I am shredded.
I grab two pillows and work them behind her back. When she’s comfortable, I take the glass of water from the nightstand and place it at her lips. “Drink.”
Color blooms in her cheeks as she obeys. “Thank you.”
I nod and set the cup aside. “Let’s talk about what happened with Justin.” It’s the reason she’s here. It’s business. It will buy me time, allow me to get control of myself.
“Has he recovered?” she asks.
“Yeah, and a lot quicker than you.” A zombie bit Justin, and the toxin worked in him so quickly, he then bit Ali. He infected her. But while a single dose of the antidote healed him, it required three doses for Ali. Why?
“Hey, don’t blame me. I’m the victim here.”
“Yeah. I know.” I massage the back of my neck. “Sorry. It’s been stressful watching you suffer and not being able to help.” Among other things.
The tension drains from her, and I can’t bring myself to tell her the rest. “Has a slayer ever bitten another slayer like that?” she asks.
“Not to my knowledge. Not while both are still human.”
“Did I try to bite anyone while I was...out of it?”
“Just me,” I say.
She pales all over again. “I’m sorry. I know I failed. Wait. I failed, right?”
Her need to protect me is one of the things I’ve always admired about her. I nod. “You did.”
Her relief is palpable. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I don’t know what came over me, but I do know I’m not going to do it again. I promise you.”
There’s something strange about the fact that she tried to do it in the first place, but I have no answers and shrug.
“I mean it,” she insists.
“You tried to bite me more than once.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says again, clearly horrified. “I didn’t realize...”
Yeah. “I know.”
She swallows, the picture of unease. “Do you think Anima put Justin up to hurting me? Causing this kind of reaction, thinking we’d destroy each other?”
“Maybe, but like you, I don’t think Justin knew what he was doing.”
“Where is he now?”
“Ankh kept him below in the dungeon, as you like to call it, for a few days to make sure the antidote was working and he wouldn’t try to attack anyone else. Tests were run, and a strange toxin was found in his blood. Not zombie, but actually antizombie. Different than what’s in the antidote. We think it’s what made him vomit.”
Her brow furrows with confusion. “A few days? How long have I been out? Did you check my blood, too?”
I’m used to the way she fires off a million questions during any given conversation. Her curiosity is another thing I’ve always liked about her. Maybe because I feel like a hero when I have the answers she seeks.
Today I’m resentful. Soon, Gavin will be the one to answer her.
I clench my hands. “About a week,” I say. “And yes. You had—have—the same antizombie toxin, only you have a lot more of it, which makes us think you shared it with him when he bit you.”
I’m not sure what this means for her...for slayers.
“How and where would I have gotten an antizombie toxin?” she asks. “And why is it in my blood rather than my spirit?”
I give another shrug. “Could be an ability, like the visions. And if it’s in your spirit, it’s in your blood. We have to test what we can.”
She nibbles on her bottom lip. I want to stop her. I want to kiss away the sting she’s caused. But I don’t. I won’t. If I put my hands on her, I won’t be able to let go. I will cling. I’m sure of this.
“Just so you know, we told everyone you’d overdone it and reopened your wound.” A wound I had accidentally caused. I have yet to forgive myself. “Both of which are true.” She would have protested if we’d lied.
“Thank you.”
I nod. I force myself to stand and move toward the door. I have to leave her. Now. It’s becoming more difficult to maintain any kind of distance.
“Cole,” she calls. “We need to talk.”
“You need to rest.”
“Cole.”
Knowing her, she will chase me if I leave. I pause, draw in a fortifying breath. Slowly I turn and face her. I’m careful to keep my features blank.
“This has to stop,” she says.
She is going to force me to make a decision. Here, now. Cut her loose, or hang on until the bitter end. I’m not ready.
“I tried not to push you, but you have to give me something,” she continues. “Your silence is driving me crazy.”
I cross my arms over my chest and have a fleeting thought that it is a defensive action meant to protect me from the blow to come. “Some things aren’t meant to be discussed, Ali.” Let me go. Just let me go.
“At Hearts, you couldn’t spend time with me. Why?”