The Texas Renegade Returns

Saturday, April 26

Positive outcomes

Maze opened a channel to me last night after dinner. Mainly to chat about the reporter, but also about me generally and what was likely to happen to me over the next few years. Not that he can be really certain what will happen, but he could confirm that there wasn't a chance in hell that I'd be going anywhere without minders. I talked a little about the complete lack of control I have over anything I do, and how I understood that the restrictions were for my protection, but it was just occasionally it got to me.

Happily we moved on to the work being done on Muina, and it was nice to realise that Maze was excited by what's been happening there. A little confused by Arenrhon, but not upset by the implication that the Lantarens were even more arrogant than everyone had realised. Like the discovery of the Pillar, he saw Arenrhon as a chance to uncover the mechanics of the problem. It was, he said, better to learn more before turning off any more Pillars, because we really had no idea whether turning off the Pillars would necessarily fix the problem. But while he agreed with Taarel's assessment of the need for urgency, they now at least had the prospect of achieving more than simply fighting continually increasing numbers of Ionoth.

"And," he added just before saying goodbye, "locating your planet hasn't stopped being a high priority simply because the Nuran told us your talent set is beyond rare. Since we know there's a natural gate in Pandora's general region, there are standing orders for any Path Sight talents to try to locate it."

Maze was upbeat, but I could tell he was tired. I'm continuing to try to keep my dramas down to a minimum, because I'm one of the things which worries him a lot.

This morning was combat training in a conference room, squished between a small stage and chairs stacked along one wall. I'm sure Taarel simply wanted the Kalrani to get a little exercise to balance all the exhausting themselves with Ena manipulation they've been doing, but that didn't mean she went easy on us.

I'm at such a basic level, still trying to consistently block a simple attack. The twelve year-olds could have taken me down easily, but Taarel partnered me herself. I can't tell how good she is – everyone seems so deadly to me – but she was a patient teacher, encouraging but relentless in pushing me to be more aggressive. She told me afterwards that I needed to overcome my reluctance to hit people. I hadn't thought about it that way before, but I think she's right: I do flinch away from the idea of landing blows. I like working with Taarel, though she acts as if I'm a couple of years younger than I am.

We've grown used to the fuss at the Junction, which shows no sign of dying down, no matter how we move our arrival and departure times, or how brief our actual appearance is. The atmosphere inside the tent has changed: we're all chatting a little more. Muina remains the main topic of conversation, and we talk over the latest news releases. The exploratory teams are constantly expanding the 'known world' of Muina, sending back some spectacular visuals from their aerial surveys. It's a beautiful world, and most of it lush and green with fewer of the dry, arid sections so common on Earth. Not so much huge interrupted ocean, either, but a more even distribution of land and lakes.

One day of this left, and tomorrow looks to be a short day. There's maybe a tenth to go and we plan to finish it off just after breakfast.

Sunday, April 27

Unara thanks you

It's done. I think the people most relieved are the police security detail, though I'll bet the Kalrani are also glad to see the end of it. The area will be closely monitored for years, in case the gate re-opens, but by the time we were back at the hotel in the middle of our post-session medical exams they were already dismantling the big metal lock which has been taking up half the concourse for decades. The news services had plenty of happy warbling by officials in interviews, and excited comments from Setari-watchers about what everyone had looked like, and the fact that as we trailed off for the last time Kinear – one of a set of twelve year-old twins who would be mischievous if they weren't Kalrani – turned and waved goodbye to the humungous audience.


Eighth Squad went 'no connection' before we were halfway there, and Fifth just as we arrived. All of Second Squad was waiting by the gate, along with a mixed crowd of partial squads.

"Thirteenth, go straight through," Grif said as we came up. "Further briefing once we're at Gorra. Devlin, you're with Fourth."

I promptly sat down on a seat I suspect had been deliberately left empty for me, and hoped I wasn't too red in the face. A greysuit came disconcertingly out of nowhere and gave me a once-over. They can monitor my heartbeat, temperature, various chemical levels and so forth using the interface, but the greysuits are very fond of peering into my eyes and asking me whether I feel lethargic. Thirteenth went through, and then Fourth arrived all in a group.

Ruuel nodded at Grif, gave me a five-second glance which I interpreted as 'usual formation', and headed into the gate-lock. Auron paused beside me, offering me one of his shy smiles, and I stood and went in with him. The location of the gate appeared as a triangle in the interface and we went through without pause, not even waiting for the gate-lock to close.

Ruuel gave typically abbreviated orders once we were all through. "Auron, your sole role will be moving Devlin. Stay unenhanced for greater flexibility. Eyse, paired with Auron. Steady speed."

Auron lifted me off the ground with Levitation, and they began jogging at something just short of an all-out run. I'd never been on the Gorra rotation – it was five spaces long, but they were still empty from the last time they'd been cleared – and then we were in Gorra's near-space which looked, unsurprisingly, just like Unara's near-space. Tarens don't go in for a great deal of architectural experimentation. We were through into a gate-lock about twenty minutes after setting out, which is pretty impressive time for reaching the other side of the planet.

We beat Eighth Squad, which confused me considerably until they arrived with Sixth. They'd detoured once they'd reached Gorra's near-space and gone into the rotation Sixth was scheduled to clear, collecting them. Gorra had a KOTIS facility, barely, and we went straight to two tanz which were being prepped for us. These were flat things about three times the length of a bus, very similar to the transport I'd ridden in with Sa Lents to Unara: wedge-arrowhead airplanes.

