Two months. Hunter had been gone for two months, and the gaping wound he left in my heart felt just as fresh as the day he twisted a knife straight through it. Somehow, we’d managed to avoid seeing each other during the last week of classes and finals week, and since we both aced our Abnormal Psych class, we were exempt from taking the final exam. Luckily, that was the only class we shared, because I didn’t know how I would’ve handled seeing him after the pain he caused me. He was the last person I ever thought could hurt me like that, and yet, beneath all of the shattered pieces that remained, my heart still only beat for him. I couldn’t just turn off my feelings at the flip of a switch, even though I tried. God, did I try. Carrying a baby that was half his, that shared the same air I breathed and blood that pumped through my veins, it was impossible to think I could ever completely cut ties with him.
Hunter still had no clue about the baby. No one did, except for Robbie, and I knew he would take my secret to the grave if I asked him to. Although, I was pretty sure by now that Lance had picked up on my morning sickness, which ended up being afternoon and evening sickness as well. It was unbearable, but just as I was crossing over into my second trimester, I was finally able to keep whole meals down again. My doctor was worried that I was actually losing weight in the beginning, but he seemed confident that with my morning sickness subsiding that I would finally be able to put on a few pounds.
The only downfall to gaining weight was that soon everyone would be able to notice my barely there baby bump. Today marked my fourteenth week of pregnancy. It was also the day that I discovered none of my pants fit me anymore, so when Liberty asked me to come with her to the bridal boutique to try on the bridesmaid dress I had picked out, I knew I’d have to wear a pair of extra stretchy yoga pants. To say I was depressed over that minor revelation was an understatement, and I cried all morning in bed over my “protruding” belly. When it sank in that it only meant my baby was no longer the size of a pea pod, but rather that of a lemon, I started bawling all over again, this time with the biggest smile on my face. My baby was healthy and growing just as she should be, and that was all that mattered. I hadn’t found out the sex of my little squirt just yet, but I was still convinced it was a girl, and every night I went to bed dreaming about my blonde-haired, gray-eyed beauty.
After the millionth text from Liberty lit up across the screen of my phone, I decided to finally clean myself up and meet her at Bluebell Bridal. I threw on a light pink dolman top to cover up my little belly and slipped on a comfy pair of TOMS. I swear those shoes were made for pregnant women, because they were like walking on air; the second I tried them on, I was sold.
When I stepped inside the boutique, Liberty was already standing in front of the mirrors donned in her wedding gown. She spun around, grinning from ear to ear, and an image triggered in my mind that nearly brought me to tears. I saw myself in a simple white lace gown, my daughter walking ahead of me and tossing flower petals down the aisle, and her daddy waiting for the two of us at the altar with a huge smile on his face and tears glimmering in his eyes. It was then I realized I was actually crying, and Liberty pulled me in for a hug.
“You look so beautiful, Liberty. I think you’re the prettiest bride I’ve ever seen.” I wiped the moisture from my eyes and returned her beaming smile.
“Ugh, bitch, don’t make me cry. I already started bawling when I first looked at myself in the mirror.” She pulled a handkerchief out of her cleavage and dabbed her eyes. “God, look at us. We’re a bunch of blubbering idiots,” she laughed.
“Sorry. I can’t seem to control my emotions lately. All I have to do is watch that damn ASPCA commercial with the Sarah McLachlan song playing in the background, and I’m a mess.”
“I know what you mean. It gets me every time,” she laughed. “I’m so glad you’re here. I had to get out of the house. Shayne and I have been at each other’s throats the last few weeks, and I was desperate for some girl time.”
“What could you guys possibly be at each other’s throats about?”
“The freakin’ wedding!” She threw her arms up in the air. “I figured I would take care of everything, and he’d just have to show up the day of the wedding. But nooo. He has to be involved in every last detail, down to the color of ink used on the place settings at each table. Even the wedding planner said she’d never seen a groom so involved in the wedding plans. She thought it was adorable, but he’s been a royal pain in my ass throughout the entire process. I swear, Maddie, if I make it through this alive, I’m going to go bald because I’m about ready to pull my hair out.”
I laughed as she led me back to the dressing room where my bridesmaid dress was hanging, and it was exactly as I had envisioned it; a beautiful sapphire blue, one-strap chiffon dress that hit just above the knee. It would look absolutely perfect with the ocean as the backdrop for the ceremony.
