My flat. It feels right insane that I’m back here and she’s with me. I don’t even know how to properly introduce her to Edinburgh when all I want to do is lock her in my bedroom for days.
But I’m returning to a life I left on pause. There are a lot of things to catch up on. I just hope I can integrate her into the process as smoothly as possible. Once I introduce her to Amara and Thierry, I think that will help. And, if I’m brave enough, my parents and my brother Brigs. Rugby and the shelter are going to take up a lot of my time, but I’ll gladly have Kayla as involved in those as much as possible—as much as she wants to be, anyway.
The plane jostles, dropping some feet and lilting to the left. A few people in the cabin gasp while Kayla grasps my hand, holding on tight. I give her a squeeze back.
“It’s just turbulence,” I tell her with what I hope is a reassuring smile.
She nods, though her expression is pained. “I’m not a good flier,” she admits, holding tighter as the plane bumps around again, my stomach flipping.
“It’s okay,” I say, returning her grip. I look out the window to see the ground getting closer, the perimeter fence of the airport quickly approaching. “We’re almost there.”
And while I can feel her pulse racing against my skin, I know she can feel mine doing the same. But it’s not flying that I’m afraid of. It’s what happens when we land. It’s beyond complicated, feeling so happy that she’s here, and at the same time, I’m nervous about what’s going to happen next. It’s been a very, very long time since I’ve let anyone into my life, and I’m about to do that with her. I have no idea what will happen when she has to leave. Worse than that, I have no idea what will happen when and if she discovers the real me. Because I’m tempted to throw the doors wide open and let her in, to show her all the dark and ugliness inside me.
If she runs and never comes back, I’ll have no one to blame but myself. I fear the blame, my habit for self-loathing, might be my ruin once again.
The wheels touch down with a screech and the plane blasts forward on the runway for a moment before the brakes come into full effect. Once the plane slows, Kayla loosens her grip, but it turns out mine is stronger.
“I didn’t know you were afraid too,” she says as I let go.
I only smile at her. I’d much rather trade one fear for another.
It doesn’t take long before we’ve disembarked and are waiting by the luggage carousel. I laugh when I see Kayla’s luggage come around on the belt, screaming hot pink.
“What?” she says defensively. “That way I know it’s mine.”
“Kind of defeats the purpose if it blinds everyone, love,” I remind her, reaching over to pick up the suitcase. Then we head over to the oversized luggage area to pick up Emily in her dog crate.
She looks scared and the crate smells something awful, but there’s still enough drugs in her system so she’s subdued and not panicking. I whisper soothing words to her through the wire gate and she seems to understand that things will only get better.
Originally, when I was arriving alone, I was going to have my brother pick me up, but with Kayla here, and since we were on a different flight, a taxi is a much better option.
We get ourselves into a cab, and Kayla is already marveling at how different it all is.
“I forgot you drive on the other side of the road,” she says. “And this cab is crazy with your flip-down seats and everything.” She kicks the seat across from her for emphasis, which makes Emily raise her head.
“I think you need some sleep,” I say gently, putting my arm around Kayla and holding her against me.
“Sleep is the last thing I need,” she says, sliding her hand over my stomach. But five minutes into the drive and she’s asleep against me.