The Texas Renegade Returns

July


Tuesday, July 1

Map of the brain

Swimming was okay. It's been long enough, I guess, and it did help loosen up all my complaining muscles. I hope eventually it'll be fun again.

Zee took me back out to Keszen Point, which had obviously reverted to being a warehouse during my absence, since the boxes were different boxes. Ista Chemie was very interested in the Kalasa projection, rumours of which are already rife on the interface, and also the fact that I feel like the manifestation bit of me is still tired. We started out small – another mug, in fact – and though I can picture a mug in my head very easily, I couldn't make one appear, full of cocoa or not. And I don't seem to be causing anything at all to happen in near-space. This is nothing but a good thing from my point of view.

We moved on to a series of visualisations, measuring my energy output and my brain's electrical activity when trying to see a distinct series of rooms of around the same size at increasing distances around Tare. And then a visualisation of a fictional place for contrast. It was a pretty productive session, both for clearly identifying which part of my brain is responsible for the Sight talent, and for me to become more aware of the separate mechanisms. I kept accidentally trying to manifest things, and I could feel myself not able to, and eventually I began to anticipate the twinge and deliberately avoid it. So the Kalasa manifestation cost me a couple of days of unconsciousness, but gave me a little progress in return. And a chance to not be so worried about accidentally making monsters.

This kind of training will be every second day from now on, with nothing but physical training on First Squad's off-rotation days until I'm fit and healthy. Only then, and if they've gained a proper understanding of the limits and costs of my talent set, will they even consider poking me at Muina again.

Zee was very tired by the time we were heading back, and I made jokes about carrying her to her quarters. I told her, as we rode the elevator, that I had been trying in vain to think of a way to thank everyone for my snowball fight, but she thought this tremendously funny, and told me the snowball fight was them thanking me, and besides they'd all enjoyed themselves.

Then I asked her didn't she think my beanie had suited Nils and she tweaked a strand of my hair and told me she'd make sure Mara left me too exhausted to remember what a beanie was.

I much prefer training with the Setari to being babysat.

Wednesday, July 2

Ow

Entire body hurts. Mara carries out Zee's instructions very well.

Thursday, July 3

In a galaxy far, far-

The whole morning went to medical for the beginning of cosmetic work on my legs. Not too bad, though it left the skin feeling numb and oddly hot, and I have bandages again.

This afternoon Zee had me try and visualise what's going on in Pandora. They wanted to do this test while I'm still not able to manifest, because the previous set of tests proved that distance does take more energy (no real surprise there). I could tell they thought it was an extra-serious test because Ista Chemie was very careful and particular about all the medical equipment being on-hand and ready for business.

They'd decided on 'my' building as the target location, Zee carefully describing the already-familiar furnishings. Imagining something and 'seeing' it are very different experiences for me, so I knew that it was working. All that detail. Seeing things using this Sight makes it go almost 'super-real': every tiny smudge stands out, and all the colours seem special.

Seeing Pandora was hard, though. Carrying a person on your back and trying to walk up a flight of stairs hard. My heart-rate skyrocketed, I started to breathe like a steam-train and my throat and chest felt hot, quickly followed by the familiar stabbing headache that tells me I'm pushing myself into new territory. Zee immediately told me to stop, and I lay still with my eyes shut until Ista Chemie's medications came into effect.

"Building growing extra rooms?" I asked, once I felt closer to human again. I'd almost thought I'd visualised the wrong place, because all the furniture had been cleared out and the walls seemed to be wrong.

"It's being expanded. Properly shielded quarters for Setari stationed at Pandora. And that confirms that you can reach over that kind of distance."

"Earth even farther away," I said, sighing.

"Very likely." She gave me an evaluating look, then nodded, apparently deciding I wasn't going to go experimenting with trying to see Earth any time soon. Not that I probably wouldn't try if they gave me a supply of extreme headache medicine. And I probably will, eventually, if they don't include it in my training and testing in the next couple of months. There are limits.

Not soon though. My head is still pounding underneath the blocking.

Friday, July 4

Somebody Wake Up

All morning in medical again – partially the inevitable brain scans, partially fooling with my legs, which are now encased in a different sort of bandage: a waterproof one I'm allowed to get wet, but not to soak, so no swimming or baths for the next couple of days.

I was eating a light lunch in the canteen when the captain of Tenth, Els Haral, slid onto the seat opposite, pulling Fourteenth's captain Kin Lara down beside him.

"It's against captainly protocols to gossip," Haral told me, smiling. "So we're not at all asking you whether it's true that Twelfth won some kind of ice environment combat exercise over all the other squads based on Muina."

"Squads gave me a snowball fight as a present, but is a game, not training," I said firmly. 'Ice environment combat exercise'. Seriously.

Lara, who had briefly looked less sleepy than usual when Haral pulled him into the seat, shook his head, then gave in. "Either way, Twelfth won? Over First and Fourth?"

"And Second, Third, and Kolar's First Squad. Zan picked smart strategy."

"How does the game work?"

Since they gave an impression of being pleased that Twelfth had won, but not in any way negative toward the other squads, I explained. So far as I can tell, First is considered the best close combat team, while Ruuel is probably the best individually, with Maze and Mara both considered almost equally dangerous. Not that I can get anyone to actually tell me that – but neither Haral nor Lara were the slightest bit surprised that Ruuel had won the second game.


It's nice to know that Zan has some allies among the other squads. I had the faintest suspicion that Haral was teasing Lara about Zan, so maybe he'd be more than an ally if Zan gave him a chance. They stayed and chatted to me. Interested in Kalasa of course, but Haral also had lots of questions about Earth: he wanted to know more about volcanos and the things that made Earth different from Muina. They're both very easy to talk to – more relaxed than a lot of the younger Setari – but eventually I had to go be tortured by Mara, who made me do something like Pilates or yoga. Lots of stretching myself and holding positions.

I spent that torture session turning over who Haral reminded me of, and finally worked it out. Not in looks, but that soft-spoken, laid-back thing he does is very similar to the Hicks character in Aliens.

Saturday, July 5

Size matters

No dangerous dreams last night, though I have some tangled memories that feel uncomfortable. I have noticed that my ability to tell who is nearby has expanded in range, and asked Zee how many Sights I might have: one or a hundred. Knowing where people are, and seeing coloured lights, and seeing things in the past and seeing fictional places, and seeing what's happening on another planet all seem like rather different things to me. The most she could tell me is that it seems to consistently be the same area of my brain, and that it might be similar to Place Sight, which can be used in a lot of different ways.

I'm glad I don't feel people's emotions when I touch them.

Today we measured the energy output required for me to see different sized things which were all roughly at the same distance. And then fictional as opposed to real things. It made me very tired, and I had a nap before a squad dinner in Ketzaren's rooms. She'd changed her wall display to a slideshow of images of Muina: snow and plains and mountains and streams and different forests and a wetland I hadn't seen before, amazingly full of birds.

First Squad was decompressing after their rotation earlier in the day, and it seems they are finding it a big mental and emotional adjustment to go from the work they'd been doing on Muina to the intensity of rotations, where they are only ever winning battles, and never the war. And it's getting harder. Twelfth isn't the only squad which has hit some bad rotations lately and been injured, mainly due to an increase of deep-space Ionoth. Maze said they're trying to decide between supplementing the existing squads with qualifying Kalrani, or simply having squads work in pairs. The whole reason the current squads are six members is because Ionoth, particularly deep-space Ionoth like swoops, are drawn to larger groups. If they're having to deal with them anyway, then larger groups may gain more than they cost.

Sunday, July 6

Mara is evil

Tired. Sore. Debating taking a sickie tomorrow.

Monday, July 7

All worked up over nothing

Lunch with Haral – Els – again. I guess I wasn't wrong, back when I tested with Tenth Squad, in thinking that maybe he liked me. My withdrawal that time must have just made him decide on a patient approach. He's not overloading me with compliments, but he's taking the opportunity of our lunch shift being at the same time to talk to me. No pressure, just chatting in a group with the rest of his squad, but I could tell he was into me.

So could his squad, judging by the wide-eyed glances a couple of them exchanged.

Els is a very cool and attractive guy and I like him. I can't decide what to think about the possibility of more. I'm definitely giving it a lot of thought, and my training session with Zee didn't go very well because I was distracted. But at least I discovered that if I think about two different things at once and don't concentrate on just the one location I can give myself a really magnificent headache.

I'm trying to decide whether to respond to Els, or avoid him, or just treat him like a friend and pretend I hadn't noticed any overtones of more. I do like him. I can easily imagine being with him. But how is it fair on Els to encourage him if I'm not sure I'd want to go through with it? When I wake up every morning totally focused on the absence of one very particular person? But I don't want to be that either, mooning hopelessly over someone who isn't a type of person I'd ever thought I'd like, is probably in a relationship with someone else, and has done his best to keep me at a distance.

Stupid. Stupid dilemma. I need to stop thinking about this.

Tuesday, July 8

Peering in the windows

Mara eased up on me a little today. She said she couldn't bear my expression of dread any longer. And I sat in on a First and Second Squad group training session – just watching – because Maze and Grif wanted to think more on Rotational dynamics with a doubled squad. Afterwards they actually took me out into the city for dinner, which is the first time for ages and probably only happened because two whole Setari squads is sufficient to not only block me from casual view but to daunt even the most enthusiastic gawker. I did notice that even on their home island the social politeness of people pretending not to recognise them as Setari when they're not in uniform has more or less fallen away, but we were still left to go to the fondue restaurant unharassed.

Nils, in an uncharacteristically non-flirtatious mood, talked to me a lot about the visualisations I've been doing and the difference between them and his illusions. There was an underlying current of concern behind all the conversation, but it was still a nice night.

Wednesday, July 9

Calooh! Callay!

Excellent, excellent day.

It started out routine, racking up another few hours in medical. I hesitated a bit before going to get lunch, still undecided on how I wanted to handle Els, but eventually figured that chatting over lunch could hardly hurt me. And then when I got to the canteen he was already with his squad at a full table, so I sat with Hasen and Henaz from Eighth, who were having breakfast. I'm finding it rare to go to the canteen and there not be someone around who wants to ask me all about some aspect of Muina.

Tenth Squad caught up with me as I was heading off to meet Zee and rather blatantly abandoned me with Els. They're finding the idea of him pursuing me tremendously entertaining, but he's good at not making it awkward. He told me how jealous they all were that Fourteenth has just been assigned to Muina, then asked me how my Sights and oddly real illusions training was going as we rode the elevator down to one of the main junctions. That's all no secret among the Setari now.

"The music from the Kalasa manifestation was particularly interesting," he said, as I headed for a connecting elevator. "A melody, instruments, revived for a moment from extinction. Can you do that with the music of your own world? Manifest how it sounds from memory?"

I stared at him, thinking through the possible differences in picturing something on Earth, and projecting something I remember, then said: "I don't know. But I'm certainly going to try."

He laughed. "I'm relieved I asked that just before you were heading to a monitored session."

I could only nod speechlessly, too excited for words as my lift came. "Thanks for the idea," I said, very glad I'd ended up talking to him, then spotted Third and Fourth getting off one of the opposite lifts and waved just before my doors shut. Fourteenth must be swapping out to relieve the senior exploration squads.

Zee blinked when I showed up bubbling over with Eeli levels of enthusiasm, and gave me a dry look as I tried to sell her on the idea of music being the same as fiction and not at all like me trying to look all the way to Earth and it wasn't even the Sight part that mattered, but manifesting something I remembered already.

"No argument in the world's going to stop you trying, so I won't even bother," she said. "Since you haven't been able to manifest anything lately, it may be a moot point, but so long as you follow orders and don't do this outside the test environment, it's as good a test subject as any other."


I've never looked forward to a test session so much. In truth, I've never really looked forward to a test session – it's hard to look forward to headaches and exhaustion. All the short train journey I was trying to pick which song I'd really really missed and decided on Hollaback Girls, not because it was my favourite, but because it reminds me of Alyssa. I've been really wishing I could ask Alyssa what she thought about the whole Els situation. Actually, I already know – Ruuel's really not her type of guy. She'd think me mad for ever preferring him to Els.

Then I fretted about whether or not my manifestation would still be too sore to use, and it did still feel a bit stretched. But useable.

It was tiring to do, but nothing like looking at Muina had been. I didn't get much further than the first chorus, then lost focus and stopped, panting slightly, but smiling hugely. I've never been so happy.

"Can I try something else?" I asked Zee, once Ista Chemie had confirmed that the power cost wasn't exorbitant. "A picture instead of a sound?"

I was lucky that one of the walls of the warehouse was clear of boxes. It made for a really, really huge screen. And I had just the documentary I wanted to show.

"This is my world," I told Zee unsteadily. The glowing blue and green and golden ball revolved slowly. "That's Australia." I wiped at my face, changing what I was trying to project. "This is Sydney. Where I – where I grew up."