I kicked off my shoes and tried to calm Liberty’s wedding jitters. “Oh relax. You know he just wants to help out. You should be glad you have a man who actually cares enough to plan your special day with you, or gives two shits about you at all, for that matter.”
Liberty’s expression softened. “I’m so sorry, Maddie. I know things haven’t been easy lately. Have you heard from—”
“Can we please not talk about him?”
She looked as though she wanted to argue but nodded, conceding to my simple request. “Well, get this sucker on so I can see how gorgeous you look in it.” She winked and slipped out of the dressing room.
I quickly shed my clothes, only my strapless bra and panties remaining, and took in the changes my body reflected back at me in the mirror. My breasts were fuller, my flat, toned stomach was long gone, and as I turned to the side, I noticed I even had a little more junk in the trunk. Why had it taken me until now to see this? I thought I looked pretty good before, but as I ran my hands over my body, landing over the slight swell of my stomach, the pregnancy glow that everyone always talked about took on a whole new meaning.
I carefully stepped into the dress and shimmied it up my body, slipping the strap over my shoulder. It really was a beautiful dress… until I tried to zip it up, and even then I wasn’t sure whether I should curse my body or the dress itself.
I poked my head out from behind the curtain. “Um, Liberty, would you mind helping me in here?”
“Sure, sweetie. What do you need?” She closed the curtain behind her and ran her eyes over my body. “Wow. You were right. This dress is perfect!”
“Yeah, I thought so too, but now I can’t quite get the zipper up. I think it might be jammed.”
I sucked my stomach in as far as I could, holding my breath until I was on the brink of passing out, and Liberty all but broke a nail trying to get the zipper up. “Hmm. I don’t think this zipper is going to budge. Maybe if you wear some Spanx it’ll help suck this little tummy in.” Her arms encompassed my waist, and her hands froze as the breath whooshed out of my lungs. The face looking back at me in the mirror was filled with an array of mixed emotions, and I knew I had to tell her sooner or later.
“Maddie, I hope you don’t get mad at me for asking this but… have you put on a few pounds?”
I nodded, tears rimming my eyes.
“It’s okay, sweetie. We can just order you another size. It’s nothing to cry over.” She rubbed her hand across my bare back where the dress was still gaping open.
“Well, I’m pretty sure this dress doesn’t come in ‘beached whale’ size,” I sniffled.
“Maddie, it’s just a few pounds.”
“Yeah, and it’s going to be a hell of lot more over the next few months.” My eyes flickered up to hers as I tried to communicate without words.
“Maddie, what do you…” Liberty’s eyes grew wide when she finally got the gist of what I was trying to tell her. “Oh. My. God. Are… are you pregnant?” she whispered.
I nodded, freeing the tears from my eyes. “I’m just over three months now.”
“Oh, Maddie. Why didn’t you tell me? Does anyone else know? Does he know?”
I tucked my chin down and shook my head. “Just Robbie, and that’s only because he guessed before I even knew. And no… he doesn’t know. Why should I bother telling him when he clearly wants nothing to do with me?”
Liberty’s eyes narrowed in disapproval, and I cut her off just as her lips parted. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say I’m pulling the same shit that I did with Shayne. I wanted to tell Hunter more than anything, but he took matters into his own hands and chose to leave us both. If he doesn’t want me…” I placed my hand over my stomach protectively, “…then what makes you think he wants this baby?”
“Because he loves you, Maddie. Every part of you. And this baby is a part of both of you.” She placed her hand over mine. “So I have no doubt that he would love this baby just as much, if not more.”
“I wish it were that simple.” I sank to the floor and pulled my trembling knees into my chest. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.”
“Most things don’t go the way we expect them to. That’s life. But in the end, everything will work out. I know it will. You just have to have faith.” She cupped my cheeks, giving me a confident smile, and I wished so badly that I had one ounce of her confidence, because in reality, I knew the chances of Hunter and I ever getting back together grew dimmer as the days passed by.
“I hope you’re right.” I stood and looked in the mirror, peeling the size-three dress off, and cringed knowing my body would never look the same. A smile slowly replaced the blanched look on my face, though, because I was getting something so much better in return, and the vision of my beautiful baby’s face flashed through my eyes once again.
