After fighting to keep it a secret for so long, I finally broke the news to my parents that in a few short months, they were going to grandparents. As expected, my mother cried tears of joy, shouting, “My baby is having a baby!” Of course, she also whispered in my ear that her Kama Sutra book must have done the trick. I had to bite back a laugh because, little did she know, I was just over three weeks pregnant when she had given me the book, which to this day has sat on my bookshelf collecting dust. My father, on the other hand, was usually more reserved when it came to expressing his excitement, so you can imagine how shocked I was to find tears streaming down his face as he pulled me into his arms and told me how much he loved me and couldn’t wait to meet his grandchild.
Brett took a bit longer to warm up to the idea of his little sis becoming a mom, but soon he was embracing the role as uncle and even offered to take me to all of my prenatal appointments from that point on. We headed to my five-month checkup, and I was eager to see my sweet baby girl’s face on the 3-D sonogram. The doctor informed me that she was doing just fine, and that now would be a good time to start my birthing plan, since the baby’s due date was August first. Thank God Brett came with me to absorb all of the details, because most of what the doctor had discussed went in one ear and out the other the moment I saw my baby’s face appear on the sonogram. Now that she was getting bigger, her features had become more defined, and I kid you not, she was the spitting image of her daddy, from her tiny button nose to her plump little lips. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on and she wasn’t even here yet.
I could tell the ultrasound technician was dying to reveal the sex of the baby, but it didn’t feel right finding out without Hunter here. It was one of those moments I felt was meant to be shared with both the mother and father present, and I knew it wouldn’t be the same without him. As much as it killed me to wait, I decided to hold out until the baby was born.
When Brett and I got back to our parents’ house and showed them the sonogram photos, my mother was about ready to wring my neck, because I refused to find out the sex of the baby, and she was still unsure of what color to paint the nursery. Either way, I was still convinced it was a girl and told her to just keep the color palette all different shades of pink. If it turned out that it was a boy… well… let’s just hope he’d be in touch with his feminine side, because he was going to see a lot of pink during the first few months of his life.
After leaving my parents’ house, I took a quick nap, which these days I couldn’t quite get enough of, and when I woke up that afternoon, I thought it would be a good idea to start grabbing a few baby items to keep at the apartment. I still needed all of the necessities: a crib, changing table, bedding… the whole nine yards.
Since I was still without a car, Robbie let me borrow his hatchback… under the condition that I named the baby after him. I rolled my eyes, settling for the middle name, and he reluctantly handed his keys over. I was beginning to see that being pregnant instantly made everyone else a pushover.
Walking into Babies R Us was, let’s just say… an experience. Everywhere I looked, mommies-to-be at all stages of pregnancy were loading up their carts with the latest and greatest baby gadgets, and here I was, totally clueless about what half of these items were used for. And the breast pumps… don’t even get me started on those! They looked like some sort of torture device used to suck the life straight out of your tits, and just reading the descriptions on the back of the boxes alone scared the shit out of me. They had to have been invented by a man, because no woman in her right mind would ever willingly put herself through such barbaric treatment.
“Did you need help finding anything, ma’am?” A male employee came up to my side as I held up two different breast pump displays, trying to decide which one looked less painful.
“Do women really use these things? I mean, seriously,” I pushed my chest out for emphasis. “Do I look like a cow waiting to be milked?”
The man’s face reddened as he quickly became flustered. “Um… no—”
“And another thing… should I get a single pump or a double pump? And what’s the difference between suction strengths?” I held them up over my breasts. “Oh God… are these going to stretch out my nipples?!”
“Uh, maybe I should find someone else with more experience to help you.”
“That would probably be for the best,” I glanced over at his nametag. “Steve.”
He sped off in the opposite direction, leaving a cloud of dust—or possibly powdered baby formula, considering the aisle I was standing in—in his wake. I was pretty sure that would be the last I’d see of Steve.
“First time mom?” A woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties pulled up next to me with a belly so round she could barely reach the handle on the cart.
I smiled sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”
“From my experience, it’s the first timers that tend to scare off employees like that. After popping out a few kids, you don’t bother asking for help anymore, because chances are, they don’t know jack shit about being pregnant and raising babies anyhow.”
“I guess you’re right.” I looked around, suddenly feeling very anxious and overwhelmed because… f*ck, I didn’t know jack shit about raising babies either! My pulse quickened and tears welled up in my eyes at the thought of having to figure out everything on my own. I knew then that I never should have kept the baby a secret from Hunter.
