The Texas Renegade Returns

Wednesday, February 13

Settling in

So, my apartment has three and a bit rooms. The bedroom is a little larger than my original box in the medical facility, with a lot more cupboard space. The bed's a double bed, too, instead of the narrower 'hospital-type' bed. I had a lot of trouble deciding on what kind of bedspread to buy, and ended up with a dark green one with a pattern of leaves and tiny white and pink flowers.

The kitchen part of the main room has a small refrigerator and cooker and a sink, plus bench and cupboard. Given the Setari can get all their meals from their canteen, there's no need to do a lot of food preparation in the apartments, but at least it's possible.

There's a 'coffee table' and a matched pair of two-seater lounges facing each other over it. All very plain, and nothing you wouldn't find in any Australian home, though made with a light, possibly hollow frame that seems vaguely related to whitestone. Wood is far too rare here to be used for basic furniture.

I think I'd like to get some throw rugs to put across the lounges. There's no television or sound system or anything like that because all that's inside your head, which makes the lounge look rather bare. The study nook is not really a study nook, I think. After all, I haven't seen a printed book or file yet, let alone anyone writing by hand, so why would you need a table designed for writing? Maybe it's meant to be a breakfast table? An upright chair and a table, anyway. It's a good place for me to write in my diary, even if it's not what it's meant for.

I really wish I'd brought my pippin statue with me. I only had it for a couple of weeks on Muina, but it was almost like having a pet.

I love the fact that I have a bath, and I did a lot of soaking in it last night, trying to read one of the novels I found in the vast array in my head. I should have bought some bubble bath, presuming it exists here. Bath oils and bath salts and maybe a rubber ducky. The shower is both a shower and a nanoshower. When you tell your nanosuit to go away, it drains down to your legs then kind of spins together and shoots out a special 'drain'. It makes me wonder if all the Setari are all using the same 'pool' of nanoliquid, which is a grotty and funny and disgusting idea. One size fits all taken to new levels.

I'm dressed in my uniform now, waiting for it to be time for me to go to training, and hopefully not get lost! Mara told me that if I have any kind of official assignment – training or meetings or even a medical exam – I'm to wear my nanosuit. I still wish it was a different colour, so people would know I'm not pretending to be a Setari.

Combat Room 3

Full day of training with First Squad today, both before and after lunch. We met at 'Combat Room 3', one with lots of shielding, and they borrowed a guy called Nils from Second Squad to make illusions of common sorts of Ionoth attacking us while they worked out the best way to use my enhancement while not putting me in too much danger. It was like an elaborate game of tag, and I felt so useless and awkward, especially when Nils had some really nasty illusion-Ionoth swarm the spot I was standing, and had to be rescued. Nils' illusions can't really properly show the effects of the Ionoth being hit, since they have no substance, but I didn't like a dozen of them pouncing toward me.

Ketzaren is my 'primary minder', since she has strong Levitation. If they need to move me quickly, she gives me an order and I have to put my arm around her shoulder. She grabs me around the waist and binds our suits together and then she levitates herself and I get brought along, which overcomes the fact that they can't put Levitation directly on me when they're enhanced. Her other talents are Ena manipulation, which seems to be what they use when they're trying to lock the gates, and Wind manipulation. Wind is a slow-build talent, so only occasionally used in combat.

First Squad was really pleased with how the training went, and they met up with some more of Second Squad for dinner afterwards and talked through strategies and possibilities. Maze was good at making this not an uncomfortable conversation for me, and I was okay with it anyway, since I'd decided that my role was like a caddie for a bunch of professional golfers. I don't do any of the hitting of balls, but I make the day a little easier for them.

The leader of Second Squad is called Grif Regan, and he's a very serious type who likes to listen more than talk. Nils, by contrast, is overwhelming. If you took the lead singer of The Doors (forgot his name) and crossed him with Marilyn Monroe, you'd get something like Nils. A really pretty guy who oozes sex. He treats Zee like she's a particularly delectable mouse, but Zee just ignores him. He also asked me if everyone on Earth could speak with their hands and I explained about my aunt being deaf and we sidetracked into a long discussion about Earth and things which are different between the worlds.

