I was going to kill Liberty! Somehow, the bitch had coerced me into going to that sushi restaurant her and Shayne had been raving about. Never. Again.
I spent the entire morning heaving the contents of my stomach and praying to the porcelain gods for it to end. This wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my Thanksgiving. I was supposed to be lying in bed with Hunter, giving him a delicious sendoff before he had to leave for the airport. Shayne ended up giving him a ride there, while Robbie came over to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn’t pass out from puking my brains out. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye, but there was no way I was going to let him see me like this.
Just as another wave of nausea hit, Robbie tapped lightly on the bathroom door. “Baby girl, are you all right?”
I leaned against the cool toilet seat, struggling to keep my head up. “Ughh, I’ll be fine after a few more rounds. I just need to get this out of—” I wasn’t able to finish my sentence before my stomach churned, and the last of my tainted dinner made an unsightly reappearance. To my relief, I felt surprisingly better after that.
I flushed the toilet and watched the doorknob turn slowly. Robbie stood there grimacing with his hand plugging his nose. “Dear Lord, woman, it smells like Shamu exploded in here! What the hell did you eat?”
“Sushi.” He handed me a damp washcloth, and I cleaned my face before standing to brush my teeth.
“Damn. Are you sure that’s all it was? You were puking something fierce in here!”
“Positive. I could taste that shit coming back up.” I rubbed my hand over my stomach. “I’m feeling a lot better now, though.”
Robbie arched a brow in disbelief. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, I should be okay in time for dinner at my parents’ tonight.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, baby girl. I don’t want you tossing your cookies all over the dinner table. You know how much I love your mom’s cooking.”
I patted him on the arm and smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to aim away from your precious feast if I get sick again. But really, I’m fine.” I walked into the kitchen and decided to prepare a late breakfast, since neither of us had eaten yet. After pulling a loaf of French bread and a carton of eggs out of the fridge, I looked up to find Robbie staring at me wide-eyed. “What?”
“You just spent the last two hours hurling and now you’re hungry?”
I shrugged and cracked a few eggs in a bowl, whisking in a splash of milk and a pinch of cinnamon. “Yeah.”
“O-kay, well, I think I’m going to pass on the French toast. I seem to have lost my appetite after the scene that just took place in your bathroom. I’ll see you over at Casa de Harrington around five?”
“Sounds good. Thanks again, Robbie. I really appreciate you coming over to take care of me, even though it seems now that it was unnecessary.”
“Any time, baby girl. You know I’m always here for you.”
I leaned up to kiss his cheek, and he cringed noticeably. “So help me God, if you tell me I have fish breath…”
Robbie laughed, holding his hands up in front of him, and slowly backed away from me. “Hey, you know what they say about girls with fish breath.”
I rolled my eyes. “Ha ha, very funny, but there’s only one homo in the room. You know I prefer the cock.”
“Mmm, mmm, mmm, I couldn’t agree with you more, girlfriend.”
I giggled, slapping his ass with a dishtowel. “Now get out of here and go show Lance just how much you love his big, fat cock, before I hurl again from thinking about just how cute you guys are together.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice.” He winked and gave me a quick hug before letting himself out of the apartment.
After my stomach had settled, I managed to scarf down four thick slices of French toast slathered with butter and real maple syrup. I had no idea where my sudden appetite came from, but I grudgingly cut myself off, wanting to make sure I saved room for turkey and all of the fixings later on at my parents’.
I cleaned up the kitchen and hopped in the shower, feeling a million times better after rinsing all of the sweat and grime off of my body. There was nothing worse than feeling like complete garbage when you’re sick, and I was happy it hadn’t stuck around for too long. I didn’t want to miss out on seeing everyone tonight.
As disappointed as I was that Hunter wouldn’t be there, I was glad that we would still have a table full of guests. My mom practically adopted Robbie the day he moved in with me and refused to take no for an answer when she invited him and Lance over for Thanksgiving. Neither of their parents were very accepting of their relationship, but my mother, being the saint that she was, welcomed him into our family with open and loving arms. But my mother’s love hadn’t stopped there. Once she caught wind that Liberty and Shayne were going to be spending the holiday at his father house, just the three of them, she insisted that they join us as well. I wasn’t kidding when I told Hunter my mom made enough food to feed an entire third world country, and her motto was always “the more the merrier”!