My transport had Second, Fourth, Sixth and Eighth, and the other Fifth, Tenth, Eleventh and Thirteenth. There was a brief wait until we were all seated and the pre-flight routine underway before beginning our briefing, but there was already tons of massive news on the interface. I started out by looking Dohl Array up in the encyclopaedia.

'Dohl Teva' in Taren, and I'm not quite sure if 'array' is the right word to translate to. It's a gigantic series of underwater farms. Huge flexible clear tubes lifting from the ocean floor, bending and twisting in currents, their insides filled with different sorts of seaweeds and plants tended and harvested by drones. The ocean in the area is relatively shallow, and very clear and the place is one of the mainstays of food production on Tare. There are several fly-speck islands nearby given over to processing, and one slightly larger one, Kalane, with a population of nearly ten thousand. Tiny by Tare's standards.

Tsur Selkie and a couple of bluesuits were brought into the mission channel as Second Squad arrived, and Selkie began the briefing as soon as all squads were seated

"First sighting was of swoops, and air units were detailed. While they were en route, a drone mechanic made this report."

A recording was relayed direct into the channel, a woman's shaking voice: "This is Gensen XY, Dohl East Axis. There's a – I don't even have the words to describe it. Some kind of creature in the Array. Forwarding images from our external monitors."

I could see why the woman didn't want to try describing it. The closest I can manage is a giant piece of black Astroturf – smooth on one side, all bristly on the other. But big in a way which was beyond things like football fields and more into golf courses. It was shaped like a frilly almond, swirling and twisting an impossible ballet through the vertical farms, the wake of its passing making them sway and wrench about madly. Occasionally a vein-like network of blue lines would light up across its non-bristly side and it looked quite beautiful. It reminded me a little of a smaller Ionoth First had killed on the Unstable Rotation.

The Astroturf wrapped itself around one of the vertical farms, like a carpet giving free hugs. And then the image changed to a shot of what was obviously the inside of the farm tube as it was squeezed and crushed, and a thousand wriggly black things tried to get inside, only to draw away.

"The aerial units made a surface sighting after dispatching the swoops," Selkie went on, "and an evaluation strike was ordered."

We were relayed an image of dark, oily-looking water and I searched for the massive only to realise everything was the massive. It was floating just under the surface. Two small wedge-shaped ships which moved rather like hummingbirds drifted into view, and one dropped abruptly down low, bolts of light peppering the darkness below. Puffs of steam rose from the water, and at first the only response was a sudden crowding of blue light to the area, then the whole vast surface of the massive roiled and bucked, tossing water into the air. The ship was already darting away, and the other one had released a more Earth-type weapon – some kind of missile – which hurtled toward it...then wobbled, paused, and reversed direction, shooting directly back the way it came. By the time it had exploded in mid-air, the massive had sunk out of sight.

"Drones from the Array were redeployed to track, but the next sighting was again from the air." Selkie gave us another image log. This was of a small island, a miniature pile of white blocks standing perched on a spar of rock poking out of the sea. I'd barely taken that in when a wall of black rose out of the ocean, reminding me of a waterfall in reverse, or a whale breaching insanely high. It came down on the island, covering it completely, and contracted as it had around the vertical farm.

"Therouk Island," Selkie said, clipped voice moving inexorably onward. "Processing, and residential. Two hundred and seventy-four on site. The structure began fracturing immediately. Currently eighty-nine alive. Most deaths have been from crushing."

He followed this with another log, one which I really wish I hadn't watched. It was from a person on the island, trapped uncomfortably in a partially collapsed room, describing in a horrified tone the noises above him, grinding, scraping. And then black tentacles broke through the ceiling above and wrapped around him and pulled him upward and he was screaming in agony and struggling and there was nothing at all to be done.

Nils, who was sitting behind me, leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder. I smiled at him, glad to be sitting down, and tried not to show how sick I felt. I was hardly the only one. Par had gone quite grey. I doubt any of the Setari watched that without their stomach clenching.

"Air units attempted to draw it off, strafing with energy attacks, but it responded only by tightening its grip on the structure. The majority of survivors are gathered in a reinforced vault on the lowest level, with a handful of others scattered throughout. While evaluation is underway Charal, Palanty, and Eyse will attempt retrieval. Other assignments pending evaluation. Visual range in eight. Environmental conditions deteriorating."

"Eat something," Grif added.

Jeh Omai, Ketzaren's friend from Second, handed me a molasses bar and for a short while everyone just ate, had a few mouthfuls of water, and cycled through the four toilets at the back of the half-empty transport. Sonn was assigned as my secondary babysitter, and Grif, Ruuel and Halla enhanced and sat studying the logs.


We reached the massive way too quickly, barely an hour after the alert was sounded. Not soon enough for another four people on Therouk Island. I started to look at the public media channels and saw that the other islands in the area were all frantically evacuating – escalating into wild panic on the largest, Kalane – and one was broadcasting an open link to a girl trapped alone in her room on Therouk, injured and begging for help. That was too hard, and I switched to watching the transport's external feed, of ocean and sky paling into late afternoon, and a huge front of black storm clouds not quite in the direction we were flying.

"Third level monitoring established for the survivors," Grif said, as the faint hum of the tanz changed. "Destination ship incoming, primary contact Vichie. Charal, you're coordinator."