But the question was a useful reminder that everyone here can record everything they hear and see, and even feel, though that's an extra setting and not one I'm keen on using. And when Setari are on missions, what they record they put in mission reports, so everything Ruuel saw me do or say in the Ena has apparently been reviewed by whole bunches of people. It made me very glad I hadn't kept trying to talk to Ruuel, and hadn't done too much shrieking or squealing while panicking. And means I'm sure as hell not going to say anything during official assignments that I couldn't bear being watched by a hundred people.

No wonder Zan wouldn't gossip.

I went up to the roof again after dinner, just because I could, and because I could see stars up there now that the sun's fully set. Tomorrow will be more training, but Maze said that if they're happy with how it goes they'll consider going into the Ena with me again, this time to kill things.


Must remember to work the conversation around to different types of gates.

Thursday, February 14

Bubble worlds

Morning was dodging practice with Mara, which went well except for when I dodged in precisely the wrong way and got a ball in the face. I'm not very good at predicting where she's going to throw the things and that seems to be half of what dodging's all about.

I asked her if I was allowed to go swimming just for fun instead of it being for training, and she laughed and said yes and told me where to look to see whether anyone had booked the pool. But then later she said that for now it'd be better if she just added the pool into our training schedule, so I guess she checked with someone who decided there was too much chance of me drowning or something.

Over lunch, she explained a little more about spaces and gates. Spaces shift about. Some move only a little, bobbing up and down. Others apparently rotate, like planets. A few even zoom about: little comets on an astral level. And when they move, the connections which were the gates between them shift also, vanishing altogether, or linking up with other spaces, or just phasing briefly out of alignment. Setari with Ena manipulation skills are able to 'lock' the gates, preventing them from shifting, but unless it's between two relatively stable spaces, it's immensely difficult to hold them for more than a day or two, and there's even an argument about whether it's a bad thing altogether, given that it's similar to what the Pillars do.

Four of the gates back toward the Pillar we found are stable, shifting only a little, and it's become part of the regular 'rotation' of the Setari teams to go and firm the 'locks' up. The gate into the space with all the platforms is gone. There's a different talent which allows you to 'read' the gates, and tell how long they will last, but they can't tell for certain if and when that gate will rotate back. They think (are hoping really hard) that the platform space is a rotational space, and that eventually the gate will realign again and they'll be able to lock it for another few days. Until then they check every day and puzzle over the readings they took from the space with the Pillar.

I didn't want to press too obviously about natural gates, how they're different, and how hard it might be to find one.

After lunch we joined up with the rest of First Squad, and this time all of Second Squad joined us. After testing the effect of me on their talent range, they worked with First Squad on a really big game of tag-team combat. They've been set a minimum time they have to wait between each person touching me, and then they have to keep track of how long the enhancement will last, which is a little over five minutes, always. Nils made illusory monsters again, and the two squads worked through fighting and enhancing while keeping to their rules. Then we took a break while Maze and the Second Squad captain, Grif, talked through different ways of managing me, and which talents it was best to enhance.

I was sitting on a bench next to Lohn and Nils and asked: "Is worth it? Stronger, maybe, but so complicate."

"Definitely, absolutely," Lohn said. "When I think of some of the situations we've been in, when the problem was sheer lack of fire power! The effect on some of the more esoteric talents, like Combat Sight, is incredibly hard to quantify, but I wouldn't give it up."

"Just the speed alone is worth it," Nils added. "It almost makes the thought of doing Columns Rotation bearable."

"Think how that last massive battle would have gone," Lohn said, and they glanced at each other and looked away.

"Massive?" I repeated. The word they used was 'kadara', but it seemed to have the same meaning as 'ddura'. "Ddura?"

"Different sort," Nils said. He lifted his hand and conjured an illusion of a four-legged black thing as tall as the three-story room, with swarms of miniature Setari buzzing around its long, spindly ankles. Everyone else in First and Second Squad jumped and gave him a look, but he just waved at them. "They turn up very occasionally, crashing their way between the spaces rather than travelling through them, and end up in near-space. It took eight squads to take this one down."

"If we don't spot them, they can reach real space. That was a bad year." Lohn scrubbed a hand across his face, then smiled at me. "It's not so complicated, either – we're just taking turns patting you on the shoulder on a timer. So what do you say, Maze?" he called. "We going to do this for real tomorrow?"

"Pending clearance by medical," Maze said, coming over. "And clearance by you, Caszandra. You've seen something of what we can run into out there, and that was neither the weakest nor the worst thing we might encounter. Are you ready to do this?"

