He takes a deep breath. “If I said to you that none of it mattered, what happened with Jake – that I still want you irrespective of it all.” He pauses, pressing his lips together, before finishing. “Would you … come back to me?”
I’m so torn in this moment. Being away from Will, it was easy to forget how much I loved him … still love him.
A part of me wants to say yes, a big part, to take his and my pain away.
But I can’t.
Jake is my soul mate. My best friend. And I would always go back to him, every time.
I slowly shake my head. “I love you, Will. Very much. But … I love Jake more. He’s my best friend. I’m so sorry.”
A tear runs from his eye, which he quickly brushes away. “I just don’t know how to live my life without you in it, Tru. Nothing’s making sense right now.”
I want to touch him. Hold him. I want to fix this, but I don’t know how to.
“You deserve better than me.” I blink out more tears. “You always did. You were always too good for me, Will. You deserve someone who would never, ever hurt you.”
“But I want you,” he says. A tear runs down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe this one away.
My lip wobbles again, tears streaming. “And a part of me wants you too, but I belong to Jake. I always have done. I love you very much and I always will, but … I love Jake more.” I rub my runny nose on my sleeve.
At that, the waiter comes over with our lattes. I grab some napkins, quickly drying my tears.
The waiter has the good grace to pretend he doesn’t see me crying.
Once he departs, Will reaches across the table and takes hold of my hand, squeezing it.
I start crying again.
And we sit here like this for a long while, not talking, leaving our lattes to go cold, holding hands, watching the world pass by through the window, just having this time together.
I know this is the last time I’ll see Will, and for now, I just want to hold on to him for as long as I can.
After what seems like forever in only a short time, I reluctantly realise we can’t sit here all day together. Will does too.
He pays for our drinks refusing my offer to pay.
We stand just outside of Callo’s, lingering. I don’t know how to say goodbye to him.
I’m so confused. I don’t want to let him go. But I know I have to.
I thought that telling Will about Jake and I was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, but it’s not. This here, letting him go, is the hardest thing I will ever do.
“Are you taking the Tube home?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to walk you to the station?”
I shake my head, no. “Thank you, but I think I should go alone.”
We need to say goodbye outside of here. Our place.
Will looks up at the sign for Callo’s. “I don’t think I’ll be able to come here again,” he sighs.
“Me either.”
He looks back and meets my eyes. And I can’t help but cry again.
I bite my lip trying to force the tears away, but looking at him here, knowing this is the last time I’m ever going to see him, it’s breaking my heart.
“I’m so sorry.” My lip quivers.
Without another thought, Will wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in a tight hug.
He smells of everything Will. Of warmth, comfort, and safety. Of the last two years of my life. I breathe him in, trying to hold onto it – him for as long as I can.
I know I’m the one doing this, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.
I never knew it was possible to love two men at the same time.
But I do. I love Will and Jake.
I just love Jake more, and that means I have to let Will go.
“I’ll always love you, Tru,” he whispers into my hair. I hear his voice break. “Jake will never be good enough for you. You deserve so much more than he can ever give.”
Then he releases me, and strides away, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he walks, and I stand here outside Callo’s watching him go.
Watching the biggest part of the last two years of my life, walking away from me, at my behest.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I’m really worried about Jake. He’s been so distant, so closed off these last few days in the lead up to his dad’s funeral.
It’s affected him so much more than I ever anticipated it would.
I guess, I just thought because he hadn’t seen his dad in so long, and what happened the last time he did see him, well … not that I thought he would be happy he’s dead, I suppose I just didn’t realise it would hit him so hard.
It’s like he’s here, but he’s not. And I’m worried that he’s slipped back into a time he’s tried so hard to forget.