We usually kept things pretty casual around the holidays, so while rummaging through the clothes I had hanging in Hunter’s closet, I decided on a sleeveless, cream-colored blouse and a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans. I threw my hair up in a messy bun, gave myself an approving nod in the mirror, and slipped into a pair of sandals before grabbing Hunter’s keys on the way out. The fact that he allowed me to drive his precious muscle car while he was away showed me just how much he truly loved and trusted me. Hunter didn’t let anyone drive his baby, let alone without him being there in the car.
I slid into the front seat of Lola, ran my hands over the leather steering wheel, and breathed in deep. It smelled like him. I started to tear up, realizing just how much I missed him, and he’d only been gone for a few hours. Jesus, get a grip, Maddie! I wasn’t going to allow myself to become one of those neurotic, obsessive girlfriends who cried themselves to sleep at night because they had to go the whole weekend without seeing their boyfriend. I wasn’t that pathetic. And yet there I was, sobbing in the front seat of his car, wondering if he was even thinking about me.
When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, I noticed Brett and Shayne were sitting on the front porch, and it appeared they were in the middle of a heated discussion. Brett looked up as I approached and shook his head, swearing under his breath before heading inside and slamming the door shut behind him. Nice to see you too, bro.
“What’s the matter with him? Is my brother man-struating again?”
Shayne stood, laughing at my remark, and pulled me in for a warm hug. “Nah, he’s just pissed off as usual. Nothing new.”
“Anything I should know about?”
He sat back down, resting his elbows on his knees, and diverted his gaze to the ground. When he looked back up, he gave me a sad smile and shook his head. “He’ll be fine. I think he just needs to blow off some steam before dinner.”
I nodded and sat down beside him. “Thanks again for taking Hunter to the airport. I still feel horrible that I couldn’t see him before he left.”
“To be honest, I think he was more worried about you than anything else. He almost made me turn the Jeep around about twenty times before he had finally settled on going. I swear Maddie, that guy is crazy about you.”
I smiled as a pool of warmth spread through my chest. “I’m pretty crazy about him, too. I’m glad he didn’t change his mind about going, though. I know how much his family wants to see him.”
“Well, if you need anything while he’s away, don’t hesitate to ask. You know Liberty and I are always here for you.” Sincerity seeped through his words and it only made me feel worse. God, I had been such a bitch to him, and he didn’t deserve one ounce of my animosity.
“Thanks, Shayne. I know we haven’t always been on the best terms, but I just want you to know, that I’m happy Liberty has you in her life. You’re a good guy, and I’m sorry I ever doubted you. If I could take back what I did—”
“Hey…” He sat forward and took my hands in his lap. “Stop blaming yourself for that. You did what you thought was best for you at the time. It took me a while to fully come to terms with everything, but you know what? You were right. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I was eighteen and reckless, sleeping with anyone rocking a nice pair of tits and a tight p-ssy. I didn’t care about anything else but getting laid, and quite frankly, had you actually come to me and told me you were pregnant, I probably would have denied the baby was even mine.”
I drew in a sharp breath and tears quickly welled in my eyes, threatening to spill over. Shayne held my chin between his forefinger and thumb, fixing his gaze on me, and I could see the anguish and guilt that still plagued him to this very day. “I am so sorry, Maddie. I was an a*shole. You deserved a lot better, and I won’t blame you if you never forgive me for the way that I treated you that night. I know we were both drunk, but it still shouldn’t have gone down like that.”
I shook my head as the tears rolled down my cheeks like sheets of rain. “But you know you don’t need my forgiveness, Shayne. Y-you aren’t the one who k-killed our baby.” I broke down and he wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder as he gently rubbed soothing circles across my back. I felt his own tears trickle down my hair, and for first time, we mourned the loss of our child together. Our child. For so long, it had always been my child, but as I sat here with my emotions tearing through me like a jackhammer, it was almost a relief to finally share my pain with someone who understood what I was going through. He lost our baby, too. We had both lost a part of ourselves, something we had created together.
