Chapter Nine
~Clare~
The next three weeks passed in a blur. When Logan and I returned from the Bed and Breakfast, we returned as a couple. Waking up together, wrapped in each other’s arms, we couldn’t go back any other way. There was no nervous pacing around the phone wondering if he was going to call and ask for a second date because everything between us fell naturally in place. Logan spent every free moment away from the hospital with Maddie and me. He would join us for a movie during the day when he had to work a night shift. He’d take me out for dinner when he had a night off. He fit into our lives seamlessly, like he was supposed to be there. A missing piece.
There were still nights when I wandered through the halls staring at memories scattered all over the walls reminding me of the life I had once shared with Ethan. The man I thought I had an eternity with. My heart still ached for him and I missed him every day, but Logan helped me heal and I felt my wounds closing tighter the longer he was around.
I was falling for him, and falling fast, and I wasn’t the only one. Maddie thought Logan hung the moon and loved spending every waking moment with him. There were times when I would question myself for allowing Maddie to give her heart to another so easily, knowing she could get hurt, but I was learning to let my instincts guide me and everything inside me was screaming that this was right. So I let her fall right along with me and took a leap of faith that we wouldn’t get hurt in the process.
“Logan, are you and Mommy having a play date tonight?” Maddie asked as the three of us sat around the fifties inspired diner sharing an ice cream sundae on a sunny May afternoon. This was one of Maddie’s favorite spots to come during warm afternoons. The waiters wore white uniforms and knew her by name. She loved to fiddle with the miniature juke boxes, making me read every song title and artist.
“Nope. You’re Mommy is spending the evening with Leah doing super-secret girl stuff. I’m not allowed,” he teased as he scooted his spoon around the ice cream pushing the nuts to my side of the bowl. He hated nuts.
I stuck my tongue out at him, and he returned the favor, laughing. Maddie giggled at our childish behavior before digging out an enormous bit of strawberry ice cream and shoveling it into her mouth. She looked like a chipmunk storing food for the winter.
“Well, it’s not like you are going to be lonely. When does Declan’s flight arrive?” I asked.
Declan was a one of Logan’s friends since boarding school and was an up and coming actor in Hollywood. I’m sure Leah knew all about him, including his shoe size, his favorite type of food and who he was currently banging, but I had chosen not to mention his visit because he wanted to keep a low profile. As much as I loved her, Leah was anything but low profile. A Civil War film he was starring in and executive producing was scouting the area. Declan was here to follow up on a few possible locations the location manager had found.
Apparently production was his true love and acting was just something he fell into. Having looked him up online out of sheer curiosity, I could understand why. With a rock hard body and a bad boy image, Declan was seriously hot.
Since I was spending the evening with my best friend, Logan was spending some time with one of his. Although Logan didn’t look too happy about it. Something told me their relationship was strained and Logan would rather not being spending a night with his longtime friend. But he agreed anyway, and after picking him up from the airport, they were going to meet Colin for dinner and go do whatever else boys did for entertainment.
“He arrives in an hour, which means I need to head out,” he announced in answer to my question.
“Okay, have fun. But not too much fun,” I said with a quick wink before leaning across the table to give him a brief kiss goodbye.
“Promise,” He grinned, sliding out of the booth. Before leaving, he bent down to Maddie, ruffled her hair and gave her a quick tickle in the side, which caused her to laugh.
“See you later, princess.”
“Bye, Logan!” Maddie said before returning to the sundae.
I watched him as he disappeared out the door and walked to his car. He tossed on a pair of sunglasses and ran his hand through his disheveled hair before gracefully sliding into his car. Yum.
My attention returned to Maddie, who was currently shoveling ice cream in her mouth like it was her last day on earth.
“Hey! Leave some for me!” I said, pushing her spoon out of the way with my own.
She giggled again and we continued to eat the ice cream, talking about preschool and enjoying our time together for the rest of the afternoon.
“Okay, I think that’s everything Mom,” I noted, managing to haul the last of Maddie’s things into my parent’s house. Who knew a four-year-old required so much stuff for a sleepover? I swear I used to pack less when she was an infant. It took us forever to get here because we sat in her room arguing over how many stuffed animals she had to bring with her. We compromised on three, which was two more than I had wanted, but four less than she had originally requested.