I'd seen enough by now to know that none of the Setari were completely confident of returning when they went into the spaces. Maze was asking a really serious question. And the spaces I'd gone through with Ruuel had scared me, had made abundantly clear that there was danger and horror involved. I didn't want any part of that.

"Long as don't have ran up stair," I said after a moment. "That hardest bit."

Maze smiled, but gravely, and nodded at me. "It will be one of the more straightforward rotations," he said. "I'll schedule it, dependant on the results of the medical."

After the medics cleared me, Alay and Ketzaren took me to dinner. Alay's the most quiet and reserved of First Squad, but really lovely when she laughs. She's what people call 'gamine', and wears her hair short, though little random curls sproing out. I think Ketzaren, who is very dry and sardonic, was deliberately setting out to cheer Alay up, and it was only after they'd delivered me back to my apartment that I thought about why, about the reasons First and Second Squad often look tired and sad.

I don't want to go into the spaces hunting Ionoth. I'm scared about the trip tomorrow. And of all the trips after that which I'll be in for if I let myself be conscripted by an alien military organisation to fight a problem which has been growing steadily worse. I fully intend to go home.

But then there's First Squad. They've been doing this for years. Fighting nightmares. And getting hurt. I haven't missed that there were originally three senior Setari squads, but now there only seems to be two. I can't bring myself to ask what happened to the other one.

And I've been writhing silently at the thought of saying: "Thanks for saving my life, but not my problem. I'll go home now and try not to think too hard about whether you're dead yet".

But I want to go home.

Wearing the Setari uniform makes me feel so fake.

Friday, February 15

Rememories

I started out the day by spotting Zan in the canteen. She was eating dinner – Twelfth Squad is on a different shift than me at the moment – but after I picked out some breakfast I asked if I could join her and she of course was polite and said yes.

"You look tired," I said, since I refuse to be all stilted and formal with her. "Is rotation bad?"

"No injuries so far," Zan said, being her usual correct self. But then she actually asked me a question, which is progress. "You're scheduled to start a rotation today?"

I nodded, wondering if for the rest of my life people would know more about what I'm doing than I do myself. "When Setari off-duty?" I asked. "Never know if what say go into mission reports."

"It would be truer to say we're off-shift, not off-duty. All time in the Ena is fully logged, and most training sessions, but I would have no reason to report on this conversation, for instance. Besides, you're on second level monitoring."


The way she paused made it clear that she wished she hadn't said that, so naturally I asked what second level monitoring was, and appreciated that she didn't avoid answering.

"It means your life signs monitor, along with everything you do, you're recording internally – separately from any private recording you make. The record isn't reviewed unless there's an incident which needs verification or investigation, such as when you vanished into the Ena."

I suppose I wasn't that surprised deep-down, but that didn't stop me from feeling absolutely exposed. I must have gone brick red.

"Everyone can look at?"

"No." Zan made her voice as firm and clear as possible. "There are very strict rules about such reviews, and they can be performed only for a clear reason, by those with the very highest security clearance. No-one in the Setari has anywhere close to that level. But a selected extract of your record was appended to Tsee Ruuel's report on your recovery, showing your attempt to open a gate into your world."

"Monitoring used criminals?"

Zan was looking distracted, but nodded. "Or children considered at risk."

Or conscripted strays, I thought. In a way I'm almost glad, because every time I start to think about being heroically self-sacrificing, the words "second level monitoring" are going to help me immensely.

I looked up as Maze put a tray on the table next to me and sat down, his mouth set. I was willing to bet he was the reason Zan had been distracted, that they'd been having a silent conversation about what I'd asked and how she'd answered.

"Do Tare have saying here," I asked, before he could say anything, "'Who watches watchers'?"

He blinked, then gave me one of those tired, super-nice smiles: "I think I've heard some variation of that. But the restrictions on monitoring are very tight."

"Is ever likely be less monitored?"

"I don't know. Perhaps if we gain a proper understanding of your talent set. And you stop nearly dying."

I felt like arguing, demanding that I be taken off, but I could see by the way he was steeling himself that there was no hope so I held my tongue. "When everyone talk using surnames, that when official recording, right?"

"Usually. Or habit. Formality is a discipline." He glanced across at Zan, who was being super quiet and proper while she finished her dinner. "Unnecessary, I suppose, but the competitive atmosphere fosters it."

