Under the Open Sky

Chapter Twenty-Four

Amanda settled into the cabin, her relationship with her father and brother tenuous at best. Both were being more kind to her but there was a strain that had never been there before. Amanda busied herself catching up on the ranch books that had been let go in her absence and put in her three afternoons in town. Fortunately Molly proved that she was a discreet person and none of Amanda’s family, or Jenny was anxious to feed the rumor mills. Amanda knew that in a few weeks everyone was going to know anyway, but she needed this time to deal with things herself before folks started whispering behind her back or point blank started asking her questions.

Amanda read in one of her pregnancy books where some women kept a journal for their baby when they were older. Amanda decided to keep one for Cade. Perhaps it was more for her, but it proved cathartic. Her first entry read:

Cade,

It’s funny how perception and perspective change. The night we made love I felt so grown up, so sure of everything. Now I feel so young and scared of becoming a mom on my own at nineteen. I don’t regret our time together though. I love you and I miss you so bad it still hurts. I don’t know where you are or why I haven’t heard from you; I hope I do soon. I’ll try to be a good mother to our child.

As Amanda headed into her second trimester, her stomach settled and she began to feel more like herself as her energy returned, though she did often nap if she had a particularly busy day. She was now almost two months in to her second trimester and her clothing was starting to get a little tight. Amanda could stand in front of the mirror undressed and definitely tell she was pregnant; in her regular clothes she simply looked as though she had gained some weight.

One Saturday morning as she sat on her couch reading from one of her baby books, Amanda heard a car in the drive. It was a pleasant day and the door stood open so Amanda waited to see who came to the screen door.

“Good morning, Mandy,” Jenny greeted brightly.

“Good morning,” Amanda returned her smile.

“I have come to get you out of this house,” her friend announced and then surveyed her. Amanda sat in a pair of shorts and Cade’s shirt she had been wearing when her father ran him off.

“First, I think you need to dress.”

“Where are we going?” Amanda demanded as she stood to dress.

“Shopping.”

“Great,” Amanda said with no real interest. She didn’t bother arguing though and went to trade Cade’s shirt for one of her own and stepped into a pair of sandals. Who knew if it would remain warm enough to wear them much longer.

Several minutes later Amanda was wishing she had asked more questions before agreeing to shop with Jenny.

“Well, come on,” Jenny grabbed her arm and dragged her into a maternity and baby store.

“I’m not even showing yet,” Amanda argued.

“No, but you complained that some of your pants are getting tight; you have to do this sooner or later so let’s do it together,” Jenny turned to look at her friend pointedly.

“Right,” Amanda nodded.

“Hi, Mandy; hi Jenny,” Lisa Wesley greeted. She had graduated with Amanda and Jenny. “I haven’t seen you two in like three forevers,” Lisa was smiling at them. She wore a name tag; she worked here, Amanda realized with a flutter of nerves.

“Hi, Lisa,” Amanda returned.

“You guys looking for a gift; can I help you find something?”

“Thanks, but I think we can find what we’re looking for. It’s good to see you, Lisa. If we need any help, we’ll find you,” Jenny offered a polite smile to their old school acquaintance.

“Alright; you do that,” Lisa turned and moved back to the front of the store.

Amanda looked around at the bloated mannequins; all the latest fashions draped over protruding bellies and cringed. She was going to get huge!

“You look ready to panic, Mandy. Take a deep breath,” Jenny, grasped her arm lightly.

Amanda did as ordered and felt her nerves settle a little.

“Better?”

“Better,” Amanda nodded.

“You’ll be adorable; you always look fabulous.”

“Pregnant?”

“Yes, even pregnant. Look at this dress; isn’t it cute?” Jenny extended a green baby doll type dress.

“I guess,” Amanda reached out and took it as she eyed it critically. Several minutes later Jenny shoved her into a dressing room with a mound of clothes. Amanda changed into a pair of maternity jeans and a blue top that was fitted at the bust and then draped over her softly rounded belly. Amanda’s eyes widened; okay, so she looked more pregnant than she realized. Of course her regular clothes hid the roundness of her belly at this point but Jenny was right, they were getting snug and uncomfortable. Amanda settled her hand on her belly and rubbed it gently. The baby had been fluttering and making its presence known for a few weeks now.

