“I wasn’t born yesterday, missy.”
“Damon did it,” I explained quickly and when Norm didn’t look any less disbelieving, I continued, “He’s kind of my mountain man stalker. See, when he was little, Max lived next to Brody who was his best friend and still is. A long time ago, Brody’s Mom and Dad got divorced. Then she got remarried then she had Mindy so Mindy is like Max’s little sister. Then, a few weeks ago, something bad happened to Mindy and she’s not doing too well with it so, since Brody now lives in Seattle, Max was looking out for her then I was looking out for her and, well, Damon is her ex-boyfriend but he was her boyfriend-boyfriend then. And he came to a bar and was mean to Mindy so I pushed him then he backhanded me which Max saw because he was coming to pick us up because he was our designated driver. Max got kind of mad about Damon pushing me and taught him a lesson in the parking lot of the bar which, unfortunately, seeing as it was the parking lot of a bar most of the town saw the whole thing. Damon didn’t like that so he spray painted my car and did other stuff to it too. And then, yesterday, he tracked me down and overpowered me when I was coming into my cabin after dinner. Luckily Max showed up a little while later and took me to the hospital.” I took in a deep breath and finished, “Nothing to worry about, though. Max is here now and I’m okay.”
Norm and Gladys both stared at me but Max’s arm hooked around my chest from behind and he pulled me back into his body. His body, by the way, which was shaking slightly so I knew, even though it wasn’t audible, he was laughing.
I ignored this when Norm noted, “Either that’s the best story ever made up or what you say is true.”
“I wish it was a story but, unfortunately, it’s true,” I confirmed.
“Though, Norm, good to know, I didn’t show last night, you and your cane would have Nina’s back,” Max added and I elbowed him in the ribs, his body twitched but that was mostly it.
“So, you’re her boyfriend, where were you yesterday when Nina was tied up in knots?” Norm asked cantankerously.
“Norm!” Gladys gasped again then looked at me. “Nina, I’m so sorry.”
Norm’s eyes stayed glued on Max. “Got two daughters, four granddaughters and one great granddaughter, son. I’ve had my fair share of experience with pretty boys like you so you best be answering my question.”
Gladys sighed. I pressed my lips together in order not to laugh at Norm calling Max a “pretty boy”.
Max, however, spoke. “We had a fallin’ out, Nina’s prone to gettin’ wild hairs and she took off. I found her a coupla hours too late. So, yeah, Norm, that’s on me.”
I stopped pressing my lips together, suddenly completely unamused, and I turned in his arm.
“What Damon did to me isn’t on you,” I declared.
“I wasn’t talkin’ about Damon, Duchess, I was talkin’ about you bein’ tied up in knots but, now that you mention it, he’s Damon. He spray painted your car. I knew he wasn’t done with you and yesterday, from the minute you left home to the minute I walked in this cabin, you were unprotected so, yeah, that’s on me too.”
“It is not.”
“Babe, it is.”
“It isn’t!”
Max’s hassled eyes went over my head and I knew he was looking at Norm when he stated, “She’s up five minutes and we’re fightin’. Our first date, she fought about how Germans invented beer.”
“I did not!” I cried.
Max’s eyes came to me. “Babe, you did.”
I turned again in his arm, looked at Gladys and announced, “He has the memory of an elephant which you would think is good for, say, anniversaries and birthdays and such, but day-to-day?” I shook my head and concluded, “It’s very, very bad.”
Max’s arm at my chest gave me a squeeze and my neck twisted so I could look at him when he spoke.
“You didn’t think that when I gave you that ring, incidentally a ring you haven’t taken off. You said it was thoughtful and the best gift anyone’s ever given you.”
My gaze swung back to Gladys and, harassed, I declared, “See? He remembers everything.”
I realized then that both Gladys and Norm were smiling at about the time I realized that Max and I were acting like lunatics.
“I don’t think she’s tied up in knots anymore, Gladie,” Norm observed.
“She is, dear, just not ones she wants to untie,” Gladys remarked.
“I should make breakfast,” I mumbled, mortified and to my further mortification when I tried to break free of Max’s hold it just got tighter and then I felt his lips kiss my neck.
“Why don’t we make it lunch?” Gladys suggested, her eyes sparkling, she’d caught the neck kiss but then again, it would be hard to miss.
“No, I can make breakfast,” I told her quickly.
“Lunch,” Norm said firmly, reaching a hand out to Gladys and making a move to the door.
“We can’t do lunch, Nina has to go to the Police Station to press charges against Damon,” Max shared.