“Honey, are you okay?”
“No,” I choked out. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Is your husband or boyfriend around? Would you like me to go get him for you?”
I shook my head and buried my face in my hands, sobbing, “No, the father doesn’t even know I’m p-pregnant. He left me before I had a c-chance to tell him.”
“Oh, hon,” she gushed empathetically, pushing her cart to the side before coming over and gently rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to set you off. I know how hard it is being on your own. My first-born’s father, if you could even call him that, up and left us a week after he was born. I won’t lie and say it was easy, but I managed to get by, and we were much better off without him.” She placed a hand over her swollen belly and smiled. “A few years later, I met my husband, and now we’re on our fourth child.”
“Oh my gosh, I don’t think I’ll ever have that many.” I laughed, dabbing my eyes with edge of my sleeve.
“Well, when the right man comes along, sometimes you just can’t help yourself. I reckon a sweet girl like you won’t have to wait very long for your prince to sweep you off your feet. Just you wait and see.”
“Thank you. I needed to hear that.” I smiled graciously at her for her kind words, but they only reminded me that my prince had already swept me off my feet, only to leave me before our fairytale was complete.
“Anytime, hon. If you ever need any advice,” she scribbled down her name and number on a piece of paper and slipped it in my hand, “don’t hesitate to call me.”
“I appreciate that. Really, you didn’t have to go through the trouble of coming over here to help me. I’m sure you’re just as tired on your feet as I am.”
“Oh hush. We mothers have to stick together. We’re like a band of sisters; when we see a mother in need, it’s our duty to help, and the same goes both ways.” She squeezed my hand reassuringly. “It might seem like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders now, but I’m telling you, you’re going to be just fine.” Her gaze flew over to my empty cart, and she smiled softly. “Now, let’s see what we can do about getting that cart filled up. Maybe we can get Steve back out here to help with the heavy items, since that’s all he’s really good for anyway.”
We both fell into a fit of laughter and made our way up and down each aisle, perusing everything from bottle warmers to baby monitors. I learned her name was Beth, and she patiently took the time to answer all of my questions. By the time I left the store, I had a cart full of items, some I never imagined I would have needed, but thanks to Beth and all of her motherly advice, I was well stocked and ready for my little bundle of joy to arrive. Maybe I could do this on my own after all.
Steve came out from hiding and helped me load up Robbie’s car. After apologizing for my earlier outburst, his mouth curved up in a smile, and he told me it happens all of the time. Those raging hormone fluctuations did crazy things to my emotions, and surely he was used to dealing with that on a daily basis, but I felt bad nonetheless and gave him a generous tip for helping me.
I decided to take the scenic route home and stop for another one of those delicious milkshakes to settle the baby’s incessant kicking. She was squirming around a lot more, and I loved feeling her tiny movements. I cherished those moments because it let me know my baby was happy, healthy and safe inside me, but sometimes I just needed a break from her using my insides as a punching bag, and those peanut butter and bacon shakes seemed to do the trick. My little girl was lucky I loved her so much, because at this rate, I was going to weigh nearly a thousand pounds by the time she arrived, and I still had four months to go! It also didn’t help that all of the employees at Sonic knew me by name and had memorized my order. Yeah… that’s when you know you have a problem.
The entire way there, I was growing extremely agitated because some a*shole felt the need to tailgate me, and I was already driving well over the speed limit. I stuck my arm out the window and waved for him to go around, but the dickwad wasn’t budging and continued to ride my ass for another mile. Seriously, what the f*ck was this guy’s deal? My patience was wearing thin, and I gently eased my foot down on the brakes, hoping he would take a hint and stop screwing with me. I breathed a sigh of relief, because for a split second it looked like he was beginning to slow down, but he quickly gained speed and rammed straight into the back of Robbie’s car, jolting me forward against the steering wheel. Pain shot through my ribs as I kept a steady grip on the wheel, trying not to swerve into the other lane where there was oncoming traffic.
