The Texas Renegade Returns

March


Sunday, March 2

Aether

'Aether' is an Earth word, I'm sure of it. Or, at least, 'ether' is, and I know that's an anaesthetic, but there's another definition. I've read it in fantasy novels, used for the 'atmosphere' in one of the afterlifes or something. There's a phrase, 'off in the aether' isn't there? Aether is a word on Tare, as well. I found that out...it's four days ago now, I think. The day which was supposed to be Boxes Rotation.

I spent the morning on the roof doing homework and enjoying the sunshine. It was a rare cloudless day, really nice. After lunch I lolled about on my bed, watching news and sampling dramas and trying to read the descriptions of online games I'm considering subscribing to because no-one would treat me as a stray in a game – just a noob. But they all look a bit daunting because it's played inside your head and though they're not 'in-skin', they'll still be vastly more than I'm used to. The things you might do in a 'full' virtual reality are more than I'm willing to take on just yet.

I was labouring through the description of one when an appointment was entered into my calendar, and I had just looked to see that I was supposed to be doing a 'Retrieval' starting five minutes ago when Zan "opened a channel" to me, which is Tare-speak for calling me, except that when someone opens a channel you don't get any choice about answering your equivalent of a phone – their voice is just abruptly there in your head. Only people with a certain amount of authority can do that, generally for emergencies. This was a big one.

"Cassandra, come as quickly as you can to Green Lock," she said. "Ready for entry into the Ena."

I was glad I wasn't still on the roof. "Something happen?" I asked as I quickly stripped off the clothes I'd been slopping around in.

"The Pillar investigation teams have gone down," Zan said, which was enough to make me run along the corridors, after I'd made a lightning-quick bathroom stop and had my uniform sprayed on. I was too scared to ask what exactly 'gone down' meant, just hoped 'retrieval' meant something more positive than bringing back bodies. First Squad are pretty much making this planet bearable for me, and the idea of anything happening to them made me sick.

I wasn't the last to arrive. Both Twelfth Squad and Tenth Squad were gathering, more than a few of them looking mussed and sleepy since they were on an earlier shift than mine and would have been in bed when the call came. The only person I'd worked with before was Zan, and the implications of that kept my mouth shut altogether as they waited for the last stragglers to arrive. To use two squads who had just come off-shift, and to put me with them when they're not squads I'd tested with, was more than enough to underline how bad it was. I didn't even need to see the worried glances they kept exchanging.

This was the first time I'd seen any of the Setari really fretting. The Tenth Squad captain is a guy named Els Haral, who looks incredibly laid-back and speaks with a soft voice. He was having a really good calming effect on everyone else, but the situation wasn't one you could tamp down on thoroughly. And there was one guy there from Sixth Squad called Juna Quane, who had brought the news back and was barely able to stand the delay while everyone assembled. Haral created a shared space for both squads, Quane and me, and began briefing everyone as the last few were heading toward us – one of the advantages of the interface.

"Following our regained access to the Pillar space at the beginning of Shift Two," he said, "all but one of the monitoring drones were recovered intact. These revealed an unvarying energy signature from the Pillar, but no other activity. The space itself is exposed to deep-space and heavily frequented by roamer Ionoth: primarily swoop-type, and some larger. Third and Fourth Squads were deployed to perform an external examination and, if satisfied, to commence investigating the interior. Given the calibre of Ionoth, First, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth were assigned as support.

"Sixth Squad was stationed in the adjoining entry space to observe, and the primary teams entered without incident and commenced the external examination. Here is the schematic of the Pillar prepared following external scanning and observation. We'll move into the near-space now."


We broke neatly into our two squads and Tenth Squad went through the gate-lock first. Zan had kept her call to me open and said: "Stay on my left as we travel, and tell me on this channel if you can't keep pace, or feel any threat."

There wasn't much I could say to this except "Yes," and I looked over the schematic during the brief pause while we waited to go through.

The Pillar was a lot bigger than I'd realised. With nothing around it except white or washes of rainbow colours, I'd judged its height by the door. If the schematic was correct, then the door was nearly three times as tall as 'normal' doors. The Pillar seemed to have a hollow inner tube running all the way from top to bottom which was marked 'power core'. The gap between the inner and outer wall didn't seem to have any stairs or levels or more than possibly some structures on the ground floor. Built, if anything, like a giant thermos.

Once we were all in near-space, Haral and Zan both gave the order for a quick march in formation. The squads each settled into three pairs and we started off, with me settling beside Zan and Lenton, while Quane played offsider with Tenth Squad.

"During the external examination," Haral continued, "three groups of swoop-types and one tarani attacked. These were well within projections, and easily dealt with. A little over one zelkasse ago, the decision was made to open the Pillar."

A kasse is about two and a half Earth-hours long, and a zelkasse is a quarter that, so it had started less than an hour before Zan collected me.

"There was no apparent locking mechanism, and the doors were opened easily using a drone. When no negative reaction was detected, Third and Fourth engaged in another set of scans preparatory to entering. They had not yet completed when this happened."

We'd reached the first gate out of near-space, and though all these spaces would have been recently cleared, Haral and his partner did exactly the same pause, scan and clear through that had become familiar, but he gave us all a fragment of recorded memory to digest first. It had a 'mission display' overlay and had "Quane" written in the lower left and a little 'life monitor' for the rest of the squad along the right side, which of course made me think of gaming in a far from positive way. No infinite lives or save games here.

The first image was of the Pillar space through the gate from the Platforms space. Quane had looked left, where there was only white flatness with a rainbow-tinted backdrop, and a handful of Setari. Then he'd looked right, back past more Setari to the tower in the distance. It was a lot further than I'd thought, maybe a hundred metres away. The doors were open, and Third and Fourth Squads were standing well back from them, playing with a drone.

I saw Ruuel just before he moved. He turned his head sharply and I think he shouted, but it was too late.

White light. A massive beam of it, roaring out of the open doorway, spreading to completely block sight of the Pillar and the Setari. For about ten seconds nothing could be seen and Sixth Squad bit back startled comments. Then the whiteness began to lift, or drain down, quickly clearing at the top. The hazy outline of the Pillar came visible first, and then black shapes, lying in a settling mist.

