The Beautiful Widow

CHAPTER FIVE



‘YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE asked him in for coffee.’ Toni fairly hissed the words in her mother’s ear as they presided over the girls’ undressing. ‘You really shouldn’t have.’

‘Why ever not, dear?’ Vivienne said airily.

‘He’s my boss. It’s just not … done.’

‘Nonsense.’ Vivienne whisked Daisy up into her arms.

Toni gave her mother a helpless glance and then decided not to pursue the conversation, aware of little ears flapping. Determined she was still going to put the girls to bed—Steel had known what she intended when he’d accepted her mother’s invitation after all—she sent her mother downstairs and supervised the twins’ bath time. Once they were in their pyjamas, looking impossibly angelic with flushed cheeks and tousled curls, Amelia declared she wanted to go downstairs to say goodnight to the steel man. ‘I want to see him, Mummy. Just for a minute?’

Toni kept her voice bright and pleasant when she said, ‘He’s talking to Grandad, honeybee, so maybe another time.’

‘Ple-e-e-ase, Mummy? Please.’

Daisy glanced from her twin to her mother and then added her own plea, tugging on Toni’s skirt. ‘Me too, Mummy. Me too.’

As they’d been speaking Toni had heard her mother coming upstairs. Vivienne had obviously caught the gist of what they’d been saying as she now put her head round the door, saying, ‘I can take them down.’

The twins, sensing an ally in their grandmother, increased their entreaties. ‘Please, Mummy. Just for a little while.’

Toni found she was hanging onto her patience by a thread. She didn’t want her children getting to know Steel, or any other man for that matter; her home was a place apart from the world outside its four walls. But that was the rub. This wasn’t her home, it was her parents', and her mother had every right to invite whomsoever she liked in for coffee.

Was she being ridiculous and churlish? she asked herself wearily, knowing the answer was in the affirmative. Sighing, she said to the two little faces looking up at her so imploringly, ‘Just a quick goodnight, then, I mean it, and then I’ll read you a story in bed before you settle down.’

The twins shot off, Vivienne following more slowly with Toni bringing up the rear. When she walked out to the patio it was to see Daisy—shy, timid little Daisy—standing in front of Steel with one small hand resting on his knee as she told him some story or other about what had happened at nursery that day. ‘An’ Miss Brown told him to come back an’ say sorry but he wouldn’t, would he, Melia?’

Amelia, who was sitting on her grandfather’s knee, shook her damp curls. ‘He put his tongue out at Miss Brown,’ she volunteered.

‘An’ that’s very naughty, isn’t it?’ Daisy said indignantly.

Steel nodded seriously. ‘Very, I’d say.’

‘Tyler?’ Toni asked over her daughter’s head.

‘The very same,’ Steel said solemnly.

Daisy looked up at her mother. ‘He put a flutterby—’

‘A butterfly,’ Amelia corrected. ‘They’re called butterflies.’

‘He put a butterfly in the crayon tin an’ wouldn’t let it out an’ tried to kick me when I got the lid off an’ it flew away.’

‘You did that?’ asked Toni, amazed. Daisy was frightened of Tyler; all the children were. ‘You got the tin away from him?’

Daisy nodded vigorously. ‘It was only a little one an’ it was scared. It wanted its mummy.’

Toni touched her child’s curls. ‘That was a kind thing to do, my sweet, but now this mummy wants both her little girls tucked up in bed, so say goodnight to Grandma and Grandad and Mr Landry. Quickly now.’

Daisy ran to her grandfather and he gave both little girls a kiss and then Vivienne did the same; when they reached Steel they clearly expected him to follow suit and he didn’t disappoint them. Toni’s heart seemed to stop beating for a moment as he bent forward, tenderly kissing each small forehead as he said, ‘Goodnight, Amelia. Goodnight, Daisy. I hope Tyler behaves himself tomorrow.’

‘He won’t,’ said Amelia, turning as Toni led the girls away.

‘He never does,’ added Daisy, beaming at Steel, who smiled back. ‘Miss Brown says he’s got ants in his pants.’