Charal of Second, who is a quiet guy with eyes which droop down giving him a mournful look, nodded once and then he, Palanty of Fifth, and Mori dropped out of the main mission channel. KOTIS is still not willing to test teleportation enhanced – it's apparently a very reliable talent so long as the person teleporting has seen or can see the location – but the potential consequences of it distorting are so great they'd rather not risk testing it with me. In this situation, I could guess that they weren't entirely certain if the massive would have any impact, but the greater risk was exhaustion, trying to move over eighty people as quickly as possible.

As the three teleporters vanished, the two ships slowed to a hover. "All to the roof," Grif said, as exits to either side and in the ceiling opened.

It was chilly with a light wind outside, and I'm never really going to get used to floating high in the air. Therouk Island was not quite directly below us, much closer than I'd expected, and looked as if it had been wrapped in wet leather. Then Par set us both down on the reassuringly broad and almost flat roof of the transport and I had to switch back to using the transport's external feed to see what was going on.

No surprise that Ruuel was primarily responsible for evaluation. He stayed floating off to one side, gazing down at the massive for a short eternity of unbroken contemplation. When he started speaking it was the same focused, exacting tone he uses for just about everything official.

"Electricity will be useless. Other elementals should all be effective, with Ice our best approach. In addition to repelling projectiles, the outer side is strongly absorbent of elemental attacks. We need to force it to lift if we're to have any chance. No apparent central brain or weak point. Status on retrievals?"

"Still working on primary group." Grif began breaking the available Setari into three groups: the main attack force, a group of close-range or electric-focused talents who would be hunting any 'escort' Ionoth, and the Devlin handlers who would make sure I didn't fall off the transport or get eaten by a straying swoop. Beyond the evaluation, they weren't using me to enhance anyone yet, and spent some time on technical details of which telekinetics would be carting who about, and what the order of enhancement would be.

"Primary group retrieved," Grif said, after tote-duty was settled.

"Air support unit en route to your location," Selkie put in. "We've isolated an intact upper chamber with active visual feed. Placement of charges at that point should achieve considerable damage, but it's critical that we prevent it fleeing once injured."

"Use Ice to fix it, at least temporarily?" Grif suggested.

They went with that plan, and repositioned the ship while we waited for the air support unit with its explosives. As soon as it was close the three teleporters were recalled, even though they'd not been able to retrieve four unconscious people – a thing which no-one commented on, but which I could see they hated. The escort hunters had already gone, and everyone else gathered on the roof of the one ship, positioning themselves in order of who would enhance first. The three teleporters looked completely exhausted, drenched with sweat, and Grif had someone bring them one of the horrid super-energy drinks that are all salty and sweet at the same time, and make you instantly long for a chaser of water. I watched the storm, tiny flickers playing among the blackness. It was still far away, but the wind was picking up, and I could tell by the way a few of the Setari kept glancing at it that they didn't want to wait too long.

"Air support on approach," Grif said, moments before one of the hummingbird fliers lifted into view. "Nise, retrieve the charges to the rear of this transport." He glanced at the three limp teleporters. "Palanty, Eyse – straightforward placement and then off-mission."

Charal went below straight away – he didn't have the strength of the younger Setari and was very grey – while Nise from Fifth whisked across to the opening hatch of the flier and lifted out two warning-plastered crates, lowering them carefully onto the roof of our transport. Mori and Bayen Palanty teleported one each; Mori first, then Palanty. That barely took a minute, but we paused again in the increasing wind to make sure that everyone's timing was exact. The Ice talents would all enhance, and race down to the 'rear' of the massive where it was still partially in the water. While they moved, the rest of the main attack force would enhance as the transport circled us around and down to a strike location. The Setari would attack while the transport moved on to a second point.

They expected the Ice squad to have commenced freezing as much as possible of the water and rock and massive together by the time the ship hit the strike point and the charges Mori and Palanty had teleported onto the island would be detonated as soon as the transport darted past the immediate danger zone. It would circle around to the 'rear' to be close to the Ice squad for a second enhancement and then they – presuming the massive hadn't broken loose – would continue their freezing from the front.

A great deal was dependant on the massive not breaking loose, which was why the Ice squad was so focused on holding it in place. Setari are far less effective under water, and the thing was so quick below the surface that there was too much chance of it getting away.

Grif was frowning, not toward the storm front but toward a flicker and glimmer some distance away which I realised was the group of Setari assigned to fighting escort Ionoth. But then he said: "At ready, Kajal."

"Commencing," Kajal replied, fingertips barely brushing my shoulder. He looked tense, and also a little hyped, but at least not interested in showing me his opinion of strays. There were eight Setari with us who had strong Ice talents, and they had two telekinetics assigned to cart about the ones who couldn't manage that themselves. They'd barely taken off before the ship moved into a glide which forced me to change my stance to keep upright.

The second attack squad began enhancing, while Grif murmured to me: "Call a stop to the enhancements immediately if it starts to overwhelm you." The look he gave Par and Sonn underlined the order, and then he signalled for the surrounding Setari to take off and said: "Clear."

Kajal's voice came over the interface: "Attack begins."

The transport was at the wrong angle for me to see the start of the ice, but when Selkie said: "Detonate," I couldn't miss the reaction of the massive. The top of it bulged upward – in one or two places fragments of white stone actually flying through it – but to my disappointment it hadn't ended up with a huge hole in the middle. For a moment it didn't react at all, and then it started scrunching backward like a big flat caterPillar.


"Nise, use rubble to try and knock it upward," Grif ordered. "Kanato, take your group forward and target the edge to gauge effect."

Five Setari dropped down, setting the retreating edge of the thing blazing. But it was like destroying only the fringy bits of a carpet, and the thing showed no sign of lifting as they wanted. It was so huge.