"Kormin sent Ammas in, and confirmed aether effects," Haral went on, while we were still watching the end of this. "He was able to reach Tsennan with talent and return, bringing him out, but even that brief exposure left him debilitated. Tsennan's vitals were steady, but he showed no immediate sign of recovery. At that point Kormin sent Quane with the emergency call."

We reached the next gate, and after we were all through Haral switched to handing out orders.

"On reaching the Pillar space, Kantan will enhance and create a vortex, drawing up as much of the aether as possible. Then the Telekinesis talents will enhance and bring out as many of the fallen squads as can be reached. Our major challenge will be successfully reaching the most distant squads while suffering the effects of aether. And Ionoth."

That was a big 'and'. I wasn't sure what swoops were, but it was obvious that they'd deployed a lot of squads to ward them off. At about this point I was starting to really have to work at not slowing down, and was glad the space before the Platforms space was this short remnant of a flagstone road, all tumbled and broken and not the sort of thing you can jog straight across. And then we were in the Platforms space, and Sixth Squad weren't waiting for us.

"Twelfth, stay with me," Zan said curtly, as Tenth and Quane doubled their speed and dashed up the criss-crossing white squares. She increased her pace, and lifted me easily with Telekinesis. Then Tenth reached the top and someone cursed, my interface only telling me "(Profanity) (profanity)."

"Mane, that's in your normal range," Haral said, unflurried, but with just a hint of tightness in his voice. "Ignore the swoops and pull them back here."

One of the girls from Tenth Squad stepped through the gate. Another turned to a trio of blacksuited figures lying unmoving on the platform just above the one next to the gate. Zan, jogging up, glanced through the gate as she returned me to my feet, and said: "Ice seems safest."

Haral nodded, eyes narrowed as he watched over Mane's shoulder. I could see what seemed like a pair of pearly pterodactyls, but less awkward-looking. Swoops.

"Lenton, enhance and stop them before they follow," Zan said, adding a hand gesture to tell her squad to spread across the nearest three platforms. Me she had stand just to the right of the gate entrance.

Lenton, who seemed to have left his temper behind today, brushed a hand against my shoulder and stepped through immediately, slipping past Mane as she returned. She had three limp Setari hovering behind her, and everyone moved back so she could bring them through, Haral catching her by the shoulder as she looked likely to fall over herself.

The nanosuits are good protection, really resistant to piercing and cutting, and automatically self-repairing, but they're not invulnerable. And they left the faces bare. Of the three Setari Mane brought back, two had gaping rents down their fronts, slick and wet, and the third looked like something with a wide, small-toothed mouth had tried to bite off his head, and not quite succeeded. I recognised Dahlen from Seventh, but not the other two.

"Kantan, enhance and start," Haral said.

Kantan was a tall, fairly dark guy. He touched me on my back, stepped around the cluster of people trying to do something about the injured, and walked resolutely out into the knee-high mist. Lenton had made two massive balls of ice with swoops in the centre, which fell to the ground and stayed still. He paused a moment, looking around, then stepped back through, staggering as he came but managing to stay upright. He was sweating, but said steadily enough: "Another cluster of swoops to the left, approaching fast, and what looks like a stilt in the far distance behind the Pillar."

"Darm, enhance and take care of the swoops," Haral said. "And tell Kantan to come back in before he collapses. Namara, will you go after?"

Zan nodded as a curvy Setari went through the gate and turned left. Kantan was a Wind talent – I could see the stirring agitation he was causing in the mist thickly covering the ground. Like Ketzaren he needed time to set up anything really strong, but managed to start up a twisting spiral, sucking the mist toward it, before he returned obediently and stood shuddering and shaking his head. "That will draw for a while," he said, as Zan touched my arm. "But more was flowing from the Pillar."

"Rest," Haral said, watching Zan step through. "You may be able to strengthen it later, and it's at least pulling some of it away from this gate. Drysen, prepare to enhance. Status on injuries?"


"Dahlen and Roth will keep," said Nels, the Setari who had been doing most of the medicking. She'd somehow made most of the wounded's uniforms move aside, and was busy spraying what I guess was liquid bandages everywhere. "Ammas is critical and getting worse."

"Quane, Sherun, get him back to base," Haral said. "Drysen, go through. Tens, Charn, get ready to take some of these."

The difficulty was not the weight of the Setari, but distance and numbers. I'd already learned from testing that picking up multiple small objects is harder than one big one. Zan, the strongest of the telekinetics, had gathered eight fallen at once, and started feeding them quickly through the gate into the waiting arms of the two Haral had ordered forward. Others stepped up to ferry them further away from the crowded entrance, and then Zan came through, stumbling. "Darm's down," she said, voice slurred. "Drysen's fetching her. One swoop of that cluster still coming, no more in sight."

"Kiste, take care of it and come straight back in," Haral said. "Mane, how's recovery?"

Mane, the first of the telekinetics who had gone through, was sitting two platforms up, looking green, but she stood up when he spoke and came back down to the gate. "Doesn't wear off quickly," she said, grimly.

"We'll pause when Kiste's back in," Haral said, surveying the still forms around him. They'd managed to get less than half out so far. Drysen, when he returned, had Darm and three others. One of them was Zee, which made my heart give a little joyous skip, but the toll on the two rescue squads was obvious. They'd brought in every Setari who was close, but almost all of First, Third and Fourth Squad were still out there.

And all that time I'd been staring at the glowing mist and remembering moonfall on Muina. Liquid light. But moonfall hadn't hurt me, as it was so obviously hurting the Setari.

"What aether?" I asked Zan through our shared channel, since she was sitting down with her eyes closed and was probably the least busy that I'd get her.

"A form of energy," Zan replied, opening her eyes, but keeping her answer in the channel. "We encounter it occasionally in the spaces, though I've not seen any reports of such concentrated amounts outside the major interplanetary gates which cut through deep-space. It's very common around them, and we need to use vehicles to survive passing those gates."

"It do what you?"

"Initially pain, like being burned or frozen at the bones. Interference with control of movement and talents, then loss of consciousness, increasing paralysis. Death within a kasse, if you remain in it." She closed her eyes again, but added: "We'll reach them yet."

"Is other sorts aether?"

She gave me a puzzled look, but then Kiste came back into view and fell through the gate, landing on his hands and knees. "That stilt's heading this way," he said, panting. "Circling, but definitely coming for here, and not slowly."