The twins were asleep even before Toni finished reading the story they’d chosen, but she continued to sit for a moment in the quiet room, faint echoes of conversation and laughter from the garden drifting up to her. She felt so het up her nerves were stretched to breaking point and her stomach was in knots, and yet really nothing was wrong. Her mother had invited her boss in for a coffee when he’d been nice enough to drop her home. What was wrong with that?

Nothing and everything. When the boss was Steel Landry.

She’d just stepped onto the small landing when her mother came upstairs. Toni took one look at Vivienne’s face and said, ‘What? What have you done, Mum?’ as her stomach plummeted.

‘Now don’t be cross, dear, but I’ve asked Steel if he’d like to stay for a bite to eat,’ Vivienne said defensively.

Toni said nothing; she couldn’t. Words had failed her.

‘It was only polite, after all. He must have been able to smell the beef casserole I’ve got in the oven and there’s plenty. He was only going to go back to an empty apartment, bless him, and a man should come home to a hot meal in the evening.’

Bless him? ‘He’s got a daily who sees to the apartment and his meals, Mum,’ Toni hissed through gritted teeth. ‘He’s not little orphan Annie.’

‘Talking of Annie,’ Vivienne continued, completely undeterred by her daughter’s simmering fury, ‘he was telling your father and I about his sister. He thinks the world of her, doesn’t he? And he must be worried to death. That man’s got a lot on his shoulders, Toni. Offering him a meal after how good he’s been to you was the least we could do.’

Toni gave up. She didn’t know what had been said downstairs, but for some reason her mother had decided Steel was in need of comfort and sustenance. Anyway, it was too late now. The deed was done. Trying to keep her voice from betraying just how angry with her mother she was, she muttered, ‘What did he say when you asked him?’ as it dawned on her Steel had been put in a very awkward position. He’d probably only accepted the offer of a cup of coffee to be polite, and now here was her mother pressing him to stay for a meal. Would he think she was in cahoots with her mother, that she was attempting to inveigle her way in with the boss by the back door? Worse, would he suspect she fancied him and had asked her mother to pave the way? Joy had said women fell over themselves to sleep with him. Would he assume she was prepared to assume the role of much more than his interior designer?

‘What did he say?’ Vivienne wrinkled her brow. ‘Something about he wouldn’t like to impose, I think, but I told him there was no question of that and we’d love him to stay.’

Toni groaned. ‘Mum, he was trying to say no.’

‘Nonsense, dear. He was just being polite.’

‘You probably totally embarrassed him.’

‘Of course I didn’t.’ Vivienne’s tone was sharper; she couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. He’d looked so pleased when she’d asked him, poor soul. ‘You weren’t there, Toni, so don’t make assumptions. I’m going down to put a few more new potatoes on to go with the casserole, so if you want to change and come down in a minute, you can open a bottle of wine. All right?’ And with that Vivienne sailed off, bristling under her daughter’s criticism, her grey curls bobbing with righteous indignation.

Toni shut her eyes for a moment. Somehow she had been manoeuvred into the most ridiculous position; she could strangle her mother. This was so embarrassing.

Tiptoeing back into the girls’ room, she opened the wardrobe, which held some of her things along with a selection of the girls’ clothes. The rest of their clothes were packed in two enormous suitcases under the girls’ beds; there simply wasn’t room for them anywhere else.

The June evening was warm but, in view of her earlier thoughts, she didn’t intend to dress up in one of the floaty summer dresses she had. Steel might already have the wrong idea about her; she wasn’t about to confirm she was trying to seduce him. With this in mind she pulled on a pair of casual white linen trousers and a sleeveless tunic in a soft jade colour, brushing out her hair and leaving it loose about her shoulders after she had cleaned her face free of make-up. Part of her was itching to put on some mascara and lip gloss as she surveyed her scrubbed, squeaky-clean image in the bathroom mirror, but she resisted the temptation. She was not going to titivate in the slightest; just the opposite, in fact.

Thrusting her feet into a pair of old flip-flops, she went downstairs, so nervous she had to pause in the hall and unclench her fingers, which were in tight fists at her side.

