Maybe it makes me a hypocrite, I don’t really care. But I just know I can’t live a life tainted with his betrayal, and the perpetual fear that would always be in the back of my mind that he’s going to do this to me again one day soon.
And without another word, I turn from him, and go to get my suitcase from the walk-in closet.
I lay it out open on the floor.
“What are you doing?” He’s behind me.
“What does it look like?” I reply bitterly, as I start to pull my clothes off their hangers, dropping them into my case.
“You’re leaving me? You’re not even going to talk to me about this – you’re just going to walk away? Throw us away?”
I round on him, one of my skirts still in my hand. “I’m not the one who threw us away! We had a fight – about your goddamn drug taking! I go out to clear my head, I stay in a crappy hotel for the night, thinking things through – what the best thing to do for you is – for us, and then I come back here to talk things through with you, and I find you in bed with a ... FUCKING GIRL! SO YES JAKE – I’M LEAVING YOU!”
“I didn’t touch her, Tru – I swear I didn’t touch her!”
“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” I scream.
He steps back, looking like I’ve just slapped him.
I wish I had.
“You have to believe me,” he says quieter, his voice breaking. “Please, Tru. You have to.”
I’m panting for breath so hard I feel like my lungs are going to explode. I clutch my hand to it, the one still holding the skirt, trying to steady my breathing.
“I don’t have to do a goddamn thing,” I say low, wiping the still running tears from my face with the palm of my hand.
“I can’t lose you, Tru. Please.”
He reaches for me again, but I step out of his reach.
“Get away from me!” I cry. “I don’t want you near me ever again! And you don’t want to lose me? Well you should have thought of that before you went on your bender with your tramp!”
I drop the skirt in the case. Then I go to the drawers and get my underwear out.
“But you said you’d move to LA. We’re supposed to be living together. You promised me you would never leave me.”
I laugh bitterly, finally bringing myself to look at him. And when my eyes meet with him, all I feel is anger and pain lance straight through me.
“Yeah well things change,” I say calmly, using his own words from last night against him. “You changed everything forever the second you let her into our bed.” It hurts so very badly to say the words out loud.
“I didn’t–”
“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” I scream at him again.
Pausing for a moment, with my hands on either side of the open drawer, I cling to it for support.
Then after a few silent seconds, I carry on packing my things into my case.
Jake stands here, his hands in his hair, eyes fixed on my every movement.
I just wish he’d go. I don’t want him anywhere near me.
When I’ve got most of my clothes and can no longer stand to have him here watching me, I drag my suitcase past him and into to the bedroom.
Jake follows me.
I leave my suitcase on the bedroom floor and go into the bathroom. I quickly gather my toiletries up and come back into the bedroom to find Jake standing beside my case.
Ignoring him, I dump my things in and zip it up. I don’t think I’ve ever packed so quickly in my life.
I stand my case upright, ready to leave.
Jake moves before me. I drag my tear stained eyes up to his.
He’s crying.
I watch as he rubs his tears roughly from his face with his hand. I’ve never seen Jake cry before. It hurts my heart so much.
“Please don’t go. Just stay, talk to me, we can work this out. I know we can. I would never cheat on you – I swear to you. Just believe me, please. I love you so much. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. And I know I’ve screwed up with the drugs, but I would never cheat on you. You’re my best friend. You’re my everything.” His voice is broken, just like my heart.
For a tiny moment, I feel a wobble.
I could stay, we could work this out. Maybe this pain will stop, if I stay with him. Maybe he can fix this.
No. He’s had sex with another woman. It’s too late.
Wordlessly, I walk away from him and go back into the closet, to get my passport from the safe.
Jake is in front of my case, blocking it when I get back.
He sees the passport in my hand, and his face breaks.
“Please don’t leave me,” he begs.
“Move Jake.”
“No.”
“MOVE!” I try to push him out of the way, but he won’t budge, it’s like trying to move a wall.
He grabs hold of my arms trying to stop me, to keep me with him.
Fighting against him, I push him away from me, hitting him in the chest as I do.
“Fine. I don’t need my stuff – keep it.” I walk to the bedroom door, picking up my bag off the floor, I shove my passport in it.
“Tru please!” Jake comes after me, grabbing my arm, pulling me back to him.
“Don’t go. I can fix this – just give me a chance to make it right.” His voice is desperate, broken, just like his expression.