I had to have a little emotional break. Zee gave me a hug and Ista Chemie fed me hot drinks, and it was just so nice that all these frustrating and painful talents can finally give me something I actually want.

I was already way too tired, but Zee agreed to let me do one more. I almost couldn't concentrate from trying not to giggle, and made sure to get a good look at Zee's face as I said: "Johnny Depp, playing Captain Jack Sparrow." It was impossible to hold it very long, and I was so tired, but laughing. "Maze going to kill me."

Zee made a deal with me – I can try and manifest any music or images I want once every day after my other training is done, but only if I have at least one person with me and weren't somewhere inconvenient to get to medical. I emailed Els and thanked him for the good idea and then sent him and First Squad and Isten Notra and Shon and Mori and Par and Glade and Zan and Eeli the images which the scanners at the warehouse had recorded of Earth. My own log was useless since crying blurred all the images. The Captain Jack sequence I sent separately just to First Squad, because I think Maze is going to kill me enough already without spreading it everywhere.

I fell asleep on the trip back, of course, and had fun reading everyone's email responses when I woke up, particularly Lohn's about Captain Jack. I'm so happy, and beyond all the feel-good stuff it will just be really useful being able to illustrate some of what I've been trying to explain about Earth. I'm pretty sure some sort of Sight must be involved in the projection, because there's no way my memory is as good as those images.

Excellent, excellent day.

Thursday, July 10

Voyeur

I was just hyped all day, totally looking forward to being allowed to try and visualise something else. Mara said all the enthusiasm was useful for making me do more for my physical training – which is either getting easier or I didn't feel it as much. The bandages are off my legs again, so we could have swimming in the afternoon, which I think Mara chose deliberately so I didn't feel so tired afterwards. All First Squad joined us, and then came back to my rooms afterwards since I particularly wanted to show them things. I think they were all enjoying me being happy instead of the mope monster in the corner. Maze brought along a scanner for me which I can keep in my rooms to record any images or sounds I want to keep since a good scanner has a much less contaminated quality than things filtered by human eyes and ears, but he warned me that if anything involved pirates he may just have to have Mara increase my exercise load. Maze took the whole Jack Sparrow thing pretty well – I think it embarrassed him, but he doesn't mind a bit of teasing. And he agreed that Johnny Depp looks a lot like him (except much older, and Maze doesn't go in for facial hair).

We met Mori riding the elevator, and I invited her along, but she said that Fourth is doing a lot of training catch-up after being away from the training facilities for so long, and had to rush off. She looked really tired, so I guess that was her way of saying Ruuel is working Fourth into the ground.

I was very keen to make sure no-one thought it was too much stress on my system, so kept each image that I was displaying to a relatively brief duration, but I finally got to show Lohn what I meant by surfing and skiing. Then I showed them some Mayan and Egyptian pyramids and Machu Piccu, which was strategy on my part, since I knew that Islen Duffen would be highly encouraging of being able to see pieces of Earth's ancient world. They agreed that there must be some kind of Sight element to me 'remembering' the fragments of documentaries I was replaying, but it didn't seem to be costing me too much energy.

It's still fairly tiring, though, and I can't play a whole song in one hit. Maybe I can put them together bit by bit. I fell asleep leaning on Ketzaren, and woke covered up but still on the couch, with Ghost curled up snugly with me. I've really got to remember to eat dinner before doing stuff I know will make me pass out.

I'm a little worried about doing this, because it might make me stronger. And the stronger I get, the more chance I have of accidentally hurting someone. If I dream about monster insects again, for instance. My Sights have definitely been growing stronger, particularly since I tried looking all the way to Muina. Since then I can sense people four levels up, and the shielding is posing less of a barrier. That has its good points and its bad points, one of which I found when I woke up just now and I wasn't missing Ruuel. Not because Els has succeeded in distracting me, but because he's asleep one floor up. If he's within my senses when I wake, it doesn't ache nearly as much.

The downside is that I really, really don't want to know if he's sleeping with Taarel. I'm trying to let him go, but that would be hard to deal with so I'm working very hard on figuring out a way to not be constantly half-aware of people around me. I need to be able to choose to be looking, or not looking, to not just be absent-mindedly aware. I've already discovered that Mori's sleeping with the Eighth Squad captain (or they're just...chatting...really closely...in the middle of her sleep cycle) and even without my problems with Ruuel I could live without finding out whole bunches of really private stuff about people by accident.

When I was sending my Earth pictures around yesterday, he was actually the first person I addressed the email to. Because he'd been training me, and, well, because I wanted to share them with him and I was very happy. But everyone else I was sending it to was my friend, and I realised I was pushing again, trying to get closer despite all my resolutions, so I removed his name. He'll read Zee's training report, after all.

Wonder if Zee will let me test more Earth-related stuff tomorrow?

Friday, July 11

Getting a message across

Big serious discussion today with Maze about The Hidden War. I've been ignoring the legal wrangling about it, although I knew that Evil PR Bitch has been slapped with massive fines and some weird kind of 'house arrest' which severely limits her rights and movements. The question hasn't been so much what happens to her (may she rot), but whether the producers can continue to use the information she provided.

"KOTIS is under a great deal of pressure at the moment," Maze told me. "Unlike our work in the spaces, Muina represents an immense emotional, financial and political...property. The question of whether KOTIS should control what is happening there has been raised again and again by those who see it primarily as a home to reclaim. There is increasing resentment over any attempt to control the information coming out of Muina, a growing sense that there are unnecessary layers of secrecy. KOTIS initially struggled to prevent any use of the information leaked about you altogether, but was met with political opposition as much as legal. It is very difficult to argue that it is not in the public's interest to know these things, when you can scarcely find a person outside of KOTIS who agrees."


"You're not leading up to me having to do interviews with reporters are you?"

"No. But the situation has moved on from preventing the continuing broadcast. The news services are actually reporting on each episode as it's released, operating on the belief that more of the truth is learned in fiction than in the official communications from KOTIS." He sighed. "The hunger for any kind of information about you is immense. We can't deny you are a pivotal part of the world's history, and it is no longer considered acceptable to treat you as something we can keep secret."

"KOTIS decided to turn leak to own advantage?"

"Try to." He gave me a nod for recognising basic media manipulation. "The belief in the leak is useful, and the public battle to suppress the information has added to its value. And the show itself, annoying as this situation is, is unreservedly pro-KOTIS."

"Is going to keep telling them about the things which happen to me?" I asked warily. Evil PR Bitch had run off with my file shortly after I'd gone wandering through Kalasa. "Was kind of glad that stupid dreams weren't going to turn up on gossip forums."

"Perhaps if you hadn't dreamed Kalasa's past so spectacularly that would have been possible." He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze. "That can't be undone, and there's very little chance that we'll succeed in keeping it from leaking for much longer. Rumours are already surfacing. We are very likely to release the scans of that ceremony, and detail the process involved in gaining full access to Kalasa. As for the ongoing relationship with this drama – because so much of it is being taken as truth, we're growing increasingly concerned with controlling the amount of fiction."

"Evil Fourth Squad?"

Maze winced. "One of the things we hope to gain trading information is the ability to correct particularly dangerous errors, and to lessen the damage being done to the squads who are linked to major events. There was a scene in tonight's episode which they've agreed to remove–" He shook his head.

"You see episodes ahead of release?"

"And soon scripts, well before production. Because they're so interested in keeping close to your true story, we don't anticipate needing to demand changes very often." He made a face. "Terrible as it was, the Array massive served to remind more than a few people that Setari are too valuable to this world to purposelessly toy with. And the situation on Kolar was so bad until their Setari tracked down the source of the Ionoth which have been so destructive there."

I wasn't particularly happy, but I could tell the main decisions had already been made. "Can I veto stuff as well?"

Maze agreed to that readily enough, then rubbed his temple. "I've always been more than pleased to ignore these dramas. Having them included in my duties is not a happy development. Fourth is a strong squad, and will weather this, particularly if we can keep dramatic indulgences to a minimum. But there's something I do need to settle there." His mouth had gone all thin, the way it does when he's doing things he doesn't like. "Ruuel recommended the change in instructor for your Sights training, and said that he'd been unnecessarily strict. If Fourth is one of the squads you'd prefer not to work with, I need to know about it."

I could feel my face burn – a mix of anger and embarrassment. "Fourth my favourite squad other than First. Trust Ruuel very much, strict or not. Only thing seriously upset me with Fourth was Sight training with blindfold. Evil Fourth Squad funny at first, but joke get old very quick. Tonight's episode nasty about them again? If following my story close, have reached when I go to Earth near-space? Did they get someone else to save me or something?"

"No." Maze was looking relieved. I expect it would have caused him quite a headache to add Fourth to the nasty squad list. "Everything's a matter of tone and a few extra words. That's partly why this is so difficult."

He gave me the episode, and went to get us something to eat while I watched. It really bugs me that Evil PR Bitch, and who knows how many other people, have watched me wander around Earth's near-space and then talk to my family. The show kept to that pretty well, beyond my home looking distinctly Taren, and that they'd had to make up a translation (subtitles) for my sign conversation. I'd never translated it, and never been asked to – a tiny bit of consideration for which I was grateful. I was surprised how well they'd guessed my family's responses, though they'd made Nick my brother and removed one of my aunts. The girl who plays the sexy kitten version of me is a rather good actress, and you could really see how much she ached to be able to hug her Mum.

Then Lastier showed up, and said almost exactly what Ruuel had said, except he added the things Ruuel had chosen not to say, starting with: "Are you so very selfish?" before explaining the risk I was posing to Earth. Lastier is a very interesting character – all Ruuel's competence, but with portions of Kajal's personality. Not outright evil, but blatantly revelling in his own excellence. The saint-like woman they had playing my Mum looked him up and down and signed: "Cruel eyes. Be careful."

After that it was all very dramatic, with kitten-me being run through a number of near escapes by a superbly competent Setari captain. Who, when I got around to thanking him for rescuing me, told me I was too useful a tool to waste. Kitten-me's face went all crumpled at that one.

I'd wondered how they'd deal with Ruuel falling to his knees after enhancing his Sights, since that vulnerable moment didn't match with Lastier's arrogance at all, but they'd just removed that part altogether. Lastier enhanced after spotting the Ddura, went very still, then practically dragged kitten-me up the platforms – by the wrist not the hand.

A whole heap was made of the Pillar – a lot of the entire series has been about Pillar-chasing. After that, it was almost exact, with Lastier stabilising gates, finally reaching KOTIS. And calling me 'the stray'.

Maze, who had been watching my reactions as the show finished up, was probably a bit surprised when I asked: "Why is everyone weird about Zan being a captain?"

He hesitated before replying, then said: "Combat Sight. Namara is the only captain without it, but is ably demonstrating that the role is not about being the best fighter on a squad."

"Zan linked with main character now – Twelfth likely to come out of this better than Fourth, but don't think she enjoys it. What was scene you had removed?"

Maze grimaced, then showed me a final scene of kitten-me alone in medical, inspecting a circle of dark bruises around her wrist. Ironic, since it looked a lot like the bruises Ruuel had given me, when the Ddura was attacking at Pandora.

"They're going to run into trouble if continue to stick to my story," I said. "Ruuel save my life more than once."

"It's an infuriating situation," Maze said. "But controllable since your relationship with Fourth is solid. I do need to ask if your mother truly warned you against Ruuel."

"She just ask if he friend or enemy," I said. My face was hot, but I think I wasn't giving too much away. I've been so careful to keep my opinion of Ruuel to myself – not only because it's so worshipful, but because it's hard to explain. It's not like I think he's perfect. Or even necessarily a generally nice person. Half the reason The Hidden War is able to make him into such a grey character is because he's left himself open to being interpreted that way.

Wanting to change the subject I added: "If producers run out of plot ideas, suggest to them on my behalf that they do episode about me being really upset when someone steals my personal file and makes entertainment from it."


After that Maze went with me and Zee to Keszen Point, where we repeated the first tests I did with Zee, to see how they go now I'm manifesting. I had to do each one twice, and the first time not manifest but only visualise, and the second time manifesting. And I'm more or less able to do that. I've got to try and separate out manifesting things in real-space and manifesting things in near-space, which I can't really differentiate between. But it was a good session, tiring, but with less headaches involved.

Maze and Zee were both pleased with the progress I'm making, but had me return to my room before letting me conjure any more Earth images. Which works for me, since I prefer them not to be in the official test logs anyway, and it saves being carted about unconscious. I showed them bits of Sydney, places I miss. Beach, park, the back yard of our house, my bedroom.

I fell asleep after that one, very appropriate. The next episode of The Hidden War airs soon, and I'm contemplating trying to be asleep when it does. Maze said Ruuel would be given the episode in advance, so he'll know what's coming. I bet he thinks the energy he has to spend dealing with it a complete waste.

I'm refusing to let myself feel guilty about any of this.