“Okay, sweetie. I’ll take care of the rest. Just put it all in her room and I’ll make sure she’s washed and fed.” God, I loved my Mom. She was a saint. As soon as Maddie was born, my Mom turned one of the spare bedrooms of the house into “Maddie’s room” with pink and purple wall paper, gingham curtains, and a beautiful handmade quilt for the twin bed. Until she was old enough, there was a portable crib in there, but that was long since gone. Even before Ethan got sick, my Mom and Dad were always willing to take Maddie if we needed a night off. Both of them were retired, so I think having the chaos of a young one in the house gave them something to look forward to.
“Thanks Mom. I really appreciate this. Leah and I are looking forward to a night out,” I confessed.
“It’s no problem. You know I don’t mind taking her. For whatever reason,” she lingered, making clear she knew more than she was letting on.
“You know, don’t you?” I asked bluntly.
“Yes, Leah mentioned you were seeing someone.”
Annoyed at my mother and BFF for talking behind my back, I asked, “I swear, did you adopt Leah somewhere down the road, and I just didn’t know about it?”
“You know she’s always been like a daughter to us. But you are my actual daughter. You could have told me. Are you ashamed?”
“What? No! I’m not ashamed. I just thought...I was afraid you would be angry, or...feel betrayed,” I admitted.
I made the difficult decision to move on, but had my parents? It was still something I struggled over, and something I battled with constantly. But I didn’t give them the choice when I made my decision, and I didn’t know how they would react.
“Oh sweetheart, no. You loved Ethan more in the few years you had together than most people do in a lifetime. You gave that man everything and he gave you everything in return. But don’t think you are done because of it. Ethan died, yes, but you didn’t. When you married him, he became our son and I loved him more than I can say. His death hurt us all, but that doesn’t mean you should carry that sorrow forever. I want nothing more than to see you happy again,” she assured me.
My Mom always seems to know the right words to say and the exact moment to say them.
I nodded, letting the tears fall freely down my cheek. And just like she used to do when I bruised a knee or came home from school with another broken heart, my mom pulled me into her arms and held me. Her warm, familiar embrace gave me the comfort only a mother could.
“Does this man make you happy, Clare?” she asked softly.
“Yes Mama,” I answered, pulling back to look into her beautiful green eyes that mirrored my own.
“Do you love him?”
“I think so. I don’t know yet,” I answered honestly.
“Take your time, sweetie. Know your heart before you give it away.”
Later, as I was readying myself for a night out with Leah, my thoughts drifted to the conversation I had with my mom, and I found myself looking over at my nightstand, the keeper of my husband’s last words. I hadn’t forgotten the letter. I still pulled it out late at night when I needed to feel him close to me. When the memory of him felt too far away and I couldn’t quite remember the exact sound of his laughter or the way he looked in the morning when he’d just woken up, I’d touch those frayed edges and remember.
The familiar sound of the drawer sliding open calmed me as I once again pulled out the worn envelope and held it in my hands. I ran my hands over the cryptic message written on the outside, remembering the years I had with him and how suddenly it all had changed. We were supposed to have forever. I would have gladly spent every day of my life with him, never regretting a single second. But he was gone and all that remained was me and Maddie....and an unopened letter. Taking one last look, I placed the letter back in the drawer, hoping one day I’d be ready for whatever lay sealed in that envelope. But it was not today.
“So, let me get this straight? It’s been three weeks since your super-hot and heavy date?” Leah practically shouted in my ear, trying to be heard over the crowds of people in the popular downtown bar we had chosen for the evening. Downtown was a madhouse on the weekends and I usually tried to avoid it, but Leah loved the crowds and the excitement. She said sitting back watching people make fools of themselves all night was the best free entertainment in the entire city. I personally would rather be home in my fuzzy slippers reading. But whatever. At least I looked hot.
I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. White Russian, yum.
“And you still haven’t had sex?” she asked, swirling her cranberry and vodka around with a straw.
I shook my head in confirmation.
“Wow, that guy must have balls of steel!” she laughed.
“Oh my God, you’re horrible. He said on our first date I wasn’t a casual fling for him and he wanted this to work. I’m letting him work through that, however long it may take.”
And good God, I was starting to think I might spontaneously combust if he waited any longer. For a guy known as a walking man whore, he had the patience of a saint when it came to me. Or so it seemed. For the last three weeks, he’d been the perfect gentleman. I would have thought he was losing interest if I hadn’t caught the heat in his eyes when he thought I wasn’t looking.