“Are you f*cking crazy?!” I shouted, even though I knew there was no way he could hear me. My eyes flew up to the rear view mirror, and I could have sworn I had seen the same black SUV before. It didn’t dawn on me until my gaze flickered down to the license plate that, not only did I recognize it, but I had been seeing this exact car around town for several weeks now. At first, I thought it was a strange coincidence and assumed he was probably just another Savannah State student who lived in the same apartment complex as me. As the wheels in my head started turning and images flashed through my mind, though, I realized it was the same car that had been idling in the parking lot outside of AJ’s almost every night that I left work… and outside of Hunter’s apartment while I had been staying there… shit, he was even at my doctor’s office earlier today!
I kept my eyes focused on the road, trying to stay calm as I reached over into my purse for my cell phone. Whether this guy was actually stalking me or not, I wasn’t taking any chances. He had already put my life and the life of my unborn baby in danger.
I quickly dialed 911, and just as I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the line, the SUV came roaring up behind me, this time slamming into Robbie’s car so hard it shattered the back window and sent glass flying in all directions. Ohmigod, he’s going to kill me! He’s going to kill my baby! A mangled, ear-piercing scream ruptured through my chest, and I struggled to maneuver the car over to the side of the road, but not before I got a good look at the driver. I glanced over to my left, my gaze locking onto his, and my eyes grew wide with unblinking recognition. All of the air left my lungs in one swift breath, causing a tightness in my chest. Those eyes. Even with a ski mask concealing the rest of his face, I would know those eyes anywhere.
The corners of his eyes crinkled, and I could just picture the malicious grin that graced his mouth behind the mask. Was this sick son of a bitch seriously getting pleasure from instilling the fear of God into me?
I watched his SUV slip back into my blind spot and prayed that maybe, just maybe, he had a change of heart; that he was granted a moment of clarity and realized what he was doing was wrong. But my prayers went quietly unanswered as a shiny black blur came barreling into the side of the car, forcing me off the road. Tires screeched beneath me as I pressed the brake pedal to the floor, and the tiny hatchback went tumbling down the embankment, flailing my body around like a rag doll. The car continued to roll, the sound of crushing metal flooding my ears, and my head cracked against the driver-side window nearly knocking me unconscious. My stomach repeatedly slammed into the steering wheel, and a blinding pain shot through my abdomen and lower back, leading straight down to the apex of my thighs. God, if it weren’t for the pain, I would have thought I was dead, but it was so excruciating, a part of me wished that I already were.
As the car came to a rocking halt, landing on the passenger side, I felt a rush of moisture spread between my legs. I attempted to move, reaching down for the seatbelt, but the cramps radiating throughout the lower half of my body were severe enough to paralyze me in place. I was so far down the embankment that it was virtually impossible for anyone to see Robbie’s car from the road above, and the surrounding trees swallowed up my cries whenever I screamed for help.
It was no use. I knew no one was coming to my rescue.
All I could do was lie there and feel the weight of my eyelids drifting closed and my breathing become shallower and shallower. My body was so weak and overcome with exhaustion that I was barely able to lift my arm as I slipped my hand between my legs, feeling the moisture that had soaked through my pants. I sluggishly pried my eyes back open and saw red. A deep shade of crimson coated my hand in a thick layer of blood.
My blood.
My…
Oh God, no. No, no, no. Please, God, don’t let this be happening!
I looked down, and my stomach rolled at the sight of so much blood seeping through my pants and onto the seat beneath me. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back the tears and refusing to see the evidence of the tiny life that was slowly, painfully being torn away from me.
My baby girl… my sweet, innocent baby girl…
I rubbed slow, gentle circles across my abdomen, hoping to alleviate the pain that I knew she must have been going through, and watched tears spill from my eyes and fall to the swell of my stomach. I tried to channel all of my thoughts straight to her, every ounce of love that filled my heart since the day I found out I was carrying her inside me… since the day I found out I was going to be a mom.
Mommy loved you so much. A deep pang shot through the center of my heart as soon as the words swirled through my mind. I think I loved you before I even knew you existed. You were and always will be the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m so sorry I never had the chance to tell your daddy about you. Tears rained down my cheeks as I spoke silently to my little angel. But I know he would have loved you, too, because you were created out of love, and no matter what, you’ll always hold a special place in our hearts, my sweet girl. Another sharp pain sliced through the lower half of my body, and I prayed I could take away her pain and carry the brunt of it myself. I’ll never forget you for as long as I live. You’ll always be mommy’s little girl. A few moments later, the insufferable ache was gone… and so was she.