Saturday, July 12

Lastier Fan Club

I hadn't managed to get back to sleep by the time The Hidden War aired, and wasn't the least bit surprised when I had a channel request from Mori during the first ad break. Wanting to get it over with, I accepted, and was surprised to find Sonn and Halla in the channel along with the usual The Hidden War club.

"My Mum asked if he was friend or enemy," I said, before Mori could even ask. "Maze ask me same thing at lunch."

Glade, after a pause, laughed. "Not often I hear you sounding so impatient, Caszandra."

"Tired of program," I said. "Bad enough steal my life, but would have thought story dramatic enough without messing people about. Is not worth getting angry over, I know, since everyone here seen mission report and know not true, but still very annoying."

"I can't say I'm enjoying watching any more," Mori said. "And yet, not watching and not knowing what's being shown is worse."

"Yes, very much," I said. "Not looking forward to next week, since probably about all the horrid things I said to Maze when I was in medical."

Since I'd already seen the episode, I told them goodnight and dropped out of channel, hoping the last comment would distract them. There was a lot of things I'd thought about saying, but since I'd basically rather not discuss Ruuel with anyone, it had seemed best to keep my reaction brief and very definite.

None of this is enough to bring down my Earth-projections high, but it's irritating.

Merger

Running around the stairs all morning with Mara. Just when I thought I was getting half-way non-pathetic, she shows me how far I have to go. And thinks it's funny.

After lunch both First and Fourth were using the weights room. I do NOT need to see Ruuel working out. Way too distracting, and I'm in this tedious bind where I can't be too obviously seen to be not looking at him, yet really don't want to be caught looking at him.

He had huge circles under his eyes, black and bruised, as if he hadn't slept for days. From the way his squad were keeping an eye on him, they'd reached the point of being really worried, and I had to wonder, from the look Maze gave him, whether a tired Sight talent might be forbidden from going on rotation. He'd hate that.

Toward the end of the session there was a notice to all the Setari about the new paired squad assignments. Twelfth and Fourteenth, both out on Muina. Fifth and Seventh, which I thought highly appropriate. Most relevant to me was First and Fourth, probably because I'd nominated them as my two favourite squads, which I guess was a huge mistake in terms of Ruuel-avoidance.

Fourth put a good face on it, but as I chatted with Glade, Mori and Par afterwards I realised they weren't pleased. We were talking about my legs, and at first I thought it was trying to be delicate about the hideous scars which was making them strange. But it's because the merger makes them the junior squad on all rotations. I think they felt it was a demotion.

Ruuel didn't come near me at all. The last time we spoke was when he dropped a snowball on my face, if you could call that talking. He and Maze said a few short things when the announcement was made, and he was his usual detached self, and I've spent all my time since then worrying about why he wasn't sleeping and what would happen if Fourth were forbidden from going on rotation.

Before the announcement, I'd been thinking of asking at least Mori back to my room to show her some things I'd been trying to explain about Earth, but in the end I just went with Mara, and told her she wasn't allowed to log this projection, and then conjured the video of my last big family holiday. I mainly wanted to see myself, before all this happened. I looked short, weirdly, even though I'm sure I haven't gotten taller.

Mara wisely didn't comment, just gave me a blanket and told me to do some light swimming tomorrow while First and Fourth were off on their first joint mission. I slept very solidly for an hour or so, but then went into this constant nightmare cycle. It's a good sign, really, since they're 'real' nightmares and I recognise them pretty much immediately and can wake myself up. And forcing myself awake isn't giving me as much of a headache any more. But I just want to sleep and not think.

Going to go up to the roof. The weather doesn't look great, but not impossible. Maybe the Nuran will show up and distract me.

Sunday, July 13

Speechless

The weather was dreadful. So windy it was hard to stay upright, with occasional drops of rain driven so fast they stung. I was glad of that, though, since gale-force wind makes it hard to think of anything but gale-force wind. I stayed on the roof until it felt like everything had been blown out of my head, then headed back to Setari quarters.

One level down on the final elevator, Ruuel got on as well, still showing little sign of sleep. I hadn't been paying any attention, so when the door opened, I felt my eyes widen at the sight of him, and looked down guiltily. And then felt such an idiot for my reaction that I asked if having two squads together would change the way the rotations worked, or just make them quicker.

"Where the threat is low, we're likely to work in adjoining spaces, with First clearing ahead while we evaluate gates. That will lessen the chance of attracting deep space Ionoth."

He'd sounded unconcerned, but narrowed his eyes, studying me. Then lifted one hand and pressed the back of it to my cheek. Very warm against my wind-chilled skin, and no gloves.

"The goal is to increase your general health," he said, sounding beyond annoyed, suddenly and inexplicably angry. "You're at least capable of judging the kind of weather not to sit outside in."

I couldn't understand what I'd done to make him lose his temper, and though he'd taken his hand away he loomed over me in a way which was almost threatening, making me wish I could back up. And that made me angry in return, so I asked in almost as annoyed a voice as his: "Too valuable be allowed do any living?"

He was very close – so near that I could see the difference between the pupil and iris in his black on black eyes. I'd never seen him less like himself, drawn and tired and glaring at me like I'd done something wrong just by being there. He only had to lower his head to kiss me, bruised my mouth while I stood too shocked to respond, and crowded me into the wall when I started to kiss him back. Every movement shouting anger.

Lifts move inconveniently quickly, and the doors opened on the floor for Third and Fourth's quarters. There was no-one in the corridor, a circumstance for which I am eternally grateful, but Ruuel still stopped kissing me, leaning his forehead against the wall beside my head.


"You've no idea how little I want this," he said, barely audible and not exactly the most encouraging thing he could have said. He sounded furious.

"Actions not match words," was all I could manage, very aware that he hadn't moved away from me, that his heartbeat was as loud to me as my own, that he was so angry.

He let out his breath, more exasperation than amusement, then turned his head just enough to be talking directly into my ear. "You need to be very certain you want this."

The lift doors opened on First and Second's floor, but I was struggling with what he'd said, and resenting the way he'd said it. I'm still not sure if he was doing his best to make me storm off, or was just at the end of his tether. Since he'd never given me any sign that there was a tether in the first place, I was having to adjust a lot of ideas to even begin to answer him.

"What is certain?" I asked, very aware of the way one of his hands had tightened on my arm. "Haven't even ever really talked. Only know that every day, first I know on waking, is that you're not there. I hate it when you're not there."

It was a pathetically scrambled reason, and when he drew back I was sure that I'd chosen exactly the wrong moment to be honest. He wasn't wearing a very promising expression, either, very closed, with that haughtiness which was part temper and part born, I think, out of knowing so much about people. But his hand slid down my arm, and caught mine, and he turned and walked out of the lift, trailing me along behind him into my quarters, into my bedroom.

I was practically having kittens by the time he let go and turned and looked at me, because, seriously, he'd been pushing me away for so long, and now we were jumping straight to sex? Right after he told me he really didn't want to? Not exactly the stuff of romance.

But whatever else, good or bad idea, I wanted him. More than anything. So I followed his lead when he withdrew his nanosuit and took off the uniform harness. Standing in my underwear with Kaoren Ruuel was in a whole different league to Sean J and the two awkward times in the caravan in his parents' backyard. For one thing Sean and I spent a lot of time laughing at our mutual embarrassment, and Sean didn't look one tenth so grim. Nor did he shake just because he touched my hand.

My diligent research with Super Sight Six had warned me that sex for a Place Sight talent can be more than a little complicated. Not only is it depressingly clear if your partner isn't really into it, but what they're feeling can ramp everything up until it becomes overwhelming. Ruuel would have had a full serving of my reaction in the lift, and the emotional equivalent of omgwtfomgwtf! had probably reached the point of !!!!!!!!!!!1!!1!! by then. He paused, just standing with our hands linked, down by our sides, and took a few more breaths before lowering his head and kissing me. But at least he'd stopped looking like he was heading for an execution, was intent and concentrated. It calmed me down a few exclamation marks, and we leaned into each other and let it just be kissing for a while.

I let go of his hands first, because I wanted to put my arms around him, and he responded by unhooking my bra. I have no memory of moving to the bed, but we got there soon after. I suppose I should be glad Ruuel doesn't try to be as super-quick and efficient about sex as he is with testing, but he drove me completely insane touching and then pausing to gauge my reaction. We were both breathing like sprinters by the time he stopped being able to be slow and exploratory, and I can actually see the moment on my log because he opened his eyes properly, then shut them altogether for a second. That was around the point I gave up adding exclamation marks, and fuzzed out into white noise.

He held me almost too tightly afterwards, until both of us were breathing a bit more normally, then said, "Shower?"

I nodded, and liked the way he kept hold of my hand. And liked more his reaction to showering together, which started out as a shower, but was mainly being all wet and slippery together in a close, half-lit space with a fortunately solid wall.

We weren't being big on small talk. The only time either of us spoke past that was when we'd switched the dryer on, and were standing tucked against each other just until we were no longer dripping. He was exploring my back – glancing touches on shoulder blade, spine, ribs – and murmured, "I knew if I started touching you I wouldn't be able to stop." Just loud enough for me to hear.

"Not complaining," I said, and if we both weren't by that time beyond exhausted, I would have liked to stay looking up at him. As it was, we curled back into my bed and I fell asleep almost before I lay down. First time I've slept in that room since my dream about the Array massive.

I didn't wake till late into my next shift, nearly lunchtime. Fortunately First and Fourth's rotation wasn't till after lunch. I don't know how many days Ruuel – or Kaoren as I really should call him, even though I haven't yet – hasn't been sleeping properly, but he didn't stir when I slid out of bed to go to the bathroom. Even with him asleep, I suddenly felt awkward about wandering around naked, and pulled on my nightshirt before I slid back into the bed. That did wake him, but only enough to tuck an arm across my waist, sigh, and settle against my back.

My life keeps changing completely. Ruuel – Kaoren – deciding to respond to me is not quite so major as walking to Muina or being rescued from it, but it feels like a close third. I lay wondering if we'd actually have conversations, and what it would be like when we disagreed. I hardly know him. He's a tough but fair captain, super-efficient, serious, and the only thing I know about him outside of that is a couple of glimpses of arrogance, and the possibility that he might have a sense of humour.

And he said he really didn't want to be with me.

I froze there, remembering that first Sights testing session and how he had thought it a bad idea, but had done just what he'd been ordered, and been angry. And Kaoren reacted to my dismay, tightening his arm and shifting in his sleep. I drew back from the brink of the impending wangst storm, though, because I know very well that neither Kaoren nor Tsur Selkie are stupid, and Kaoren faking a romance with me would be idiocy. A metric f*ckton of dumb so epically, mind-destroyingly beyond a bad idea that there's not a chance they would go there.

Having decided that, I relaxed and a moment later Kaoren did as well, let out a breath which tickled the back of my neck, and snuggled closer. I really loved that he'd reacted to my feelings, and my brain decided it was full of champagne bubbles, which made Serious Brooding very difficult.

I was enjoying a few highlights of my log when Ghost came to visit, and jumped on the bed beside me. I stroked her under the chin, smiling at the buzz of her purr, but it was only when she poked out her nose, whiskers twitching and quivering, and scented Kaoren's hand that he woke. And jerked so violently backward he impacted with the wall as Ghost, spitting and squalling, rose abruptly into the air above us and hung there – trapped by Telekinesis.

Not how I'd planned to say good morning.

After a few frozen moments he put Ghost down. She immediately ran, and may possibly never visit me again, but that's infinitely better than if he'd killed her. I'm extremely glad not to have to find out how I would have coped with that.

Kaoren's eyes were wide, and he took a long breath, then said: "Give me a moment," and went into the bathroom, leaving me with a total reversal of feeling. No bubbles, just a sinking sense that I'd ruined everything already. I sat on the edge of the bed with my knees drawn up to my chin and wondered how I'd been stupid enough to forget how Kaoren Ruuel had been raised.


But sitting hunched up in a ball playing misery-me wasn't going to help, so I uncurled, rested my hands loosely at my sides, and ran through a couple of the visualisation exercises he'd given me, which are as good for calming yourself down as they are for guiding your dreams. I'm pretty sure Kaoren recognised what I was doing, because he paused a moment at the door when he came back, then sat down beside me and looked down at my hand, just an inch from his leg. He put his own hand in the gap I'd left between my hand and my leg: a very deliberate placement, fingers just short of brushing mine.

"Have you ever touched animal you weren't in process of killing?" I asked, and wasn't at all surprised when he said no. "Sorry," I went on. "Should have thought about that when Ghost arrived."

"Another of the things about this world which barely make sense to you." He shifted his fingers so that one rested against mine. "We both have a lot of learning to do."

This was tremendously encouraging, and I relaxed properly, thinking that of course he would have had to be very very certain about wanting me to have ever come near me in the first place. For all he'd said he didn't.

"Will you tell me why?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice from going small. "Other than second level monitoring, which is – will someone watch this?"

"The beginning." Kaoren didn't sound happy about it either. "To be certain I didn't coerce you."

"Is it against the rules to sleep with me?"