We had barely spent a minute alone in the last three weeks and I think it was part of his master plan. Having Maddie around meant he couldn’t jump me, so he kept her around like a sobriety sponsor. When Maddie wasn’t around we went someplace public. It was exasperating. The other day he came over to give Maddie a guitar lesson. It was the first time I’d heard him play. He was amazing, and also failed to mention he could sing. After fifteen minutes I was barely able to sit still, I was so turned on by his long, talented fingers strumming that guitar. I abruptly asked Maddie to take a few minutes and go play in her room and then I pounced, straddling him on the couch and kissing him with fierce passion. I thought I finally was making headway when his hands went under my shirt and cupped my breasts, but then he shot off the couch, panting, muttering something about a plan.
“See, you should have just taken my advice when you called home that night of your date. You would be sitting here a much, much happier woman,” Leah scolded.
I rolled my eyes recalling the conversation I had with Leah that night in the Bed and Breakfast. It took a full five minutes to convince her that there really was a downed tree in the road that was preventing us from getting home. She thought I was making some lame excuse for not coming home in order to stay the night with Logan. Finally, after she believed I was telling the truth, it took another five minutes for her to stop trying to convince me to sneak into his bedroom late that night, completely nude, telling him I was cold, and needed help getting warm. I had no idea where Leah thought this shit up. She must sit around, daydreaming pornographic scenes all day.
“No, I definitely shouldn’t have. I think it’s sweet. And I fully support him,” I said defensively.
“Uh huh, and how many times have you masturbated in the last two weeks?” she asked.
“Leah! I can’t believe you would ask such a question!” I snapped, feigning innocence.
She just looked at me, waiting for my answer.
“Fine. Every day, happy?”
“Not as happy as you, apparently.” We both laughed and raised our glasses, toasting to the countless times we’d spent together laughing and sharing our lives.
Our waitress continued to bring us rounds as we emptied our glasses. I think we were about three drinks in, and my head was starting to feel fuzzy, when she saw him.
“Oh my God. I think I just saw Declan James walk in. What the f*ck would he be doing here, in Richmond?” she shrieked in excitement, hitting me on the arm to get my attention.
Oh shit.
Not good. So not good. She was gonna be pissed when she saw who he was with.
“And, what the hell? He just walked in with your boyfriend! Something you forgot to tell me, Clare?”
Crap.
~Logan~
So far, so good. We made it through dinner and no one seemed to notice Declan. Or me. Not that I was usually recognized outside of bars and clubs. It did help that he had a baseball cap pulled tightly around his head and dark glasses. The bar we just walked into, after dropping Colin off at home, was one he picked and I wasn’t too confident in his choice. It was packed, bodies pressed together, filling every square inch. But it’s what the guy wanted and I was letting him run the show.
Even though he hadn’t reached true fame yet, Declan was on his way. He played a supporting role in a movie last year that had created a lot of Oscar buzz, and now he was suddenly on the radar of every major director in Hollywood. But Declan was choosy. He refused to do a movie based on how much money or fame he could gain, and instead chose roles based on the script, producers and director. I don’t know much about Hollywood, but I don’t think there were many actors left like Declan, which made him a nightmare for agents and a godsend for the screen.
I had known Declan since we were kids. His father and mine were friends, which meant Declan and I spent a lot of time together when we were still too young to be shipped off to boarding school. We were not the best of friends until later on in life. Even as toddlers, our Nannies would find us wrestling over toys. I was stuck up and snobby, constantly worrying over what my father might think. Declan was the opposite; constantly getting into trouble and causing fights every chance he had. By the time we reached high school; he had been kicked out of every boarding school his Dad could find, until he finally resorted to private tutors. He had always been a bit of a wild horse, not easily tamed. Acting has calmed him down a bit, but I still wondered if he would ever be fully domesticated. It was one of the reasons I didn’t want to be around him. He reminded me of my past. A past I wanted to forget. A past I was desperately trying not to remind Clare of, and I wanted him gone before he had the chance to show her.
As we made our way through the bar, I could see his eyes scan the room, looking for exits or surveying the crowd, I couldn’t be sure. It was one the things I had noticed that changed about him, he was constantly alert. A bit of his carefree attitude was gone and I feared what real fame might do to him if he was already this intense.
