Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I didn’t want to talk right now. At least, I didn’t want to talk about what he wanted to. There was already too much anger and resentment inside of me, too much pain. I didn’t regret what I’d done for him, or what had occurred between us. He deserved to have one moment of happiness, even if the cost meant my own. However, I knew that a repeat would extend past the blurring lines of black and white, into territory I didn’t want to think about.
“About?”
“Don’t, Rhiannon. I know you feel as if last night was a mistake, but don’t pretend it didn’t happen.”
How could I ever? “I’m not,” I responded evasively. “I’m just exhausted. Facing a deranged creature from Hell will do that to you.”
“I didn’t want you to go without me.” His anger was unmistakable. “You should have waited until the sun went down.”
“It would have been dangerous to go at night. Demonic entities draw energy from the darkness. Going this morning probably saved my ass.”
He rose from the chair and crossed over to me. I tried not to become tense as he drew me into his arms and pulled me against his chest. “Were you hurt? I can smell your blood.”
Shaking my head, I relaxed. “I had to use my blood to seal a circle.”
“We didn’t do anything wrong, you know.” He kept his arms snug around me, preventing me from pulling away. “Last night was not a mistake. It was meant to happen. Regretting it in the light of day doesn’t change anything.”
God. If only he knew. “I know that. I just need some time to sort things out. This is happening way too fast for me.”
“I understand, and I know you’re worried about severing your debt, which is why I’m trying to give you space.”
His emotions swarmed me again, and I couldn’t prevent the habitual response to lash out. “If you want to give me space, you’d close the mark between us and give me breathing room. It’s impossible to think when I have to deal with how we both feel right now.”
He released me and suddenly the mark was completely gone. “I wasn’t aware it bothered you.” He put distance between us, walking toward the other side of the room. “You should have said something.”
Sighing, I crouched to retrieve the clothing I’d come for. “Disco never left the mark open between us unless it was necessary. I’m starting to understand why.”
“He had more familiars than you, Rhiannon.” Paine sounded frustrated. “This is a first for me.”
Stilling, I peered over at him. “I wasn’t aware of that.”
His dismissive shrug annoyed the hell out of me. “Time passes, those beholden sometimes die. A life among vampires isn’t exactly safe for a human.”
“And you’ve never had someone beholden to you?
“No.” His unrelenting stare tore through me. “I haven’t.”
“How is that possible?”
Now he seemed uncomfortable. “I can’t touch people, remember? Creating a mark forms a bond. That means you require the closeness of the person you’ve claimed. It’s natural for us. I didn’t know Gabriel kept his feelings so distant from you, although with his ability, it would make sense.”
The underlying implication pissed me off. “He didn’t keep anything from me. He respected my need for space. I don’t see what his ability has to do with that.”
“You’re wrong.”
I came to my feet with the bundle of garments under my arm. “What are you saying? That he was hiding something from me?”
“It doesn’t matter now.” Paine lowered his gaze.
But it would matter in the past? “Yes, it does. What aren’t you telling me? Why would Disco keep a part of himself from me?”
“Gabriel…” Paine paused, shaking his head. “He was a powerful person, with a powerful gift, who had to deal with a lot of things. Things you weren’t ready for. I’m sure he didn’t want to frighten you.”