By this time the transport had circled around to the rear and I could see the work of the ice. I was really surprised at how much they'd made so quickly, like a mini-glacier rising out of the water. I found out later that while Ice talents can produce it apparently out of nothing, the amount of water in the air makes a huge difference, and having an ocean to draw on is as good as being enhanced. The ice was cracking, though, as the thing tried to pull free. It couldn't immediately manage it, and the folds began to gather and bunch up. The Ice group took advantage of that, catching the folds in the growing trap.

"Attack wherever it's slightly raised," Grif said, and the main attack split to either side, blasting into the folds. The Ice group began to return to the transport in pairs to enhance, darting back quickly to continue to reinforce the glacier as parts of it shattered and crumbled. The transport moved around to the side as the massive changed tack, hunching down and trying to seal all access to its underside.

The nearest group took the opportunity to enhance, and then Ruuel, who was floating somewhere underneath the ship, said: "It's preparing an offensive attack. Gain distance and circle to the front, all forces."

Brilliant blue lines were gathering on the massive's exposed back. My attention was distracted by Sonn, telling me to kneel for balance and grip the edge of the hatch as the transport put on a sudden burst of speed, causing more than a few of the returning Setari to stagger and follow Sonn's lead.

The massive was folding itself vertically, still trying to keep its sides sealed. I'm not sure it could even tell if the Setari had retreated as it began to produce such an intensity of power it burned little vein-like afterimages into everything I was seeing.

"After the blast, it intends to leap forward," Ruuel said. "On my signal, go low, strafe the underside with everything you have. Ice, you will have the barest chance to retrap it."

The massive's brightness climaxed in a tremendous arcing halo, a display of lightning to put anything the Setari could do to shame. The wind brought the scent of ozone so strong it felt like my nose was being scoured, and I had my eyes squeezed shut when Ruuel said: "Go."

I haven't watched the mission report showing them fly underneath the thing as it leaped forward. The whole idea of it makes me nervous, because it could so easily have crushed them. I stayed down, resting back on my heels, and didn't even let myself look using the transport's view until I heard the faint relieved sound Sonn made.

Caught a second time, with its underside blasted from below, the massive reared up perilously and then flipped backward, trying to jerk itself free. If it had managed it in the first lunge it would probably have escaped, but instead it exposed itself in the worst way to further layers of ice, was pinned wrong-side out and unprotected from unrelenting pounding. The fliers carefully manoeuvred in to join the Setari, blasting away with their weapons.

The thing was just so damn large, and didn't have any kind of head or heart they could concentrate on. It took ten full minutes of relentless hammering before it stopped trying to break free. The last enhancement cycle, I really started to feel it, a painful effort every time anyone so much as brushed against me and they weren't even halfway through the cycle before I looked up at Sonn and didn't have to say anything at all. I think she'd been about to call it anyway, immediately saying: "Devlin's at her limit. Returning below."

Par levitated me down, then he and Sonn were called away to support the escort-chasing group, who were close to being overwhelmed by something like fifty swoops, but had held off reporting numbers until the massive was beyond escape. Everyone who wasn't in a state of collapse went off to help them. One of our entourage of greysuits made me drink something which tasted like caramel and hot milk, and I even felt her touch as effort and protested a little incoherently before passing out in the seat next to where Mori was already sleeping.

Zzz.

I woke on a very flat, hard bed in a nook hidden by a curtain. A girl of about eleven was standing clutching the corner of the bed by my foot, staring at me. She was totally Wednesday Addams: tight black braids, big forehead, huge eyes. It took me a minute of staring back at her to decide I wasn't hallucinating.

"Are you just going to lie there?" she asked, when I didn't do anything.

"Are you just going to stand there?" I asked. It was so disorienting, to be on the ship, and then somewhere else with someone I'd never seen before, and no sense of transition at all.

"No. But I can't interview you while you're lying down. It would look bad."

I blinked at the impatient tone, and rubbed sleep out of my eyes. "I under impression that random junior reporters not able record my image."

"I can log your outline." Scornful now. "Hurry and sit up. I've a lot of questions and hardly any time."

"I tell you what," I said, propping myself on one elbow. "I trade you question for question. You first: where is here?"

"Timesa. My turn. What do you miss most about your home world?"

"My family."

"Other than your family."

"That a different question." I smiled at her provokingly, shifting to prop my back against the wall while looking up Timesa in the encyclopaedia. It was another of the little food-processing settlements scattered through the Array. The interface told me it was two kasse (about five hours) since the massive battle. "We're waiting out that storm here?"

"Uhuh. What, other than your family, do you miss most about your home world?"

"My friends," I said, grinned at the look on her face, and added: "And the food, the music, the stories. I miss a lot some of the things I was reading, because I don't get to find out how end."

"What's the biggest difference between the people on your world and the people here?"

I considered pointing out that it was my turn, but instead glanced at the team lists to see who was awake. Most everyone was out of it though, here and back at base. First Squad was back from their rotation, but asleep. I had some emails from them waiting for me. "Tare less diverse than Earth," I said, after thinking about it. "Everyone here speak same language; Earth has hundreds. On Earth, more variety in the way people look. Many more different customs." And more misunderstandings and wars as a result. "But no psychic people."

Ruuel was awake, but I'm being very strict with myself about contacting him, so settled on Nils instead. I sent him a text: "Need to be saved from precocious little girl."

"You get to work with the Setari, right? What talents do you have?"

"Talent for getting headaches, mainly. Do you have any talents?"