Haral was looking grimmer by the second, but his voice was still relaxed and calm as he said: "Kantan, enhance again and do what you can. Mane, be ready to follow. Signal if the stilt's in my projected enhanced range." He went on as Kantan touched my shoulder. "Given the effect of the aether, we can't take a stilt lightly, no matter how enhanced. We'll try an initial group of myself, Lenton and Tens. If everything we can do doesn't bring it down–" He paused, and I suspect he'd realised he'd run out of conscious heavy-hitters. "If we can't bring it down, Kiste, make whatever attempt you can while Namara and Drysen pull everyone they can reach to the gate."

Mane followed Kantan through before Haral finished speaking and Haral waited a few seconds then touched my arm, watching without change of expression as Kantan collapsed at Mane's feet. He'd managed to strengthen the wind vortex, but the glowing mist didn't seem to be getting much thinner. Lenton waited the bare minimum of my prescribed delay before enhancing himself as well, while Tens stepped up to help Mane, who was struggling not to fall while bringing Kantan and another – it was Alay – through the gate.

"Stilt will be closing in a count of twenty," Mane said, folding into a panting tangle almost on top of Alay. "Gainer was the only one left in my range."

Tens touched my shoulder, and exchanged a glance with Haral. I think they were trying to accept not succeeding in getting everyone out.

I never saw the stilt myself. Only later, in extracts of the mission report which Zee showed me. Black, nearly as tall as the tower, with a long, sloping body and spindly legs like vine tendrils. The underside of it was all covered in more tendrils, long ones and short ones, and I think that's where its mouth was, because its head was just this sort of triangle with eyes. Haral, Lenton and Tens concentrated their attacks on its underside, anyway, with Ice and then two balls of lightning. The first was a little low, but the second was placed nicely, shattering frozen tentacles in a spectacular orgy of blasts. One of its legs was blown apart, and it fell.

Lenton passed out, and Haral and Tens carried him back between them, staying upright themselves but moving very slowly. "Go," Zan said to Drysen, who touched me and headed out, face bleak. I saw the same expression on Zan's face as she waited her turn. Everyone who'd gone in a second time had collapsed. With the continuing Ionoth attacks, it was no wonder all of Sixth Squad had ended up unconscious. The few Setari remaining had no chance of getting the other squads out. When Drysen didn't even manage to bring back one more person before going down, Zan lifted her hand toward my shoulder. And I caught and held her still, just long enough to take advantage of her surprise and step through the gate myself.

I'd almost convinced myself that it would hurt. Genetically, I'm the same as these people, and every one of them had flinched a little walking into the mist and then acted like it was slowly crushing them. But it was just the same as Muina's: chilly but bringing a pleasant warmth, a feeling of wellbeing. The wind from the vortex made it swirl around me ominously, but I felt fine.

Drysen wasn't a little guy. There was no way I could carry him through the gate, but I could drag him closer and lift him partway so that Zan and the one called Nels could haul him the rest of the way through. I paused before following, taking a good look about, but could see no sign of more Ionoth for the moment. I was wondering if not trying to go through before was a big screw-up on my part, but it's not as if I would have been able to fight off the Ionoth. Besides, I would have had to waste time arguing with everyone, and the picture I was presenting was definitely worth a thousand words.

"Try close door, best thing?" I asked, after stepping back through.

"That doesn't effect you?" Haral sounded totally nonplussed.

"Is – moonlight feel is alcohol. Light-headed, bit dizzy." I shrugged. "Not hurt, such. Is close door help?"

Zan and Haral exchanged a long glance, then Zan said: "I don't see any other positive options," and Haral pulled a face and nodded.

"Run," Zan said to me.

That I didn't need encouragement to do. If any more Ionoth came along, I'd be the one with my face scraped off. And I hadn't properly worked out just how much time was left before people would start dying from exposure to the aether.

I don't recommend taking on Serious Business while tanked. It's not so much that I was incapable of running (well, jogging) a hundred metres, even though I became ever more pixillated with each step. I saw Mara as I ran past and became madly convinced I was going to let her down, and I really didn't want to. It was a damn good thing that I wasn't out to do anything more complicated than close some doors. And I remember this whole obsession growing up about the size of the doors and that I wouldn't be able to move them when I got there, but then I was there. I actually collided with the right door, which was one way to learn that they moved really easily. I pushed it shut, suddenly feeling good again, and started for the other half, and that's when my head shut down altogether.


As I was waking up, I was thinking that since I was waking up I must have shut the other half of the door. Then I was noticing a fuzzy fence which seemed to be holding the fact that I felt very very bad at a bearable distance. And a weirdness about my face, which made me lift a hand, and I found that one of my eyes was covered up. There was something else which was even weirder, but I couldn't immediately figure out what it was, so I turned my head and saw that Maze was on a chair beside me, but asleep, slumped against the wall.

I heard someone shift on my other side, and that was harder to look at because of my covered eye. Without understanding why, I didn't want to move my hand, and kept it over the bandage, but eventually I managed to shift round enough to see Zan, who I think must have moved so I could see her. She plainly needed to sleep a lot too, but mostly she looked incredibly relieved and happy-upset.

I wanted to say something about she should smile more often, but that's when I realised what was really weird. No interface. Not at all. Trying to talk and not having suggestions for words coming in my mind really threw me. I couldn't even remember really common words which I'd actually learned, my brain was so mushy. So I just tried to smile back at her, and said: "Stupid language," in English in a really croaky voice, and most sensibly passed out.

Next time I opened my eyes, Zee was there instead, and I was a little more capable of stringing two thoughts together. And seemed to be in less pain, but also on fewer painkillers, so I felt it more. I was pleased that I could remember a few words of Taren this time, and managed: "No interface?" but my throat really didn't like me talking, and my chest felt all congested and my mouth tasted foul, so I coughed until Zee fetched a greysuit who helped me spit out black stuff and drink some water – from which I figured that the Setari again have orders not to touch me.

I hate being in the medical section, especially anything which involves drips and catheters and tubes. Tare's technology seems to be pretty similar to Earth's in respect of tubes, and the greysuit sent Zee away and did a bunch of tests, and fed me about a half a cup of a horrible salty-sweet drink, but thankfully removed the tubes. Some time during this I caught sight of my arms, and was holding them up and staring at them when Zee came back with Maze and a different greysuit.