"During rotation, consistent naming is common sense," Zan said. She paused, then stood up, lifting her tray. "Good luck today, Cassandra." With a nod to Maze she left.

A first time for everything. And she'd pronounced it correctly. Pleased, I made myself forget about starring in my own reality show, and concentrate on eating my breakfast. And toyed with the idea of asking Maze if he knew or cared that half the younger Setari had the hots for him. Or why they bullied Zan. But it would be unfair, since Zan was really bothered by Maze, to go talking about her with him.

After we'd eaten, Maze gave me a lesson on extra equipment we would take while on a mission. A little food and water, a very tiny medical pack, and the breather, in case we encountered a flooded zone. Zee joined us, and reminded me practically to go to the bathroom, and then we went down and met the others at another of the sealed-up gates. I could tell by the way Zee was watching me that she and Maze had discussed second level monitoring before she arrived, but by that time I'd moved through annoyed to resigned, and switched back to being worried about gallivanting through the Ena killing monsters.

"Is all spaces okay atmosphere?" I asked, making a pocket for my breather.

"Usually," Ketzaren said. "Sometimes the air is not very pleasant, but we've yet to encounter one which was toxic. The theory is that only certain atmosphere types create a truly living world. Or that we are not truly breathing."

"Why this easy rotation?"

"Because it's short, there's nothing smart, and it never changes," Lohn said, grimacing in the middle of some slow stretches. "And it leads to Unara, as at least a quarter of all rotations do, so there's usually not much going on in near-space either."

Maze took over talking, in captain-mode. "In addition to Tare's near-space, we will be travelling through four spaces. The first is always bare. The second will be insects – small, and in swarms. We are not likely to allow any to get close to us, but if one strikes you, the antidote to their poison is in your medpack. After the second space we will return to Tare's near-space and search for any Ionoth which have reached it from neighbouring spaces. The first space on the return trip is only occasionally inhabited, and the Ionoth which spawn there are large and quite slow. The last space contains three winged Ionoth. Spel will move you if necessary. Ready?"

I nodded, though my breakfast was considering not coming along. That sick feeling stayed with me the entire time, for all the mission itself went exactly the way Maze said. We crossed through near-space to a baked and dying field of plants, then to a meadow crawling with over-sized bugs which made the mistake of gathering into groups and coming at us. Lohn touched my elbow and fried them instantly, his Light wall blocking any chance of them getting close.

And then we were somewhere in the bowels of Unara, in a wind-blasted tube taller than a house which Mara said was one of the air channels which power Unara and keep it breathing. We walked along it, not finding a single Ionoth, then stepped into the bottom of a canyon with a thin stream running down the middle, and a hulking bull with wide horns crashing along one bank. All of First Squad simply went up, Ketzaren hooking me into her side and lifting effortlessly. We floated above as it ramped about, crashing and snorting, until Mara dropped down and finished it with a single, swift stroke of her Light whip. I could smell it, burnt flesh rising to cut through rank, musty animal scent, and decided to eat smaller breakfasts as we lifted up further to a gate into a forest clearing. Lohn, who was unenhanced by this time, shot three Light bolts at three precise points around the clearing, and three feathery things crashed to the ground. Then back to near-space, and through to the KOTIS facility.

Though they were as crisply professional as always, it was clear that the run had been incredibly easy for First Squad, that they knew exactly what to do before entering each space, and had been most interested in testing out their altered abilities. Maze and Zee escorted me down to medical so that all three of us could be scanned for side-effects, and discussed the effect on Combat Sight, which picks up hostile intent. They were very pleased that this doesn't seem to be distorted. It was a good introduction, and I'm not quite so worried about the next rotation. Nothing came even close to me, and though I didn't find the killing easy to watch, I can perfectly understand not wanting any of those things running loose on Tare.

But it's endless, this fight. Because for all they kill off the Ionoth, the spaces still remember them, and they come back and have to be killed again. Memories. The Unara Rotation was so easy because First had done it hundreds of times, and knew exactly what the Ionoth would be and how they would behave. Over and over, an infinite number, and First Squad's already been fighting them too long.

Saturday, February 16

The Watched

This morning I found myself avoiding looking down while dressing, and staying turned away from the mirror. Then I made myself look, because what did I have left to hide? I'd spent the night wondering if second level monitoring logs were ever deleted, or if there'd be a permanent record of me farting in the bath and laughing at the bubbles. Inspecting my armpits. Every single thing I do in the bathroom.