"Not in so many words. Hardly possible to forbid you any form of relationship. But it's been made very clear that you are not an exotic toy." He moved his fingers further, so they curled against my palm. "All that, who you are, oversight committees, the need to even discuss this with anyone – those are annoying, but not by any means enough reason to stay away from you."

I was finding the spare touch of his fingers amazingly distracting – along with the knowledge that Place Sight would make my reaction more than clear – but managed to ask: "Keep nearly dying?"

"That of course is difficult. Even just thinking of you distracts me from the focus I need to be most effective, and I do not want or appreciate that. But, far more than that, you enhance my Sights. I avoid contact with people even when my Sights are at normal levels. And there was a not inconsiderable risk that such extreme sensitivity while sleeping–"

"Worse dreams than me." Another thing which I hadn't even thought about.

"The reverse seems to occur, though." He lifted his hand away from mine, and held it out before him, looking at the outspread fingers. "My ability to control is enhanced, not simply strength."

I felt immensely stupid for seeing how often he had nightmares, how he struggled with all he could see, but never considering what my effect on that part of him might do to his opinion of crawling into bed with me. "But what changed your mind?"

"Four nights of dreams featuring Els Haral."

I didn't understand, despite the twist to his mouth, a kind of disgusted amusement. Then I counted back four days, and realised that when Fourth Squad had arrived back from Muina they'd seen me being so incredibly excited at Els' suggestion that I try projecting memories, and Els being, well, whatever it is Els is with me.

"Jealous." Impossible not to enjoy the idea, for all that nightmares about me and Els had left him dangerously exhausted. I lifted my hand, palm up so it met his from below. "Will have to thank Els for that, some time."

So now I know he does have a sense of humour, because he let out his breath in a tiny snort, and then gave me a "you'll pay for that" look, and then we went back to being immensely non-verbal, up through to a second shower with a lot of steamy kissing, but not enough time for more. Kaoren still came close to being late for a pre-rotation meeting with Maze.

They're all in the spaces at the moment, and I'm not close to having adjusted mentally. I'm not really in the mood for my scheduled swimming, and keep wondering if there's someone somewhere watching me having sex.

Kaoren told me before he left that he'd already reported what we were doing to Selkie, and that Maze would know. That makes me feel more than odd, for all I should be used to my complete lack of privacy. I expect I'll get some very surprised people staring at me by the time the week is done. I have to adjust first, to how quickly and totally things changed.

Rolling around in bed with Kaoren Ruuel isn't going to fix the universe. I'm still this weird thing called a touchstone, who might kill people in my dreams. Monsters and politicians both still want to get their hands on me. And even though Tare and Kolar are taking back Muina, I can't say for sure we're even one step closer to stopping the spaces from tearing apart.

It took all of thirty seconds after First and Fourth went into the Ena for my mood to switch from "unspeakably happy" to "fretting". Every rotation is a chance for something to go wrong. Every day the situation gets worse. I think the biggest thing last night changed is me, my attitude toward being this touchstone. Because if I can figure out what the hell it is I can do, if I can get that under control, maybe I really can do something to fix all this. Maybe I can keep him safe.

Somehow.





Concluded in Part 3: "Caszandra"





Caszandra Description




Touchstone: Part Three

mid-July to November



Cassandra Devlin doesn’t know what she's for. But she knows she's running out of time.



Since Cass was rescued from the abandoned world of Muina, the Aussie teen has proven more than useful to the people of Tare. Expeditions to their home world no longer end in slaughter. The teaching city of Kalasa has been unlocked. After years of searching for answers, they are starting to make progress.



But space is tearing itself apart. Ionoth attack in ever-greater numbers. And "the useful stray" has been injured so many times that the Tarens hesitate to use her for fear of losing her.



With one particular Taren now her most important person, Cass is determined to contribute everything she can, and hopes to find some answers of her own. What is the link between Muina and Earth? Why are the reclusive Nurans so interested in 'rescuing' her? And what role in the crisis do the inhuman Cruzatch play?



Can Cass keep herself together long enough to find out?





July

Sunday, July 13

Hero 101

It's one thing to decide to save the universe, another altogether to find a way to go about it. Today I catalogued my various abilities to try and work out how they could be used to fix fracturing spaces. Enhancement, hearing Ddura, sleep-walking to Earth, making soap bubble copies of real and fictional places, and seeing blurry. Somehow, surely, it must all fit together in a way where I can do something tangible to help.

Mostly, though, I thought about sex.

I doubt I'm going to make much progress toward saving the universe by constantly replaying images of naked Kaoren Ruuel, but, damn. Naked Kaoren Ruuel.

The subject of all my steamed-up imagining opened a channel to me when First and Fourth returned from rotation to say he'd be busy for a while, and knew that I'd very likely fall asleep after my Sights training, but that he'd bring me dinner when I woke. I managed an 'okay' which sounded completely shy and though he just said: "I'll see you then," before breaking contact, I could hear the smile in his voice. Or think I could.

This is going to be a continual mental adjustment. Not just for us, either, as I found out when Zee came to see me before we were supposed to start off for my Sights training.


"Maze says he's not quite equal to having this conversation with you," she said, wry and amused. "I expect you know what about."

"Everyone in First Squad know?" I asked, thoroughly daunted. I'm not really at the stage where I want to talk about this with anyone but Kaoren.

"Not as yet. Although this does have some impact on our roster for waking you if you can't escape one of your dreams. Is it something you wanted to keep secret?"

I was kind of yes and no about that, and she laughed at my confused mumble, then gave me a warm smile.

"I don't really need to know more than that you're comfortable, and remind you that we're here if there's anything you want to discuss."

There was something she was the right person to ask. "Is Kaoren somewhere right now get huge lecture because of me?"

"Not quite," Zee said, after a moment's pause. "Though it's good that you're conscious of the potential complications. He must, let us say, justify his actions, but he won't be collecting more demerits on your account, at least not simply for this."

"More?" Any demerits were news to me, but I hit on an obvious reason right away. "That Sights training session?"

"Indeed. You don't often see below the surface decisions to the cross-factional aspects of KOTIS Command, but that session, which Tsee Ruuel initially refused to carry out, led to a minor drama. The previous occasion was when he retrieved you from your home world's near-space."

"Demerits for rescue me?" I asked, startled.

"For far exceeding the number of spaces he was permitted to trail you. Sight Sight talents are tremendously rare – too valuable really to be risked even within the limits he was allowed on that foray – but very difficult to argue out of decisions made based on that Sight."

She was giving me fair warning, and I could hardly deny her point. "He sort of apologised for being sort of wrong, once. Plus couldn't keep to his own decision to stay away from me." And had, at least, shown no more sign of being angry because he was unable to stick to that choice. "Don't think he'll manage to convince me he's right all the time, anyway," I added, and figured it was well past time to change the subject. "How did two squad rotation go?"

"Very well. One stilt, but not the crowds of deep-space roamers we'd feared. It works especially well with an exploration squad, of course, since they must remain in a newly-cleared space much longer than a combat-oriented squad. We only fought together on the stilt and on one particularly populated space – one which Fourth would have been very unlikely to have been able to clear on their own. We'll also be trialing eight-member squads, and the next few weeks will involve a great deal of data collection to gauge which approach results in fewer injuries. Possibly it will be a question of using both options, depending on the spaces involved."

We went down to Keszen Point a little early, and put in a really solid session of testing – again repeating earlier tests, but with manifestation as well as Sights. I guess seeing things is where I might most logically contribute, and we're making progress on finding out my limits. Zee didn't question me any more about Kaoren, which I thought nice of her, but the test session left me so exhausted I fell asleep on the train back and woke on my couch.

Kaoren's in another meeting, but it shouldn't be much longer. He told me to eat without him. Squad captains are kept very busy, even when they're not getting hauled over the coals for smexing strays, and I bet I'm going to have fun dealing with how little time Kaoren has for anything but being captain.

Though right now I'm still pretty much champagne bubbles and incredulous gloatation.

Monday, July 14

More than a rumour

When Kaoren came to my rooms after his meeting, there was a red line, a cut, following the line of his jaw. The everyday danger the Setari face wasn't something I enjoyed being reminded of, and I reached up and touched the thin mark.

"Is that my fault?" I asked. "Because you not concentrating?"

He ran his thumb along the cut, as if he'd forgotten it was there. "Flying Leaves space. You went through it with First. The population increase there has made it exceptionally difficult. And the effort of not thinking of you has been far more distracting than–"

I kissed him, effectively putting off any chat till this morning, and then we were nearly late for our respective training sessions. I think neither of us wanted to talk about how much harder the spaces are getting, or how much easier Flying Leaves space would have been if Lohn had been able to create a Light wall with me. Or maybe we just didn't want to talk at all, to try and frame words around the transition we've gone through. We've skipped stages I know how to label – first dates and movies and working up to going steady – straight into an undefined state of together.

I guess 'together' will do as a word.

During our bout of stretching/yoga torture, Mara pretended Zee hadn't told her anything, having great fun at my expense asking if I had had any nightmares, and whether I was moving stiffly because I wasn't getting enough training. But eventually she stopped, and gave me a hug.

"It's too fun making you blush. You should have seen Lohn's reaction. He kept saying: 'With Ruuel? Are you sure?' Then he asked Maze if he felt like a father whose little girl had grown up."

I smiled at that – it was just what I'd expect Lohn to say. But I had something more serious it had occurred to me to worry about. "Unsure Fourth Squad reaction," I said. "Fourth Squad with Kaoren bit like First Squad with Maze – respect him and protective of him – but don't tease him the same way. And they've been good to me. I think might be uncomfortable about this."

"Probably at first," Mara agreed, with the blunt honesty which lets me ask her questions like that. "Every squad, even First, places their captain into a special category. The authority captains have over their squad, and the need to trust their orders in situations of extreme danger, makes it very difficult to treat them as a peer. In many ways it's better not to. Captain training is difficult to pass, and balancing a squad around a captain is usually the main reason for delay in forming new squads. Ninth showed you where even a competent captain can fail to cope with a squad member wrong for her type.

"Ruuel is an excellent captain, a very strong personality, but distant. It works well with Fourth. They are proud of him, strive to live up to him. I know that if he was my captain, I would find it difficult if a friend of mine became his lover. If you are close to them, and he is not distant with you, it changes their relationship with their captain. Don't be too surprised if their initial reaction is a little more than surprise. They'll adapt."

"If they don't?"

Mara gave me a wry smile. "Then they won't be living up to their captain. If nothing else, this should remove some of the pressure they've been under because of The Hidden War. If you are happily bedding Ruuel, there can't be much basis to this villainous Lastier." But she went on more seriously. "Don't underestimate the situation generally, however. Maze was very concerned – he hadn't suspected at all – and since Ruuel is such a strong personality, he was worried about how much of this is really what you want." She snorted. "Zee pointed out that you're the girl who gave him a lecture on how annoying our transparently manipulative psychological tactics were. You're not an aggressive person, but whenever we've come up against things you care about strongly, you've grown unexpectedly firm."


I felt my face burn, and looked away, but said: "Liked Kaoren since he brought back from Earth near-space. He has tried very hard discourage me."

She tousled my hair. "Can't say I'd want to get into bed with a piece of living history either. Now with this next set of stretches, stop bending your knee."

I had medical for the afternoon, so Mara gave me an early break for lunch and of course I ran straight into Mori, who grabbed my hand and dragged me into a corner of the canteen. "I'm feeling very uninformed, Caszandra. Tell me if the rumours are true."

"Which rumour?" I asked, wishing I'd been sensible and eaten in my room.

"The Els Haral and Caszandra Devlin spending lots of time together rumour. We saw you the day we came back from Muina, but no-one bothered till now to let me know there was more to it."

I tried not to look too relieved. "Els chatted to me couple of times at lunch, and gave me very good idea for making projections from memories rather than visualisations."

"There's more to it than that, I bet. I hear he's not hiding his interest."

"Not going to happen," I said, firmly.

She looked tempted to press me more, but Glade, Par and Halla had found us, so Mori settled for murmuring wickedly: "After all, we have it on record that the Third Squad captain is the best looking."

Fortunately Glade was more interested in talking about the various squad pairings, letting me play coward and put off changing the way they treat me. They seemed pretty pleased with how yesterday's rotation went, and no longer quite so worried about being 'junior squad'. First, of course, are easy to work with and Glade was super happy that Mara had complimented him on the way he'd taken down one of the Ionoth. From that conversation I finally learned that Maze and Mara are considered the best hand-to-hand fighters among the Taren Setari, with Kaoren's Sight Sight believed to give him a mild advantage over pure technique.

How Mara puts up with training me I don't know, but I am exceptionally pleased that she and Zee think I'm not a complete pushover, despite my combat failures. I don't think I've ever had a nicer compliment.

I'm in medical now, having the usual scans and another round of cosmetic work on my legs. Fleshy blue bandages for the next few days. And Kaoren wants me to come to his room after the medics are done. He says the door will open to me.

