The tattoo King had given me was on full display for the crowd.
There was nothing anyone could do. My father could rush to cover me up but that would make it look like he didn’t approve. He could address it, but that would make it worse. I turned and shot them both a look that told them that I was not one to be fucked with. With one last wave to the crowd, who was now gossiping amongst themselves in loud whispers like a pack of rabid mean girls, I left the stage.
I walked along the property line to the back of the house, not wanting to deal with any of the party-goers that might have been lingering on the walkway from the back patio to the house.
“What the heck was that?” Tanner asked, jogging to catch up to me as I passed the treehouse oak. “What was that, Ray?” he repeated.
I stopped and turned around to face him. “That was me not being stepped on! You said I could have time. The look on your face in front of those people said you already think this is real. But it’s not real Tanner. Not to me. I’m not ready. And I may have loved you once, actually I know I loved you once, but I don’t even know if it was romantic love. I love that you are kind to our son and I respect the hell out of you for everything you’ve been through, and I hate that I’ve hurt you. But I don’t want to be with you like that right now. Not when my heart still belongs elsewhere.”
“What do you expect from me, Ray? To be sorry that I’m happy to be your husband? Because I’m not. I’m not sorry I married you, whatever the reason. You are the love of my life for Christ’s sake! Always have been. We were always meant to be together. So, of course I jumped at the chance to announce it to the world, because it was always meant to happen.” Tanner’s eyes softened and he took a step toward me, folding his hand around my wrist.
“No, Tanner,” I said, pulling out of his reach. “Don’t.”
Tanner ignored me and reached around my neck to pull me toward him. He softly pressed his lips against mine, and I just stood there and let it happen. His lips were soft and warm, his breath cool against my skin. I imagined that Tanner really was the one who I wanted, but instead of recalling feelings for him, King’s angry face kept flashing in my mind. Tanner opened his mouth and I reluctantly followed his lead, his tongue dancing on mine. In a way I wished for the memories to come flooding back. For me to feel what it was he wanted me to feel. But as we continued to kiss and his hands slid from my neck to my waist, the only thing I felt…was wrong. Beyond wrong.
I pushed against his chest, but he moaned in to my mouth and held me tighter. I tried again and when he didn’t budge I bit down. Instantly he reeled back, holding his hand against his bloodied bottom lip. “You are ruining everything I thought I felt about you. Don’t make a mess of what I do remember about us.”
“I’m the one making a mess of this?” he laughed. “You ruined everything when you went after Nikki. You couldn’t just let her go. I told you a hundred times not to get mixed up in her mess of a life but no, you had to let her drag you down with her. You put her above your family by going after her, by getting hurt, by going away. You are the one who ruined us that night. Not me. I’m trying to save us while you’re hell bent on destroying us! So fuck you, Ray! You broke my heart when you left. You smashed it to pieces when you came back. And I don’t know who you think you are, but you aren’t the Ray I knew. And this person I see before me? I kind of fucking hate her right now,” Tanner said. He turned and stormed off into the darkness.
I opened my mouth to call after him but I didn’t know what else I could say. He was hurt and I’d done the hurting. I’d nothing but make one stupid decision after another since I’d been there. It was stupid of me to flaunt the tattoo. I’d acted out of anger. But that didn’t give him the right to treat me like I was a commodity that could be bought or traded…or married.
Although that was exactly what I was.
Chapter Nineteen
Doe
I closed the door to my room and pressed my forehead against it. Devastated doesn’t begin to cover how I felt. King was dead and I’d lost my only friend because I was stupid enough to think that I could use a marriage certificate as a tool to get what I so desperately wanted.
A family. A real family that I chose, just like I’d chosen King and Preppy.
I let out a frustrated scream and clenched my fists, banging on the door until I was all out of fight. I rubbed my lips to erase the taste of Tanner until they felt raw.
“Take your fucking clothes off,” a deep voice growled.
Awareness washed over me like static electricity.