I wept for her. I wept for the baby I would never get the chance to hold in my arms. I’d never get the chance hear her beautiful cries or count all of her tiny fingers and toes. I’d never get the chance to breath in her sweet newborn scent. My precious baby was gone, and in that moment, as I faintly heard sirens approaching in the distance, I wished I had gone right along with her.
Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…
What the hell was that annoying beeping sound, and why wouldn’t it stop? My head was throbbing, and I tried to open my eyes to see where it was coming from so I could shut the damn thing off, but they just weren’t cooperating. I had no idea where I was, but the place smelled sterile like a doctor’s office, and there were bright lights filtering through my heavy eyelids, causing me to see red. Red? For some reason that triggered an ugly image in my memory, and I traced back my steps, but the last thing I could recall was driving home from the baby store and… No.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
The unrelenting sound penetrated my ears, and I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, my blood rushing through my veins. Please, God, tell me that was a dream; that I had imagined it all. I carefully slid my hand over where the swell of my stomach should be, but it was flat, empty… void of the baby I once carried inside me. I wanted to scream, to cry, and to mourn the life of my unborn baby, but I was stuck in the silence of a black hole that kept pulling me deeper and farther away.
“Baby, please wake up.”
Hunter? But… it couldn’t be. He left me. He was halfway across the country. God dammit, why wouldn’t my eyes open?! I had to be sure it wasn’t him!
It’s okay, mommy. You can wake up now. My heart stopped for just a beat, but the sound of that angelic little voice flowing through my ears suddenly had my heart palpitating again. Daddy needs you, mommy.
“Please, Madelyn. I need you to come back to me. We’re all waiting here for you.” His voice cracked, straining to get the words out. “I can’t lose you both.”
Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.
My pulse raced hearing both of their sweet voices, one I had grown to know and love, and one I didn’t recognize but loved just as equally. I knew I had to find my way back to them, but how?
It was then I noticed I was lying in a plain white bed, and the room was empty except for a little blonde-haired girl whose clear, gray eyes were a perfect match to Hunter’s. She smiled a big, toothy grin and reached her hand out to me. C’mon, mommy. Daddy’s waiting for us. It was so strange, because I swore I heard her voice, but her lips never moved. As frightened as I was to leave my bed, I took her tiny hand in mine and curled my fingers around hers. She led me to a door on the far side of the room where a sliver of light was peeking out beneath. My free hand timidly reached for the handle, and I looked down to see her beautiful smile beaming up at me. Let’s go home, mommy. Pulling the door open, a burst of light instantly flooded the room, drawing me toward whatever awaited me on the other side.
As the light gradually faded, I attempted to open my eyes again and felt my long lashes flutter against my cheeks. My head ached something fierce as I tried to focus on the person sitting beside me, and I was happily rewarded with Hunter’s handsome face. He looked peaceful as he slept curled up in the chair at the head of my bed, but I noticed dark circles under his eyes and was worried that he hadn’t been sleeping well.
His normally perfect hair was disheveled, as though he had been tugging at it for quite some time, and a few copper-brown strands had fallen in front of his face. My arm stretched out just far enough that I could run my fingers through it and tuck it back in place. His hair had grown longer since the last time I’d seen him, and he was even sporting a nice, fresh layer of stubble across his chiseled jaw. I brushed my knuckles along his cheek, trailing down over the thin beard now adorning his face, and I giggled softly as it tickled the back of my hand. His head lolled to the side, and those stunning gray eyes I had missed so much peered back me.
Hunter flew out of the chair, knocking it over in the process, and kneeled down so that he was at eye-level with me. Tears pooled in his eyes as a shaky grin tugged at his lips. “Oh, thank God. I was so scared, baby. I was so f*cking scared. I thought I lost you.” He grasped my hand and kissed the center of my palm.
“I’m fine.” I winced, turning my head so I could get a better look at him. “My head hurts like a bitch, but other than that I think I’m okay.”
He smiled, holding my hand against his cheek. “I’ve been sitting here for days, praying that you’d come back to me. I’ve felt so helpless, not being able to do anything.” He chuckled softly, and a tear trailed down his cheek and over my hand. “Here I am, going to school to be a doctor, and I’m relying on faith to pull you through.”
“Wait… you said days. How long have I been here?”
“About three, almost four days.”
“Are you serious?!” The loud beeping returned, and I looked up to see lines spiking across a heart rate monitor.