Tuesday, July 15

Cheer Squad

Kaoren was still training when I was let loose from medical, so I footled about for a while, changing clothes and brushing my hair a lot and looking doubtfully at the small amount of makeup I'd been given by Nenna. When I've been out in the city with Zee and Mara and Ketzaren and Alay they've sometimes worn a little makeup, but it's not practical for their day-to-day work. I've been following their lead, but felt like, I don't know, marking the transition I've made, I guess.

Although briefly tempted to see how Kaoren would react to Cass the Goth, I settled for a touch of lip gloss and felt tremendously conspicuous walking down the corridor on Third and Fourth's floor, for all I knew perfectly well both squads were elsewhere. And even though he said he'd added me to his apartment's permissions, I still felt weirdly convinced Kaoren's door wouldn't open to me, until it did.

Kaoren didn't have any active images in the public space of his apartment. Instead he had pictures on the walls, real pictures in deep frames like glassed-in boxes. Inside were little landscapes, cities, forests, all cut out of what looked like stiff white paper, some parts outlined in black or delicate colours but most just white on white. Incredibly complex and beautiful and amazing, with so much detail that you'd need hours to look at a single picture properly. He had four of them and in one, which reminded me a lot of High Forest space, I saw some miniature figures which I realised were Setari.

Deeply impressed, I spent a long time finding other tiny details, then moved on to the rest of the main room. Very tidy, which didn't surprise me at all, with white and blue colours for the furniture, including long, dark blue shelves on the wall without pictures, full of evenly spaced objects. A specked-green stone statue which looked vaguely Mayan. A small, palm-sized curved bowl. A set of thick shiny metal links all joined together like an oversized puzzle ring. A really smooth pebble which looked like it had come from Pandora. An origami crane, the one I'd handed to him in my dream. It was a disjointed collection.

The bedroom and bathroom were very bare and clear by comparison, and I wandered around briefly, then curled up in one of the surprisingly comfortable chairs (they looked very firm, but were wide and deep) and immediately dozed off, and then Kaoren was there looking down at me with his eyes half-closed, as if trying to decide whether to wake me. I held out a hand and he slid into the chair beside me, which just snugly held us both.

I enjoyed the way his expression lightened, as if just sitting down with me lifted his mood, though he went on to say, "You have a slight temperature. A side-effect of the reconstructive work."

"Don't feel that bad," I said. "Bit groggy." I curled my hand around the back of his head and kissed him slowly because I could, because I was allowed to, then said: "I like this room. First time I've seen real pictures on walls since came to Tare. Get lost looking at them."

"My brother creates them for me."

"Good illustration of how little I know about you," I said, sleepily accepting the idea of Kaoren having a brother, though I've had a chance since then to get a bit nervous about meeting any of the Ruuels. "Will you tell me about your family?"

He didn't reply immediately, and I wondered if he didn't want to, but then he started off, voice detached:

"My mother is Teor Ruuel. A sculptor. My father, Paran, a mathematician. I was five and Arden – my brother – six when the Setari program shifted to phase two, and both of us tested as strong talents. Sight is very much a part of the Ruuel bloodline. Our parents did not try to prevent our removal by KOTIS – they would have had little chance of succeeding any legal challenge – but they are very opposed to the concept of Setari. Of 'squandering gifted on futile violence, best left to the untalented'. When we were permitted home visits, we were forbidden to speak of our training."

I was staring up at him, but his eyes were focused on someone not there so I didn't say anything.

"Arden has my Sights, not Speed, and is vastly my superior in Light element. He loathed the program, rebelled in every way. Many Kalrani do, and KOTIS is generally successful in directing that energy more usefully, but Arden's resolution was beyond them and he was allowed to withdraw at eleven. He is becoming increasingly known for his creations."

"He couldn't accept learning to kill?"

Kaoren turned his head to look at the pictures on the walls. "That didn't matter to Arden. He simply considers his time better spent."

"Do you enjoy visit home?" It seemed to me that Kaoren's family was a bad fit for someone who is so very serious about being a Setari.

"No. I only return now to escort my sister, Siame. She is in her forties, a Kalrani. I want you to meet her, on the free day we have scheduled. She will be painfully jealous of what you are to me, but will try not to show it."

First a brother, and then a sister, one who was going to be jealous. "I'll try not to be–" I paused, thinking about it – and reminding myself that the forties are the mid-teens. "Try not to be threatening."

He let out his breath, a short 'tuh' of amusement, but then kissed me and had an interesting time stopping kissing me, particularly since I don't take a slight temperature nearly as seriously as he did. He'd ordered in food (a selection of spicy goop, hot and cold, with something which could have been naan bread) and after we ate he told me the origins of the seemingly random items on the shelves in the room. Some of them were very unremarkable to look at, but were all about his Sights and the way they felt to him in Place. The way he spoke made me wonder if he'd ever talked about them before.


My blue bandages meant no indulgently long showers, but even a short one was sufficient to convince Kaoren that my temperature was probably not really a concern. I experimented with how he reacted when I tried to take the lead, and found that he'd let me do anything I cared to, but that not being in charge drove him completely insane. It was very fun for me to let him stop passively taking it.

I wonder if Kaoren's parents still think the Setari are a futile waste, now that they've recovered a world.

Wednesday, July 16

Home sweet

First and Fourth were away for a really long time on today's rotation. It's so frustrating to be too valuable to go with them. Instead of finding a way to save the universe, I feel like I'm being packed in cotton wool, just spinning my wheels instead of making any progress. But I guess there's not much I can do about that except work hard during my exercise sessions so they think I'm recovered enough to contribute. No more medical dramas or fainting fits or conjuring things up to hurt me.

As it is, I'm going to have to make sure to start doing something which takes all my attention – like playing my historical mystery games – around the time First and Fourth are due back because I was climbing the walls by the time they finally returned. Zee cancelled my Sights training because she was so tired and had missed when it was supposed to start.

She told me it had been a great success, though, since they'd finally tracked down the home space of those hairy roamers which have been causing all the squads grief since the spaces realigned. One thing I hadn't realised about roamers which originate in spaces, rather than in deep-space, is that if the roamers leave their home space long enough, the space 'remembers' them again. So the numbers can really build up.

Kaoren came and found me almost straight away, which surprised me since he likes to get his report writing out of the way before coming near me and my tendency to kiss him. We found something to eat, and then he began to talk about the roamers' home space, voice his usual detached tone, but his hands moving restlessly, which is very unusual for him.

"They're one of the most unpleasant Ionoth we've encountered. They kill for trophies, and torment and torture the occupants of the spaces they invade. Trap paths. And engage in ritualistic ceremonies which make uncomfortable imprints in Place. Their home space was large and beautiful – orchards, a village apparently woven from thin branches – but so ugly in Place that it was almost impossible to view that way. And it is also like the Castle space – the space is a memory of the occupants of the village being invaded, overwhelmed, driven into the surrounding orchards by a different type of Ionoth. We arrived in the portion of the cycle where the roamers are being pushed out, and instead of engaging with them, we removed the conquerors. There is a strong chance that if we continue to do this during the critical period, they will not roam. It is a rotation which will take at least two squads to achieve, if only to discourage them by force of numbers from attacking us."

"There still roamers from previous cycles out there, yes?"

"More than likely. Even if there are not, the traps they've laid will remain until the spaces revert."

"Be strange for roamers if go back to home space and have fight with themselves," I said. "Can see why Zee so pleased with today's result, though."

"Dual squads are working well for exploration," he said. "Not so well for some of the clearance rotations because two heavy-strength squads are overkill for many spaces, and unless they continually leave one squad a space behind they're encountering the greater numbers of deep-space Ionoth predicted. We've been drawing them, too, but only when we pause too long in the same space."

He tucked me against his side and settled down to work on his reports, which I thought an excellent way to deal with so much of his time having to be devoted to being a squad captain. I don't think it was only for my benefit, either. The roamers' home space was obviously really difficult for him to deal with – he and Halla both study new spaces closely for evaluation purposes – and I think that being with me put some of the nastier aspects at a distance for him.

I spent my time educationally, watching a documentary on seaweed (the source of much of Tare's oxygen, which I had been wondering about given the lack of trees). An entire ocean of seaweed, great heaving masses of it so thick that it heaps up above the water and then gets ripped apart by storms. It's a bit like earth worms – being cut up is a way for it to reproduce.

Taren documentaries are so entertainingly weird, but I really should stop watching them. I still can't sit anywhere near an air duct without picturing that cleaning snot glooping about on the other side. Waiting. And the other day there was one about how the toilets work. They're lined with a nanite similar to the cleaning snot, which engulfs anything in there when the lid closes and moves it away beyond the membrane of goop through pipes all the way to waste recycling. Not only did I not want to hear about what they did with it after that, but they kept comparing the process to what happens to a mouthful of food when you swallow it. Now whenever I put the toilet lid down, I swear I can faintly hear:

Om nom nom nom

Anyway, the seaweed documentary was nearly over when a channel request came from Els, who asked me if I had anything planned for my free day.

I blushed; a silly thing, but Kaoren was right there and it felt so strange to have someone else trying to arrange a date 'right in front of him'. "Els very nice person–" I began, carefully.

He laughed. "I can hear the 'but' already. I improve on further acquaintance, I promise."

"Believe you." I paused and looked up at Kaoren's face, mouth a straight unsmiling line, eyes half-closed, blackly unreadable. "Sorry, but am very in love with someone else."

Els really is a cool guy, and he gracefully said: "Then I can only be envious of that person. We can still chat at lunch, I hope, if that won't make you uncomfortable."

That was fine with me, since I doubted anyone would take seriously rumours about us much longer. I said goodbye to Els, and have spent the next while catching up on this diary entry. I think I'll try projecting some music once Kaoren's reports are done. I've been thinking about recording some classical music for Zan (presuming I can remember what little classical music I've heard – Mum only likes classical in small amounts and I never really paid much attention). Since I haven't done anything much at all today, I'm hoping I might be able to get a good segment of something recorded, and piece it together into a whole over the next few days.

Thursday, July 17

If that's your boyfriend...

I managed almost half of Night on Bald Mountain for Zan yesterday and then Kaoren and I both slept till what would count as about 4 am in our current sleep cycle, when he woke from a minor nightmare about the hairy roamer space. He seemed very glad I was there, and we enjoyed the luxury of not having anything at all scheduled until the afternoon, when Kaoren had arranged to take his sister out into the city after meeting me. I'm not allowed out without a really large escort now, and that's not going to change in the near future. I was working on not being grumpy about that.

We ate leftovers and chatted briefly about music (it doesn't surprise me that what music Kaoren does listen to is the Taren version of classical), but again we didn't do much talking. Kaoren is a lot less stingy with words privately than he is when he's on duty, and has so far answered every question I've asked him. But I still haven't recovered from my tendency to kiss him.


Around mid-morning Maze sent us the next episode of The Hidden War to review, which distracted me enough to stop for breakfast.

"Would you watch this if Fourth Squad hadn't been pulled into it?" I asked, as we settled on the couch with mugs of hot soup.

"I have for years, though not so devotedly as Eyse and Ferus. It shapes the way we are viewed too greatly to ignore, as well as being well-written. A distorted mirror." Kaoren tilted his head at whatever expression was on my face, then gave me one of his barely visible smiles. "If my squad would stop taking it as a direct insult, Lastier would be a source of endless amusement. Some of the things he has said were very much what I was thinking."

He keeps surprising me. "I guess I was very dirty."

"No, 'pathetic creature' would be closer there." His smile faded, then he took my mug and put it and his own on the floor then pulled me properly onto his lap and gave me an image out of his personal log – a closed but not opaque pod on the Diodel, with the me from months ago lying inside, freshly scrubbed and deeply unconscious. In the medical tunic they'd given me after I'd been rescued I looked painfully thin and bruised. "I was mildly surprised that you'd managed to survive, composed my report, and didn't think about you until we found you being trained by Namara. Yet I kept that image."

He recovered our mugs (Telekinesis is so useful) and we watched the episode quietly, waiting till the end to talk since there were no ads. It was the first time the show had been primarily from 'my' point of view since I was rescued. I find it odd the things which they show out of order, or which were hugely important to me which are left out altogether. Like my reaction to having my interface expanded, which did after all nearly kill me, and hurt like hell and had me throw the only real tantrum I've managed since I got here. And they'd skipped me going into the spaces with First Squad, which I'm pretty sure was somehow linked to me being able to go home on my birthday (after all, that's hardly the first time I'd been desperately homesick).