“How about we get this little one something to eat, because I know I’m starving.” Liberty patted my belly just as it started to growl, and we both laughed.
“I think she agrees. Mmm, I could totally go for a peanut butter and bacon shake right now.”
Liberty’s hand flew over her mouth in disgust. “I see your pregnancy cravings have already kicked in.”
“Ohmigod, you have no idea! Yesterday it was pickles dipped in blueberry yogurt. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but after burping it up this morning, I immediately regretted it.”
“Yeah, I think that pretty much tops the charts for most disgusting craving ever.” Liberty shook her head, laughing, and after I finished putting the rest of my clothes back on, we left the boutique to grab lunch on the way home… but not before I got my delicious shake with extra bacon crumbled on top. Yum!
When I got back to the apartment, I noticed there was a ton a commotion coming from the kitchen, and with all of the grunting and wet slaps echoing off the walls, I was afraid of what I was about to walk in on.
“God, it’s so f*cking tight.”
“You’re not squeezing it hard enough. Put some muscle into it.”
One of them let out a gruff moan.
“That’s it, baby. God, I love watching your muscles flex when you do that.”
“Oh, you like that, huh? Well you’re going to love this.”
I tiptoed through the apartment and thought I should make my presence known before walking in on a naked Robbie and Lance sandwich. “Please tell me you guys aren’t playing cocks and robbers again.” I quietly padded across the linoleum floor, but the scene I took in was far from what I was expecting. Lance was on his back under the sink, sans shirt and with a wrench in hand while Robbie was leaning over him, his shirt completely drenched as he held a bucket beneath a pipe spewing out water.
“Jesus, I can’t even leave you guys alone for an hour without the place falling apart.” I set my purse on the table and placed my hands on my hips. Robbie and Lance abandoned what they were doing and came over to where I was standing, bending down to kiss my tummy; I couldn’t help but giggle at their new favorite ritual. No matter where I went or how long I was gone, the moment I stepped through the front door, they would kiss my belly and whisper in sweet baby voices to my little girl. I swore, after nine months she was going to come out thinking they were both her daddies.
“So what happened while I was gone?”
“Damn pipes burst.” Robbie rolled his eyes. “We called the landlord, and he should be here in about an hour, so in the mean time, we thought we’d try our hands at some plumbing.”
Lance patted Robbie on the back with a big, wet slap. “Yeah, but I think we just made things worse.”
I reached under the sink and found the valve to turn the water off, fixing the problem for the time being. “You probably should have turned that off before you attempted to fix anything.”
Lance glared at me, sticking his tongue out. “Show off.”
“Thanks, baby girl. I don’t know what we’d do without our little golden-haired princess coming to our rescue.” Robbie kissed my cheek before pulling off his sopping wet shirt.
“Drown, clearly,” I chuckled, and Robbie wound up his shirt, cracking it across my ass and leaving a wet streak across the back of my yoga pants.
“Oh, you are so—” Just then the doorbell rang. Saved by the bell! The boys went back to work, mopping up the pool of water covering our kitchen floor, and I went to the door to let the landlord in. He couldn’t have gotten here at a better time, because I was worried the boys might get too ambitious and start digging out the power tools. Did they even own power tools?
“Thank God. You got here just in—” My words caught in my throat midsentence when I saw the person standing in our doorway wasn’t our landlord, but rather, someone who hadn’t crossed my mind in months.
“Jeremy?” I took a step back. “What the hell are you doing here?”
He smirked, stepping around me and letting himself in uninvited. “Is that any way to greet an old friend?”
“I’d hardly say that what we had fell into the category of friends.”
“Ouch.” His hand flew over his heart, feigning that I had wounded him. “And I thought what we had was special.”
“Who’s that at the door?” Lance shouted from the kitchen, and I quickly grabbed Jeremy’s hand, tugging him toward my bedroom. I slammed the door shut behind us and rested my head against the doorframe.
“Ah, now this is more like it.” I heard the bedsprings creak as he took it upon himself to lie down on the mattress, and I turned to find a salacious grin teasing at his lips.
“Seriously, why are you even here? I haven’t seen you in months.”
“And whose fault is that? You’ve been ignoring my calls and texts for long enough, so I figured I’d check up on my favorite girl.”
