reached for the phone and pointed to a red button and then a green. “This button turns it off, this one turns it back on. Simple enough, right?”
“All right.”
“I’ll miss you.” He placed a chaste kiss on my lips and squeezed my hand.
“I’ll miss you too.”
“Hide that.” He pointed at the phone. “Right away, okay?”
“I will, I promise.”
Porter sat on the edge of my windowsill, placed his baseball cap back on his head, and hoisted himself onto the nearest branch. His body hung for a moment before he gained the momentum to fling himself onto the tree.
Relieved that he would make it down without injury, I closed my window and scurried to my closet. I flung open the shoe box and retrieved my purse. My heart racing, I tucked the phone in its secret compartment, right next to my birth control pills.
My secrets were mounting. And as nervous as I was, I didn’t care. Not enough to stop.
He’d given me a way to contact him whenever I wanted to, whenever I needed to.
That little phone gave me a feeling of control that I hadn’t had in twenty-two long years.
The thought of it made my nerves calm, made my mind wander, and made my heart dance.