As I'd expected the episode started out with me bored and locked up. Even kitten-me was looking sulky. Then the TV equivalent of Maze came in and copped a serve about being transparently manipulative (though since they hadn't shown First Squad taking me to lunch, I felt the impact was rather muted). But it seems they were catching up on some of the things we missed, since after my release from medical they showed First (or Squad Emerald, rather) taking me out into the Ena, and then Nori (Zan) and Faer (Maze) and another Squad Emerald person, Shim, doing more enhancement testing with me and promptly making me collapse when the three of them touched me at once. It switched to Nori's point of view after that, to show the Setari being all shocked and guilt-ridden while they waited around in medical to see whether I had brain damage. Shim (who is male but not at all like Lohn) talked about how Faer had only just decided my language difficulties were because I really was from a non-Muina related planet, and fretted and paced about, but Faer was being silently white-lipped. Then the good news, that I should recover completely, and Faer told Nori she could go and it closed on her looking back at him watching me through an observation window.

"Guess setting up love triangle reason why this out of order," I told Kaoren, pulling a face. "Don't see why can't just stick to the actual story."

"You're refusing to look if you haven't seen how strongly protective Surion is toward you."

Kaoren didn't sounded bothered by this, just pointing out a technicality. I guess Place and Sight Sight is going to spare me any misplaced jealousy.

"Maze has never once made me feel he was interested in seeing me naked," I said. Fortunately. "Was thinking more of Zan. She doesn't need any more aggravation because of me, and this show kind of puts her in a love triangle with me and Maze."

"You're very attached to Namara."

"Zan – that first week when was training me, I wasn't enjoying it, and she get all this hassle because of it, and she was never impatient with me despite all that. I was an assignment, and she very private person, but she let me in a little. And for a while was only person I saw except the ones sticking needles in me," I added equably.

Something in this conversation – either Maze or Zan or needles or the reminder of me being an assignment – put Kaoren into a thoughtful sort of mood, and he touched my cheek lightly, then suggested that we meet at the canteen for lunch, and went to get changed for going out into the city.

I know that Kaoren, in his reasons for not wanting to be with me, didn't really underline what might be the main one, worse than enhancing his Sights in sleep. So long as he's a Setari, I'm an assignment. And to the bluesuits me jumping into bed with Kaoren isn't a problem, it's an opportunity. If a situation comes up where they need to control me, they'll absolutely try and do it through him.

I arrived at the canteen first, and hesitated in the doorway, trying to decide where to sit. Kaoren and I eating lunch together on our free day isn't precisely an announcement, but I didn't doubt it would be noticed. Worse, my least favourite person was there with her squad.

Forel isn't silly enough to be openly hostile to me, so she smiled and nodded as I walked past. Her squad followed her lead, and I said hi, but didn't hang around chatting. I don't think moving from being a valuable stray to a planet-unlocking stray has changed Forel's opinion of me. I couldn't quite hear what she said as I walked on to the servery, but I definitely caught Els' name, and Tsennan laughed.

In the end I sat where I usually sit, because finding the most sheltered corner wouldn't hide me any, only make me all the more conspicuous. A couple of people from Eleventh came in, and then Kaoren, in a dark green pullover, and charcoal grey pants. It was almost disconcerting to see him in ordinary clothes, though they didn't make him look any less dangerous. Or a fraction less hot.

I'm not the only one who thought so, either. Forel followed him up to the servery, the rest of her squad vanishing – totally ordered to go away (and Tsennan looking less than happy about it). All she did was talk to Kaoren while he was waiting for his food, looking all very professional and serious, but she touched his arm, which is such an impolite thing to do to a Place Sight talent. And then I had to laugh at myself for lighting up in outraged fury, and had a sudden mental image of me as Daffy Duck, clutching Kaoren and shouting: "Mine! Mine! Mine!" I'm pretty sure Kaoren can handle whatever she was trying to project at him, and at least she left looking not quite pleased with herself. Forel might count as the resident mean girl, but all that achieved for her was being put on a list of squads I won't be assigned to.

It was a quiet time in the canteen, so only part of Eleventh Squad was around to give us curious looks when Kaoren sat down with me. It's not as if our conversation (about Tare's history) would give us away, and I don't think Kaoren's ever likely to be at all demonstrative in public, but we did leave together, so I expect there's a bit of talk going around now. By that time I was less bothered by the possibility of people knowing because I was caught up in the prospect of meeting Kaoren's sister – who is obviously very important to him – and worrying about how she was going to react to me.

We went to the area I'd waited in during the stickie lockdown and she was already there: a small, thin figure in a long skirt and a white shirt with a blue flower pattern. I hadn't been entirely certain what to expect from Siame Ruuel, but I'd been thinking of her as a younger Taarel – a proud and commanding goddess, all antelope limbs and grace. Siame is slight and delicate, with a sweet little rosebud mouth, a wispy-short haircut, and a very straight and upright stance. She has Kaoren's eyes though, black on black, coolly evaluating me.


Kaoren had obviously told her he was bringing someone to meet her, but not who, since there was just a moment's surprise as she recognised me. She looked from my face to Kaoren's as he introduced us, then nodded her head politely (Tarens don't shake hands) and said: "It is very interesting to meet you." Siame's voice is soft and a bit 'little-girl', but she is only fourteen after all (well, forty-four according to Kaoren, but I just can't think in those terms). She's also incredibly self-possessed and went on in a perfectly even voice: "Why do you want my brother?"

I at least had expected directness from someone related to Kaoren, and think I handled it reasonably well, for all my face went very hot. "There never simple answer to that kind of question," I said. "Other than 'because he is Kaoren'. Best I can say is because he didn't ask me if I was so very selfish." I looked at him, feeling rushed and exposed because I'd been finding it easier to keep our conversation away from deep-and-meaningfuls. "And you didn't tell me to hurry, either. Thought about you differently when we back from Earth near-space, anyway."

Because I glanced at Kaoren, I missed Siame's initial reaction. She was only looking thoughtful when she said to him: "What about Meer?"

"Meer and I have never had this kind of relationship," Kaoren replied, not apparently annoyed by the question. He bent and kissed my cheek, which I think may have been meant as something of a message to his sister, and said softly: "For me it was when you handed over that improbable pet of yours, covered in bruises and insisting on giving it a name. I've had to fight against you ever since." He straightened, adding: "I'll see you after dinner."

Siame nodded a farewell, though she'd gone rather white, and they headed off for the exit gate I'm often tempted to walk through, just to see what would happen. I didn't find Siame at all an easy person to read, but I suspect Kaoren was perfectly correct: she's not going to like me.

Speaking of which, Meer is Taarel. I always think it's a funny name for her, because she'll never be a 'mere' anything. However I want to interpret 'this kind of relationship', it's obvious that even Kaoren's sister considered them to be together. I wandered up to the roof (not properly dressed for it) to have a bit of a sulk at not being allowed out into the city, and to chew over 'what about Meer'. And be amazed that Kaoren seems to have fallen for me while I looked like a panda. Awfully pleased, though, that it's been so long for him. It was at the coldest part of the long night and windy so I gave up on sulking (still too many champagne bubbles for a proper sulk, anyway) and came back down to my room to play my game, making a heap of progress. I'm feeling really sleepy now, but guess I should go get dinner

Still no sign of Ghost.

Friday, July 18

Pressed

Mara spotted me heading for dinner last night, and brought me back to her apartment to eat with her and Lohn. Lohn was very funny, teasing me about "coming up for air", but also a bit pink and embarrassed about it all. He and Maze are used to thinking of me as a child to be looked after.

We'd barely settled down to eat when Maze brought all of First into channel, along with Kaoren, to warn us that my Kalasa projection and details of the platforms were about to be made public. Again KOTIS was pre-empting leaks from Kolar, and were a few minutes from a press conference.

"It will be a very full disclosure," Maze said. "All the scans of the projection barring that from the drone stationed at your test point, scans of the Chamber of Passage, and some less complete information regarding your injuries and what it is you're able to do. Setari images are not being blocked. There'll be a half kasse delay before the transmissions from Kolar are released, and they are the reason there is no point blocking Setari images. We are reaching the point where the image bar, at least while in uniform, is becoming pointless."

"Is – are they going to talk about the Cruzatch?" I asked.

"Yes. It's inescapable – the building they fled through is sealed, guarded, and it's no secret among the expeditionary force why. There has been some considerable debate as to how to handle the release of information about what it is becoming difficult to regard as anything but a direct enemy. There has always been a certain comfort derived from Ionoth being essentially unorganised. The Cruzatch not only pose an intelligent threat, but their appearance in Kalasa and use of the green stone lends itself to explanations no-one likes to credit. It's been settled that we will disclose almost everything we know of them, barring only the trap apparently laid for you. Half-truths on this point aren't likely to improve the situation."

"We may see another response from Nuri," Kaoren said, and the upshot of that is I'm now not allowed to go up to the roof by myself. Super annoying.

Press conferences on Tare are just mass channels with three tiers of participants – watchers, talkers, and the moderator who controlled who got to speak. Tarmian, the husky-voiced woman who'd been handling the Nuran's visit, was acting as KOTIS' spokesperson. The reporters could barely decide which questions they wanted to ask her, they'd been flooded with so much new information.

The discussion about the Cruzatch was the thing that interested me most, and the first thing the reporters latched onto, asking if Muina's initial disaster may have been due to them, rather than the Lantarens – that it may have been an attempted invasion from the Ena. Tarmian wouldn't be drawn into speculating, repeating that KOTIS was continuing to search for answers in both the Ena and in the written records found in Kalasa. She happily announced that they continued to uncover references to the construction of the Pillars, along with a wealth of information about the Lantarens and their philosophies. She even looked a little teary about that, adding that over the coming months Muina and Kolar could expect to access translations of these documents, to at last start reclaiming their cultural heritage.

That switched them on to me, of course, and the projection of the Lantaren ceremony. Taren histories flip-flop about Lantarens. They were a ruling class, incredibly powerful psychics, and they not only broke the planet, they brought Ionoth down on every planet in this area of space. So they're usually depicted as foolish, or greedy, or outright evil. Images of Kalasa at its height, and all those kids with flowers, messed with the way people were used to thinking about Lantarens.

"Is this a true glimpse of the past?" asked one reporter.

"As best as any of our experts can judge, yes," Tarmian replied. "We of course cannot say with absolute certainty the ceremony occurred, but examination of the fallen structure of the bridge, for instance, has verified that it once functioned as a waterfall – a thing certainly not obvious from a simple survey of Kalasa in its current state. We've cleared the central pool, which was completely covered by fallen stone and tarnish, and found the mosaic pattern visible in the projection."

"Then doesn't KOTIS now have the key to revealing the truth about the Breaking? Have you other visions of Muina's past?"

Tarmian shook her head. "This projection, of less than a joden, left Caszandra Devlin in a coma for two days. The exact nature of her talent set is still being discovered, and even if we come to understand it, and she to control it, the energy cost is dangerous in the extreme."

"What exactly does KOTIS mean by a tangible illusion? Is it true Caszandra previously injured herself?" Most of the media here dropped my surname pretty quickly – I'm 'Caszandra' unless they're feeling formal.


"Illusionists create images. Caszandra Devlin can create projections with not only a visual and auditory component, but substance. If Tsa Devlin creates a projection involving heat, it can burn her, as we unfortunately discovered. She is undergoing an intensive training course to strengthen her health and her control over her abilities. No decision can be made on whether we can risk her until she is completely recovered."

They stuck with talking about me for a while, since the nearly full story of my security pass and how it had finally been transferred to everyone else took a fair bit of discussion and explanation, even with the press release laying it out in nice, sequential order. The whole thing made me sound like a really persistent weed, cropping up everywhere no matter how hard you tried to kill it.

Kaoren arrived in the middle of this, and though we stayed in-channel, we went back to my rooms for the rest, settling into my window seat to enjoy the slow shift to dawn. Kaoren's sister's opinion of me was a good deal more interesting to me than the press conference, so I asked him: "What do you and Siame do when you go into the city?"

"Visit exhibitions usually, then shopping and dinner. Siame is torn between our parents' belief that the most important thing any person can do is create, to express, and the role her talents have brought her."

"Isn't it possible to do both?" Zan had managed to find time to learn how to play a musical instrument, after all.

"Do, yes. Do well?" He shrugged. "Our energy is divided enough as it is."

"Did she decide I'm a threat?"

"You are. I will spend less time and thought on Siame because of you. The question is more whether what I gain is worth what it costs her, and she can't judge that yet." He was giving me one of those half-lidded surveys, as if he was trying to decide himself, looking very serious. "She does not want anyone to be more important to me than she is, and she will hate you because of that, perhaps for years. But she will recover."

I didn't know what to say to that, but Kaoren curled his fingers through mine, and that made me feel a lot better.

"The Kolaren transmissions are being released now," Maze said over the interface, as the press conference began to wind down. "They don't add anything in regards to information – simply images."

We said goodnight to First Squad, then dropped out of channel. I had great fun undressing Kaoren, rather than him simply telling his nanosuit to go away, and he was being particularly intense. I waited till we were ready to go to sleep to record some more music for Zan, since I knew that would knock me out completely, and didn't even bother to look at the Kolaren images until today. Lots of pictures of Kalasa, and tons of the Setari. Very few of me, for which I'm glad, though I could have lived without the little movie someone had made of a greensuit being given the duty of carrying me when they were rushing me back to Pandora after the projection. Not flattering.