“Shhh, baby, you gotta relax. It’s not good for you to get too stressed in your condition.” He pressed his soft lips to the base of my throat, lingering over my racing pulse.
I closed my eyes and took in a few deep breaths, before they shot back open. “Condition?”
His smile widened even further, and I watched another tear roll down his cheek. “The baby.”
Oh God… he knew. He knew that I lost the baby. How could he stand to look at me right now, knowing I had kept my pregnancy a secret for all these months, only to lose our precious baby girl before she even had a chance to live? I buried my face in my hands and cried big, lamenting tears.
“Sweetheart, why are you crying?” He climbed up on the bed next to me, prying my hands away from my face, and my tear-filled gaze flickered to his mouth. Why was he smiling at me like that?
“Hunter, I’m so sorry. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out. I meant to tell you about the baby. I swear I did, but then you said you were leaving for the semester and wanted to break things off. From that moment on, I felt like my whole world was spiraling out of control. You didn’t want me anymore, and the worst part of it was that you thought I didn’t want you either. How could you possibly want a baby with me after all of that?”
“Baby, it’s okay—”
“No, it’s not okay. Our baby is dead, and it’s all my fault!”
“All your fault?” He shook his head, not quite understanding why I was beating myself up over this. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s Karma, Hunter. Karma came back to bite me in the ass for all of the bad choices I’ve made over the last twenty-one years, and now everything good in my life gets torn away from me. First you and now our baby…” I stared at the panels in the ceiling, unable to look him dead in the eyes without getting even more choked up. “I know now I never should have gone through with that damn procedure when I was sixteen. That’s when everything went to shit.”
“Are you talking about the abortion?” My eyes fell to his face, and his brows pinched together, not out of anger or confusion, but rather out of concern.
“H-how do you know about the abortion?” My hands trembled and pulled away from his grasp.
“I might’ve taken a peek at your charts.” His smile faltered. “I was worried about the amount of blood you lost before you made it to the hospital, but after reading through your medical history, it was clear as to what caused the minor placental abruption.”
“Placental abru… What?”
“Placental abruption. Sorry, I know this is a lot to throw at you all at once. Maybe I should wait for your doctor to come in and explain everything to you.”
“No, please. Just tell me,” I pleaded.
“All right. Well, during the accident, part of the placenta tore away from your uterine wall and that’s what caused the bleeding, but the doctor also thinks you might have Asherman’s Syndrome as a result of the abortion you had a few years ago. The adhesions that develop from scar tissue can often make it difficult to become pregnant, and it might’ve made the placenta more vulnerable to becoming detached.”
I hung my head, letting the weight of what I had done sink in, and spoke just above a whisper, “So, it is my fault.”
Hunter held my chin between his forefinger and thumb, tilting my head back as he drew my gaze up to his. “Don’t you dare take the blame for this, Maddie. It was in no way your fault. It was an accident. You had no control over what happened. Just be thankful that our baby is a fighter, because it was touch and go there for a while. The doctor said you’ll need to be on bed rest for a while, but—”
I placed my hand over his mouth, and he looked at me quizzically before I slowly returned it to my lap. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I blinked away the tears pooling in my eyes. “Can… can you please repeat what you just said?”
“That you’ll need to be on bed rest?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Before that.”
“That our baby is a fighter?” He reached his hand across my stomach and rubbed it tenderly. The happiness permeating from his elated grin was so contagious that I could feel it tugging up at the corners of my own lips. My eyes shifted down to my rounded tummy, and I had to run my hand across it just to be sure it was real. She gave me a nice hard kick for good measure, and Hunter drew in a sharp breath. I didn’t think it was possible, but his smile grew even wider, and he leaned forward to press his lips to my swollen belly. “Hey there, little ass kicker. Daddy’s here. Try to go easy on mommy, okay. She needs her rest.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or both. My sweet baby girl wasn’t gone. She was alive and well, safe inside me. We endured so much pain together, but just like her momma, she was a fighter. She wasn’t ready to give up, and neither was I.
Life continued to throw obstacles in my way, trying to break me down along every twist and turn, but with Hunter by my side, I had developed a renewed strength, and I wasn’t willing to go down without a fight. Hunter came into my life at a time when I needed him the most, and I might not have known it then, but it was clear now. And what could have been a horribly tragic situation had ultimately brought him back to me… to both of us.