Her mother had clearly already opened the bottle of wine. When she walked through to the patio Steel and her parents were deep in conversation, a bottle of red on the table and four wine glasses half full. The somnolent air was rich with the scents from the potted plants and herbs that were her father’s pride and joy, and as she paused in the doorway the three of them laughed at something that had been said. There was a naturalness to the scene, an easy-going atmosphere that made Toni feel all at odds with the others. They seemed to know each other and yet they’d only just met; it was silly but she felt horribly left out and almost betrayed, as if Steel Landry had intruded into that part of her life she had to keep separate from any outside influences.

Steel looked up and saw her. His hand had been reaching for his wine glass and it paused momentarily, his crystal eyes narrowing. Then his fingers closed round the stem and his voice was smoky when he said, ‘Toni, we were wondering where you’d got to. Come and sit down and have a glass of wine.’

His words reinforced the strange feeling but also provided the shot of adrenaline she needed to walk out into the evening air with a polite smile on her face. ‘I hear my mother’s roped you in for a meal,’ she said coolly. ‘I hope that won’t upset Maggie if she’s got one of her wonderful dinners prepared.’

The thick black lashes swept down to hide the expression in his eyes for a moment. ‘Maggie’s away for a couple of days,’ he said smoothly, his gaze encompassing Vivienne and William as he added, ‘We all need a break now and again.’

‘Absolutely.’ Vivienne sent a triumphant glance her daughter’s way. ‘I’m sure she’d be glad to know you’re having a hot meal.’

Her father’s look was more of a reproof, stating—as if she didn’t know—that she was being uncharacteristically rude to a guest. Feeling as though she were a recalcitrant child who had been put in her place, Toni reached for her glass of wine. In all her wildest dreams she hadn’t expected her first day at work to end like this, she thought with a faint touch of hysteria.

They ate at the small patio table, which was disturbingly cosy. Her mother’s casserole followed by sherry trifle couldn’t compete with Maggie’s culinary expertise, but Steel further endeared himself to Vivienne by having second helpings of everything and declaring every mouthful delicious.

Toni struggled to eat anything. If it weren’t for the effect he had on her; if the owner of Landry Enterprises had been an elderly, white-haired gentleman or a geek type or even a Flash Harry, she would have handled this situation perfectly well, but Steel … Steel was Steel. Devastatingly attractive and every bit as dangerous; more powerful and sure of himself than anyone she’d met and a man who had a different woman for every day of the week, if half the rumours about him were to be believed. And she believed them, every one of them. Look how he had her mother eating out of his hand; her father too, come to it.

When her mother bustled inside to fix some coffee, refusing Toni’s offer of help with a cheery, ‘I can manage perfectly well, dear,’ a soft twilight was falling, bathing the tiny garden in scented intimate shadows. It was a beautiful evening, the sort of night when lovers would take a long slow walk along country lanes wrapped in each other’s arms, Toni thought with a pang of longing, before silently chastising herself for such a notion. Whatever was the matter with her?

But she didn’t need to ask. She had never been so aware of another human being in her life as she was of Steel tonight. Every slight movement he’d made, every intonation of his voice had shot along her nerves like liquid fire. The breadth of his shoulders outlined under his shirt—his jacket long since having been discarded— the sculptured bone structure and hard handsome face, and not least the big predatory male body had dried her mouth and caused her heart to palpitate. And over and over had drummed the thought that she had committed herself to working with this man, that he was her boss, that she couldn’t escape him. And would she want to, even if she could?

‘I’m just going to get my pipe and baccy.’ Her father ambled to his feet and Toni had to resist the urge to grab hold of him and demand he stay as she watched him enter the house.

‘Don’t worry, you’re not alone with me.’ Steel’s voice held dark amusement and as her eyes shot to his face he nodded at the high brick wall dividing the gardens. A small robin was perched there surveying them with bright black eyes, head slightly on one side. ‘We have a chaperone on hand.’

‘Don’t be silly, I’m not worried,’ she lied quickly. ‘I’m just embarrassed my mother wouldn’t take no for an answer when she suggested you stay for dinner. She’s never worked outside the home, you see. She’s got no idea of how things are done in the modern world. She still operates half a century behind the times, I’m afraid.’

‘Don’t apologise for her, she’s great, and for the record I had no intention of saying no when she asked.’ He settled back in his chair, his eyes pure mother-of-pearl in the fading light. ‘I wanted to stay.’

‘Oh.’ Taken aback at his frankness, Toni nodded helplessly. ‘I see.’

