What Goes Around

chapter FORTY SIX

Dr Patel was right - there’s a meeting in a hall around the corner from me. I’ve been going now for four weeks and do you know what?

I like it.

Beryl has this huge cardboard cut-out of herself and my God, you should have seen the size of her! She was massive; Gloria massive, I mean, and then I stop myself.

I just stop my bitchy thoughts sometimes.

‘Do I want that piece of cake?’ Beryl says holding court over all of us. ‘Yes, Beryl, I do.’ She looks around the room. She does this the whole meeting, she talks to herself and answers herself and she’s as mad as a box of frogs but I like her. ‘Do you want to take the dog for a walk, Beryl? No, Beryl, I don’t. Well you can’t have the cake then, Beryl.’

It works for me.

Do you want that glass of wine, Lucy? Actually yes, I do.

Do you want to do fifty sit ups first and then you can have it.

Err, no, because I’m so bloody tired that we might just ring out for pizza.

But you had pizza last week, didn’t you Lucy?

Yes.

And you can’t walk the dog because you don’t have one.

It works with other things too.

Are you upset that Charlotte didn’t notice your new hair cut?

A little bit.

Okay, quite a bit.

Who’s the adult here?

Tell you what Lucy, I say to my sulking self. Why don’t you suggest that you watch a movie together tonight?

You know what, Lucy – that’s a good idea.

I’m mad, I realise as I microwave a low calorie meal for me and make pasta and salad for Charlotte, but you know what? I like it.