As his eyes continued to analyze the crown, he narrowed in on a leggy blonde seated at a table in a corner. Her eyes were filled with laughter as she held her drink in one hand and made excessive hand gestures with the other. Declan looked mesmerized and hungry. It appeared he’d found what he was looking for. Maybe I could go home.
Wait a second! I knew that blonde.
Leah’s eyes locked with Declan’s and widened. She leaned across the table and whispered something to Clare, who was seated with her back to us, and she visibly stiffened. Was she upset that I was here? I wasn’t exactly happy about Clare and Declan being in the same room, but I wasn’t leaving now. Not now that I was so close to her.
Oh God, she thought I was a stalker.
Leah looked back up at the two of us, eyes still full of excitement. It wasn’t until she saw me standing next to him that her expression suddenly went from confused to pissed. Putting the puzzle pieces together, I finally relaxed. Guessing from the obvious scolding Clare was getting, I wagered that she left out the part about Declan being a close friend of mine and his visit to Richmond. It didn’t appear to be going over well.
Leah composed herself rather quickly and whispered something in Clare’s ear. Clare nodded before turning in herself toward us to wave. She plastered a smile on her face that I knew was fake, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Poor Clare. I knew she was probably just raked over the coals and was in need of some serious saving.
I looked over at Declan who hadn’t broken eye contact with Leah until he saw Clare’s wave.
He finally glanced in my direction, confusion and a bit of humor showing on his face, and said, “Friends of yours?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s my girlfriend and her best friend Leah,” I stammered.
“Girlfriend? You?” he arched his brow in surprise.
I nodded. We hadn’t discussed Clare. I wasn’t ashamed of her, but for Declan, monogamy is a four letter word that wasn’t uttered in his presence, so I figured he wouldn’t understand.
Based on the last few times we hung out, I really didn’t want to talk about women with him. At all.
He shrugged, “Well, why don’t we go say hello then?”
We made our way over to the girls’ table and Clare slid over to make room for me next to her. As I leaned down to kiss her hello, my lips lingered, savoring the sweet taste. The last three weeks had been the best of my life. They had also been the most torturous. Even since that first date, I’d been trying to give her time. It may be time she doesn’t think she needs, but she does. She had lost someone and I didn’t want to be just a replacement for him. I wanted to be the one she wanted. I also needed time to prove to her I was worth it. I think I needed to prove that to myself as well.
But the waiting was pure hell. Every smile, every brush of her skin set me on fire. I had spent three weeks in a perpetual state of need. I don’t think I’d jacked off so much since high school. But, as each day went by, my will started to falter and my walls crumbled a bit more. Time or not, I didn’t think either of us could hold out much longer.
“Hey, funny meeting you here,” I whispered against her ear.
Smiling, she answered, “Great minds think alike, I guess.”
I gave myself a moment to look her over from head to toe. She was wearing a tight fitting halter top that tied at the nape of her neck and showed off her shoulders and back. Rimmed in kohl, her eyes smoldered, the brilliant green still shining through. She was wearing a sexy jean skirt which showed off her toned legs and I could feel the high heel of her pump as it slid up my calf.
Momentarily distracted by her foot game, I realized Declan and Leah were sitting across from us, staring.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” I shouted, which caused Clare to laugh.
“You haven’t been introduced. Leah, this is Declan James. Declan, this is Leah Morgan. And this,” I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, “is my Clare.”
Everyone said their “nice to meet you’s” and “how do you do’s” and we ordered a round of drinks.
The conversation was nice and everyone seemed to be having a good time when Clare mischievously looked over at me and then Declan and said, “Tell me something about Logan that I don’t know.”
I groaned, shifting uncomfortably in the booth, which caused a wave of laughter across the table.
Declan smirked at Clare’s request and I swear I heard Leah swoon. Seriously, the dude isn’t that good looking, is he? I looked over at Clare, and she was staring at me. Okay. Good. My friend could keep his balls tonight.
Remaining quiet, he didn’t say anything right away. He seemed to be pondering or plotting...I couldn’t tell. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of shit he could tell her. He was obviously enjoying this moment.
“Logan was always the good boy growing up,” he said, looking at me, his smirk turning into a full grin.
Well that’s not too bad.
“Until I took over. Do you remember those few weeks between our junior and senior year, Logan?”
Shit.
“Declan,” I warned.
The girls’ eyes went wide with curiosity, egging him on. I gave him the evil death stare, but he just shrugged and continued.