‘I doubt it.’ There was lingering amusement in the curl of his mouth, but he didn’t elaborate, instead continuing, ‘Amelia and Daisy are delightful. They’re a credit to you.’

‘Thank you.’ She had stiffened slightly as he spoke.

‘Very different personalities; almost like the two halves which make up their mother.’

She was taking a sip of wine, but was surprised into looking at the pearly eyes. She couldn’t resist asking, ‘What does that mean?’

‘One so sure of herself and how she sees the world; a go-getter with boundless enthusiasm and a zest for life. The other more shy and vulnerable, needing to know she’s safe and secure, holding on to what she knows because she’s afraid of getting hurt.’

Toni stared at him, a hot prickly sensation running up and down her spine as she saw he was perfectly serious. His insight unnerved her totally and to combat the weakness she took refuge in a feigned cynicism, managing a scornful little smile before she said, ‘And you saw all that in two little girls in, what—five minutes? I hardly think so.’

‘You’re telling me I’m wrong?’ His voice was mild, reasonable.

‘Of course, Amelia and Daisy are much more complex than that.’

‘I wasn’t talking about the twins.’

Toni took a deep breath. He was her boss and she needed this job, but she was blowed if she was putting up with whatever game he was playing. ‘Don’t attempt to analyse me when you’ve hardly spent any time in my company,’ she said tightly.

He didn’t seem the least offended. In fact he smiled, the hard angles of his face breaking up into attractive curves. ‘Fair enough,’ he said silkily, ‘but I know I’m right. Tonight you look about sixteen, do you know that? And infinitely more lovely than the capable career woman of daylight hours. I thought at first that I was seeing you with the outer shell removed, but that’s not true, is it? It’s still there, it’s just taken a different form.

What would it take for you to relax, really relax in a man’s company, Toni?’

She cleared her dry throat. ‘I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.’

‘At work you’re a remarkably gifted and enterprising woman, one who isn’t afraid to take chances and think outside the box. And such enthusiasm is catching. You’ve certainly excited me,’ he said, deadpan, before adding, ‘I can’t wait to see the finished apartments in due course.’

She stared at him, flustered and confused. When he’d said she excited him for a moment she’d thought … But he hadn’t meant she excited him, she told herself in a hot flush of embarrassment at her ridiculous assumption. Merely that her plans for the apartments did. She had to get a hold of herself around this man.

‘But then the other side of you is incredibly wary and suspicious,’ he went on softly, ‘which is perfectly understandable after all that’s happened.’

Her chin rose. ‘I’m not wary and suspicious. That’s nonsense. I admit I’m very aware of being a single mother with two small children depending on me, and I certainly don’t intend to be the sort of woman who introduces a succession of “uncles” to them either. That simply won’t happen, now or in the future.’

‘I’m glad to hear it,’ he said solemnly.

Her lips tightened. Was he laughing at her? Anger made her speak before she thought as she bit out, ‘And we’re better off keeping it to just the three of us. I won’t allow them to be let down again. We’re perfectly happy just as we are.’

‘You love them very much,’ he stated quietly. ‘Don’t you?’

‘They are everything to me and I to them. It’s always been that way since they were born.’

‘And their father? Where did he fit in?’

Not sure if she sensed criticism, she glared at him. ‘You needn’t feel sorry for Richard. He wanted nothing to do with the girls. I didn’t shut him out or anything.’

‘I didn’t say I felt sorry for him, I asked where he fitted in. That’s quite different.’

Yes, it was, and she didn’t know why every word he said caught her on the raw. She swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry, I thought …’ She looked away but the robin had gone. She really was on her own with him now. Gathering her thoughts, she said flatly, ‘Richard was the sort of man who should never have fathered children. He didn’t like them. It was as simple as that. He had no time for little ones, none at all.’

‘Not even his own?’

If she hadn’t been so tense she would have smiled at the incredulity in his voice. ‘Not really. We knew each other for such a short time before we got married, just twelve weeks or so.’ Stupid. Very stupid. ‘He was … different afterwards, but by the time I was beginning to think we’d made a mistake I found out I was expecting a baby. Two, as it happens.’ She gave a wan smile but his dark face was still in the lengthening shadows. ‘I’d had a stomach upset on honeymoon. They said it had probably interfered with the pill. Richard wanted me to have an abortion and we rowed terribly when I refused.’