It was true that I had been dodging his calls, and since Hunter left, they had been coming in more frequently. “And what? Did you think we were just going to pick up where we left off?” My hands flew up to my hips. “I hate to disappoint you, Jer, but I’m just not interested anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but I’m sick of being every guy’s booty call. I’m better than that.”
I reached for the door handle, but he was off the bed in the blink of an eye, yanking my wrist back and pulling me down on the bed with him. He nudged his thigh between my legs and brought his lips to hollow of my throat. “You can’t honestly tell me you haven’t missed this, baby. You know I always made you feel so good. Why don’t I give you a taste for old time’s sake?”
“Get the f*ck off of me! Are you delusional? What part of ‘I’m not interested anymore’ isn’t getting through that thick skull of yours?” I bucked my hips and shoved at his chest, using all of my strength to push him off of me, but his body froze as he reached into the drawer of my nightstand where he knew I kept a stash of condoms. His thigh gradually retreated from between my legs, and he sat stoically on the edge of the bed, allowing me a moment to catch my breath.
“What the f*ck, Maddie? Are you packing heat now?” I leaned up on my elbows to see what he was going on about, and he turned back to look at me with a furrowed brow, slowly returning his attention to his lap. My eyes followed the path of his gaze, and in his hands was a pistol almost identical to Hunter’s… in pink! Why that son of a…
I ran my hands through my hair, trying to keep my cool. “I didn’t even know that was in there. Hunter must have—”
“Who the f*ck is Hunter?!” His voice rose, causing me to flinch. “Is he the reason you’ve been ignoring me all this time? Is he your new f*ck buddy?”
“Jesus, Jer, it wasn’t like that with him!”
“Wasn’t? As in you’re no longer f*cking him? Did you throw him to curb, too, when you were finished with him? ‘Cause it seems you have a bad habit of repeating the same mistakes, Maddie.”
“No.” My voice lowered to barely a whisper. “He left me.”
“Ah, well I can’t say I’m surprised,” he huffed out accusingly. “He probably saw past that perfect little fa?ade you and I both know is all for show and saw you for the slut that you really are.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re one to speak! You went through a whole slew of girls while we were still hooking up. You’re no better than me, so don’t try to make me out to be the bad guy.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Why am I even discussing this with you? I don’t plan up hooking up with you or anyone else for that matter, so this entire conversation is pointless.” I climbed off the bed and swung the door open. “I think you need to leave.”
“You really want to end things just like that? Not even a goodbye f*ck? I think you at least owe me that much.” He spewed out a sardonic laugh.
“F*ck you! There’s nothing to end, Jeremy. We were never in a relationship together. It was always casual, no strings attached sex, and you know it. So stop trying to make it out like it was something more when clearly it wasn’t.”
“Fine. But don’t come crawling back to me when you’re dying to have my cock buried deep inside you.” He grabbed his crotch, and my nose wrinkled just at the thought of having sex with him again.
“Get. The F*ck. Out.” I waved my arm out the door. “Now!”
Jeremy stood, placing the gun in my hand as he brushed past me, and left the apartment without another word. I sank back onto the bed, my knees giving out from suddenly feeling lightheaded, and placed the gun in my lap as I wiped a trembling hand across my sweat-ridden brow.
“Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or was that Jeremy peeling out of our parking lot just now?” Robbie came waltzing into my room with his jaw clenched tight and white-knuckled fists balled up at his sides.
“No. Unfortunately, you’re not seeing things.”
“Well, what the hell did that f*cktard want?”
“Obviously, he came here for the only thing I’m good for, Robbie. To f*ck my brains out and be on his merry way.”
“Oh, baby girl.” His shoulders sank, and the agitation that was so boldly painted on his face melted away before he took a seat beside me on the bed. “Please tell me you didn’t.”
I couldn’t hide the hurt in my eyes as I shot him an incredulous look. “You shouldn’t even have to ask me that. You know I would never do that to…” I rubbed my hand over my slightly protruding belly, finding solace in knowing my little girl was safe inside her momma. “I would never do that to my baby.”
His expression softened, his lips turning up into a smile, and he nodded in the direction of the vibrant pink gun that stood out like a sore thumb in my lap. “I see you found your surprise.”