Nils, sounding like he was laughing, opened a channel and said: "Glad to see you're awake. What's this dire peril?"

"Levitation," the girl said tightly, though I couldn't tell if she was annoyed at me for being facetious or for the question. She tilted her head, and I realised that like me she was having a conversation with someone else at the same time – people feeding her questions, judging from her expression as she asked: "Which Setari is the best looking?"


"Third Squad captain," I said without hesitation, adding: "Being able to fly one of best talents. Would like to have that one. Is that how you got in here?" To Nils I said: "Intrepid girl reporter woke me up for exclusive interview. Being very indiscreet."

"How much of The Hidden War episode about you was correct?" the girl asked, ignoring my question. "And did you like it?"

"There was a lot of made-up stuff," I said. "But some of it was real, like that bit where I was nearly stood on by something in the middle of the night. Don't think I could ever really enjoy watching that. At the time was very upset because someone had taken the things which had happened to me and turned into entertainment, just so they could make money." I thought about adding a stalwart defence of Fourth Squad, but was spared having to decide if that was a good idea by the faint shushing noise of a door.

The girl glanced around, then crossed her arms and waited defiantly as the curtain pulled back to reveal both Nils and Ruuel. "You're interrupting," she snapped, totally unfazed by six-foot-something, black-suited, uber-dangerous psychics.

Nils laughed, sounding surprised but unbothered. "I'm often told I have no sense of timing," he said easily. He gestured with his hand and the girl rose a couple of feet off the ground. "But I am irresistible," he added, and walked off with her, ignoring her outraged demand to be put down.

Highly amused, I looked at Ruuel and realised he was annoyed, his eyes narrowed and his mouth very flat. It's such a rare thing for him to show anything but his captain expression that I felt sick with dismay, and said in an embarrassingly plaintive tone: "Would have felt silly sound alert on little girl."

"You've forgotten the lesson of the cat," he said, but something had shifted in his eyes and he suddenly seemed more his usual self.

"Ghost kind of a mixed lesson," I pointed out, trying not to show how relieved I was. "And if she'd wanted to hurt me, she could have done it before waking me up and asking me questions. Is everyone all right? I fell asleep before fight was over."

"No fatalities." He stepped back as one of our attendant greysuits showed up. "Food down the hall when you're done."

The greysuit – one from Gorra who didn't usually have a chance to test his theories on the stray – was really interested in whether being pushed to my enhancing limits had had any effect on me, but frustrated that they didn't have any of their fancier scanning equipment on hand. I was distracted by the rest of what proved to be Timesa's small medical facility, which was overcrowded with seven injured Setari, and me in for observation. I was surrounded by little alcoves with curtains and wanted to see if any of my friends were behind them, but the only person I could see enough of was Hasen from Eighth, her nanosuit partially withdrawn and the exposed skin of her shoulder covered with liquid bandage.

After locating the nearest bathroom first, I found Nils, and Endaran from Eleventh, waiting in a largish conference room along with another greysuit, two greensuits, and the bluesuit in charge off in one corner talking to someone I assumed was local to the island. I gave them all a vague and general smile before helping myself to the little buffet laid out on the table, sitting down next to Endaran. I was seriously starving.

While I ate, Nils tried to tease me about my interview, which had taken about two minutes to reach worldwide transmission. The girl, Palan Leoda, had levitated up the shaft of something like a dumb-waiter to win a bet that she could get in to talk to me. The other children in her class had promptly begun feeding her questions, and now half the planet was dissecting my answers. Everyone seems to have leapt to the conclusion that Nils is the Third Squad captain and that I'm desperately in love with him. He does have a very sexy voice.

I was still pretty tired, and went back to the medical facility to sleep again until Mori woke me when it was time to go. Most everyone was awake by then (another kasse along). All but the injured had been sleeping on the transports. Ironically they'd brought me into the facility so I could be under closer medical observation, but there's no way Wednesday could have reached me if they'd just left me with everyone else.

A few of the injured would be returning all the way to the main KOTIS facility using transports rather than through the spaces from Gorra. Eighth Squad came out worst from the clean-up of the swoops. Bryze had a broken leg and Hasen was speared by a beak almost through her shoulder.

The trip to Gorra wasn't very relaxing, since it had stopped raining but was still extremely windy, and occasionally the engines of the transport rose to an audible whine, or we would gain or drop altitude alarmingly. I hate to imagine how bad it must have been to ground us altogether. Everyone was quiet and grim, probably, like me, reviewing the post-storm images of the little island with the massive half falling off what little remained of the buildings underneath. It had been treating the buildings like barnacles, breaking them open and picking out the flesh inside, then chipping down further for more. Add a few explosives on to that and there wasn't much remaining of the processing facility.

Rather than look at it, I said to Mori: "Realised another reason why Setari hunt Ionoth in spaces instead of in real-space. Much better weather."

"Absolutely," she said. "We would have trouble surviving the battleground, let alone the battle. Does Earth ever face storms this bad?"

I had no idea how to measure them comparatively, and shrugged. "Think it's more frequency that's the issue. Earth has destructive storms, but we don't have them every week all over the planet."

"An extreme rather than the normal state. What about Earth compared to Muina?"

"Hard to say – only ever saw a bit of rain there. No really violent storms. Think it must be a lot more geologically stable, though, since your language doesn't even have words for things like volcanos or tsunamis."

"Volcanos?" Par repeated curiously.

"When burning liquid rock is pushed up to the surface, out of the planet's core."