She shifted slightly in her chair, wondering why she was telling this to Steel Landry, of all people. ‘I’d always thought my going through with having the babies had made our marriage the way it was, blamed myself for it, I suppose, although I would never have considered doing anything else but what I did. Of course I knew nothing about the gambling, this whole other life he lived. Whether I could have helped him if I’d found out, I don’t know.’

‘Not if he didn’t want to be helped,’ Steel said quietly. ‘The first step in conquering any form of addiction has to be a desire to be rid of it.’

She nodded. ‘I suppose so.’

‘I know so.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘My father was an alcoholic, on and off the wagon once or twice a year. Most of the time he was a good husband and father, but when he was on a bender …’ He shook his head. ‘But my mother loved him. He’d been on the wagon for months before they went out one night with friends to celebrate their twentieth wedding anniversary. He started drinking that night and although he wasn’t falling-over drunk when he left the pub he was on his way. Apparently, according to one of their friends, my mother wanted to drive but he wouldn’t let her. He changed when he was drunk and she wasn’t strong enough with him so she gave in. He killed himself and my mother and a young couple with a four-month-old baby in the crash that followed.’

‘Steel …’ Even in the darkness she sensed his pain.

‘If my mother had phoned me I would have gone and picked them up, she knew that. I’d just bought my first old jalopy.’ He stopped abruptly and she felt rather than saw him take control. When he next spoke his voice was flat, cool. ‘He liked it too much to want to be rid of it, that was the thing. Just like your ex. When the need was there it didn’t matter about anything or anyone. An addiction does that. It’s evil.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.

‘It was a long time ago. I’m merely illustrating the truth that you couldn’t have helped Richard unless he was willing.’

It might have been a long time ago but he was still hurting. Toni leant forward but the words she’d been about to say were never voiced. Instead her mother bustled out of the house, her father following with the tray of coffee, and the moment was lost.

It was only ten minutes or so later that her parents said they were going to bed and took their leave of Steel. ‘We find it’s early to bed and early to rise since the twins came,’ Vivienne said with a smile. ‘It’s been a long time since Toni was small and I’d forgotten what energy little children have.’

Steel had stood up to shake their hands. Now he watched them go and resumed his seat as he said, ‘I must let you get to bed too. I’ll finish my coffee and make tracks, OK?’

Toni nodded but made no comment. It hadn’t escaped her notice that for the last ten minutes or so Steel had concentrated on talking to her parents and had barely glanced her way. To all intents and purposes nothing had changed since he’d divulged the facts about his father, but she could sense a definite coolness where there’d been warmth before. It shouldn’t matter but it did. He clearly regretted talking to her. Maybe he thought she would gossip? She wondered how she could reassure him without bringing up a subject he clearly didn’t want to discuss any more.

Looking at her, Steel knew exactly what she was thinking. Her face was very expressive, the exact opposite of most of the cool, elegant, superbly controlled women he liked to date. She was the exact opposite. And therein lay his problem. He had no concerns she would discuss his father with anyone; it was more the fact he had found himself revealing what had happened that had panicked him. He’d never talked about the incident that had shattered his family and left himself and Annie orphans, not even to well-meaning family and friends, and certainly not to the lady from social services who had tried to press him to come to counselling at the time of the accident.

Somewhere in the distance a dog barked, the sound intruding into the sheltered little garden where only the low hum of distant traffic served as a background to the scented night. He drained his coffee cup and stood up, feeling the need to distance himself from her and take stock. For the first time in his life he felt as though his feet were on shifting sand and he didn’t like that; he didn’t like it at all. All the circumstances surrounding her were wrong and he’d known the moment he’d agreed to the mother’s bidding to come into the house he was treading on dangerous ground, so why the hell had he done it? Why had he followed the desire to meet her family, her children, and why had he shamelessly played on the mother’s soft heart to wangle a dinner invitation?

This wasn’t like him. Dammit, he didn’t feel like himself. He was autonomous and independent; he didn’t do happy families in any shape or form. Everything in his life was on his terms and that was the way he liked it. And why the hell was he brooding over this right now anyway?