There's an earlier shot of me looking over my shoulder, wearing my beanie and my newly drawn-on coat, which seems to be the media's new favourite image of me. And one picture of Kaoren, a really beautiful one with him standing in the central Kalasa circle looking down, which for some reason has sparked immense speculation among fans of The Hidden War over whether he's the model for Lastier. And hordes of them are salivating over him, which doesn't surprise me at all.

I've been stuck in medical all morning, having more brain scans and a new round of needles (tons of blood samples, which hasn't put me in the greatest of moods), but at least they've taken my blue bandages off again. My legs still don't look normal, but they're a lot less uneven and seamed.

Joint training with First and Fourth soon – they want to try some two-team enhancement strategies. Not that it ever seems likely I'll be sent out on rotation again.

Strategy session

Pretty straightforward combat training yesterday afternoon. I'd asked Mara beforehand how she dealt with being all on-duty professional with Lohn, and whether there were rules about it. She showed me the decorum-in-uniform rules, which are common sense, and I ended up behaving pretty much as I always do in these kind of sessions, the only difference being that I smiled at Kaoren when I arrived, along with all the other people I usually smile at.

After the session, Maze and Kaoren went off to have meetings as captains always seem to do – Kaoren arranging with me over the interface to meet at his apartment for dinner – and I spent a while sitting on the benches along one edge of the test room with the rest of Fourth discussing my projections, and Kalasa, and all the other news which had been released the previous day. All of the first four squads are now very well-documented, and I asked how they felt about the possibility that the image ban will be removed from in-uniform Setari.

"Given that almost all our appearances in uniform are in KOTIS facilities or in the Ena, it won't make any substantial difference," Glade said. "We've had this kind of commentary since we were Kalrani, since the 'gate-spotters' log everyone of around the right age coming out of KOTIS headquarters. And obviously image-blocking on Muina isn't doing much."

"Is it correct that you are reviewing episodes of The Hidden War in advance?" Halla asked. She usually keeps quiet around me. Not because she's a quiet type like Par: I think she's just very cautious of what I represent. Or of second level monitoring.

"Maze is, but I asked if he could show them to me. Get them the day before."

"You'd be able to say what happens next even without that," Mori said, giving Halla a look I couldn't interpret.

"Not really – they keep showing things out of order. Skipped couple of weeks in Setari facility before I went Earth's near-space."

"What would come next? If they resumed telling it in order?" Sonn, too, didn't seem to be asking just out of curiosity.

"Given a lot more interface rights, and an apartment rather than being locked in room in medical between training. Trained with First and Second Squad and then went on Unara Rotation with First." I paused (I was flipping through the images of my diary which I've recorded on my personal log). "Depends really on what's in my leaked file. Next thing I'd consider important was that Zan told me what second level monitoring was, which no-one had bothered to mention to me before. I guess she or Maze might have filed report about that. After that – Lights Rotation, enhancement testing with Eighth, then Maze Rotation and I met Ghost."

"That's the Ionoth cat?" Glade was watching me with a quizzical smile, but not quite looking happy. "Were you really locked up in medical?"

"Yes. They got pretty close to what I said to Maze – kept in box and taken out for tests." I shrugged. "After Maze Rotation, tested with Third Squad, then Castle Rotation. Then there was the stickie lockdown and Ghost showed up again. Then Seventh Squad, then Bridges Rotation, then Fifth Squad." I wrinkled my nose. "Then Pillar recovery, which is next time I had anything to do with Fourth, which I guess is why you're asking. You were all unconscious by the time I got there, but I expect that episode will show what happened before that. Not likely script will follow all that anyway."

"We've been trying to work out a strategy to counter this," Mori said, giving Sonn a quelling glance. "All very well to be told that everyone here knows that it's fiction, but when the interface is full of pictures of Tsee Ruuel, speculating over whether he is the template for Lastier–"


"What could you do?" I asked curiously, while trying to decide whether this would be a good or extremely awkward moment to mention that something rather major had changed.

"At this stage, gnash our teeth loudly and complain," Glade said.

"We can't do anything," Halla said flatly. "You can."

"This isn't the right way," Par told her, while I was busy looking surprised.

"You mean make statement to press or something?" I asked.

"No." I think Sonn and Mori had been arguing on a private channel – or just frowning at each other at random moments – but Sonn went on to say: "If you're being given these episodes in advance, then object to this slander. Not just the most obscene excesses, but all of it, everything not true."

"Isn't it too late?" I glanced at Mori, who was biting her lip but not quite objecting. "First thing Lastier said about me set the character, and is too well established now that even if stuck to exact truth and stopped sneering at everyone, would still be evil Lastier."

"She's right," Glade said. "What would you suggest, Caszandra? I doubt talking to the press is going to be encouraged, but I swear if another person mutters 'filthy creature' to me I'm going to be up on a fighting reprimand."

"Wait two weeks," I said, and stood up, well aware that I'd gone red. I really hadn't wanted to talk to the rest of Fourth about Kaoren, not so soon.

"What happens in two weeks?" Mori looked very worried, which isn't surprising since part of Fourth's job is making sure I don't get too upset.

I spoke quickly, face hotter with every word. "Given how little real privacy I have this planet, and how quickly gossip seems to spread, two weeks about longest I think will take before producers of The Hidden War frantically order rewrites to scripts and start trying to make Lastier more sympathetic. Maybe they'll get me reform him?" I shrugged, not able to look at any of them when I added: "Don't see how else they'll reconcile evil Lastier with the fact that I'm sleeping with Kaoren."

I walked off immediately, wishing it was not such a long way across the training room, and was very relieved when I heard Glade burst out laughing. And Mori sent me an apologetic email before I'd reached my room, not saying very much and managing to express astonishment with every word, but at least not seeming angry. But I know, could tell, that she's not going to be quite the same with me.

I sent Kaoren an email, just saying that Fourth had been talking to me about Lastier and I'd ended up telling them we were together. His response was "Perhaps they'll start enjoying him now."

I hope Mara was right about them adjusting.

Saturday, July 19

Chink in the armour

Last night Kaoren asked me if I'd read my diary to him. He'd been in a quiet mood, barely speaking, which isn't as upsetting as it sounds because it makes him very physically expressive. Just as I was drowsing off to sleep he asked me, then added: "I know it's not a small thing. Particularly because I would need it to be complete. If you censored parts I would know, and that would truly distract me."

I'd gone very still and surprised, and was well aware that he'd know my reaction wasn't exactly positive. "Whole thing?" I asked after a moment.

"I cannot learn your world as you have been learning mine. And I have – my Sights drive me to understand – everything I deal with, but most particularly you. Don't decide immediately–"

"It's okay." I propped myself up on one elbow, looking at him through the half-light. "Reading diary be embarrassing in bits, but can live with that if really important to you. Though will make me sound very whiney. Hope you have high tolerance for entry after entry about how much I wished I could stop thinking about you."

There was a lot of kissing after that, and when we did go to sleep he kept shifting so I was trapped underneath him, which is something he seems to do when he's upset. I don't think either of us are regretting getting together, but we're still learning what we're like, and one thing I have to keep in mind is how much Kaoren's life is driven by his Sights, and what those Sights mean for the future of our 'together'. I think that I'll be able to cope with a relationship without secrets, but that's the kind of optimistic thing I can tell myself right up until I have something I don't want to admit.

My diary, at least, isn't that big a stumbling block. Not that I didn't spend a lot of today flipping through what I've written and imagining Kaoren's reaction. And I don't know if I'll be able to write in exactly the same way, knowing one day he'll hear it. I've kept half-starting and stopping writing this and wondering whether I'm leaving bits out that I'd normally say. Especially about what happened this morning, when I wandered out of Kaoren's room mid-morning and ran straight into Eeli and Meht from Third.

Eeli started to smile at me, then stared at the door I'd come through. And then her eyes went huge and round, and she said: "How could you?!" and sort of wavered in one spot and then ran back into her room.

Meht, who I haven't had much to do with at all, but who is about as stolid as Eeli is high-strung, shook her head and said: "There goes today's training session," and got an abstract 'talking over the interface' expression while I was busy being all mortified, and then Taarel sent me a message saying: "Come talk in my room for a joden." The door to her apartment – which is just opposite Kaoren's – slid open and, wishing I was anywhere else, I went in.

Taarel was wearing her hair in a long braid down her back, which made her look totally not herself (and eerily like Zee). And she has a big lighted terrarium full of plants, which would have swallowed a lot of my attention if I hadn't been so nervous about having this particular conversation. Of course, I didn't expect her to be nasty or anything, since she's not that kind of person at all, but I'd been spending a lot of mental energy on "what about Meer".

"Don't mind Eeli," she said, gesturing for me to sit down on a black couch covered with a dark green throw. "She's long enjoyed all measure of romantic dreams about Kaoren and I, and I should have prepared her for the reality."

"Dreams not entirely without basis, though?" I said, or asked, since I still wasn't a hundred percent certain.

"Kaoren hasn't talked to you about this at all, has he?" She sat across from me, faintly exasperated.

I shook my head. "I could have asked, guess," I said. "But felt that most probably he would have said something if you were – if there–" I broke off, feeling the heat from my face spreading all the way down my chest. I seem to do nothing but blush lately.

"If you'd stolen him from me," she finished comfortably. "Very true, he would have. But taking the position that it's no-one's business won't spare you reactions like Eeli's. No, Kaoren's never been mine, or I've never been his or however you want to view it. We've been very...convenient to each other, but it was never deeper than that."

I found this just as clear as Kaoren's "never had that kind of relationship", and said doubtfully: "Friends with benefits?"

That wasn't a Taren phrase, but Taarel's very smart and saw what I meant straight away. "Yes, you could call it that. Allies. He is not what I want, and he has never wanted to distract himself with anything serious. But we have a level of trust, and understood each other well enough to give each other an occasional physical outlet. An arrangement which, quiet as we have kept it, has been assumed as far more."


I chewed my lip. "Don't think Eeli be happy to give up idea. Or necessarily believe."

Taarel looked amused. "Eeli will believe what I tell her. And then she will apologise very prettily to you. And then she will want to know all about how you and Kaoren decided for each other, and whether he manages to be at all romantic or if he simply tells you exactly what he wants you to do." That, of course, made me practically go purple, and she laughed. "Kaoren and I would never have survived as a couple. We both enjoy being in charge far too much. And on that note, I think I shall borrow you for the morning. My squad has swimming practice, and I want them to learn this style you taught Namara."

And to show that she is completely undisturbed by anything about me and Kaoren. Taarel really is a spectacular person. Eeli behaved exactly as predicted, and the swimming lesson went very well. The rest of Third only looked at me a little strangely, but since they adore Taarel they behaved toward me as Taarel wanted them to. I swear the woman could conquer a country in an afternoon.

I felt like saying something about Maze to her, but decided not to. It's not nice to prod weak spots.

Sunday, July 20

Expansion

It's going to take me several centuries to read Kaoren my diary since he asks so many questions – every second sentence seemed to contain a place name or a concept he wanted explained. We started off with a long discussion on swear words, since swearing was about all I wanted to do, stuck on a hill in a forest. So I've now learned several interesting Taren words which no-one else would explain to me, and Kaoren can use Earth's most flexible (English) swearword as noun, verb and adjective. An important first step in our cultural exchange.

Then we moved on to Eloise. Tarens and Kolarens don't use middle names, and I'd never brought it up, so my middle name came a bit out of nowhere for Kaoren. He says it is after all a piece of me, and I think was more upset about not knowing part of my name than he wanted to admit. He knew, though, that the Tarens are misspelling Cassandra, and wasn't at all surprised that I haven't corrected it simply because I think it's funny and sounds cool.

I managed to read through my first day, and that was the longest conversation we've ever had. I think I'm going to enjoy reading to him.

Other than training with Third, yesterday was how a normal rotation day would be for us. Kaoren read reports before going into the Ena, came out tired, had to write up a bunch more reports, and was ready for sleep in the late afternoon. I had 'free training' in the morning, then my projection training in early afternoon, and fell asleep curled up against him while he was finishing his last report. We both woke up starving, caught up on news while we ate, and then got very non-verbal for a while. And then diary reading, kissing, and sleep again.

I'm using up what little free time Kaoren used to have, and getting worried about whether he's going to end up needing a holiday to recover from me. Though he has been sleeping deeply and well, so isn't wandering around looking all shadowy-eyed.

This morning was stretching and weights with First Squad and Fourth Squad, which I was nervous about. But no-one in Fourth acted cross. I think they were trying to behave just as usual when I came in, and Par smiled at me, while Glade was looking highly entertained, and they all pretended they weren't watching in fascination every time Kaoren spoke to me – though they'd have been disappointed if they'd been closer, since he was mainly telling me the same stuff Mara does about not bending my knees.