"I look like the world's worst junkie," I said, still in English, turning my arms to better appreciate their purple and blue glory. I'd never seen anything like it. Even my palms were bruised.

I couldn't understand what they said back, of course. Maze looked like he'd had a proper rest, so I'm guessing it was a lot later than the first time I woke. They were being pleased I was awake, but serious at the same time, and Zee said something to me slowly which had the word for interface in it a couple of times. I just shrugged, though I was finding that moving hurt and staying still hurt, which didn't really seem fair. Then I felt all tingly for a moment, and like I was catching up with myself.

"Can you understand now?" the greysuit asked, and I nodded, but put my hand back over my bandaged eye because it had started hurting rather more than anything else. "Some lingering malformation there," the greysuit said helpfully, but did something which made it stop hurting. "It'll be a few days before the remedial work is complete and the remnant toxins are flushed from her system," he added. "But there doesn't seem to be any loss of function."

"Mission log's intact," Maze murmured to Zee, and nodded to the greysuit, who gave me a last glance and went away.

"Everyone alive?" I asked, and saw the 'no' in their faces before Zee answered.

"Ammas from Sixth Squad died during the return to base," she said, and we all looked down at the same time, as if it was rehearsed. "You remember what happened?"

"Up to door." I glanced at my arms again. "It fall on me?"

"No." Zee wrinkled her nose. "Your interface started growing again, destructively beyond prescribed limits. It became non-functional and had to be shut down and pared back." She indicated the purple patterns beneath my skin. "That's partly the damage and partly slough from the repair work. Your left eye suffered the most, but they don't expect permanent problems."

Nanotech. I sighed. Convenient as it is, I'd really appreciate it if my interface didn't keep trying to kill me.

"We've only had the outside view of what happened after you reached the door," Maze said, passing me across a log file. From his faintly abstracted expression, I guessed he was reviewing mine, a thing which always makes me feel totally weird.

The log file was Haral's, watching through the gate as I jogged with a curving wobble toward the end to the Pillar. It wasn't too obvious at that distance that I ran into the door rather than deliberately stopping, but I stood there for at least a count of five before my brain caught up and I pushed the thing shut. I turned to cross to the other door in a business-like way, but paused in the gap, looking inside.

And then another wave of light came pouring out, filling the entire space with white, and I heard the Setari who'd been watching me gasp, and Nels said: "Tzatch," which Lohn tells me is a shortened version of Tzarazatch, a spiritual concept on Tare kind of like Ragnarok: the destructive end of everything. I can't get Lohn to tell me any real swear words, but he explains the milder ones.

For about thirty seconds there was nothing but whiteness, and it didn't even look like it was going to settle as it had the first time, but then it thinned abruptly and was sucked away to nothing, back into the Pillar, leaving the space as clear and empty as it had been the first time I saw it, except for all the unconscious Setari. I was noticeably absent from the doorway.

The fragment of the log finished, and I looked back up at Maze and then blinked, confused. His face was set and furious, a muscle working in his cheek. Zee was staring at him, as surprised as I was, and when she touched his arm he flinched away, then said: "Watch her log," and turned his back, getting himself under control.

Of course, that immediately made me watch it myself, jumping straight to the last bit I remembered: closing the right half of the door. It's highly disorienting to watch things you don't remember doing. I only remember stepping forward, don't remember at all looking into the interior of the Pillar. Most of it was taken up by the central core, with empty space curving off to the right and left. There was a rounded rectangular hatch just about at head height on the internal column, with two big white levers set into the stone below it. By big I mean almost as long as my leg, sticking out of grooves that ran to the right around the Pillar's core.

The hatch was designed to slide, and was open a crack on the right hand side, making a brilliant white vertical line from which aether drifted down. And as I looked up at that, something interrupted the vertical line, a few black spots blocking the brightness. Fingertips, claws, curving around the hatch from the inside. Then it pulled it open, the movement accompanied by a shifting rumble from the levers, and everything went white.

A black hand shape appeared in view: my hand, trying to block out the light and not really succeeding. And then I must have gone forward, under the main intensity of the blast into the drifting mist of aether falling down from it. The top lever had gone left as the hatch opened, and I seem to have tried pushing it back to the right but wasn't succeeding. Then I looked upward, into the spotlight glare of white coming out of the hatch, and there was this barely visible human shape, just the head, and shoulders, the arm hooked over the edge of the hatch, reaching. The scene dropped down abruptly – I must have ducked – and then moved right, pushing the lower lever instead of the top, with an accompanying rumble which was loud enough to suggest huge boulders grinding together, stopping with a nicely final thud followed by a hiss and a howling wind noise. The only thing I was looking at, at this point, was the floor, really close to my face. I levered myself partially upright, turned toward the door, and dropped again; must have fallen flat on my ass. Then my hand came up and covered my left eye and lifted away to show rather a lot of red and I bent forward, the scene becoming barely visible. I guess all that aether wasn't doing enough to block whatever having your eye self-destruct feels like. The last moments of the mission log don't show much, because I'd closed my eyes, but you can hear me panting and then I say, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light?" and let out this confused-sounding laugh and then the log stops abruptly.


"Glad don't remember that," I said, after a moment. Maze had stopped looking upset, but Zee had taken his place: not so angry, but eyes wide and mouth pale. "Is thing in Pillar same Lights Rotation?"

"Cruzatch," Maze said, and you could hear the hate in his voice, and see him make the effort to put it aside. The word means "burning", with overtones of destruction.

"There are several spaces they appear, and they also roam. They're not the only human-form Ionoth we encounter, not the only ones which intelligently react to us. But we have – for a long time there has been discussion about the level of their awareness of the Setari, and whether they retain and learn from previous encounters with us."

"The last massive to break into real-space was accompanied by a Cruzatch," Zee explained. "Almost as if it was riding it. Guiding it." She sighed. "The idea of there being organisation among the Ionoth is not accepted by many."

And certainly hadn't been mentioned in any of the stories and movies I'd so far seen. "Organised not, that one bloody annoying. What happen it?"