Toni had risen too, and as he walked round the little table she was saying something or other about how pleased she was she’d been to the site today and what a lot of ideas it had given her, but that was on the perimeter of his mind. He knew exactly what he was going to do. There could be no excuse afterwards about it being an impulse; he was going to kiss her because he wanted to. It was as simple as that. Simple, and hideously complicated.

His gaze fell to her mouth as he took her into his arms before she realised what he was doing. Her lips parted as she tried to speak, and he felt heat like liquid fire racing through his body as he took her mouth. She smelled as sweet as the night and was as warm, her hands resting against his chest as he let the kiss deepen slightly, shamelessly testing the water.

He had told himself that a kiss, a swift goodnight kiss at the end of an evening, could be explained away as social politeness, but now she was in his arms he knew he’d been fooling himself. He couldn’t draw away. He deepened the kiss still more, his tongue rippling along her teeth until she opened fully for him, and as she kissed him back it sent his senses reeling.

Her hands had risen to his shoulders and now the delectable length of her body was pressed against his. As his fingers tangled in the raw silk of her hair she arched towards him with a little involuntary moan that destroyed the last of his shaky control. She was delicious, intoxicating.

He placed a hand in the small of her back to steady her as he plunged into the undefended territory of her mouth, fuelling and feeding on the fierce rush of sensation the feel and taste of her was producing in every inch of his body.

He wanted her, right now, on the stone slabs under the stars. He wanted to make love to her in this velvet darkness until there was no room in her mind for anyone or anything but him. He wanted to possess her completely, to make her his.

Her tongue had joined in the blistering exploration, stroking the rough inside of his mouth and provoking such heat he felt he was burning up, that only one thing would quench the agony. The kiss was now a kind of consummation in itself and his thighs were hard against hers, his heart pounding like a sledgehammer. He moved, pressing her against the wall of the house, but in the next moment his mobile phone began to ring, shrill and painfully persistent as it destroyed the magic.

He felt her freeze. He was breathing hard as he straightened away from her and he swore softly as his fingers fumbled for the phone, which he turned off without looking at it.

Toni had her hands to her cheeks and when she reached out blindly behind her, searching for the handle of the back door, he made no attempt to stop her as she turned and entered the house.

Steel stood for a moment, running a hand round the back of his neck and wondering what the hell had just happened. He was stunned by the raw desire that had hit him so suddenly and provoked such a powerful chain reaction. What had begun as a goodnight kiss had exploded into something outside his imagination; a seduction of mind, soul and body. But who, he asked himself, had been seducing whom?

And then he shook his head at himself, remembering the look on Toni’s face when she had edged into the house. She had been mortified. Damn it all, how could he have been so stupid? She worked for him, for crying out loud, and he’d just broken every rule in the book.

Did she think he was in the habit of forcing himself upon the women who worked for him? He groaned softly, raking back his hair with a savage hand. Hell, what a mess. How could they work together after this? And she needed the job; there were the debts for a start, and if she was going to make a new life for herself and her girls it was imperative she earnt a good monthly salary. This place was far too small for them all now; as the twins grew it would get worse. Why hadn’t he thought of this before he’d kissed her? She’d made it clear she didn’t want a man around and what had he done? Bulldozed in like some callow youth who kept his brain in his trousers.

OK, OK, calm down. He breathed deeply, summoning the control that had always served him well in the past. When all was said and done he’d done no more than kiss her. It had been stupid and unprofessional but if he made it clear it wouldn’t happen again this whole episode stood the chance of dying a natural death.

He knew what he was dealing with now. For some reason he couldn’t fully trust himself around Toni and so he wouldn’t put himself in such a position again. He’d treat her the same as his other employees and nothing more. From her side she’d been to hell and back the last few years and it was obvious she hadn’t been on good terms with her husband for a long time. Tonight there’d been the moonlight and the wine and the euphoria of knowing she had the chance of getting her life back on some even footing again. He’d caught her at a vulnerable moment and she’d responded without thinking about it. It was just unfortunate that they were clearly sexually well matched.

The cold reasoning and logic were helping. Toni George was just an employee. An employee who was damn good at her job, admittedly, and for that reason he didn’t want to lose her. That being the case, he had to make this all right, take all the blame and reassure her he wouldn’t lay a finger on her in the future.