“I hated Logan with a passion. He was the most uptight, boring kid I ever met. And that’s saying something when you hang out with rich people all day long. Luckily, since both of us were in boarding school, we didn’t see much of each other past grade school. That summer though, our paths crossed at this uppity social function held at one of our parent’s friend’s estates. It was the same old shit. Everyone was dressed in formal wear, parading around, talking about how they were taking over the world. I opted out of the party and went to go find my own entertainment.”
“You mean you f*cked one of the waitresses in a closet?” I interrupted
“Yup, far more entertaining,” he grinned, his hazel eyes full of dark mischief.
“Anyway, as I’m leaving, I see Logan; all dressed up in his monkey wear, talking to his parents’ friends, trying to impress a father who didn’t even know he existed.”
Clare’s hand found mine under the table at the mention of my father and I appreciated the support. But what I really wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder and get the hell out of there. I didn’t want to talk about my past. I f*cked up, couldn’t we just move on?
“We hadn’t seen each other in years and the differences between us were as clear as day. He’d taken the path most righteous, and I’d taken, let’s just say, an entirely different f*cking path. I headed out the door and was about to start my bike, when I heard someone running up to me from behind. I turned around, expecting my father and another speech about responsibility, but it was Logan. Why did you follow me, Logan?”
I just shook my head and sighed before answering.
“Because I wanted to know how it felt to break the rules for once.”
“You wanted to live, Logan. And I showed you, right?” he asked.
“No, Declan, you showed me what it was like to drink, f*ck, and party. You gave me exactly what I wanted - a summer of debauchery. But it wasn’t living.”
This conversation had really taken a nosedive.
“Well, you can only give a man the tools,” he shrugged, before adding “but the rest is up to him. He kept coming back, though. Every time his life went to shit he’d come back to his buddy Declan and I’d show him how to live again. When was the last time, Logan?” he asked, clearly knowing exactly when the last time was.
“I think we’ve had enough of this conversation,” I said, the threatening tone clear in my voice.
“Okay. Oh! One more thing!” Declan shouted, that cocky smile still plastered all over his face. I almost stood up and decked him right there.
“He snores in his sleep,” he added, obviously trying to lighten the mood, and I felt myself relax for the first time since we sat down. I knew the conversation wasn’t over and Clare would ask about my time with Declan. But I didn’t want to talk about it in a bar, with our friends present.
The conversation lightened from there but I only half listened to Leah explain her job and Declan talk about his upcoming project. I was unable to move on from the previous conversation.
I spent those few weeks with Declan in high school doing everything and anything I wanted to, and I had gotten away with all of it. My father didn’t notice a damn thing. I’d been working my ass off to please him for years, doing everything he wanted, and then I went on a three week bender and he didn’t even notice. I should have thrown in the towel right then, told him to f*ck off, and gone off and found my own life. But, I couldn’t. I was too damn scared to go up against my father. Turns out it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was painless, because he didn’t care.
“Clare, how about a round of pool?” I suddenly asked, needing to pull myself out of the funk I was currently swimming in.
“Pool?” she asked as she finishing off the drink she’d been nursing.
“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll teach you if you can’t play. Come on, it will be fun.” I stood and grabbed her hand. She threw Leah a mischievous grin over her shoulder, and we headed for the pool tables.
“Do you play a lot?” she asked me, suddenly looking very nervous.
I grinned. This was going to be fun. I’d never taught a woman how to play pool before.
“Not a ton anymore, but I use to be fairly good in college,” I admitted.
“And you’ll go easy on me?”
“Of course,” I promised, grabbing a pool cue and heading toward an empty table.
“I’ll go first and break so you can see how it’s done. Okay?”
She nodded, a wry smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. I gathered up all the balls, took my first hit, and scattered balls everywhere. Two stripes landed in the pockets. Not bad for my first turn.
“Okay, so now I’m stripes and you’re solids. It’s your turn. Grab a pool cue behind you,” I instructed. She turned, grabbed a pool cue from the rack and joined me at the table.
“Like this?” she asked, her mouth now so close to mine I could feel her breath.
“Yep. Take a shot.” I whispered.
“Huh?”
“Your turn Clare. It’s your turn.” I chuckled.
“Oh! Right.”
She took a slow walk around the pool table, looking at every ball, almost like she was surveying every option and angle, like a seasoned pro might do. She finally took her shot, sending two solid balls into the corner pocket.