“Shhh, I don’t want to hear any more of that. I don’t blame you anymore, Maddie. I don’t.” He brushed my hair away from my face, forcing me to look up at him. “I think what you really need to do is forgive yourself. I know it’s hard, and you might feel as though you haven’t earned it, but until you finally relinquish yourself of that guilt, you’ll never be able to move on. You’ll continue to carry around the burden of the choice you made.” Leaning in, he pressed his lips against my forehead, and I felt the tiny crack that had remained in my heart for the last four and half years begin to mend. He had every right to hate me for what I had taken away from him, and yet here he was comforting me. “Don’t let one decision dictate the rest of your life. You deserve to be happy.”
I let his words sink in, and I knew in my heart that he was right, but forgiving myself was a battle I wasn’t ready to face yet. How could I, when I knew full well that if I had the ability to go back and change things, I would have kept our baby?
I looked to my left, and Liberty was standing in the doorway, smiling at the two of us. “Everything okay out here?”
“Yeah.” I wiped my eyes and patted Shayne on the knee. “We were just having a friendly chat.”
“Well, you better hurry up, ‘cause your mom’s almost finished setting the food out on the table, and Brett looks like he’s about to go all Norman Bates on the turkey. I tried to explain that the bird was already dead, but he shot me a dirty look so I let it go.”
I shook my head. That brother of mine, I swear… He was such a friggin’ drama queen when he got in his moods. “Just shove a piece of chocolate in his mouth. It’ll settle him down.”
Liberty’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth forming an “O”. “I take it he’s man-struating again?”
Shayne chuckled beside me and ushered me through the door. “I think y’all need to explain this whole man-struating thing to me, because apparently it hasn’t hit me yet.”
Liberty and I both giggled. It was a term we had both come up with for Brett whenever he was in a piss poor mood, hating on anyone and everyone who crossed his path. Getting him to come out of his funk proved to be a major pain in the ass. Ironically enough, we discovered that chocolate seemed to do the trick. God, he could be such a woman sometimes… “Well, you see, Shayne, there comes a time in every man’s life—”
I got cut off when the front door swung open, and my mother stood there with her hands on her hips, shooting me a hard-nosed glare… or at least her best attempt at one. Let’s face it, my mother was the furthest thing from mean; she was like Mother Teresa on steroids. “Madelyn Jeanne Harrington, why am I just finding out that you’re here? Now come over here and give your momma a hug before our dinner gets up and walks away.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and breathed in deep. She always smelled so good, like fresh baked bread and warm apple pie. “Is our dinner planning on reincarnating anytime soon, mom?”
“With the look your brother is giving that damn turkey, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.” I giggled against her shoulder and she pulled back, holding me at arm’s length to get a better look at me. “Maddie, I must say you are positively glowing. What have you been doing different lately? Are you eating healthier? Because I must say, it really shows. You look gorgeous, sweetie.”
Me? Eating healthier? Now that was just laughable. If anything, I had been eating worse, and even found myself bringing home extra food from AJ’s after working the evening shifts. “As opposed to what mom? Are you implying that I don’t always look gorgeous?”
“Oh hush, you know what I meant. You just look different, and much happier than the last time I saw you.” She called out that dinner was ready, and everyone went barreling into the dining room, but she pulled me aside before I could even get a peek at the feast spread out on the table. “Could it be because of a certain someone that your smile is beaming so bright? Is he taking good care of you? Everything’s in working order below the belt? ” She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively, and all thoughts of her being Mother Teresa on steroids went straight out the window.
“Ohmigod, mom!” A flood of heat rushed up my neck. I was mortified to be having this conversation with her.
“Hmm, based on how red your face is right now, I’m going to assume the good Lord blessed him, and he knows how to use his God-given talents.” I cringed, burying my face in my hands. “Now Maddie, just because I’m your mother doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two about sex. I was young once too, you know.”
“Please stop before this gets any more embarrassing.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetie. Sex is a natural part of life. I just want to make sure you two are being safe and that there aren’t any grandbabies in my near future. I’ll need a little warning ahead of time so that I can get started on turning your old bedroom into a nursery.”
That was the second time in the past month that someone mentioned the idea of me having children. Was it just me, or was there something in the water that was giving everyone baby fever?
“Yes, we’re being safe. No, there aren’t any grandbabies in your future, and I absolutely do not want to discuss this any further.”
She gave me a warm smile and squeezed my hand. “All right, but if you ever need any advice, you know you can always come to me. I don’t recommend mentioning any of this to your father, though, because he’ll just go out and buy you a chastity belt and keep you locked up until you’re thirty.”