Could he make that promise, though?

The thought came out of nowhere and caused his mouth to set in a grim line. He’d have to. End of story.

Toni was waiting for him in the kitchen when Steel walked into the house. If she could have sunk through the floor and disappeared she would have done so; she had never felt so ashamed of herself in the whole of her life. He had kissed her—a ‘thank you’ for the meal and the evening—and what had she done? Practically eaten him. She clenched her teeth against the humiliating memory. He had been surprised, she knew he had, in the moment before he’d responded to her blatant invitation. And what man wouldn’t? Lay it on a plate for any red-blooded single man—and some who weren’t single, come to it—and they’d be up for it. It was the way men were made. Sex to them was like eating and drinking and as elemental as breathing, but without the emotional element necessary to most women.

She could hardly believe she’d reacted in such a way; it had never been like that with Richard or any of her boyfriends before him. Some of them had kissed well and some not so well, but Steel … Her traitorous senses were still tasting him, the feel of his mouth, warm and urgent against hers, his kiss hinting at pleasures and passion she’d never imagined in her wildest, most erotic dreams since she had met him.

She stared at him, utterly bereft and not knowing what to say or do, her cheeks burning hot and her hands icy cold.

‘That was inexcusable,’ he said quietly.

For an awful moment she thought he was talking about her behaviour and her heart stopped beating.

‘I want you to know it won’t happen again, Toni. You have my word. My only defence is that I didn’t expect to lose control in that way, but once I held you in my arms …’ He hesitated. ‘Somehow a desire stronger and more compelling than I’ve ever known took over, but it’s no excuse. Merely an explanation.’

‘It—it wasn’t your fault,’ she stammered helplessly. ‘I shouldn’t have—I mean—’

‘It was totally my fault.’

His voice was strained and she took a little comfort from it; she wouldn’t have been able to bear it if he’d been blasé about the most devastating experience of her life. And it had been. She’d made love with Richard, she’d had his children and then tried to make the marriage work by being accommodating in bed and trying to please him, but never had she felt anything akin to the sweeping passion and desire that had taken her over tonight. And all he’d done was kiss her. What would it be like to make love with him? To spend a night of endless pleasure in his arms?

He was still standing just inside the doorway and his voice was low as he repeated, ‘Totally my fault, I know that, but the bottom line is you have my assurance this won’t be repeated. I don’t want to lose you, Toni. You’re a damn good interior designer and with the plans I have for the future you could go far. I’d hate to think that my stupidity would interfere with that. We will need to work closely together at various times; will you be able to do that after my assurance that this mistake was a one-off?’

Mistake. The word hit her between the eyes, producing a piercing shaft of pain before she told herself that of course that was what it had been. A mistake. One he regretted as much as she did. And that was fine. Just fine. Suddenly, for the first time since he had kissed her, anger was there. It provided a healthy dose of adrenaline that put iron in her backbone and acid on her tongue. ‘Of course,’ she said coolly, wishing she hadn’t run from him outside like a scared rabbit. ‘It was nothing, after all, just one of those things that happens sometimes when the atmosphere’s right and one’s had a glass or two of wine after a hard day’s work.’

The silver eyes surveyed her steadily but a muscle jumped in his jaw, the only thing that indicated he hadn’t liked her tone. ‘Not to me, it doesn’t, and I’d like you to know I don’t make a habit of mixing work and play. This was a first.’

Did he expect her to be honoured? she thought waspily. She nodded tightly. ‘It’s already in the past.’

‘Thank you.’

‘I’ll see you to the door,’ she said quietly, her voice completely neutral and screamingly at odds with the turmoil inside.

She stood aside for him to pass her after she had opened the front door, vitally aware of every handsome muscled inch of him as he brushed past her and stepped down onto the pavement. He didn’t immediately walk to the car, looking at her with glittering silver eyes for a moment. ‘Thank your mother again for the meal, would you? You have a lovely family.’

Now she wanted to cry, which was unthinkable. Speech was beyond her so she moved her mouth in a smile as she nodded.

He studied her for a second more, the lean, strong face imperturbable. ‘Goodnight, Toni,’ he said, very softly, before turning away.