“Riley, come here,” he tried. Fuck that. He wasn’t touching me, ever.
“Just fucking tell me, Dawson,” I demanded, still trying not to yell.
“Come out here and sit down. I will put on some tea, and we will talk.”
I stormed past him shoving his phone in his chest. I didn’t want to sit. I couldn’t sit. I walked out to the cold November chill in my sock feet. I needed air. I needed the brisk cold sea air. I felt like I was suffocating, and I didn’t know why.
Dawson left me alone while he heated water. It was probably best that he did. When I finally cooled off, I walked back in and sat at the table. I shivered, freezing from the cold air.
“Do you love her?” I asked, looking down at the table. I didn’t want to see his face when I got my answer.
“I don’t know, Ry. Lauren has been there for me through all of this. We spent hours together when you were missing.”
“How sweet,” I smartly, replied.
“Not like that. We spent hours looking for you.
You were gone almost five months before anything ever happened. We were only intimate twice before I found you.”
“Why didn’t you just leave me lost?”
“Because I love you. I still love you.”
“Do you want Lauren?”
“I don’t know how to answer that right now. I guess that is up to you.”
“Why would it be up to me?” I asked, turning to look at him.
He bought our teacups to the table and sat in front of me.
“If I thought for one second that you were going to divorce Drew and marry me and raise our family together, I wouldn’t want Lauren.”
“So, you are doing to her, what I have done to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you are putting her second because you feel obligated to make things work with me.”
“Is that what you have been doing, Riley?”
“Not on purpose, but I guess so. It’s always been Drew, Daw. I didn’t always realize that, but it’s a fact.
We could have been happy had things not have happened the way that they did. If I wouldn’t have forgotten who I was and fallen in love with my husband for the first time, things may have been different. I do love you. You have been my safety blanket from day one.”
“You want out too, don’t you?”
“Yes. I didn’t go to my mother’s. I have been with Drew.”
“I kind of figured as much, and it wasn’t the first time. Was it”
I shook my head.
“What about the baby, Riley. If this is my kid, I want to be a part of his life.”
I smiled at him. I couldn’t help it. “I know, and I would never keep you from that. I would actually be a little relieved if I knew that Lauren was going to be the other female in his life.”
He smiled too. I think at that point we were both praying that this little boy wasn’t his.
“I’m glad that I had the opportunity to know and love you,” Dawson, quietly said.
I don’t know why that bothered me, but it did. I think because I knew he was at the place where he was telling me goodbye. I quickly swiped the escaped tear.
“Riley?” Dawson said, sadly, wanting me to look at him.
“I’m not Riley, Dawson. I’m Morgan.”
He smiled a weak smile. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yes. I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse. I’ll manage.”
“Yes you have, and I hope the rest of your life is full of nothing but happiness.”
I stood and walked toward the front door. I’d had enough for one night. I wanted Dawson to leave. “You can come and get your stuff whenever you want,” I said, placing my hand on the door knob.
Dawson removed my hand and pulled me toward him. He held me tight, and I was trying with all of my might not to cry. It didn’t work, and I let go. I cried in Dawson’s shirt for the last time.
He pulled away after a bit and held my face with his hands. He bent a little so that we were at level eye contact. “I love you, Riley, and don’t you ever think that I didn’t.”
“I love you too, Dawson. I swear I do.”
I closed the door behind him, feeling like I was closing the door on that fragment of my life. I knew it was over for good this time, and I was hurt. I wasn’t surprised, but I was definitely hurting. I wanted Drew. I didn’t call him though. I needed time first. I instead called my mom and cried to her for over an hour.
She didn’t speak and only listened until I was done sobbing and had cried out the last of my tears.
“Now that you are done, I think I should tell you something,” she finally spoke.
“No, Mom. I can’t deal with anymore tonight. I’m coming out there tomorrow. I can’t stay here. Save it for another day, please,” I begged. She didn’t.