And, it appears, he’s once again going to get me to do what he wants.
I hate that I can’t fight him on this. I want to. More than I can explain. I want to dig my heels in and say I won’t do it, but I can’t risk this for Vicky. The magazine is everything to her. And she means so much to me. She’s one of my closest friends, and I won’t let her down.
I haven’t seen or spoken to Jake since I left five days ago.
When I left the hotel room and him, I got the next available flight out to Manchester and came straight home to my mum and dads instead of going to London. I just wanted to hide.
Jake found me anyway.
I was being stupid. Of course Jake would know if I wasn’t in London there would only be one other place I’d go.
In hindsight, I should have checked into a hotel, but I was hurting and I just wanted my daddy and mama.
Jake was calling my folks house pretty much on the hour, every hour for the first day. My dad spoke to him. I refused to. I don’t know what was said.
I don’t want to know.
Oh actually that’s a lie, I know one thing. I overheard my dad telling my mum that Jake was going to walk out on the tour. That he was going to fly here to see me. Like he thinks he can just turn up here and I’d see him – not bloody likely – but my dad talked him down.
He said he would work on getting me to speak to Jake.
He’s had no luck so far.
Jake sends flowers every day. I bin them. He sends letters. I tear them up without reading.
I don’t want to know a thing from him, or about him.
But then it’s pretty hard going being who Jake is, and the fact that our relationship, or once was relationship, is current tabloid fodder for the daily’s thanks to his trampy little slut.
So now I can’t even go online or watch the TV for fear of seeing something new about us in the news.
The girl I found in Jake’s bed, Kaitlyn Poole is her name – I hate her, just getting that in there – sold her story to a US tabloid, and now it is worldwide news.
She’s claiming that she and Jake have been having an affair the whole time he’s been with me, and the press are lapping it right up.
Do I believe that?
Right now I’m struggling to consider anything about the situation as a whole, because I can’t get my mind past the image of him in bed with her.
Kaitlyn ‘Bitch’, as I refer to her, has pictures of Jake in bed from that night. They weren’t clear pictures, kind of dark, taken with a camera phone I’m guessing. And he looked sort of asleep in them. Well his eyes were closed. But that doesn’t mean anything. My eyes are closed in tons of pictures because I always blink when the flash goes off.
But the point is, she was lying next to him in bed. Her face beside his – in bed.
Her in bed with Jake. That’s all I need to know, to tell me everything I already knew.
Also there is one of her sat on Jake’s lap in what is apparently the hotel bar. You know the one he was sat pining over me in, waiting for me in after our fight, yeah that bar.
So details of my life, the life I shared with Jake, and his betrayal have been splashed all over the news for the world to see.
My pain is up for public consumption. And it’s the worst kind of torture.
I’m not a public person. Of course I knew what being with Jake entailed, I just never foresaw this. And now I know, with absolute certainty I’m not cut out for the type of life he leads. His life belongs to the whole world. I don’t want that for myself.
Maybe Kaitlyn Bitch did me a favour. Because at least I now know what life with Jake really consists of. It’s best I get out now, early on, before I got in too deep.
Well that’s what I’m telling myself anyway. My heart is telling me I was already in way too deep to begin with.
So for five days I’ve been hiding at my folks, letting my dad deal with the press at the door and on the phone, and the paps hanging around outside waiting to get a picture of me.
I hate to bring it to their doorstep, but I just couldn’t go back to my flat – that would have meant dealing with it alone. I know I have Simone there, but it wouldn’t have been fair to pull her into this, especially not when she’s with Denny. That already ties her up in it enough as it is.
So I’m letting my dad kick paparazzi butt, while I hide in the house, working on my column to keep busy.
My mum and dad have been great these last five days. I couldn’t have coped without them, well not that I’m actually coping in any way … more coasting.
My mum has even managed to refrain from an ‘I told you so’ about Jake, and my dad … well, he hasn’t said it outright to me, but I think he believes Jake is telling the truth about Kaitlyn Bitch. And my dad thinking that Jake is telling the truth makes me wobble a little if I’m being totally honest.