Maze made an equivocal motion with one hand. "No sign. We think you closed the intake of the Pillar's power stream. We're not entirely certain why all the aether was pulled back, but the entire Pillar seems to have shut down as a result." He smiled at the expression on my face. "No need to look like that: it's what we would have tried eventually, if not so soon, and the only thing we've really lost is the chance to study the Pillar in more depth. Everyone's off-rotation, only clearing near-space, because it seems that the surrounding spaces are shifting, and we can't trust the gates. But you did well, Caszandra. And were very brave."

Although that was hugely gratifying, I doubted it was true. "Blind drunk panic more like," I said. "Don't remember either way."

"What was it you said before the log cut out?" Zee asked, leaning forward to touch my leg and then stopping. Definitely orders not to touch me.

"Is line famous poem about dying." I repeated it in English, because it makes it slightly easier to work out a translation, then did my best to render it in Taren. "Funny thing say but fit guess. Was really drunk."

I must have fallen asleep then, and had uncomfortable dreams about what I'd seen in my log, and about Maze being angry, and of running and hiding from something chasing me. None of it pleasant, in other words. I keep having dreams like that. Otherwise, being in the med section is the same tedious crap that it always is. The greysuits say I have to stay here because all the bruising means I'm at risk of blood clots. I spent the first couple of days sleeping and coughing up black stuff – blood and phlegm and discarded bits of interface, apparently – and having to move about a lot because it's good for my circulation.

Everyone from First Squad came to visit me, as well as Zan, still looking tired, but no longer all stressed out. I asked her if she would bring me my diary, and she did, and sat and talked with me a while and was all proper and Zan-like, but just that tiny bit more human than before. I think if I'd died she would have felt responsible, because she'd ultimately given me the order to go. And maybe that she does like me, a little bit anyway.

I've been doing school lessons. I don't really feel like watching shows or the news because the news is full of the impact of shutting the Pillar down, even though it's been kept secret. The Setari squads have been distributed over Tare because that's the only way they can effectively patrol the near-space when they can't use other spaces as shortcuts to get about, which means that there's more sightings of them, and more outbreaks of Ionoth into the real world. I did that.

I still feel pretty horrible too: tired and sore. Every time I get close to being fit, I nearly die and go back to the start again. And I look like a pirate junkie panda, with a patch and a huge ring around my uncovered eye. It was purple, but now it's going green with hints of yellow.

This is the longest entry I've made in this diary yet, and I've passed the halfway point. Will have to do some research on whether there's any way I can get another one custom-made.

Still alive.

Monday, March 3

Ghost

When I woke this evening (for the second time today – I'm still doing a lot of napping) my chest felt heavy. I was half-awake noticing the weight and worrying that I was getting sicker instead of better and would be stuck in here forever. Then it filtered through to me that my chest was also purring.

I didn't do anything stupid like jump or shout, but I must have moved, because the purring stopped abruptly. The weight was still there, though, and I lifted a hand carefully and felt the shape of the cat I couldn't see. The purring started again, and after a while it stopped looking like I was petting my own chest and there was the Ionoth cat.

It was just like I remembered: dark green eyes and short, smoky fur. A half-grown cat, not creepy or scary in any way. For a little while I just let myself enjoy it, petting and playing with it, and establishing that it looked like it was a girl cat, but eventually I had to give in and be responsible.

There's lots of different ways you can talk to another person over the interface, most of it nothing too different to Earth's internet. You can't just open channels to random people, unless you have certain rights, like squad captains during mission time. Usually you can only send a channel request with a text message and it's up to the people you want to talk with to accept or not, and for the Setari I think most normal people can't even do that: you have to be in their 'address book'. Or you can email, leave a voice message, or chat just by text. I'd never tried opening a channel before: I'm too aware of how overworked the Setari always seem so if I need something or have a question I send an email.

Since, so far as I know, I'm still assigned to First Squad I sent Maze a channel request: "Is time ask?" Gods I hate my screwed-up grammar. I doubt the baby English I write in my diary even comes close to how dumb I sound to the Tarens.

Anyway, Maze answered right away. "Something bothering you, Caszandra?"

"Is visitor," I replied, and sent him an image of the Ionoth cat sitting on my lap. Then, before he could respond, I quickly went on: "If capture what happen her?"

He paused a long time before answering, then said carefully: "They'll find a way to scan for it. Then I'll personally return it to the Ena, since I suspect you'll accept nothing less."

Maze really is the nicest guy on the planet. "Is big thank you," I said, and he laughed.

"I'm out in the city at the moment, but I'll send someone to you. You're not feeling any negative effects?"

"Purring cat good thing."

"Won't be long."

He left the channel active, in case I started screaming about evil kittens, and I took the opportunity to play with my temporary pet a little more. I've decided to call her Ghost, which definitely fits. I didn't absolutely believe that no-one would try and kill her, but I trusted Maze to do his best to make sure that didn't happen. I wasn't entirely sure she would cooperate at all, but I figured that if I stayed calm and no-one made any sudden moves, she'd probably at least not run off the second anyone showed up.

I wasn't expecting Ruuel, and reacted all out of proportion, stiffening so that Ghost stopped purring, and probably going pink beneath my bruises. What Mr I-Have-Every-Kind-Of-Sight-But-No-Visible-Sense-of-Humour made of my expression I couldn't tell, but he took the container the two greensuits were carrying and shut them outside.


"Place it in here," he said, moving the container so it was flush with the bed. It was an ominous-looking box, metal and plastic with a rare physical control panel on one corner. And warning signs about containment fields.

I didn't move immediately, carefully stroking Ghost, who hadn't scrambled off, but mightn't like me after this. "Come back and visit me again," I told her in English. "I'm only going to turn you in this once." Scooping her up with a hand beneath her chest, I carefully lowered her into the box, saying, "Her name Ghost."

Ruuel just turned the containment field on, which made Ghost look upset. She vanished, but I don't think she was able to get out. At least, he didn't act like he thought she had, turning and opening the door again and handing the box to the greensuits.

I busied myself telling Maze that Ghost was safely in a box, expecting Ruuel to go away again, except he didn't.

"I had a question for you," he said, when I looked at him. "You referred to the aether as 'moonlight'. Was that simply your ineptitude with our language?"

I could have lived without 'ineptitude'. Ruuel doesn't dance around shortcomings.

"Is because aether look feel like moonlight Muina when building make liquid," I said, as clearly as I could manage, and had the satisfaction of making his eyes open to more than halfway.

"Building make liquid?" he repeated.