Oh God, he wouldn’t!
“Oh! I picked this up at the bookstore the other day. I thought your father and I could try something new, but it turns out I’m not as flexible as I used to be. I decided to take some yoga classes in the mean time to help loosen things up a bit. Maybe you could put this to good use with that new man of yours.” She winked and handed me a book that had been sitting on the coffee table in plain view for anyone to see. Just looking at the cover, where all you could see was the back of a man’s head and a woman’s feet resting on his shoulders, I knew I wasn’t going to like this; especially considering she had bought it for her and my dad. Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth.
“Kama Sutra. Mom, really? It’s bad enough knowing y’all are still having sex, but this is straight up going to give me nightmares.”
“Sweetie, don’t be such a prude. Your father and I need to spice things up every once in a while. It keeps our relationship fresh and invigorating. We’ve already worn ourselves out with role playing and using props, so I thought this might be a nice change of pace… or position for that matter.”
“Oh, for the love of God…” I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of my nose to relieve the migraine I suddenly felt coming on. “I don’t know what concerns me more, the fact that y’all are pushing fifty and still screwing around like a pair of sex-crazed teenagers, or that you just called your own daughter prude. I think we need to end this conversation before I start imagining things I know will scar me for life.”
My mother giggled… actually f*cking giggled. “I’m sorry, sweetie. We just have a healthy appetite for one another. I mean, look at him.” We started making our way into the dining room, and I saw my father sitting at the head of the table. He looked up at my mother with the same dreamy, lovesick gaze that he’d given her for as long as I could remember, but now that I knew the meaning behind that look… I shuddered just thinking about it. “Can you blame me for wanting to jump his bones every chance I get?”
“And thus concludes this lovely yet disturbing chat. Can we please go eat now?”
She finally took the hint and smiled, kissing my cheek as she nonchalantly slipped the Kama Sutra book in my purse. I shook my head, but all I could do was laugh. My mother always had the best intentions, even if she didn’t go about it in the most conventional ways, but I loved her nonetheless. She took her seat at the other end of the table, and I pulled out a chair between Robbie and Brett. Robbie was running his mouth off about a new gay romance novel by Kindle Alexander that I knew Liberty had waiting for me on her Kindle, and both Shayne’s father and mine were listening in on the conversation with great interest. Brett, on the other hand, was still eyeing the turkey like it had a second death wish.
“So the book is called Double Full?” Shayne’s father, Ken, leaned his elbows on the table with a smirk on his face, showing off the deep grooves of his dimples; he truly was an older version of his son.
“Yeah, and let me tell you, Nicholas Sparks ain’t got shit on her. The love she portrayed between Colt and Jace was raw and real, and yet she still kept it sexy as all hell. Ugh, what I wouldn’t give to have a Colt of my— Oww!” Robbie shot Lance a dirty look while bending forward to rub his leg.
“Sorry, babe, my foot must have slipped.” Lance grinned, shrugging it off.
“You know, that title sounds like something out of one of those books my wife just picked up,” Dad chimed in, and Liberty spit out the sip of wine she had yet to swallow.
Oh. My. God. He did not just say that in front of everyone. Luckily, my mother and I were the only ones who knew about the damn book that was currently burning a hole through my purse. I diverted my attention away from them and bumped my shoulder against Brett, who seemed completely unfazed by the current topic of choice being discussed by the rest of the men at our table.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I whispered, and he blinked a few times, finally tearing his eyes away from that poor turkey. The corner of his mouth gradually turned up, but I could still see a mix of resentment and sadness behind his eyes.
“For now.” He reached under the table and squeezed my knee. “Don’t worry about it, sis.”
My brows pinched together. Well, that was translucently evasive. Why did I get the feeling that everyone was tiptoeing around me and avoiding telling me what was really going on; first Hunter, then Shayne, and now my brother, my own flesh and blood? I was never a fan of others keeping secrets, although I had been known to keep a fair share of my own, but it was a whole different story being both the focal point of that secret and the one left alone in the dark.
Everyone around the table eventually quieted down, and after my father said a quick blessing, which was basically him telling everyone to shut the hell up and dig in, we began passing around the dishes. I loaded up my plate with turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and every form of potato under the sun. It all looked so good, but unfortunately not one bite ever made it past my lips. Just looking at the food piled in front of me made my stomach churn, and my hand instantly flew up, covering my mouth. Thankfully, I made it to the bathroom just in time.