Par gave me a very uncertain look, and Mori frowned. Nils, behind me again, leaned forward to ask: "Are you being serious?"

The short remainder of the flight back to Gorra involved my feeble explanations of tectonic plates, earthquakes, tsunamis, hot springs, bubbling mud pools, pyroclastic clouds, Pompeii, and the prospect of California falling into the ocean. They weren't quite sure whether to believe me, and now have a distortedly dramatic view of what life on Earth is like. I've been describing Earth to people for months, but there's still so much I've never even mentioned, or have given only half-assed explanations for. It's like the story of the group of blind people trying to get an image of an elephant by touch.

I think I also helped distract them from the recent fight which, though it didn't involve any Setari deaths, was not by any means easy and had as its prelude the death of nearly two hundred people. It's the second massive to emerge on Tare in a short few years, and the number of escort Ionoth was by far the most they've ever seen. Without me along it would have taken them a lot longer to kill the massive, and with the storm and swoops factored in, any number of little islands might have been crunched before they'd finished it off. For all the killing they'd done, for all they could now go to Muina, they were no further along to finding a solution to the tearing of the spaces. And the problem was getting worse.

We walked rather than ran back from Gorra to the main KOTIS facility on Konna, with the usual brisk care Fourth Squad takes to everything. When we finally arrived, Ruuel gave everyone a nod and said: "Free time until the rotations have been rearranged. Devlin, report to medical."

I expected that, so didn't pull a face at him, just made sure to detour back to my rooms for a shower and to grab my diary first. The greysuits love to add to their collection of stray's brain scans. And I have nothing in my calendar any more, and aren't assigned to anything.

I think I figured out why Ruuel was so annoyed with me, though. I was assigned to Fourth Squad, at least nominally, yet reported Wednesday Addams to Nils instead of my captain-of-the-moment. And Fourth Squad's had enough grief lately about their fictional treatment of me. Any hint that I preferred not to be working with them was pretty much guaranteed to get me a black mark in Ruuel's books.

Can't risk showing any hint of how much I want to be around Ruuel. Can't let anyone think I don't want to be around Ruuel. Can't win.

Friday, May 30

Long Term

I spent a lot of today on the roof. It was windy and overcast, but nothing dramatic. After I escaped from medical yesterday, Ketzaren and Alay took me for a 'jog' around the stairs training course (in other words, we started out jogging, and then there was a lot of walking involved while I caught my breath), and later First Squad had me for dinner again.

We had a pretty frank discussion about the increasing number of Ionoth. Just as Taarel had said, all squads are reporting increased populations in the known spaces, and larger numbers of roamers. More new gates are tearing, too. It's not like Tare's going to be overwhelmed next week or anything, but First didn't hide that the long-term situation wasn't looking great.

Zee put it most bluntly. "Even if we do succeed in gaining access to Kalasa, there's no guarantee that there are explanations there. No guarantee that there is any kind of solution. And the timeframe is beginning tighten."

Nor did they pretend that experiments with me trying to get someone into Kalasa weren't likely to happen sooner rather than later, though they haven't been scheduled yet. I'm glad I've been preparing myself.

Saturday, May 31

Tentacles v Otters

Exceptionally horrible night. I'd been relieved when I hadn't suffered through any memorable nightmares after the battle with the massive, but I guess I was just saving it up because it completely took me over last night. Not the battle itself, but I dreamed of waking up hearing a grinding noise above me and then these black tentacles would break through the ceiling and grab me and my skin would be burning, melting with acid and it would lift me up and I'd be screaming and then I'd wake up and be in my bed panting and upset and then there would be this grinding noise above me –

I don't know how many times it repeated. When I finally did wake up properly, I was so freaked out I was convinced that I was still dreaming, and pretty much crawled out of the room trying to escape the next onslaught. Then I broke down clutching one of my couches and ended up crying in my shower for half an hour straight. I'd only been asleep a couple of hours, too, and felt sick and exhausted, but would rather have died than go back to bed.

Everyone I would have wanted to talk to was either asleep or on rotation. Even Ghost wasn't around, and eventually I contacted Ista Chemie, the greysuit Zee had taken me to for tests last time I'd had really bad nightmares. She was happy to tape monitors all over me in medical. Not that I cared about their tests; I just couldn't stand to go back to my room, and was hoping that being monitored would have the same effect as last time and mean I slept normally.

No such luck. The only difference to my dream was the setting, and I dreamed that I was lying in medical waiting to get to sleep when the massive came, and that it ate the greysuits along with me. It kept repeating, a half-dozen times I think, and then the next time it reset Ruuel walked into the examining room, gave me a stern look and said: "Stop this." The scraping, grinding noise started above him, but though he glanced up, he just said: "You're doing it yourself. Wake up."

I stared at him, and saw that I was holding his hand, gripping it so tightly my knuckles were white. And opened my eyes to find that I was.

"Well done."

I looked past him at the ceiling, and while there was no grinding I was totally convinced it was only a matter of time, and I think if he'd let my hand go I would have had complete hysterics. As it was I lay there and shook and didn't take in whatever Ista Chemie was saying to me and eventually she went away and came back with something for me to drink which tasted so awful I snapped out of it a little.

"Really hope that was a stimulant," I said, after I'd stopped choking on it.

"A fortifier," she said, sounding a bit like she needed one herself. She, and the two other technicians I could see, were all white and upset looking.

I looked up at Ruuel – still entirely unwilling to let go of his hand – and he said: "Watch this," and gave me a log file.

