“But did you want it?” asks Steph. “When he asked you, what was your first thought?”
I blow a strand of hair off my face, wishing all my nerves didn’t feel so wound up. “I thought…please let him be serious. Please don’t let this be a cruel joke.”
“Well, Kayla,” she says, staring at me with knowing eyes. “You have to go.”
“But I can’t just go. It’s not that easy.”
“Okay, let’s ignore your work and mom situation at the moment. And by the way, your mom will be totally fine. I’ll even go check on her if your brothers don’t get their act together.” I give her a grateful smile. “So ignore all that. Is there anything else that would prevent you from going? And I don’t mean externally, like being afraid of jetlag or hating Scottish food or anything like that. I mean inside. Your compass.”
I scrape my teeth over my lip. “I don’t know him,” I say softly. “I met him three weeks ago. I’ve only been intimate with him for one week. You don’t just go off with someone you don’t know to another country. On a whim.”
“Why the fuck not?” Steph asks, giving me a strange look. “You think he’s going to murder you and leave you in a dumpster somewhere?”
“Well, no.”
“Do you trust him?”
My mouth opens but nothing comes out. I have to shrug. “I guess. I mean…can you trust someone you’ve just met?”
“You can do whatever you want,” she says. “Do you trust him?”
I take in a deep breath and look over at Nicola who is watching me curiously. “With my heart?”
Steph tilts her head at me. “Is that what you’re worried about? That you’re going to go there, fall in love, and have to leave him?”
Ouch. One question and my chest feels like a hollowed out tree. “Well, I’m fucking worried about it now!” I tell her, sitting up. I exhale loudly and rub my hands over my face. “I’m worried…I’m worried about that, yeah. I fucking am. But I’m also worried that I’ll be disappointed. That I’ll get to know him and he won’t be the person I think he is.”
“And who do you think he is?”
I give them a soft smile. “I think he’s everything.”
Steph nods and gets up off the couch, heading into the kitchen.
Nicola bites her lip, smiling. “No one has ever been your everything, Kayla. You know you have to go. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t. You don’t want to live with regrets, believe me.”
Steph comes back with the bottle of wine I was chugging out of earlier and three wine glasses. “We should all be wined out at this point, but I don’t care.” She pours the rest of the wine into the glasses, really nothing more than a splash, and hands one to me.
“We can’t really celebrate anything yet,” I remind her, even though I’m raising my glass anyway.
“We’re celebrating your decision. It’s rare to get a chance like this. You’re taking it, regardless of what the outcome is, and that’s something.” She and Nicola clink their glasses against mine. “Last time we toasted to fucking. This time we’re toasting to…well, more of that. But we’re toasting to you, Kayla. Follow your heart.”
“Cheesy,” I mumble before taking a sip of wine. Cheesy but appropriate. “Do you really mean you’ll check in on my mom?” I ask her.
She puts her hand on my shoulder for a moment, looking me in the eye. “I promise I will.”
“I still don’t know how she’ll feel about it,” I admit.
“She’ll be happy if you’re happy. That’s all moms ever want for us. Well, most of the time. I’m sure my mom wants me to also have a baby soon.”
I look at her in surprise. “She’s starting on you already? You just got married.”
Steph smiles and looks away, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, well. I can’t say I disagree with her. We’ve already started trying.”
I glance at Nicola to see if she knows this, but she looks just as surprised as I feel.
“Really?” Nicola squeaks. “That’s amazing. Oh, I’m so happy for you.”