“Mandy, you okay in there?” Jenny called.

“Yeah,” Amanda stepped from the dressing room.

She watched Jenny smile.

“You look adorable, and much more comfortable,” Jenny supplied.

“Hey Amanda, oh wow, look at you!” Lisa was back. “You’re so cute, but then you always have been beautiful. Congratulations,” Lisa offered.

Amanda felt a smile actually tug at her mouth. “Thanks,” she returned, her hand moving to cover her belly in a protective gesture.

“How far along are you?”

“About four and half months; eighteen weeks.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you were involved with anyone, of course, as I’ve said I haven’t seen you for how long?”

“Cade and I were dating.”

“Were?” Lisa looked concerned. Amanda knew Lisa wasn’t the catty type and took a deep breath to answer.

“Her dad and brother went a little berserk,” Jenny supplied. “I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“Oh, sweetie, you tell those two to mind their own business!” Lisa recommended.

“I’ve tried,” Amanda assured her.

“Well, let me help you find what you need,” Lisa turned and started moving through the store. By the time Amanda left she had enough maternity clothes to get her started and a couple of sleepers that she hadn’t been able to resist buying for the baby. When Jenny stopped at the hardware store, Amanda frowned.

“What color nursery do you want?”

“Pale green,” Amanda offered decisively.

“Let’s have it mixed while we get the stuff to paint.”

“Thank you, Jenny,” Amanda smiled at her friend.

“For what? I’m having fun,” Jenny grinned back.

That afternoon Amanda and Jenny painted Trent’s old room together after having, Kyle and Steven, two of the hands, clear out the unneeded furniture. The room was now starting to look soft and clean; all she needed was a crib, a rocker, a changing table, Amanda almost groaned at the thought.

“Wow, you girls have been busy,” Naomi spoke from the doorway to the room. “It’s looking nice in here.”

“Jenny gave me the nudge I needed to get started,” Amanda shared.

“Good,” Naomi nodded. She lingered for a few minutes before disappearing. When she returned later that afternoon it was with Trent and one of the hands in tow.

“You may or may not want to use any of these things but I thought you might want to look them over; some of them have been in the family for years,” her aunt indicated several baby items.

A wicker bassinet was among them, all the ruffles freshly cleaned according to her aunt. An antique rocking chair that Amanda recognized from her Aunt’s own bedroom and a changing table completed the furniture Naomi had delivered.

“Your old crib is around too, but after you got your head stuck trying to get out I would recommend you buy a new one,” her aunt advised.

Amanda laughed and moved to hug her aunt. “Thanks, Naomi.”

“You’re welcome; now I have to get back to supper, why don’t you two join us. You’ve both been working hard today,” Naomi invited.

“I’ll take you up on that,” Amanda nodded.

“Your Aunt Naomi has kind of surprised me,” Jenny admitted.

“Me too,” Amanda smiled; then frowned. “Jenny?”

“Yes?”

“You don’t think he used me do you?” Amanda couldn’t help asking.

“No! Mandy, no! Cade loves you anyone can see that,” Jenny protested. “In fact, you remember the day Angie came swimming over here and you all went to eat afterward?”

“Yeah; why?”

“That night after Angie came home she was laughing. When I asked her why she turns to me and says ‘I can’t believe it! Cade Winston is head over heels for Trent’s baby sister!’”

“She said that from one evening in town when nothing remarkable happened?”

“She did; she talked like it was pretty obvious. And, Mandy, I saw it too.”

Amanda was quiet as she contemplated Jenny’s words. After she and Jenny finished up in the nursery, Amanda changed into some of her new maternity clothes and she and Jenny walked up to the main house together.

“You really do look cute; I’m almost jealous,” Jenny told her.

“Jealous?” Amanda glanced at her friend as though she was nuts.

“I love babies,” Jenny sighed.

They entered the house and both men glanced over Amanda, their gazes settling on her rounded abdomen. Amanda looked at Jenny to find a bemused expression on her face.