It was from a scanner's view, not from the technicians', and showed me lying on the couch, eyes closed and breathing deeply. Ista Chemie and another of the technicians were beside me, probably talking over the interface so as not to disturb me. I started to shift and move, but the two greysuits looked up, confused, at this grinding noise coming from above them. Then Ista Chemie staggered and fell, clutching her side and the other technician grabbed his face and doubled over. I writhed about violently, and thick red marks appeared wherever my skin was exposed by the cut-offs and t-shirt I'd worn to testing, and then I went limp, panting, the marks fading.

The greysuits, astonished and panicked, retreated out of the room, and I just lay there – no doubt until the dream started again, but I didn't watch that long.

"Sorry," I said to Ista Chemie. "More than you bargained for."

She gave me a rather strained smile. "We think it's a variety of Ena manipulation. You are trying to make your dream reality."

"'Trying' not the right word," I said.

"This may be related to the ability which took you back to your own world's near-space," Ruuel said. "Although it appears actually bringing a massive into being is beyond you. You haven't been dreaming like this since Annan brought you for testing?"

"No."

"Not immediately after the recent battle?" Ista Chemie asked.

"No." Being careful not to look at Ruuel, and yet not loosening my death-grip on his hand, I added: "Think maybe this started after I went home. To Earth. Had a really strong dream while still in medical wing, but remember feeling mainly angry at the time, not scared–"

Ruuel broke in: "What was the dream about?"

"People doing medical things to me that I really didn't want them to do," I said, very neutrally. "And then dreams after the Pillar – not specifically about the Cruzatch, but really bad dreams of ducking under things, over and over. Next really strong dreams were after assigned to Muina – they weren't nightmares. Mainly had dreams about being asleep on the Litara, peaceful sorts of dreams, but very real. Maybe for a week every night."

I could feel my face heating up, and had no doubt Ruuel at least could tell I was leaving something out of 'peaceful sorts of dreams', but nothing could have made me describe them.

"After that, was having awful fever-dreams of being chased waiting to be rescued after Kalasa, and then that time after my file was made so entertaining. Tonight's been the worst, though. Couldn't wake up." I tightened my grip on Ruuel's hand, then finally forced myself to let go.


He was wearing full gloves, but I don't know if they would have completely protected him from the raw, gibbering terror I must have been projecting. He never made the slightest move to pull away, and I was humiliatingly grateful for that. Even then I couldn't stop myself from looking up at the ceiling, just in case, then said as calmly as I could manage: "Not very keen on sleeping now."

"You seem at least marginally aware of your surroundings while you dream," Ruuel said. "Annan noted that you were reassured by her presence?"

I nodded. "It's like she – and you just then – come into my dream. Tell me I'm safe."

"While we technicians are not so reassuring," Ista Chemie said, a little greyly. I think she'll be having a few nightmares on my account. "Quite aside from the effects you were producing – which were painful but not life-threatening – that is a sleep which has the potential to kill you. Your energy use was beyond healthy limits."

I glanced at Ruuel, but he was gazing into the middle-distance, discussing me with somebody. My head was throbbing, so I asked Ista Chemie if I could have something for it, and was glad she didn't tell me I'd have to wait until they'd done more tests. I was desperately tired, too, and getting stressed out about falling back to sleep, or maybe still being asleep, and the memory of it all filled me up so that I started staring at the ceiling again until Ruuel put his hand on my shoulder and told me: "Stop that."

"Am trying," I said, sounding very doubtful. "New useful talents to add to getting headaches, and seeing blurry things. Extra strength dreams."

"Strong talents left untrained and undirected are often self-destructive," he said, unimpressed by my pity party. "This seems to be a combination of a formidable Ena manipulation ability and the Sight talent we've seen hints of previously. The obvious course is to train you in the techniques used for other Sight talents, many of whom also have issues with dreams. Until you've reached some measure of self-control, we'll return you to a higher level of vitals monitoring." He gave me a steady look in return for my unenthusiastic reaction. "The monitor will be active only while you're asleep. If your heart rate spikes, one of your squad members will be given access to your quarters to sit with you, and attempt to wake you if their presence alone is not sufficient."

That was a more bearable approach than I'd been fearing. I'd half expected to be stuck back in medical having nightmares for dozens of interested greysuits. I think Ruuel felt me relax a little, because he nodded, then waited while Ista Chemie pressed a cold tube – headache stuff – against my arm.

"To which end, we'll start with a visualisation technique," he said. "Close your eyes." He waited until I (reluctantly) did, his hand still on my shoulder. "Now, think of a place which you associate with calm and safety." He paused, then with a slightly different note to his voice, said: "Think of the stream with otters, near Pandora. Picture walking along the shore of the lake toward it. The stones beneath your feet crunch and click, and there is a cool mist against your skin. A bird makes a noise to your right, the sound lifting into the air. There is a tumble of rock ahead, marked by a small pile of pebbles. You approach in silence, seeing the stream, shaded and half-real. You sit carefully on the rock. It is rough beneath one hand, and through the cold you take in the scent of some unknown greenery you crushed on your last step. The water murmurs as you wait, and you keep yourself still, searching for movement in the liquid shadows."

I dreamed of otters. Of sitting watching otters, with Ruuel beside me, just as had really happened, except he had his hand on my shoulder, and I could feel the warmth of him. The tight, sick dread faded completely out of memory. After a long while Maze came and sat on my other side, and Ruuel went away. Then Alay swapped for Maze, and then Mara curling an arm around my waist. Then I woke up and Mara was there, sitting on a chair which had been brought into the test room.