She looked up at me, smiling sweetly, “Beginners luck, I guess.”
What the f*ck?
She moved to the other side of the table, took another shot and sank two more.
Walking up to me, she smiled again, then bent over, giving me a nice view of her ass, sinking one more ball. As she turned around, I pounced, pinning her to the table between my arms.
“I think I’ve been hustled,” I purred in her ear.
She giggled, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, which made me wish we were anywhere but a crowded bar. She pulled back and I saw the mischief in her eyes. She giggled again and that’s when I realized.
Clare was kind of drunk.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. You looked so eager to teach me,” she laughed, swaying in my arms.
“How in the world are you so good at pool?” I asked.
“Ethan. It was how we met,” she explained, her mood light and happy.
“Leah and I were at this dive bar near campus and we were attempting to play a game of pool. We were already half drunk on beer we’d bought with our fake IDs. Some guys came over asking if they could join us and we said sure. One guy became particularly interested in me, asking if I needed help with my game. He was drunk and smelled God awful. He tried doing that thing guys do where they lean you over the pool table showing you how to aim.”
I was so glad I didn’t try that.
“Anyway, Leah had found a guy she was really into and they were busy making out in the back. I could not get Mr. Grabby Hands to take a hint. Our game was over and it was just me and him standing there alone. Just when I thought I’d have to go hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night, someone spun me around and kissed me. I mean, seriously kissed me. I pulled back, stunned, wondering who I’d just kissed...and there was Ethan. I’d seen him around campus, but never talked to him. He wrapped his arm around me, and looked over at the guy and said ‘Hey, thanks for looking after my girl, man!’ He walked me home, and that was the beginning.”
I tried not to flinch hearing her talk about Ethan kissing her, but it wasn’t easy.
She shrugged, continuing, “Turns out he was there playing pool with his roommates and saw me across the room and just had to help. We went back to that bar all the time and he taught me to play.”
“He was a good teacher, because you’re kicking my ass,” I confessed. I was glad she was able to tell me something about Ethan without sadness, even if my male pride was slightly wounded. It meant that she was healing, and that gave me hope.
“Well, I haven’t given you much of a chance,” she admitted.
We agreed to start over. This time at least I knew what I was up against. We played a few games and she still kicked my ass, but I did manage to win one. Just as we were finishing up, I saw Declan and Leah headed for our table.
“Hey guys, I think we’re gonna head out.”
“We?” I asked. That was a surprise. Well, not on Declan’s part I guess. He had eyes for Leah all night.
“Yeah. Leah said there’s this old cemetery around here that dates back to the Civil War. I want to sneak in and see it. It might be a great location for us to do a night shoot.”
“That’s the weirdest and creepiest thing I’ve ever heard,” I told him.
I really didn’t know what to say. Should I say no, and try and defend Leah’s honor for Clare? Would she get mad if she found out they slept together? I knew Declan. If she left with him, they’d end up in bed together.
I looked over at Clare, and she was just shaking her head, grinning, looking completely unsurprised. Apparently, I had nothing to worry about.
“Hey Logan, I’m assuming you can get Clare home?” Leah asked, her face full of humor and mischief.
“I can absolutely do that,” I answered quickly, glancing over at Clare as she smiled and bit into her lip.
She looked sexy as hell.
Shit, she still looked drunk.
A smiling Leah gave Clare a little wave and walked off with Declan, who gave me the male equivalent – the head nod. Pulling his baseball cap tight, he lowered his head, wrapped an arm around Leah’s waist, and disappeared into the crowd.
As my eyes returned to Clare, I saw her walk over to the back wall and put away our pool cues. She circled back around to me, slowly and seductively, her eyes filled with desire.
Oh God, hadn’t I been tempted enough in the last month? Now I had to fend off my drunken girlfriend, all in the name of honor. Being a gentleman sucked ass.
“Maddie’s at my Mom’s,” she said, pausing to run a finger down my chest, as her eyes bored into mine.
“All. Night,” she punctuated each word, making her wicked intentions clear.
Yes.
All gentlemanly thoughts rushed out of my head and were replaced by two words.
F*ck yes.
My entire body screamed yes as it came to full attention. I pulled her by the arm, dragging us out of the bar as fast as humanly possible. Once outside, I quickly walked us to my car in the parking lot, grateful I had a space toward the back in a low lit area. Bad for thievery. Good for what I have planned.