I lay there listening to the man I loved, the man who had captured my heart so many months ago, as he spoke to our daughter in a soft, gentle tone that was dripping with love and adoration, and I couldn’t help the soft whimper that slipped past my lips. He was going to be a wonderful father.
As always, I let my deviating thoughts get the best of me and wondered how it was possible that Hunter was even here right now. His internship wasn’t supposed to end for at least another month, and he never discussed whether he was coming back to Savannah once it was over. When Hunter said he was leaving, I had convinced myself that he meant for good. But did that still hold true?
“Um, Hunter?”
He gave my stomach one last kiss and inched his way up the bed, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Yeah, baby?”
It felt strange hearing that word come out of his mouth when he wasn’t referring to the child I had been carrying for the last five months… because I wasn’t his baby anymore. He made sure of that. “This might sound odd considering the circumstances, but… why are you here? How did you even know I was here?”
Hunter sat up straighter, running his hand through his messy brown hair. “Liberty called me as soon as she heard you were brought in, and I jumped on the first flight out here.” He chewed on his bottom lip nervously. “And I thought it was kind of obvious why I’m here, Maddie. I mean, you’ve just been in a terrible accident. I was so afraid I was going to lose you and the baby, and—”
“No. No I get that, but why are you still here? You can see I’m fine now. The baby’s fine. You’re free to leave whenever you’d like. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay.”
“Obligated? Babe, what gave you the crazy idea that I felt obligated to be here? I love you. My whole world is lying right here in this bed.” His voice lowered as he caressed my stomach. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Are you kidding me? Was he seriously trying to pull these mind games with me again? “Hunter…” I let out a heavy, disheartened sigh. “You can’t love me and leave me, only to come waltzing back into my life thinking we could pick up right where we left off. You were the one who ended things, remember? You were the one who thought I was rushed into the relationship I wasn’t ready for. How can I be sure you won’t up and leave me the moment you start having doubts again?”
“Maddie, baby, I know now that I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I should have trusted you when you said you were sure about me… about us. I thought the time apart would help, but it only made me miss you that much more.” He cradled my face in his hands, brushing his calloused thumbs across my cheeks, and I leaned into his touch. “I’ve never, never doubted my feelings for you. Please don’t ever think that. I have loved you since the moment I held you in my arms and pressed my lips to your delicate throat, feeling your pulse race between us. That night changed my life, and I knew from that point on that you’d forever have claim over my heart… because it was always yours to begin with.”
My chest tightened as his beautiful words grabbed ahold of me, but I shook my head back and forth, trying to drown them out.
“Still don’t believe me?” He smiled as he reached down the front of his shirt and pulled out a silver chain with a diamond solitaire ring dangling from the end of it. “I wouldn’t have bought this ring before I left if I was having any doubts. You’re it for me, Maddie, and one day, I want to officially make you mine.”
The hairs on my body stood on end, and my hands flew up, covering my mouth. He wanted to marry me? All this time?
“I… I…” I didn’t know what to say. I was at a complete loss for words. I never expected to see him again, let alone hear him confess he wanted to marry me.
“Baby, it’s all right. I’m not going to ask you while you’re laid up in a hospital bed, so you don’t have to worry about giving me an answer right now.” He brushed his lips across my knuckles, lingering over my ring finger. “But when the time is right, you better damn well be sure I’m going to get down on one knee and ask you to be my wife. I love you, Madelyn Jeanne Harrington, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and our baby.”
I couldn’t hold back the rush of tears that threatened to spill over. It was all too much for me to take in, and I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he was even here.
“I-I can’t do this. It hurts too much. I haven’t heard from you in over four months. Four months, Hunter! And now you’re here, and I feel like my head is spinning out of control. Every time I look at you, I see a man who I thought once loved me… who I’m still crazy, madly in love with. And it kills me Hunter. It f*cking kills me. Do you have any idea what you did to me?”
“Yes.” Hunter traced his finger along my cheekbone, capturing a tear as it fell, but I recoiled. The pained expression on his face let me know he was clearly hurt by my rejection. “I have a pretty good idea… because I was going through the same hell you were, and I have no one to blame but myself. Being away from you these past few months has been un-f*cking-bearable. I could hardly focus on my internship, my parents said I was a miserable little shit the entire time I was home… f*ck, baby, I’d consider myself lucky if I got even a wink of sleep since I left, because every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was you. All I wanted was you.”