My head was leaning halfway into the toilet, and Robbie was there, holding my hair back, not even bothered by my vomiting. He was too good to me.
“Better?”
“Ughh,” I groaned, lying back against the cool, tiled floor. “That came out of nowhere.”
Robbie grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the faucet, wringing it out before he wiped my face down. “How long have you known?”
“About the food poisoning? I only just got sick this morning, so…” I trailed off and shrugged.
“You know that’s not what I meant, baby girl.” He cupped my chin and dabbed at the corners of my mouth, giving me a look that said you’re not fooling anyone. “How. Long. Have. You. Known?”
“Robbie, this isn’t me coming out of the closet, so if you’re implying that you think I’m a lesbian, I can tell you right now that your gay-dar is way off on this one…”
“Dammit, Maddie, quit playing games!” Robbie shouted through gritted teeth, and I winced at his tone. “How long have you known about the baby?”
“Baby?” My eyes grew wide. “What baby? Who said anything about a baby?” Seriously, what has everyone been smoking lately?
“Oh, come on, you’ve been exhibiting signs for at least a week or two now. I’m surprised no one else has picked up on it yet.”
“Look, I don’t know where you came up with this wacked-out idea that there’s a bun in the oven, but I’m telling you right now that there isn’t. I’ve been on birth control since I was sixteen. The odds of me getting pregnant are slim to none.” I shook my head in disbelief. “And what signs are you going on about? Up until this morning, I’ve been perfectly fine.”
“Well, for starters, you’ve been eating like a freakin’ bottomless pit lately. The other day, when we met up for lunch, you ate four damn tacos. Four! And while I was driving behind you on the way home, you stopped at the drive-thru at McDonald’s. I don’t know where you put it all, girl, but I’ve never seen anyone eat like you.”
“So, I was a little bit hungrier than usual that day. Big deal.” I waved my hand dismissively.
“And your skin,” he said as he brushed his thumb across my cheek. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how immaculate your skin looks. When I say it’s glowing, I’m not exaggerating. It. Is. Glowing.”
“Again. That doesn’t mean I’m pregnant.” I sat up, leaning against the wall with my arms wrapped around my legs.
“The nausea?”
“Ughh, for the millionth time, it was food poisoning!” My head fell back, hitting the wall with a slight thump.
Robbie stood with his hands on his hips, staring at nothing in particular until a light bulb apparently went off, and his eyes darted back down to me. “Ohhh shit.”
My posture perked up as I gave him a sidelong glance. “What?”
“Okay, now don’t freak out on me when I ask you this, but…” He chewed on his bottom lip nervously. “When was the last time you got your birth control shot?”
My shoulders slumped in relief. “Jesus, you scared me there for a second. I just got it…” I counted back to my last shot, which I had received in May. That was… oh f*ck! That was nearly six months ago! I was supposed to get a shot every three months, which meant I should have gotten one at the end of August and one this past week. After everything that went down with Tucker, and all of the newly found drama surrounding my life, it must have completely slipped my mind. Ohmigod, Robbie wasn’t joking around after all… I might actually be pregnant!
“Shit, shit, shit!” I crawled over to the toilet, quickly lifting the lid as I retched at the likelihood that I was caring a child inside me right now.
“I take it I was right?” He resumed his position behind me, holding my hair and gently rubbing my back.
“Please don’t rub it in,” I groaned, my stomach twisting in knots.
“If it makes you feel better, there’s still a chance that you’re not pregnant. Sometimes it takes several months to conceive after you stop using birth control.”
“That’s true. I vaguely remember the doctor saying it could take up to nine months after my last shot.”
“See, there you go! I still think you should take a test to be sure, though. Just to be on the safe side. You don’t want to end up finding out three or four months down the road when you’re starting to show,” Robbie chuckled under his breath while helping me to my feet. He cleaned up my face and fixed my hair so that I looked somewhat presentable when I exited the bathroom. “Everything’s going to be fine, all right, baby girl?” I nodded, and he took my hand, leading me back to the dining room.
All eyes were on me as I approached the table and in that moment I felt like everyone knew. What if Robbie hadn’t been the only one to suspect that I might be pregnant? My body went rigid as my mother came over and wrapped her arms around me. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to hold the tears at bay, but all I really wanted to do was cry against her shoulder and have her tell me everything was going to be okay. She cradled my face in her hands the way a mother does when she knows her child is hurting and gave me a sad smile.
“Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well? Shayne mentioned that you had gotten sick earlier, too. You know we wouldn’t have been upset if you couldn’t make it tonight.”
“I know, Mom, but I didn’t think I was going to be sick again. Besides, I really wanted to see everyone. We never get together like this anymore.”
“Well, there’s always Christmas, sweetheart. Maybe you can bring that new man of yours with you, so we can finally meet him.” My father mumbled something under his breath about chastity belts, and Mom shot me a knowing wink. “Now, you go on home and get in bed. I’ll stop by tomorrow with some of your father’s homemade turkey soup.” Robbie draped his arm around my shoulder and handed me my purse. “You take good carry of my baby, you hear?”
“Will do, Mrs. H.” He kissed her cheek, giving her a side hug.
We said our goodbyes and headed out to Hunter’s car. Robbie offered to drive, and I gratefully sank down in the passenger seat, releasing a deep breath. “Do you think anyone else suspects that…”
“That your eggo is preggo?” He smirked, and I punched his arm. “Damn, kid, your mom is feisty.”
“Will you knock it off? This isn’t funny, Robbie! What if I am pregnant? What am I going to do?”
“Baby girl, there is only one way to find out, and you know what? We’re going to get to the bottom of it right now.” He turned down Main Street, and I knew he was heading straight for the 24-hour drug store that remained open even on holidays.
“Now?! No, Robbie, please. Can’t we wait until tomorrow or maybe over the weekend, so I can let the whole idea of maybe being pregnant settle in?”
He pulled up to a red light and turned so that he was facing me. “You know you’re just going to torture yourself the longer you wait. Once you know for sure, you can figure out where to go from there, but for now, bite the bullet and chug some water because, woman, you got some sticks to pee on when we get home!”
It was hard not to laugh when Robbie was trying to stay positive and light-hearted about the whole situation, but me, I was scared shitless. I loved kids, and I couldn’t wait for the chance to embrace motherhood and start my own family. I just never thought that day would come so soon, and my greatest fear, the one that had my stomach doing a parade of somersaults, was that Hunter might not want that with me. We had only known each other for three months and officially been a couple for one. If I told him I was pregnant with his baby, who was to say he wouldn’t go running for the hills, leaving me behind with a living, breathing reminder of the love we once shared? Even Shayne admitted that, had I told him I was pregnant at the time, he would have denied the child I was carrying was his. Would Hunter do the same? Oh God, I couldn’t lose him. Not now. I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved him, so fully and unconditionally, and losing him would devastate me. It would literally rip my beating heart straight from my chest.
But right now, I had more important things to worry about than losing Hunter… like the tiny life I very well may be carrying inside me.
It didn’t take long for the truth hit me like a ton of bricks and knock me flat on my ass.
Robbie had gone into the drug store and purchased five… yes, you heard me correctly… FIVE pregnancy tests along with a liter bottle of water. He seemed even more eager to find out than I did, which was probably a good thing, because had he not pushed me to deal with this issue right from the get-go, I wouldn’t have been staring at five positive pregnancy tests laid out across the bathroom counter. I didn’t occur to me that I was holding my breath until my legs began to buckle, and I fell to the floor on my hands and knees.
Robbie crouched down beside me and tentatively reached for my hand. “You’re gonna be a mom,” he said as a grin slowly spread across his face.
I shook my head, and tears quickly filled my eyes as I absorbed the full impact of that revelation. “I’m gonna be a mom.” I replayed those words over and over in my head, and it still felt so surreal. I was going to be a mom.
“So how do you feel about all of this? I mean, obviously it wasn’t planned, but you’re handling it a lot better than I thought you would. You haven’t thrown anything or hit me yet,” he teased. “And is that a hint of a smile I see?”
I laughed through the tears and sat up, leaning my head on Robbie’s shoulder. “Yes, I’m smiling.”
“So I take it those are happy tears then?”
I nodded and wiped the moisture from my eyes. “Definitely happy tears. I’m surprised, that’s for sure, but definitely happy… and still scared out of my f*cking mind.” I let out a small laugh.