“They act as though they’ve never seen a pregnant woman!” Jenny whispered before sitting down at the table. Amanda smiled at her friend.

Later that night, Amanda settled in the rocking chair where it sat in the newly painted nursery and rubbed her belly lightly before opening the journal and starting to write.

Cade,

Today Jenny and I painted the nursery a soft green and moved a few pieces of baby furniture in. I also bought my first maternity clothes; I wasn’t excited at first. Now I’m glad I did. Today made it all so real to me. This little one who flutters inside me is really going to arrive in a few months. I bought a sleeper today; a cute little green one with a bunny on the front. I can’t believe how small it is. After I opened it this evening I just stared at it, trying to imagine a warm little body wiggling and stretching inside it. I miss you.

Amanda brushed out Dandelion’s coat and enjoyed being close to her horse even if she wasn’t supposed to be riding right now. She needed out of the house, anyway; sitting and staring at the four walls was only driving her crazy.

“Hi, Greg,” Amanda smiled at the man as he entered. He was one of the younger hands, only a few years older than her brother, though Amanda had never gotten to know him as well as she had some of the others.

“Hey, Mandy,” he nodded and started to pass, only to veer his course before stopping to stand before her, his face troubled.

“Look, Mandy, I know this is none of my business and Ben wouldn’t really like me saying anything to you, but it don’t make sense, Mandy,” Greg announced.

Amanda frowned, not sure what he was saying. “What doesn’t make sense, Greg?”

“Cade’s leaving and not coming back; it don’t make sense,” the man’s brown eyes were earnest.

“It doesn’t,” she agreed.

“No, I mean, what I’m sayin’ is,” the man stopped and sighed. “Look, Ben and your Daddy, they told us not to talk to you about Cade but you should know this, Mandy. Cade was crazy over you! We all knew it; we all teased him about unmercifully when Benjamin wasn’t around. A summer or two ago; I don’t remember exactly, before your brother started inviting him to stay at the house so he could keep closer tabs on him,” he paused and watched her nod; she knew her brother had been keeping tabs on Cade.

“Well, he brought home this box he kept shoved under his bed and Steven kept teasing him to share, he thought there was something…anyway,” Greg was blushing. “One day Steven pulled it out while Cade was distracted; it was full of your letters, lots of them and what looked like stuff you had sent him. He kept your picture in his wallet. It don’t make sense, Mandy; It don’t,” Greg insisted.

“Thanks for sharing, Greg,” Amanda said sincerely; it was nice to know that others had expected him to return as well.

“He said he loved you.”

“What?” Amanda’s gaze snapped back up.

“One night Steven, Jason, and Nate were teasing him and he got angry, stood up, and said: ‘Yeah, I love her, what of it?’ We was all so floored we just stared at him.”

Amanda blinked against tears, he’d never actually said as much to her; but then she hadn’t said as much to him either, she reminded herself.

“Thanks,” she smiled at Greg.

“I thought for sure he’d kick old man Harris’s son’s ass one day too. You know James, right?” he referred a nearby rancher’s son; the man was a nuisance.

“Yes,” Amanda nodded.

“He said some stuff about you…it weren’t nice about what he would like to do…anyway, had me and Jason not grabbed Cade I think he woulda really torn his ass up; we kinda all wanted to,” Greg hesitated a moment before continuing. “Your dad said he would fire any man who tried contacting Cade or who went looking for him. We all came to be real good friends after a while and none of was to happy to see Cade go; he was a hard worker and we all liked him.”

“I know Daddy doesn’t want anyone talking about him or finding him; I keep running into a brick wall in town. It’s as if the whole community, with the exception of a few of my friends, has suddenly forgotten who Cade was. Daddy has too much pull in this town for his own good,” Amanda returned on a sigh.

“I just wanted you to know, Mandy; we all know he loves you.”

“Thanks so much, Greg,” Amanda, tears threatening, smiled at him.

“Yeah; good luck, Mandy.”

Greg turned and continued to one of the horses’ stalls.

Amanda finished grooming Dandelion and then walked slowly back to her cabin, she was encouraged by Greg’s words and even more confused by Cade’s silence.