“Get in the back,” I demanded.
“We’re not going to your place?” she asked, opening the back door and slipping inside.
Joining her, I closed the door, “If I take you home with me Clare, I’m going to f*ck you. Repeatedly,” I said, taking a deep breath, “But you’re drunk.”
Clare’s confusion quickly turned to shock, letting out a small gasp hearing my bold words, but it was quickly replaced with something else entirely. Desire. “You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me. I know what I’m doing,” she assured me with a shy smile.
“Oh, I’m not worried about that. I know you want it,” I replied with a wolfish grin, as I ran my hand up her lush thigh.
“I just want you to remember it. All of it. In vivid, technicolor clarity. And that can only be achieved if you’re sober. When you and I come together for the first time, I want you to remember every touch,” I ran my hand up her arm and down her back, causing her to shiver. “Every moan.”
She did just that as I leaned into her body, slowly kissing her neck and tugging on her earlobe with my teeth.
“Every wave of pleasure,” I ran my thumb over her nipple through her shirt, and gently tugged, causing her to gasp.
“So what are we doing in the back of the car?” she whispered breathlessly.
“Making the best of the situation.”
~Clare~
And with those words, he pulled me to his body, capturing my mouth in a soul-searing kiss.
“Straddle me,” he demanded.
I didn’t hesitate, placing my knees on either side of his firm body. Raking my hand through his hair, I pulled and weaved my fingers through the thick strands, eliciting a low growl to rumble from his throat.
His hands were everywhere, roaming up my thighs, on my ass, and under my shirt. Finding my breasts, he gently rubbed my nipples through the fabric of my lace bra, causing a friction that put my body on edge. With one hand, he undid the tie at my neck holding my shirt, letting it slide down to my waist. Logan’s eyes were on fire as they looked me over.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured.
Without warning, Logan pulled the lace cups of my strapless bra down, and his mouth was on me, sucking on my nipple, causing me to scream out.
“Oh God!” I cried, as he rolled my nipple with his tongue, letting it graze across his teeth, gently biting down, which caused me to nearly explode. With his other hand, he kept my body still and pinned to him, so he could start the torture all over again.
Snaking around to the front of my body, and under my skirt, his hand left my breast to cup my core.
“Do you want me to make you come, Clare?” he growled.
“Yes, God, yes,” I begged.
Answering my plea, he slid my thong aside, spreading me wide with his long fingers.
“Shit, you’re dripping wet,” he said as he ran a finger lazily over my drenched * before finally sinking it deep inside me.
A deep sensual moan erupted from me as he added one more, slowly moving them in and out of my body, making me ache.
“God, you’re so f*cking tight. Ride me, Clare.”
Following his orders, I placed my hands on his shoulders, rising up and sliding back down again on his stationary hand.
That’s it,” he said, “f*ck my fingers.”
He added one more, thumbing my * at the same time.
“Faster,” he commanded, his voice growing rougher by the second.
That tightness deep in my belly began to build and I could feel my body soaring higher. With his thumb, he flicked my *, and that was all it took. I come unglued, crying out in pleasure.
“Oh God!” I screamed, the orgasm claiming me until I was unable to hold myself up and I collapsed into Logan’s arms.
“Holy f*ck. That was the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen,” Logan said.
“I think I almost passed out.” I giggled against his chest, feeling my buzz from the many drinks I had consumed returning.
I felt a smile tug at his lips against my forehead, and he kissed me, running his hands through my hair.
“We better get going. It’s almost Last Call. This parking lot is going to be flooded in a few minutes, and I don’t want anyone seeing that look on your face but me.”
I giggled again. How much did I have to drink? Hadn’t I read something in Cosmo once about orgasms actually making you feel more drunk because of the adrenaline or something? Or maybe I made that up.
“Don’t we, um, need to take care of you?” I asked sheepishly, lifting my head so I could look into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes.
“Clare, I’m holding on by a string here. Offer me something like that, and I’m going to have you naked in this back seat in five seconds,” I nodded, still giggling and he rolled his eyes.
We adjusted ourselves and got in the front just as the crowd from the bar descended. Wow, he wasn’t kidding.
And oh my God, I had just got freaky in a parking lot!
He drove me home, holding my hand as we talked about Leah and Declan leaving the bar together.
“Do you think they hooked up?” I asked.
