Where I Belong

I smile weakly at her compliment. “Yeah, well, I wish I still was. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to not ask his name last night. This shit could’ve been easily avoided.” Because there’s no way I would’ve went through with it if I’d have known that mouth belonged to Ben f*cking Kelly. The boy that made me cry daily for five years. The boy that made me feel insignificant. The boy I hated.

“I don’t really see what the big deal is here. In fact, I think it’s pretty f*cking awesome.” She moves up the bed and places her head on the pillow next to mine. “How was it anyway? Did you come?”

I roll my eyes at her bluntness. “You’re disgusting.”

“I’m nosy, and I can pretend it wasn’t my brother.” She twirls her hair around her finger, smiling at me. “Spill it, Mia. I’ve shared all my sexcapades with you over the years.”

“Without me asking. I’d love to be able to forget some of those horrific details.”

“Oh please. Like you haven’t enjoyed living vicariously through my p-ssy. My very STD free p-ssy by the way. You make it sound like I’m a hooker.”

I cover my face with my hands, hearing Tessa laugh softly next to me. If I am going to share how her brother got me off, I don’t want her to see how much I enjoyed it. Because I didn’t. I’d never enjoy anything involving him. And the tightness in my core that is forming at the very memory of last night has nothing to do with that jerk. I grunt heavily before confessing. “It was beautiful. He was sweet and playful, but he also knew exactly what he was doing. I definitely came. A lot.”

“How much is a lot?” I hold up my hand, hearing her soft gasp. “Holy shit balls. Ben can get it.”

Dropping my hands, I roll over and face her. “But I don’t want Ben to get it. I don’t want him to be the guy that took my virginity. I hate him, Tessa. You know how much I hate him.” It wasn’t a secret. I never hid my feelings for him years ago and I wasn’t trying to start now. As long as those feelings stayed familiar. I was used to hating Ben. Those feelings I could deal with. Not whatever the hell it was that I felt last night. Or didn’t feel. Cause I didn’t feel anything.

“Mia, are you that same girl that used to live here? The girl that wouldn’t dare say a cuss word or wear a bikini like the one you’re currently rocking the hell out of?” She smiles and playfully wiggles her brows.

“No. I guess not,” I reply flatly. I knew exactly where she was going with this, and I didn’t really want to hear it.

“Well, Ben’s not that same jerk face loser that would pick on you every chance he got. He’s actually pretty tolerable now.” I try to roll away from her but she grabs my arm, keeping my gaze. “He’s not that guy, Mia. He hasn’t been for a while. And I think you know that deep down.” She pauses, her lips turning up into a sassy smile. “There’s no way that same guy would’ve made you feel the way you felt last night.”

“Icky? Nauseating? Because that’s how I felt.”

“Yeah, okay. Tell that to your five orgasms.” She sounds as unconvinced as I feel.

Whatever. Even if he did own my body, I wasn’t going to admit it to Tessa. Or myself for that matter. “This is so not the way I was hoping to start off my summer.”

“I can’t imagine starting it off any better. Hot sex that resulted in five glorious orgasms? I’ll take things I’d give my right arm for for two hundred, Alex.” She bumps her shoulder against me and slides off the bed. “I know two men that would help greatly in a situation like this.”

“I’m not interested in your vibrators. We’re close, but we aren’t that close.”

I hear her chuckle as she disappears down the hallway. This is unfreakingbelievable. The man I couldn’t get out of my head since I laid eyes on him last night turns out to be the a*shole I longed to forget. It was Ben who made me feel hot and wanted for the first time in my life. It was Ben who ignited my skin and made my insides burn, and not in the STD kind of way. It was Ben who I screamed for last night and who I never wanted to leave this morning. Benjamin f*cking Kelly. He made fun of my body for years, but last night he worshipped it. Telling me how good I tasted. How amazing I felt. How he wanted to stay deep in my p-ssy until the day he died. And I was torn between wanting to take back everything that we’d experienced together not even twenty four hours ago and asking him to touch me again. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt his hands on me. His breath on my skin. His tongue on my *. His cock in my p-ssy. He claimed me last night and I hated that I loved it.

Tessa appears in the doorway, two pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in her hands. “I say we rent something nonromantic and devour the contents of these containers. You’re in desperate need of a girls’ night and I’m coming at you hard.”

“Is that Half Baked?” Damn. I haven’t had that in years. She nods and smiles wide. “You’re awesome. I’m so in for girls’ night.”

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say. Get changed and plant your perky ass in front of the TV.” She leaves me to do just that, and I don’t waste any time. I throw on a sundress and meet her in the living room, diving into my ice cream as she scrolls the movie selections.

“Wolf of Wall Street or Captain Phillips?” she asks as she flips through the On Demand section.

“Wolf of Wall Street. I don’t feel like crying and seeing Tom Hanks held captive by pirates will probably wreck me. You know I love that man.” I’ve been hooked on Tom Hank’s films since I watched Philadelphia. And don’t get me started on The Green Mile. I cried like a baby when Tessa and I watched that together. The electrocution scene? I can’t even.

She starts up the movie and we sit back, both digging into the meals that will surely ruin any appetite for dinner. We are halfway through the movie and our pints when Tessa’s phone rings.

“You’re interrupting girls’ night, I’ll have you know. And the penalty for your crime is death by dick removal.”

I giggle around my spoon, my eyes widening as Leonardo DiCaprio snorts coke off some chick’s ass.

“Hmm, you’re so hilarious. And that’s none of your business. I think you’ve done enough damage to warrant a lifetime of therapy.” I meet her eyes briefly before she turns her head. “Just leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll talk to you.”

I don’t need two guesses to know who she is talking to. And a part of me that I don’t want to acknowledge wishes she is on a land line so I can pick up and listen in.

“I have no idea, but whatever it is, it won’t be involving you. Now leave us alone so we can watch all this coke get snorted in a way that is definitely heating up everything south of my waist.” She tosses her phone onto the coffee table. “Sorry about that. Apparently, you’re hard to forget.” She smiles coyly at me and I brace myself for what she’s about to say. “But that wouldn’t affect you, because it’s my brother we’re talking about. Right?”

“Right,” I affirm without hesitation. I’m not falling into that trap. I keep my attention on Leonardo and far away from thoughts of Benjamin Kelly.