“Why are you scared, baby girl?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just worried I won’t be a very good mom. Shit, I’m not even twenty-one yet, Robbie. What do I know about raising a baby?”
“Maddie.” He tipped my chin up so that I could look directly into his crystalline, blue eyes. “You know age doesn’t have jack shit to do with whether or not you’ll be a good mom. My mom was only eighteen when she had me, and I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. We might not be on the best terms right now, but that’s a whole other story… My point is, everyone is clueless with their first kid, but it’s a learning experience. You’ll pick things up along the way and find what works best for you. I bet by the time you’re popping out your second kid, you’ll be an old pro.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “Plus, you have all of us to help you out, and I know your mom will be over the moon when she hears about this. She’s been dying to turn your room into a nursery.”
“Yeah, she mentioned that I should give her fair enough warning so she can get started on it.” I shoved his shoulder back, giggling. “And who said anything about two kids? Let’s wait and see how things go with this one first.” I placed my hand over my stomach, and that’s when reality finally set in. In a few months, my tummy would be swollen and round with Hunter’s child growing inside me. Hunter. How was I going to break the news to him that he was going to be a father? What if he wasn’t ready for all of this? F*ck, I’m not even ready for this!
Robbie pulled me up off of the bathroom floor and helped get me settled in bed. He brought me some dry toast and a glass of ginger ale, both of which I was glad I was able to keep down, since my stomach had been emptied of the French toast I had earlier. Lying down beside me on Hunter’s side of the bed, he propped himself up with his arm tucked beneath his head. “So, have you given any thought as to how you’re going to break the news to your baby daddy?”
I finished the last bite of toast and brushed the crumbs off my lips. My hands sat tangled in my lap, feeling rather fidgety and on edge. “No. I think that’s what I’m more afraid of than anything. What if he doesn’t want this baby?” I splayed my hand protectively over my flat tummy.
“Are you shitting me? You seriously think he wouldn’t want a baby with you? Girl, that man is so head over heels in love with you, I’m surprised he didn’t knock you up the second he laid eyes on your gorgeous face. He would never deny himself the opportunity to be a father to his own kid. Why would you ever think that?”
“I don’t know. When I spoke to Shayne earlier, he mentioned that even if he had known I was pregnant, he would have denied the baby was his. I think hearing that was almost as bad as taking the life of our child.” I sniffled, feeling the tears building up once again.
“Maddie, he was a completely different person back then, and so were you. Just promise me one thing, okay? Before you make any life altering decisions, promise me you won’t keep this a secret from Hunter. He deserves to know.”
I nodded and looked up at him, but he didn’t appear to be entirely convinced. “I promise. Trust me, I don’t want to pull the same shit that I did with Shayne. I would never do that to the man I love. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret even if I wanted to. You really think I can pull off covering up an extra thirty or forty pounds in a couple of months?”
“Aww man, I can’t wait to see you all fat and hobbling around like a little penguin.” He rubbed his hands together, enthralled by the image he had drawn up in his head.
“Shut up. I’m going to look like a f*cking whale.”
“Well, you’ll be the prettiest f*cking whale this side of the Mississippi,” he drawled.
“Ohmigod, you sound like such a redneck!” I giggled. “You better not have my son or daughter talking like that, or I swear I’ll be forced to use some of those moves I learned from Hunter on you.”
“Hey, don’t go blaming Uncle Robbie if that baby comes out wearing overalls and riding a tractor. At least the little squirt will already have the missing teeth to match the ensemble.”
My body shook, laughing uncontrollably as I pictured what he had just described. “Now that you mention it, I wouldn’t be all that surprised, considering my little squirt’s daddy is from Texas. Oh my gosh, if it’s a girl, he’s going to scare the piss out of every boy that ever wants to date her with the way he runs his mouth about his guns!”
I could see it now… Hunter answering the door to meet our daughter’s first date with a rifle in one hand and a shovel in the other. That poor boy would be running straight in the opposite direction before he ever stepped foot in the house. I knew I couldn’t have been more than three or four weeks into the pregnancy, and it would be another few months before I could find out the sex of our baby, but I had a pretty good feeling that it was going to be a girl. Call it mother’s intuition, but in my mind, I pictured a little girl with long blonde hair and the most beautiful gray eyes that matched her daddy’s perfectly.
Crazy to think she was just a mere twinkle in my eye, and I already couldn’t wait to meet her.