“I’m not going to order you to stay here, but I am going to ask.” He looked me dead in the eye. “Will you wait for me to accompany you? It’s dangerous outside of our area, and I don’t want you going alone.”
Using physical intimacy was wrong, and I knew it. Still, it didn’t stop me from placing my hands on his chest. “I won’t be alone, remember? It won’t take long. A quick trip to collect a few things, and I’ll be back. We can sort things out then.”
He closed his eyes as my fingers brushed the skin at his throat, and I’d never felt like more of a traitorous bitch in my life. This wasn’t me, using feminine wiles to get what I wanted. I was becoming someone I didn’t recognize, someone I never imagined could stoop so fucking low.
He opened his eyes and nailed me with his glorious, obsidian peepers. “You can go, but there is one condition.”
Panic threatened to choke me at the seriousness in his eyes. “What condition?”
“The next time you share my bed, you’ll do it because you want me as much as I want you. I don’t want a pity fuck, or you using me as you think of someone else. When we are together, you will be with me—only me. I can’t settle for anything less than that.” At my ragged intake of air, he wrapped his cool fingers under my hair and around my nape. “I know you haven’t had a lot of time to come to terms with what has happened, and asking for so much makes me a fucking prick, but I can’t help it. I’ve waited years for you, uncertain of when you’d return. Now that I’ve tasted heaven, I can’t go back to being alone. Don’t ask me to.”
“I’m not sure I can.” I felt a hot rush of tears burning my eyes.
I knew that if I did as he asked, it would be a betrayal instead of an act of sheer desperation and a need to have control of something in the crazy course of my life. If I went to him again, there would be no excuse for my actions. I would be willingly cheating on the man I loved in the past. I wasn’t sure when—or if—I’d see Disco again, but I knew he wouldn’t forgive me for making love to another man not once, but twice.
Tugging me to his chest, he whispered into my hair, “I’m pushing you, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.” Stroking my back, he said, “We have time. We have each other.”
Christ, how little he knew. It wasn’t fucking fair.
I had always hated crying. It represented a weakness I could never afford.
When the tears started, I wanted to force them back and demand they stay right where they belonged. Paine pulled me closer and brushed his fingers through my hair in a manner that I was certain was meant as comfort. What he couldn’t possibly understand was his touch made me feel even worse, since I was using the very thing he craved against him.
As soon as I had my shit together, I pulled away and swiped at my cheeks. “I won’t be long. Just a few hours.”
He reached into his pocket and produced a phone and a key ring. He removed one of the keys and offered it to me. “Here’s the key to your apartment. I had the locks changed shortly after you disappeared. Take this with you.” He handed me the cell and key. “I expect you to call me and tell me when you arrive. The number to the office hasn’t changed.”
Nodding, I took the device and key and slid them into my free pocket. I felt the tips of his fingers under my chin and closed my eyes as I lifted my face, anticipating the kiss that was to come. It was soft, gentle, tender—a parting farewell that promised something more, although there was nothing more for me to give.
“Don’t stay away too long.” His breath was cool against my lips. “I want to take care of things as soon as possible.”
Feeling as if I was unable to breathe, I closed my eyes and created a mental snapshot of him in time, and murmured thickly, “I won’t.”
Chapter Fourteen