"When moon rise Muina building light..." I had to search around for a word which fit. "Draw? Focus? Become? Thicken? Look feel same aether."

"The buildings on Muina turn moonlight into aether?" I nodded and was given a full-on 'captain look' in return. "It didn't occur to you to tell anyone this?"

"Is your planet," I said, struggling to keep annoyance out of my voice. "How know what you not know?"

"Wait," was all he said back, developing that gaze-into-nothing look people get when they're talking over the interface. I took the time to remind myself that these were life-and-death issues, and that there was no point glowering at him just because he'd made me feel in the wrong. I did wish that I hadn't given him a starring role in so many daydreams, or at least wasn't sitting in bed dressed in a flimsy patient gown, looking so damn ugly.

Then I was added to a channel with about ten people already in it, a bunch of names I didn't know, as well as Ruuel, Maze, the Third Squad captain Taarel, and the bluesuit, Selkie.

"Devlin, please explain your experiences with aether on Muina in more detail," Selkie said, all brisk and businesslike.

"Is...moment." I hadn't expected to be dumped into some high level meeting, and reached for my diary as the simplest way to handle it without sounding defensive. Flipping through a few pages, I said: "First time saw moon, Muina, seven night there. Was still walking river then, no buildings. Just seem like moon to me, bit bigger bluer Earth moon, three quarter full." I paused. "You know has hole in yes?"

"Yes. Go on."

I flipped a few more pages. "Reach village thirteenth day. Moon come out every eight day, so came out after been there couple day, was full. Was sitting on roof tower when rose. Buildings began glow. Faint first, then too strong normal. In centre all roof there circle – rosette? Pattern. All building there have. It glow much strong than rest building. Light – aether – start flow out from circle. I right next circle, touch flow light. Was cold, but made feel warm. Effect like alcohol. After while saw that bigger light centre village. Followed aether there. Think it was flow up hill. In centre village there amphitheatre. Very big circle there. And cats. Cats not there that night, just huge lot liquid moonlight. Centre circle make column light. Very drunk by then. Went stood in column. Passed out. Woke there next day. Felt good."

I sighed, flipping more pages. My moonlight adventures made me sound like a total idiot. "Few days later, sick. Cold all time. Liquid in chest. Fever." I paused, thinking back over the few confused fragments I could call to mind. "Was maybe die. Not conscious most time, several days. Then again moonfall. Too sick move, don't remember much that. Could see aether fall past window. Made feel warm. Easier breathe. Much better next day. Able move."

The next entry made me frown, and I said doubtfully. "Not sure this. Eyesight strange after. Some things blurry, some not. Thought had damaged. Next day, thought being watch. Feel something behind, see movement corner eye. Thought go insane, imagine monsters. Next day, lots noise, like hills wailing. Ddura, guess. Couldn't see where come from. Sounds go away, so did feeling watch everywhere. Eyes still blurry. Two day later, Setari show up." I glanced at Ruuel, who had gone back to being impassive, but was watching me very closely. "Don't remember eyes blurry since ten thousand injections. Is all."

"You could hear the Ddura from real-space?" Selkie asked, with a queer note to his voice.

"Loud. Loudest thing ever heard. Like unhappy mountain."

"I cannot–" someone began, sounding hugely pissed off, but stopped, then said in a sharp but less obviously hostile tone: "Have you observed any other relevant phenomena?"

The 'speaking' indicator told me the person's name was Lakrin, but I don't have the access to look up more details about people.

I was wary of just saying 'no'. "Not obvious," I said eventually. "Ddura. On Earth have polar aurora, look like Ddura, but lot bigger. But not make noises. Nothing about Ionoth. Is just, uh, something do radiation from sun? How know whether relevant? Is relevant every place go have cats? Nothing obvious relevant."

"And two worlds' worth of observations an expansive topic," said another voice, a woman called Notra. "The youngster is still in the medical facility, is she not? I will revisit the question of other detail with her separately."

"Very well," Selkie said, and then I was cut from the channel. Military people are like that.

I started to close my diary, but Ruuel slid it out of my hands. Military people are like that, too.

"Symbol Sight can let read?" I asked, sounding nearly as unenthused about that idea as I actually was.

"Not usefully."

He turned several pages back, then pressed two fingertips to one of the pages and closed his eyes. Whatever he was doing – presumably using one of the 'Sights' – didn't seem to be easy, and little lines of effort or pain appeared around his mouth. But he didn't do anything more dramatic than that, and after a while opened his eyes and handed my diary back.

"Since Tare found a way to travel through the spaces, we have not encountered our equal in technology," he said, voice measured. "It leads to an assumption that there is little we can learn from those who have not the same achievements. Base stupidity not to debrief you fully about your experiences on Muina. But no sense on your part to assume in return that we know everything about a planet that we are only permitted to visit under exceptional circumstances for a few short hours."

It was hard to argue the point, so I said: "Fair enough," and he nodded and left me to feel annoyed at him for producing even-handedness. I'll bet he's considered a strict but impartial sort of squad captain.

Not that 'strict but impartial' is something I ever thought I'd find attractive. And not having a sense of humour should make him totally not worth it. Though I suppose that comment about my lab rat not being inapposite might have been a very dry humour, and I could appreciate that.


He has really nice hands.

When he was gone I went to check myself out in the mirror of the tiny en suite, and confirmed that I was the worst I've ever looked. After a while Maze came to visit and told me that Ghost was still in the containment field but not yet scannable. The information I'd given them about Muina is pretty major, apparently, though he doubted they were going to be able to decide exactly what to do about it any time soon.

A weird day, altogether. I'm sick of the medical section.

Tuesday, March 4

Muina Debriefing

I spent a lot of today with Isten Sel Notra, who is some kind of senior scientist. I think she'd be a variety of physicist, if physicists believed in psychic talents, spaces as well as space, and moonlight which could be converted into mist. The main thing I could tell about her is that she's really smart, a Taren Einstein-type, and she's kind of a cross between everyone's favourite grandmother and the strictest headmistress in the universe. She has minions, too, who came along to fuss about her until she sent them away, and she told the medical staff to bring me some better clothes and took me to a kind of 'meeting lounge' so that we could both sit comfortably.