He tilted my chin up, forcing my eyes to meet his. “I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Maddie, but please don’t push me away. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I’m here now, and I promise you I’m not going anywhere.”
“Hunter, I just… I need some time to think about this. Okay? Can you give me that?” It wasn’t like he had much of a choice in the matter anyhow.
He dipped his chin down to his chest and nodded. “I’ll give you all the time you need, Maddie. Just know that I love you with all my heart, and I’m not giving up on us. I will never give up on us.”
He leaned forward, gently placing a hand on either side of my stomach, and kissed the spot where she had last kicked. “Daddy loves you.” Oh God, he was seriously trying to break me all over again. I didn’t know how much more my fragile heart could take before it finally gave out. I had to squeeze my eyes shut to prevent more tears from escaping, but when I felt his lips lightly feather over mine, they shot back open to find his steely gray eyes peering down at me. “I love you, too.”
I mewled softly at the loss of contact, and Hunter stood, proceeding to make his way across the room. He took one last look at me with a sad smile that had my heart sinking further into my chest and turned to leave, giving me exactly what I had asked for. Time.
I laid there for I don’t know how long before I heard someone lightly tapping on the door. It slowly creaked open, and a familiar gruff voice filled the room. “It’s good to see you awake, Ms. Harrington.” I turned to see Officer Michaels, the same officer who had been dealing with this shit storm from the very beginning, tucking his hat under his arm and smiling as he approached my bed.
“I’d say it’s good to see you too, but… well, you know…” I shrugged, looking down at my hospital gown.
“Considering the circumstances, I won’t hold it against you,” he chuckled softly under his breath. “I’m sure you know why I’m here.”
I drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I do, but I have to be honest, Officer, I don’t remember much of the accident. I keep getting flashes of images here and there, but nothing significant. Nothing that really stands out.” I shook my head, gently caressing my stomach. “All I know is that there’s no way I lost control of that car on my own. Someone else is responsible for what happened to us.”
Officer Michaels nodded and pulled up a chair beside me. “I’m sorry to say but, from what we gathered thus far, there’s no evidence of foul play.”
“What?!” I sat up abruptly, setting off the heart rate monitor. “What do you mean? How is that possible?”
“I’m not gonna lie, your friend’s car was pretty banged up, but there were no paint transfers or dents matching those of another car. The only tire tracks left matched those of the vehicle you were driving.” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “What we can’t explain, though, is what caused you to veer off the side of the road before it rolled down the embankment. We had the car inspected thoroughly, and nothing appeared faulty, so we’ve yet to figure out what caused you to lose control of the car.”
“Are… are you saying that you think this was my fault?”
“Ms. Harrington, we’re not trying to insinuate that anyone is to blame just yet. We’re just trying to look at this from all angles. We’ll continue to investigate the accident further, but unless you can come forward with any additional information, there’s not much left for us to go on.”
“I understand.” I sank back against my pillow in defeat. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more help to you.”
“It’s completely understandable after everything you’ve been through. If you do happen to think of anything else, please don’t hesitate to call. You have my number?” I nodded, and he patted my hand before stepping out of the room.
F*ck, why couldn’t I remember anything? I tried to wrack my brain for something, anything, but all that flickered through my mind was the piercing sound of crushing metal, the metallic scent of blood flooding my senses, and… eyes; dark, venomous eyes. I couldn’t make out who they belonged to, but that was all the proof I needed to know I wasn’t going crazy. Someone was responsible for almost claiming my life and the life of my unborn baby.
I rolled over onto my side, feeling more alone than ever, and buried my face in the pillow, letting the soft cotton absorb the pain that weighed so heavily on my heart. I had no idea what I was going to do. I loved Hunter. I loved him so damn much that it hurt to imagine a life without him, but I couldn’t welcome him back with loving, open arms as if nothing ever happened. He needed to understand that what he did to me, crushing my heart and leaving me without a second thought, nearly destroyed me. I didn’t think it was possible to ever feel whole again, but seeing him here in my hospital room, smiling at me, caressing my round belly and talking to our little girl in his adorable baby voice, it brought back all of those feelings that made me fall in love with him in the first place. For a brief moment, it seemed as though he had never left, and we were sharing this beautiful experience together as family.
Then reality set in, and my heart crumbled to pieces all over again. Because we weren’t that happy family, and we might never be.