After the training session Maze, who watched me and Kaoren fairly closely as well, but seemed satisfied with how we were, told us all that First and Fourth would probably be posted back to Muina again in another couple of weeks, after the second phase of the larger squad trial. And just now (now being me in the middle of another uncomfortable session of work on my legs) they brought all the squads into a virtual meeting and announced that two senior Kalrani will be temporarily assigned to each squad, and join training sessions for a week before working with the squad on rotations.

"If eight-strength squads are successful, the assignments will be reviewed and made permanent," Maze told us. "No decision has been made as yet on what to do regarding accommodation, but the most likely options are to expand to the far side of the lift well, as with Devlin's quarters, or to shuffle every squad upwards to make room. Either way, a second lift is being considered to facilitate urgent movement."

I've been reviewing the assignment list, checking out the names and talents. First has gained a guy and a girl – Kian Farn and Az Norivan – who are strongest with Ice and Water respectively. Basically rounding out primary talents they didn't already have. Fourth gained two guys, Rada Dae and Sael Toren; Fire and Ice. Morel, the only Kalrani name I recognised among the assignment list, is part of Third, which I suspect he'll be pleased about.

I hope they're people I'll like.

A store is selling copies of my coat, the one I drew the pattern from Kalasa's door on. I'd have to save for weeks to buy one. And beanies have become extremely fashionable. The thing I resent most is that whoever did the coat they're selling is a far better artist, and the pattern doesn't look nearly so amateurish and uneven.

Monday, July 21

Pay day

That was the last major session of work on my legs for a while, which I'm glad of because they always leave me feeling a bit odd – they have a nanite which eats scar tissue and then a different nanite they've cultured from my skin which replaces the scars. The medics tell me they couldn't just do that to start with because it's much slower, and the initial focus is on getting the patient to not die, not making sure the patient's legs are sexy. [Well, they didn't say it in those words, exactly.] Anyway, these cosmetic sessions involve lying there having bits of my legs eaten by nanites. No wonder I feel blah afterwards.

Since it was the night before a rotation, I went and curled up in Kaoren's room, finishing off one of the books he recommended, then wondering whether I should buy more clothes and keep some in his rooms. I was contemplating the small amount of money I had left from my allowance and feeling very grumpy about the number of people making big profits off of me without even saying thanks when – almost as if he were psychic! – Tsur Selkie sent me a channel request and said: "At what point were you going to mention that you continue to receive only the Displaced Aliens Stipend?"

He sounded genuinely curious, so instead of telling him 'next time I met an intrepid girl reporter', I said: "When I needed to buy something I couldn't afford."

"Is that cultural?" he asked, surprising me by not saying a few crisp words and breaking connection. "Some kind of taboo regarding receiving payment?"

"In a way, a bit," I said, having not really thought about it. "If passer-by see someone in trouble, and saves their life, very crass to ask for a fee. I would be very strange person if turned around and say that because I unlock Muina, expect to be given lots of money. But working with Setari – whose job it is to save people – different situation. And helping fill in Rana Junction Gate, completely different situation. Be embarrassing asking to be paid, but would have pointed out eventually that if going to treat me like an employee, very mean not to give me a wage. Waiting to see if anyone notice."

"The administrative body of the Displaced Aliens Fund noticed, and have requested a refund of payments received since you were returned to KOTIS."

I had to laugh. "Tarens very stingy people."


Selkie had reverted to being a bluesuit, though, and simply said: "You'll be classified as captain for salary purposes," and broke connection.

So I'm now an actual employee of KOTIS, more or less – and have an awful lot of money, since Setari captains seem to get paid plenty and I had more than a Taren year's worth built up (minus repaying my stipend, and a whole bunch of taxes). Kaoren, when I told him about it, said that the things I find funny are liable to drive Selkie insane.

He also told me to check my schedule, which had been updated. First and Fourth are going to take me into the Ena for my next few testing sessions, using the opportunity to break in their new members by clearing Ionoth in near-space. This dual-purpose use of time was typically Kaoren and I laughed and told him that if I ever wanted to drive him insane I'd just force him to do something, anything, inefficiently. He went unexpectedly intense in response, and kissed me really hard. I guess I probably already drive him insane.

We haven't pushed each other yet, haven't had an argument or done anything guaranteed to irritate the other, but this – he and I – has been working better than I could have hoped given that he's a driven perfectionist and I'm, well, a stop and smell the roses type. I'm finding myself unexpectedly settled rather than plagued with doubts.

We didn't make love last night, though; the first time in the eight whole days since we got together. Kaoren could tell my legs had left me very queasy this time round, and I think his Sights mean that unless I'm truly into it, it's not going to happen. No faking allowed. Instead we watched one of Kaoren's favourite movies (this incredibly sad and smart and beautiful story about a woman outwitting a mad AI), and then I read more diary and we talked about the schoolies week and going to high school in Australia, and then experimentally eating things to see whether they kill you.

My first four days on Muina. I was so alone.

I had a nightmare later: not one of the Sight ones, just dreaming of walking along that river and never being found. I cried a little, when Kaoren woke me up, because I really don't care that much about not being allowed out into the city, or the size of my pay packet, or anything but not being so scared and isolated. And this growing confidence I have about Kaoren just underlines to me that, despite how nice people were to me, I stayed being scared and isolated long after I was rescued.

Nearly time to go into the Ena.

Under Observation

Maze introduced me to the new squad members (both First's and Fourth's) before we went into the Ena. They were all around my age and being extremely correct and proper, as you'd expect for Kalrani who'd suddenly found themselves joining senior squads.

Kian Farn, joining First, was too guarded for me to get any real impression of him. He's around average height (given that most people here are tall), he said practically nothing, and he was very watchful and expressionless, measuring everything that was happening around him. Az Norivan has a wonderful curling smile, and although not nearly at Eeli-level seems to be a fairly 'up' type of person.

Rada Dae, Fourth's new Fire (plus Telekinesis) talent, and Sael Toren with a primary of Ice, are absolute stereotypical fire and ice personalities, except Dae has dyed his hair dark blue with frosted white tips, which is a complete failure to conform to the 'Fire' colour scheme. But Dae is all energetic and enthusiastic, outgoing and chatty, while Toren is coldly reserved and very down-to-business, so otherwise they slot right into their pigeonholes. Toren will probably appreciate being in Fourth because Kaoren's so very focused and efficient. Oddly, he doesn't remind me of Kaoren at all – Kaoren is more detached than cold, while Toren was definitely of the 'coolly superior and does not think much of you' cold.

Though none of the new squad members were being nasty or grouchy, I didn't get the impression any of them were at all pleased to be placed in First and Fourth, which confused the hell out of me for a while. I don't usually ask Kaoren about 'staffing', since gossiping about the people he supervises isn't something he's likely to do, but interrupted his report writing just now to say: "New people all captain candidates? Appointments to First and Fourth only temporary?"

"It will be interesting to see how long it takes them to reach the same conclusion," Kaoren said. "We're not ready to form additional squads, let alone send them out raw to face the increasing numbers we're having to deal with. After a year working actively in the Ena, most of the additional squad members will be considered for reformation into Fifteenth and Sixteenth. Some will remain, and perhaps become part of Seventeenth and Eighteenth in turn. Eight-strength squads give us an opportunity for advanced training."

"Why not tell them that beforehand?"

"Nothing has been firmly decided. And all captains must learn to follow the lead of their seniors." He shifted me a little closer to his side before going back to his report writing. He isn't at all keen on me being out of reach just now, and that's the Nurans' fault. If I end up having a permanent guard assigned to me even while I'm in KOTIS, I'm going to be severely annoyed.

The testing session itself was very interesting. Maze brought a drone and a scan-chair along, and both squads went up to the roof to a spot where they'd apparently stuck a drone in real-space as well. Zee, Alay and Halla stayed with me while First and Fourth separated and went hunting over the massive-pile-of-blocks expanse of Konna. They rarely have to hunt out over the water, since the Ionoth tend to drown if they come through out there. Even the flying Ionoth gravitate toward the land masses, which only makes sense because Tare's storms helpfully rip them apart if they don't find some level of shelter.

Zee had me start out making projections from memory. And that was so much easier than it is in real-space I could scarcely believe it. I did a few minutes of the first episode of a favourite of Mum's, a BBC documentary called Planet Earth, and then took a break, but was nowhere near to passing out as I would have been in real-space. A quick sprint, stop for a rest, then fine to go on.

"Try an object now," Zee said, putting her breather down in front of me.

This was harder to achieve. Projecting images takes a bit of mental effort to start off, but it does work a lot like pressing 'play'. Making the breather is different in ways it's really hard to put into words – kind of like those magic eye puzzles where you have to sort of unfocus your eyes, but I needed to unfocus my mind. I find it easier when I close my eyes and someone starts reading out a long description, guiding what I'll project.

Still, after a bit of frowning – and nearly making a mug of hot chocolate – I produced a breather which Zee could pick up, but which went away as soon as I stopped concentrating on it. And yet my origami cranes are still going strong. My talents seem to me very contradictory.

Since I was still feeling fine – no headache, just a bit of an elevated heartbeat which went away after a rest – Zee had me go on to visualising a room she described. This was a restaurant, a fancy one which seemed to be at 'shift change' – closed for a half-kasse for a thorough clean and refresh. Five people were moving about, whisking fresh cloths over tables, setting out table spices and long blue heated centrepieces where platters of food would be set to keep warm. Two of them were chatting about whether one of the girls should go out with someone, briskly continuing their work all the time. They didn't seem able to see us, but when Halla picked up a glass they noticed that immediately, and pointed, then asked each other which of them was the Telekinetic. But they could more or less see Halla's shadow, now they were looking directly at her, and came and crowded around her, talking excitedly.


I let the projection lapse then (to Halla's relief, I suspect), and shrugged when Zee asked me how I was feeling. "Could do with a bit of a rest," I said, then opened a private channel to her, and Maze and Kaoren, who were distant but within range thanks to the drone's relay.

"There's someone watching us," I said. "On the roof just above. They came during the last projection."

"The Nuran?" Maze asked, while Zee looked down to stop herself from looking up.

"Not Inisar," I said. "It's no-one I know. I looked right at where they're standing but I couldn't see them."

"Does not register with Combat Sight," Zee said, moving so she was standing within touching distance of me. I took out my water flask, though I could tell by the way Alay was frowning at me that I wasn't acting particularly naturally.

"Warn Annan the moment you detect any movement," Maze said crisply. "Ruuel, your squad is closer. We'll hang back in case this is an opening of communication." He brought us all into the one channel, saying: "There's an unknown at the test site. We're returning, but do not attack unless signalled."

"Halla, enhance and scan the roof above with Place," Kaoren said, voice as calmly even as if we were all in one of the training rooms preparing for a test session.

Halla, with just the faintest hint of confusion, moved close enough to brush my arm with her fingertips, then stood gazing upward. I was watching her face, and saw her lips part slightly, then she said, "Streaming," over the interface, and we all got to look at the barest blurry echo of a shape of a shape standing gazing down at us.

It was pretty hard to tell, but I thought it was a woman. There was a bump by one leg which could have been the hilts of two swords worn in the same way as Inisar's.

"Is invisibility a talent all on its own?" I asked Zee, since everyone staring upward made pretending we didn't know the woman was there pretty pointless.

"It's Illusion-casting," Zee replied, not shifting her attention away from the place the watcher occupied. "Very few Illusionists can manage it."

I was briefly distracted wondering if Nils could, and if he crept about being invisible, but found I was annoyed and said flatly: "Nurans don't have very good manners."

Zee put an admonitory hand on my shoulder, and I sighed, then tried to remember what it had felt like when Inisar had spoken in my head. The figure above us shifted as Fourth Squad rose up through the gaps in the half-formed buildings below us, and I tried mentally saying: "Not allowed to talk?"

There was no reaction. I decided not to push it, since for all I knew I could be revealing things which would endanger Inisar. And then Fourth was there, spreading in a semi-circle behind me, Kaoren at my other shoulder.

Zee dropped her hand so Kaoren could enhance, and then she said: "Caszandra has a point. To watch, hidden, is hardly courteous."

All this achieved, though, was to make the Nuran leave.

"Teleported," Kaoren said, and Halla and I both nodded.

That killed the testing session. Maze took me back inside with First as an escort while Fourth tried to track the Nuran. Zee and Alay stayed with me until Kaoren returned, and I suspect if I wasn't handily sleeping with Captain All-the-Sights, I'd have Halla on my couch. According to Maze, it'll be a while before a decision is made about whether to go ahead with these sessions. That the Nurans can shield themselves from Combat Sight is something none of the Setari like.

KOTIS sent a ship to Nuri after Inisar first showed up, and were basically "escorted off the premises" by a couple of very uncommunicative Nurans. I can just picture tiny flying samurai staring down the Diodel or even the Litara. I bet Inisar could pull that off.

Whatever the Nurans want with me, they plainly don't intend to start cooperating with Tare, which no-one thinks is a good sign. Kaoren's really bothered by today's (non-)appearance.