Old age is a little hard to judge on Tare. They're quite happy to use their nanotechnology for cosmetic purposes, and it's really rare to see anyone with any kind of blemish or birthmark or more than fine wrinkles, though they don't seem to have figured out how to stop their hair going white. They can get rid of, or at least reduce, most cancers, but they still get old and frail. Best I can tell, 'retirement age' would be between eighty and ninety, and a good lifespan would be a hundred and twenty. Their oldest person (I just looked this up) lived to be a hundred and forty seven (well, four hundred and forty-two). Isten Notra is old. Frail-old, though still able to get about, and still sharper than I'll ever dream of being.

Isten Notra is also interested in absolutely everything. She asked a lot about the moonfalls, of course, wanting to know what happened to the aether once it reached the amphitheatre (I think it drained away underneath – not sure) and whether it felt exactly like alcohol or just similar (kind of) and whether the aether in the Pillar space felt different from the aether on Muina (no) and whether I thought I was sick because of the first exposure to aether (no) and if I really thought the second moonfall had helped me recover from being sick (yes). Whether I ever saw the buildings glowing at other times (no). Whether the roof decorations had felt unusual or different to me other than during moonfall (um). Whether there was any unusual noise during moonfall (I think mainly I remember an absence of noise – all the animals had gone very quiet).

Then we moved on to what I'd eaten on Muina and what I'd eaten on Earth. Things I'd seen in the village. Animals I'd seen. Animals that appeared to belong to both planets. What level of psychic talent there was on Earth, if at all. Whether there was anything resembling Muina structures on Earth, or legends about Muinan culture. The only thing I could come close to thinking of in terms of psychic legends was Atlantis, and I'm sure Mum told me once that the original stories didn't have anything about magic or strange powers in it, that they were added later.

Isten Notra is also the only person on this entire planet who has ever corrected my grammar and pronunciation, or made me repeat sentences until I get them right. She started our talk by giving me handy tips about ways to better manage verb-forms and sentence structure. And then went off on a huge tangent about language, and Earth's languages and development of communication and what I would have been doing on Earth if I hadn't ended up on Muina, and she pried out of me that I thought studying the origin of myths would be an interesting thing to do but didn't think it would be very likely to get me a job. And all the while turning the whole discussion into examples of how to handle trying to talk in a language I don't really know, not letting me be sloppy, and insisting I work the sentences out properly before trying to say them, no matter how long that took. Isten Notra's minions kept popping in with snacks and lunch and to ask her if there was anything she needed and to give me scandalised looks because they heard me talking about vampires and zombies to someone Lohn later confirmed was one of the most respected scientists on the planet.

It was a great day. Isten Notra's a really special sort of person, with not a lot of time to spare, and she gave a whole heap of it to me.

And I was outside of my medroom box, which was also a bonus.

Wednesday, March 5

Someone call the wahmbulance

Ista Tremmar took off my eye-patch today. They've been changing the big adhesive covering daily, but my eye was taped shut underneath. Today they lowered the lights, pulled off the tape, and shone little torches at me. Then, after another tedious medical exam, they released me. I have check-ups and tests scheduled, and nothing else whatsoever, not even training.

I should have been happy. Not so much at the nothing scheduled, but being let out of my latest box. Glorious illusion of freedom. But, you see, my eye is wrong.

I have hazel eyes. Brown and green with some flecks of blue. I still have hazel eyes, but flecks of purple and violet have been added to the left one, and combined with the blue it drowns out the brown and green. It looks pretty cool, but I hate it. Because it's not my eye any more and every time I look in the mirror it's telling me I don't exist any more. I'm not a girl from Sydney who loves reading and games and was about to start uni and hadn't quite decided what she was going to do in the long run. I'm not Cass here. Devlin most of the time, and Caszandra occasionally. I'm a stray, and it's not just what people call me, it's what I am inside: something out of place. My main goals are to learn a tiresome language, and to avoid getting anyone killed until I can figure out a way to get home. Not dying is also a goal. I don't like to count up the number of times I've nearly died since I was rescued. At least this last time I achieved something before falling apart.

So now that I've finally been released and can wander about, I've spent the day moping on my couch. I should be grateful for having an eye at all, but instead I'm busy trying not to let myself get too upset, because I might take another sleep-walking excursion to Earth and I'd hate to have to be rescued again, but at the same time I can't help but acknowledge that I haven't done anything at all to try and work out how I reached Earth's near-space, and how I can get home safely.

Hiding how unhappy I am right now is important to stop them from monitoring me more and more, especially since my immunity to the aether makes me an even more interesting lab rat. I have no wish to confide in the greysuit who has had a session with me every day since I woke, 'chatting' with me in a way which screams 'psych evaluation'. Or perhaps they're a trauma counsellor, but in that case I can't like them for not coming out and saying so.

I wish I could stop having nightmares. I guess I really was in a blind panic back in the Pillar since my dreams are filled with scary things snatching at me, and I wake sweating and panting, with a hand clutched over my eye. I don't think I'd make the grade as a Setari, even if I had psychic powers, and it's a good thing that they have no plans to put me back on active duty any time soon.

First Squad is off on some island called Gorra. I really appreciate that Zee emails me every so often and lets me know what's going on with them, and with the shifting about caused by the Pillar shutting off. They're slowly checking which of the known routes still exist, and trying to work out ways through the spaces which allow them to easily get to the same locations in near-space that they could previously access. Everyone's scheduling has been thrown madly off, and they're all working double-time trying to make up the ground they've lost.


Bleh – this is not a fun day. It needs to hurry up and be over.

Thursday, March 6

Professionally sozzled

This morning I had aether tests. Now that I'm no longer in danger, merely covered in yellow bruises, tender and stiff and occasionally shaky, they've decided to try and find out why I react so differently to aether from everyone else. Which means I spent this morning getting drunk.

Since they're wary of setting off my interface, and are trying to work out why it started growing again, they only gave me enough aether for a minor buzz. So I was bored but cheerful. I swear I must have had more brain scans than anyone on any planet. At least I had the warning signs in the containment room to entertain me. "Danger – toxic substances!" plastered everywhere, in and out of the interface.

They released me around lunch time, but I was in no mood for school work. Mildly defiant, or perhaps still a little drunk, I went swimming. Nothing too strenuous, just to get the kinks out, and I think I'll keep going unless someone remembers I'm supposed to have an escort.