“I can’t believe he did this. I remember the first time he took me to the gun range and telling him I wanted one just like his, but in pink. I honestly didn’t think he remembered.” I ran my hand across the cold steel of the barrel. “How did he even get it in there without me noticing?”
“He didn’t.”
I slowly raised my head and Robbie was chewing his bottom lip with a look that screamed he was guilty. “What do you mean, he didn’t? How else would it have—”
“Hunter stopped by the day he left town. I guess he thought you’d feel safer having one of your own. It was supposed to be one of your Christmas presents, but since he couldn’t be here to give it to you himself, he asked me to slip it in your nightstand drawer and said you would know to find it there. I’m surprised it took you this long to notice it. He didn’t exactly choose a subtle color,” he chuckled under his breath.
“Wait… you saw him?! Wh-when? How?”
Robbie released a heavy sigh. “He saw you leaving for work that night and thought it would be best if he dropped it off while you weren’t here. He didn’t want to upset you more than he already had. I tried to get him to stay at least until your shift ended, but he had a plane to catch. I’m sorry, baby girl. I would have told you sooner, but at that point, he was already long gone.”
“No, it’s okay. Now that I know the real reason he left, I don’t blame him for not wanting to see me. I just can’t believe it took Jeremy to open my eyes and make me realize it.”
“Oh, I do not like where this is going…” His voice trailed off, and he weaved his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.
“He didn’t leave me because he thought I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” I could feel the lump forming in my throat. “He left me because he couldn’t handle being with someone like me. Someone who’s slept with nearly every guy my age within a quarter mile. I mean, let’s be serious here, Robbie. I’m a slut. Plain and simple. Who could possibly want to be with me?”
“Girl, if you weren’t pregnant right now, I would slap the shit out of you for thinking that way about yourself.”
“Robbie…” I groaned, knowing there was a lecture coming.
“No. You listen and you listen good. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Any man would be lucky to have you, and whatever Hunter’s hang-ups were for ending your relationship, I guarantee it was not because he thinks you’re a slut. You haven’t slept with another guy in over six months, Maddie, and the entire time you two were together, even those months before you officially started dating, you remained faithful. Now why do you think that is?”
My shoulders shrugged, and I hung my head, refusing to see the truth in his eyes when he spoke.
“Well, allow me to enlighten you then. It’s because you loved him. You still love him, and I’ll be damned if that man doesn’t love you just as fiercely and passionately as the day he first laid eyes on you.” I was about to argue, but he pushed his finger to my mouth, smashing my lips together. “Don’t you dare try to convince me otherwise! You know I’m right. Anyone would be a fool to deny how in love the two of you were. All you had to do was walk into a room together, and people couldn’t help but turn their heads. It was like there was a charge in the air the moment you two connected, and the spark between you ignited a fire so bright and so strong that it’s still burning.” He brushed his thumb along the curve of my jaw, lowering his voice to a more soothing tone. “That fire is still aflame, baby girl.”
“Then why isn’t he here with me now, huh? Why did he have to leave me? I’d love to hear what you have to say about that, since you seem to think you have all of the answers.”
“I don’t know, but I’m sure he had his reasons. You know how protective he was of you, and I’m sure he wouldn’t have made any decisions without considering how it would affect you first. Maybe he thought he was protecting you by breaking things off.”
“What could he possibly be protecting me from? Finding out that he has another girl waiting for him in Texas? Because really, hearing that would have hurt a lot less than the bullshit excuse he gave me.” My body shuddered as I fought back the tears. “I would have waited for him, Robbie. I gave him everything, every last part of me, and yet it still wasn’t enough.”
“You know he would never cheat on you. Yes, technically you guys aren’t together right now, but in my eyes, if you’re still in love with the person, it’s just as bad as cheating. Now, stop trying to fill your head with such nonsense, and get your cute butt over here.” He pulled me to my feet, locking his arms around my waist, and I buried my face in his chest as a sob sliced through my throat. Between the pregnancy hormones tossing my emotions through the wringer and the breakup still tugging at my heartstrings, I think I’d cried more over the last few months than I had in my entire life. I was exhausted, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle.
“Shhh, everything’s going to be all right, baby girl.” He stroked his hand over my hair and down my back. “I promise.”
I always hated when others tried to prove me wrong, but God, for once, just once, I hoped he was right.