“I hate you, Drew Kelly,” I stated. I did hate him. I was sick of him swooping in and out of my life and screwing everything up.
“That’s too bad because I love the shit out of you.”
“It’s not funny, Drew,” I pouted.
“I’m sorry.”
“You are not, you’re…whoa,” I stopped when the baby’s foot almost came out of my stomach.
“What’s wrong, Morgan?” Drew asked alarmed.
“Nothing, the baby just kicked me.”
“That’s because he is pissed off at you.”
“No. He’s pissed off at you for upsetting me.”
“No. He’s pissed off at you because you are making me miss it all. You should be in my bed, and my hand should be right there.”
Well, shit…
I was at my wits end. I couldn’t take either one of these men anymore. I needed to get away. I needed a break. My daily talks with Drew, sneaking off to meet him, lying to Dawson, Lauren thinking any of it was her business, I couldn’t take it. I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t decide on one of my men soon.
I stayed on the phone with Drew until almost eleven. I couldn’t hold my eyes open for one more second when I finally told him I was falling asleep and would talk to him the next day.
Although I did sleep well, I felt like a horrible person when I woke. I felt bad for betraying Dawson, I felt bad for leading Drew on, I felt bad for being a bad friend to Lauren and I felt bad for having Star lie for me.
I got up, dressed and headed into town. My first stop was to see Star. I needed to talk to someone that wasn’t going to judge me.
We took our coffee and headed to her office.
“Talk to me,” Star said. She knew something was up.
“Star. Help me. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.”
She sipped her coffee and peered over her cup. I couldn’t read her. Was she mad at me too? She sighed and sat her cup down.
“What’s your heart telling you, Ry?”
“I don’t know,” I whined. I had decided just the day before that I wanted Drew, but now that I was back in Misty Bay, I wanted Dawson.
Star took a sheet of paper and drew a line down the middle. I snickered a little. I had watched Drew do this same Ben Franklin close so many times on different prospects. I knew what she was doing.
“This is Dawson, and this is Drew,” she explained, writing their names at the top. “Only pluses first,” she said. “Tell me one reason why you love Dawson,” she persuaded with her pen ready to begin.
I went through a long list of why’s. He was sweet, he loved me, he could read me like a book, he knew how I liked my tea, he was there for me when I needed him, he had never made me feel beneath him, I went on and on.
Star had the whole side of the page filled. I could have probably thought of a few more, but I figured that was enough. She moved her pen just below Drew’s name and looked up to me waiting to start.
I snorted and sucked in a deep breath.
“Drew is so damn good in bed,” I said. Star smiled and wrote, great lover. “I can’t feel up a whole page with Drew, Star.” I told her honestly. “Drew drives me insane. Drew can push every button that I have. Drew makes me laugh when I feel like I am ready to fall apart, the sad part is, he doesn’t mean to. His scent, his lips, his eyes, his touch, they all drive me crazy. I wouldn’t say that is love, just something about him. Drew makes me want to swim with sharks. Dawson makes me realize the safer alternative.”
“Like what?” Star asked, she had stopped writing and was just listening now.
“Like feeding goldfish,” I laughed. It was the truth.
Dawson made me rationalize before I did stupid things.
Drew lived in the moment. Dawson would have never climbed up that rock wall, let alone had sex in the open universe.
“Can you talk to one more than the other?” she asked, tapping her pen on the desk in a slow tap, tap, tap, motion.
I thought for a second. “Not really. I mean, I guess I tend to keep silent more with Daw, I feel like I care about hurting his feeling more so than Drew. I don’t have a bit of problem telling Drew where to go. I don’t really talk to Dawson like that. He would never talk to me like that.”
“I see,” she replied.
“You see what?”
Star sat back and crossed her arms. “I think you know who you want to be with. I think you have known all along, and I think that you are afraid that the one person who could fix the pain is the one who caused it.”
“You think I should choose Drew?”
“I think you already have,” she spoke, honestly.
Fuck…
“But what if this baby turns out to be Dawson’s?
It’s a very good possibility.”
“Cross that bridge when it gets here. I’m going to miss you,” Star said, like she knew that I was going to leave. I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say. “You need to talk to Dawson, Ry.”
“I know,” I admitted. I just hated the thought of it.
“I don’t want to hurt him, Star.”
“You’re hurting him more by sneaking around with your husband.”
“Maybe, if he knew, that is.”
“He knows, Ry.”