"Bet you never guessed how much babysitting involved in this job," I said.

"Tch – there's so many reports to read that an excuse to sit down is never a bad thing." She looked me over as I wriggled out of the embrace of the sense-bed (which always tends to mould itself around me a little too tightly if I lay too still for too long). "Feeling better?"

I nodded, though couldn't quite resist a glance at the ceiling. "Just really hungry. We allowed to leave?"

"I knew those dreams had to be serious for you to volunteer to go anywhere near medical," she said. "Yes, they've cleared you for the moment."

Happy to escape, I detoured back to my quarters to shower and change (and, to be honest, so Mara was with me when I went back there). Then to the canteen, where I was intent on eating two or three breakfasts. Going to the canteen these days is a big contrast to my first few weeks of visits, because now that I've tested with all the squads it's rare that people don't at least say hello. Mara picked at a light lunch until I came up for air, watching me critically.

"The technicians, once they'd recovered from the shock, managed to identify two synapse patterns active while you were sleeping. One is very similar to Ena manipulation, though they don't believe it is quite the same talent. The other you continued to use, even when you stopped dreaming of the massive. It's the same area of your brain which was active when your sight was blurring at Arenrhon. What was your last dream about?"

"Watching otters – exactly what Ruuel told me to picture. Guess I'm pretty easily influenced." I paused, draining the last of the tangy drink I like. "Did Maze come and sit with me after Ruuel? And then Alay, and then you?"

"Well, that confirms that you can tell we're there."

"That's what I dreamed. But I don't seem to notice the technicians."

"The strength of the Setari's affinity to the Ena is probably the deciding factor. First and Fourth will be primarily assigned to, ah, babysitting you, with Second and Third in reserve. Anyone else you're comfortable enough with to include?"

"Zan. Think training really make me stop having nightmares?"

"Possibly. Some Sight talents are plagued by dreams, and Sights discipline at least isn't likely to hurt you. There's been some hesitation about actively training you with the Ena manipulation talent in case it strengthens whatever you did to return to your home world."

"Or lets me make real tentacles, instead of just noises."

"That too." Mara shook her head. "The thought that you might dream yourself to death is hardly comforting. At any rate, we're going to increase your fitness training, and add fairly intensive Sights training – even though we're not entirely certain what Sight it is we're training you for. Between that, some weapons training, in case they do go ahead with attempting to locate Kalasa through you." She grinned. "And you're not to listen to any of Nils' offers to help you get to sleep."

"Zee wouldn't forgive me," I said, trying to be all nonchalant, though I could feel myself blushing.

"Zee isn't involved with Nils Sayate," Mara said, lifting her eyebrows.

"Would still matter to her."

Mara didn't comment about that, but she didn't deny it either. Instead she spent the day working me into the ground – and making me really regret eating such a large breakfast. She and Ketzaren tag-teamed me till well into the afternoon, with the rest of First Squad showing up for dinner, and then we all played an interface game, a memory game with puzzles. I wasn't too bad at the memory, but hopeless at half of the puzzles. It was really a lot of fun, though.


Mara asked me if I wanted her to stay when I went to bed, and I was more than a little tempted, but I told her that I was going to try thinking of otters and see if that worked.

"But glad knowing someone come wake me up if gets bad," I said.

She gave me a strange smile and hugged me. "I'm glad you still trust us enough to talk to," she said, and her voice was angry. "That wretched program, so badly timed–" She made an exasperated noise and drew back. "Just remember that you're with friends. There's never a need to hide when you're hurting."

It's hard not to be pleased that Mara considers me a friend. Not so good is how obviously worried about me she is. I'm not doing a good enough job hiding how close I am to falling apart. Because I'm back to being more than a useful enhancing stray. I'm yet again an irreplaceable key to part of Muina. Worse, I'm someone who can hurt people. I don't want to be someone who can hurt people. I don't know if I can even stop myself from hurting me. Talking about it a little to Mara helped, but if I let anyone know that being alone in my quarters outright scares me, they might park me permanently in medical.

As it is, I'm going to sleep in my window seat.

Fortunately, a few minutes ago Third Squad arrived back from Muina. Eeli sent a channel request and then overwhelmed me with excited burble trying to update me on everything they'd been doing (mainly continuing the exploration of Nurioth, and surveying widely around Pandora), and also asking me all these questions about the massive fight. Eventually I figured out that she was particularly happy that I'd said that the Third Squad captain was the best-looking Setari. She adores Taarel so.

It's hard not to feel upbeat after talking to Eeli.

There's a new The Hidden War episode tonight, but even though I slept really late into my shift, all the exercise makes me doubtful I'll be able to hold out till it airs. Far more interesting to me is that my calendar filled up while I was chatting to Eeli. The inevitable medical exams, lots of exercising with First Squad, and a couple of sessions of weapons training with someone called Perrin Drake. And Sights training every day with Ruuel.

Strangely enough, my first reaction wasn't positive. Not that I like him any less – more than ever, in fact – and I don't doubt he'll be as good a teacher as he is a captain. But it will be like when I was attached to Fourth Squad on Muina. I'll be an assignment and the assignment will end and I'll be someone else's problem for a while. I can't think of any way to guard against that.

And I don't want to associate Ruuel with tests and experiments, for him to ring a bell and see if I drool on cue. I don't want him to be the one treating me as a lab rat.

Not that I get any choice. Tonight I'll replay him telling me to think about otters, and probably feel just as surprised and glad that he remembered that so distinctly.

I can still feel his hand.