I don't think I'll ever dare masturbate again.

It didn't occur to me to look up the laws concerning second level monitoring until breakfast. I'm too used to being kept in a box with no view of the outside. Second level monitoring is almost like parole here, far more common than I expected. There's layers and layers of rules and controls about when the logs can be uplifted, but it's an accepted part of the Taren justice system. There's even a third level monitoring, where you're basically live-streaming your life. Some people here actually do that for the kicks.

The encyclopaedia entry I found handily told me the history of the laws which had led to second level monitoring, and I guess it's a logical progression from things like the CCTV and GPS bracelets, and I can understand why they'd put a lab rat like me on it, but NOT HAPPY, JAN.

Until I can figure out how to safely get home, I'll just have to put up with it, but I did need to degrump myself before leaving to meet Mara. The Setari are assigned rotations every second day, so I'll be going into the Ena again tomorrow, and I'm scheduled in for three more rotations with First Squad after that. Between I have training and medical appointments. In a few days I also have a session scheduled with Eighth Squad and later Third Squad, to review my effect on their talent list. Then a day with nothing scheduled, but I'm not sure if it counts as a day off or they just haven't put anything there yet.

This morning I had swimming with Mara, and Zee and Ketzaren came along as well. They're all so incredibly fit. I can just about beat them if I swim freestyle while they breaststroke, but even though they've only been swimming a couple of years they outpace me easily if we're doing the same stroke. Mara's such a taskmaster – after we played around for a while she made me do laps while she monitored my heartbeat. And then she scheduled in some running for me as well, for afternoons, though she says I don't have to wait for any of them to join me for that. Running is not my idea of fun, though I think maybe I could do my schoolwork at the same time as running, which is useful, or watch television or whatever.

I'm doing quite well with this year's schoolwork, though I'm not pushing through it nearly as hard as I did the previous year's. And I'm starting to find my way around all the vast array of the parts of the interface which I now have access to. I watch news programs, and am constantly surprised by stories of violence. I kept imagining this place as relatively crime-free, especially thanks to second level monitoring, but bad things still happen here. And there's sports reporting, and gossip and politics and business, all of which is this mass of confusion to me because they don't explain who the people are and I have to look them up to work out what's going on. I usually don't bother, just let all the sounds wash over me while I look at the images.

With the entertainment options and discussion boards and games there's so much out there that I've been too overwhelmed to do more than browse. I read the beginnings of books, watch the beginnings of shows, follow links, but keep moving on. Schoolwork comes as a relief after that because it's so structured. I started watching that Setari/Songstar show that Nenna liked so much, but it's really silly and young. I found a different one called The Hidden War which is also about the Setari, but much more serious and with no singing so far. There are years and years of it, though, and while I found out how to watch it from the beginning, I've only skipped through a couple of episodes. It starts out with this girl called Nori being in the not-yet-qualified-as-a-Setari part of KOTIS, and I'll probably go back to it when I'm in a better mood.

The planet is seriously obsessed with the Setari. It's not surprising. Earth would be the same, but give them less privacy. [I can't believe I just wrote that.] As it is, I've found these huge discussion boards which are all about people talking about sightings of Setari. They can't take photographs of them, and their name display shows random names, but every sighting of them is tracked, and people draw pictures using art programs. It's very rare for Setari to be seen anywhere except Konna, and rarer still for them to go out in uniform. Hordes of people want to live on Konna, just because of the Setari. I already felt, the couple of times I've been into the city, the sense of lots of people watching, and the extra-smile factor of shop assistants, but it's apparently against some kind of rule to run up and ask the Setari for autographs, which is fortunate or they probably wouldn't be able to go out at all.

There were descriptions of our Kanza game on those forums. There were great big dossiers on First Squad. They don't know what they're called or anything, but they've given them all code names and link the sightings together, and now there's a dossier started on me. They think I'm a Kalrani or newly graduated Setari, or possibly just a relative of someone in First Squad. I spent lunch reading through a bunch of posts of people giving really frank opinions of what I looked like (6/10) and how I acted. 6! I think I'm a 7, really, but I guess I was standing next to Zee a lot of the time.

It amazes me that any of the Setari ever poke their noses out of KOTIS.