“Well, Declan isn’t known for being subtle, and he had his eye on Leah from the minute we walked in that bar. What about her?”
“Leah hasn’t really been with anyone since her breakup, so I wonder if she’ll take her own advice,” I said, looking out the window as we merged on to the interstate.
“What advice?” he asked.
“Oh. Well, when I first met you, and ah, noticed you…”
I looked at him, his eyes glittered with unheard laughter. Smug bastard.
“She said it was time I go out and have some fun, of the male variety. She said I didn’t have to date, just have some fun.”
His eyebrows drew together, and he frowned before shaking his head. “That’s terrible advice.”
“Well, she did suggest you as a starter,” I teased.
“Well, not too terrible of advice then. One night with me and you’ll be mine forever,” he promised as he brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles, which sent chills up my spine and heat down to my core.
“But I don’t think I have it in me. The random one night stands. I don’t think I’m built that way,” I admitted.
He shook his head in agreement, “No, you’re not. Jumping into bed with a stranger involves a lack of feeling and emotion for the people you get involved with,” he said. “You are too good a person. Too loving and caring. You could never sleep with someone with the intent of never speaking to them again.”
“You make me sound boring,” I mumbled.
Giving me a sideways glance, he said with assurance, “The woman I just saw come unhinged in the backseat of my car was anything but boring.”
I smiled at the compliment, but his words were still echoing in my head.
“Is that why you did it? So you wouldn’t have to feel?” I questioned. We hadn’t talked much about his checkered past since his divorce two years ago. The gory details had been skimmed over a bit, but he knew I was familiar with it.
“Yes,” he admitted. “When Melanie left, I felt relief. Pure and utter relief. She’d done the one thing I was too much of a coward to do. Then the guilt came and I felt sick. Shouldn’t you be torn up when your wife leaves you for another man? I should have felt rage, but I didn’t. I’d lived every day of our marriage with this overwhelming sense of guilt. Seeing the way she looked at me, her eyes filled with such love and devotion, and I couldn’t return those feelings. I’d always been so fearful I couldn’t love someone and there was my proof,” I tried to interrupt him and tell him he was wrong, but he just continued.
“After a few months with all those emotions running rampant, I just became numb. The only thing I held together was my career. It’s always been a type of solace for me. Like I said, following a random stranger home from a bar requires a lack of feeling, and that was me.”
He laughed for a brief second, and I could hear the pain echoing in the sound.
We pulled into the driveway and he shut off the engine. Grasshoppers chirped in the nearby bushes, and the dozen air conditioners that lined the street hummed in unison. Summer was coming to Virginia and the air was growing more humid with each passing day.
“What Declan said,” he started to say before I cut him off.
“Logan, it doesn’t matter,” I tried to assure him.
“It does matter. I need you to know. I haven’t been a saint. I can’t even count the number of women I’ve slept with and used to avoid my own pain since my divorce. Declan was my only friend who supported that type of behavior. He was my enabler, and he has been for the majority of my life.”
He looked defeated, dejected.
I didn’t know what I had to say to make him understand. I didn’t care what he had done or who he’d done it with. As hard as it was for me to picture, I didn’t even care if he and Declan were out picking up bar trash the night before we met. He was mine now.
I didn’t judge him for anything. We both had pasts. Yes, they were vastly different from each other, but they were still baggage with both carried into this relationship.
Just like in the garden, words failed to show the depth of my feeling at that moment. So I leaned across the seat, looked in those gorgeous blue eyes, and kissed him. It was a kiss completely opposite of the frenzied passion we had just shared. This kiss was slow, meaningful, and was meant to be savored.
When he walked me to the door that night, his mood was lighter and happier as if a heavy weight had been lifted. I seriously think he had been waiting for me to run for the hills and every time I didn’t, he became a bit more secure. Logan could hold his own and walk circles around anyone when it came to anything remotely sexual, but a two-sided relationship was new territory for him.
As we reached my front door, I turned, my lips curving into a smile.
“Sure you don’t want to come in?” I teased.
“Temptress.”
“Ok, don’t say I didn’t off?” Before I could finish my sentence, his mouth was on mine, our tongues twirling together in a punishing rhythm. His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me closer, as I coiled mine around his neck.
His lips left mine, trailing kisses over my chin, down my neck and then up to my ear. His voice low and seductive, he whispered, “Find another night for Maddie to spend with Leah or your parents. Because the next time we’re alone, you’re mine.”