While I was floating about pretending that was exercise, I abruptly gained a brand new level of access, accompanied by an email from Isten Notra directing me to a huge collection of files. "Your assignment while you're in testing and recovery is to review the information we've collected on Muina and to notify me of any possible relevant parallel with your world."

Homework! I haven't the foggiest idea if I'll find anything useful, but it's definitely something new and tangible for me to do.

The Muina collection, however, was not nearly so interesting to me at first glance as everything else this access level let me look at. They've reclassified me as a Setari, and now I can see things like everyone's calendar, the space, rotation and Ionoth libraries, squad profiles and a general noticeboard. After months of being a mushroom, this is a serious adjustment.

I have to admit the first thing I wanted to do was indulge my increasing curiosity about Ruuel. It was only the recollection of playing "Browser History of Shame" over at friends' houses which held me back. Instead I checked out First Squad's profile, opening Zee's details first. Talent set and ratings, mission history. No doubt plenty of stuff I couldn't see. Next I methodically opened and read the details of each squad captain in order, and if I lingered a little longer over Ruuel then that might be excused by the fact that he has eleven talents. All the Sights and Speed rated high, then low ratings in Ena Manipulation, Telekinesis, Levitation and Light.

That pointless piece of self-indulgence over with, I turned to the Ionoth library (the Bestiary!) to look up cats. And found out that Ghost has escaped. Yay Ghost! I hope she comes to visit me again, but I expect that she won't be trusting me any more.

After browsing randomly for a while, quite overwhelmed by how much information there was, I glanced over the Muina collection. And pounced on a report from a few months ago. An expedition to Muina to investigate a Ddura detected in the planet's near-space.

I was in 'Additional Notes'. "Displaced person, young female, recovered from secondary site. Uninjured, condition poor. Stickie scan negative. Not from known language group. Submitted for processing."

My so momentous rescue. The attached log was fascinating though, giving me some idea of how the Sight talents operate. After arriving at the town, Fourth Squad started out near my wool-boiling operation, which made it obvious straight away that someone was there. Those with Place Sight could see glowing footprints everywhere: mine and those of different animals, and even my handprints all over the bowls. The squad split into pairs, apparently confident there was no major danger nearby.

Watching my Muinan town through Ruuel's eyes made me feel both stalker-ish and hypocritical, and really brought home to me why the Setari are so damn proper most of the time. I expect it's a rare thing for anyone to review entire mission logs, but you sure as hell wouldn't want to spend your time checking out a squad member's butt while out on mission, or gossiping about other teams.

It was also beyond confusing seeing as Ruuel does. Auras everywhere, and strange patterns where patterns shouldn't be: art nouveau heat hazes. And that was only visual input. Most of the Sights are far more than visual, so I hate to think how much information someone with six Sights is processing, and can better understand why Ruuel nearly collapsed staring at the Ddura while enhanced. I don't think all the Sights are on all the time, though, since there were times when my Muinan town looked entirely normal. Perhaps it's like changing channels, and he flicks through them.

I felt no nostalgia seeing my tower again, was simply glad not to be there as my trackers easily cleared away my makeshift door and passed the clutter of junk I'd kicked down the stair, then the second floor I'd been in the process of clearing. Then they were on the third floor, Fort Cass, with my bowls of washews and red pears carefully lined up, and my pathetic collection of tools in their corner. My bag. My blanket. Me.

Huddled in my stained and worn school uniform, with my hair greasy and lank, I looked bony and ill. 'Condition poor'. Ruuel looked at me with normal sight first, then one which made me light up in dull greens and blues and reds.

"She's been here some time," said Ruuel's partner, Sonn, over the interface.

"Weeks, not days," he agreed.

"The time limit's close. What do we do with her while we look for a gate?" An edge of irritation had crept into Sonn's voice. They weren't there for me.

But Ruuel didn't seem overly concerned, turning from studying the ceiling to look at me as I stirred groggily. "Put her down at the lake's edge for the escort to collect."

I watched myself perform this magnificent recoil worthy of a scalded cat. So scared. Ruuel just changed whatever Sight he was using and started looking around the room again, seeing a strange overlaid image of rubble, and a few different fragmentary ghosts of me.

"Do you understand me?" Sonn asked in Taren, then said almost the same thing, but pronounced the words differently.

"Who are you?" past me said, staring back and forth between them.

Sonn tried again. I swapped later to watch her log, and she was carefully sounding out the same question using a "Stray Encounter Guide" which had a little stock of useful phrases from the languages of strays which had been picked up in the past. They're all wildly varying dialects of Muinan, which is something I couldn't tell at the time.

"Nothing you're saying sounds like anything I know," past me said.

"Not getting anywhere," Sonn murmured.

"Just use gestures," Ruuel said. "We don't have the time to waste with this." He left to go up on the roof, telling the rest of his squad to keep scanning for gates.

The time limit for visits to Muina is strictly enforced. Looking over the whole of the mission report, they'd started out miles away, at the ruins of a major city where a network of scanning drones had been installed both in real-space and near-space.

Robotics here are more advanced than Earth's but the AI is still nowhere near real AI, so there are limitations to tasks drones can perform. The news about the Ddura had involved a complicated chain of drone messages. They have drones seeded about the spaces near the big interplanetary rift on Muina which stay powered down most of the time, waking themselves up on a regular schedule to scan. Another drone wakes itself up and collects the scans, and yet another drone travels back and forth between Muina and Tare with the collected scans. A Ddura had passed by the scanning drones, and that was enough to get Fourth Squad hurriedly sent out, two days later, in the hopes that it was still about.


Once they reached the city, they'd gone straight into near-space to get the latest information from the drones there and to try and track the Ddura. They were able to calculate the direction it had moved and had chased off after it in their ship, finding my town as a consequence, where they'd stopped to see if they could find a gate and look for it there. And found me instead.

Leaving me sitting on the lakeshore, Fourth Squad had located a gate a short distance south of the town and gone through. After two days they weren't surprised that the Ddura was gone, but they'd been able to identify which gate it had gone through, though how something as big as that aurora 'goes through' those little gates I don't know. They'd tried tracking it until the constraints of their time limit had forced them to return.

I think I'm going to have to go through the Muina files from beginning to end rather than jumping about. Why, for instance, aren't they searching that big city for records? Sssso much technical jargon: it's like someone gave me everything NASA has ever written.