In this moment, all I can do is stare at him. There are so many words streaming through my mind, but I can’t seem to grab hold of a single one to say to him.
He drops to his knees before me, holding my hands like his life depends on it.
“I’m begging you.” He’s crying again. “Please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you.”
I weaken again, then I look up and see the bed, the messed up sheets.
Jake asked that girl to tell me the truth – to tell me that they hadn’t had sex.
She had nothing to lose by telling me they hadn’t, and she said nothing, but alluded to a lot.
And irrespective of her, I don’t believe him. I know who and what Jake is. I’ve always known, I just wanted to see something else for a time.
Now, I believe what my eyes saw.
My trust in him is broken – gone forever – and without that, we have nothing.
I look down at his beautiful face for a long moment, taking him in one last time.
Then I let him go.
“We started on a mistake Jake, so it makes sense that we end on one.”
I yank my hands free from his, leaving him knelt on the floor, I turn away and walk out of the room.
And out of his life.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“I don’t want you to feel forced into doing anything my darling … it’s just the publishing house are being very insistent that the last show is covered as part of the biography. They’re saying they won’t run the book without it…”
Vicky’s soft voice is relentless down the phone.
I lay back on my mum and dads sofa, curling my legs up, tucking my feet under my bum, and stare up at the ceiling.
There’s a crack in the far corner. I wonder if my dad knows it’s there? I should tell him so he can fix it.
“…and I know this must be so hard for you, my darling, and honestly, I’ll go with whatever you want.”
There’s a long pause.
Oh, she’s stopped talking. That means I have to.
“It’s fine, Vicky,” I exhale. “When I said to you I would do it, I meant it. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“But I do, my darling.”
“I know, and I love you for it. And for letting me work from home this last week – well from my folks anyway.”
“You didn’t have to work at all.”
“I did. You’ve given me far too much time off as it is.”
“Tru, you’ve just had your lovely heart broken in the worst kind of way, you need time to get yourself together.”
She means publically.
It’s bad enough having your heart broken by the love of your life, but when the rest of the world is feeding off that heartbreak it makes it hurt just that bit more.
I squeeze my eyes shut forcing back the tears I can feel threatening. “Thank you, but honestly I just need to keep busy. Working keeps me busy.”
“I get that, honey. But this work we’re talking about you doing now – the bio, involves … Jake,” she says his name like it’s a swear word.
Which it kind of is to me right now. It makes me wince just hearing it out loud.
“It means you’re going to have to see him again. Spend time around him.”
I let out a light sigh. “I know.”
And this is why you never mix business with pleasure as I’m learning fast.
I knew getting involved with Jake while working for him was a little risky, but I ignored that small voice in my head because I figured it was Jake.
Jake who I’ve known and loved forever.
I never foresaw anything like this happening. That I would ever lose him again. So back then it didn’t matter.
Now it does.
Because not only do I have to go and spend time around him again, but I have to write this damn book about him.
I really have no clue how I’m going to manage to do it after everything that has happened between us.
I’m trying to look on the cleansing side of it. Thinking that writing about Jake will be therapeutic. A way of getting him out of my system and letting him go for good.
Well that’s what I’m trying to tell myself.
The publishing house is pushing for the book because I’m the one who has been cheated on by Jake, and they're relishing the thought of a book wrote about Jake Wethers by the woman he betrayed.
Hence the push to get me back to the show, and back to him.
I’m also not stupid. I know Jake is ultimately behind this; this is his way of trying to force me to talk to him, to see him.
The publishing house has been onto Vicky, saying the last show of the tour in New York has to be covered for the book, which is in two days. And if I don’t attend and cover it, they will pull the exclusive from the magazine and the book will be dropped.
That’s all Jake.
He’s got the publishing house doing his dirty work for him, pulling the strings, making it appear it’s them forcing this not him. But I know it’s him.
Jake’s very adept at getting people to do want he wants. I know that all too well.