“Get off.”
“She wasn’t a fighter though. She wasn’t ready to take on the world. She let anyone walk all over her and they did and she didn’t react, not even a little. She just let it happen and moved on, buryin’ it deep, not lettin’ anyone see, hidin’ it even from me, not lettin’ me help. She was sweet which meant she let people in to walk all over her, never learned, did it all the fuckin’ time. And she was a good listener but she was shy. She’d stand at my side and bite her lip and look at Harry and think someone should help him but it wouldn’t be her. She wouldn’t have the courage to walk through a crowded bar and sit by his side and take his issues on her shoulders. What he said to you would have wrecked her even worse than it did to you. So I had to protect her from that shit and I did. She gave me harmony. I kept her safe so she could give it. That was us and it was a good balance.”
I didn’t know how much more I could take and my voice had gone from demanding to pleading when I repeated, “Max, get off.”
“You wanted the comparison, babe, you got it. Now you know what Anna gave me and what I gave her.”
“I didn’t want the comparison!” I cried.
“Yeah you did, you’re all fired certain you can’t compete, convinced yourself of it.”
“Well obviously I can’t because, obviously, harmony is not what you’ll get from me.”
“There’s no replacing Anna.”
I looked away, closed my eyes and quit pressing against his chest. I was going to block him out, that was the only defense he was giving me so I was going to take it.
His words still came at me though, unfortunately. I couldn’t block them just by closing my eyes.
“You lose anyone, there’s no replacing them. There’ll never be another Charlie, you know that. And there’ll never be another Anna. What you need to get is that’s precious, you get to keep that, you don’t want to replace it. That doesn’t mean you can’t find something else just as good.”
Right, I thought but didn’t say it out loud but with his Wonder Max powers he must have read that word on my face.
“Christ,” he gritted out. “I don’t want harmony from you, Nina. I just want you.”
“Can you get off me, please?” I asked quietly.
“Look at me.”
“Please, Max.”
“Dammit, Nina, look at me.”
I looked at him and his eyes roamed my face then his hand came up and cupped it.
“I see what I had with Anna for the gift it was but now that’s gone. With this act, are you sayin’, in this life that’s all I get?”
“No,” I whispered honestly and the words I said next were coming from somewhere I didn’t know I had, saying things I didn’t know I needed to say but things instinctively I knew he needed to hear and understand in a belated effort on my part to protect him for his own good. “What I’m saying is, you’re you and you deserve better.”
He looked genuinely confused when he asked, “Better than what?”
“Better than me.”
I felt his big body jolt and it jarred me, sending a shot of pain through my ribs but I ignored that, focusing on his face which looked utterly stunned.
“You shittin’ me?” he asked softly.
Yes, stunned.
“No,” I replied just as softly.
His thumb swept my cheekbone and his face gentled as he murmured, “Jesus, baby.”
“Think about it, Max,” I implored urgently. “I’m argumentative and my head is messed up. Do you know, Charlie talks to me?” I asked then didn’t wait for an answer even as I took in his head jerking at the question. “He does. It started just recently but he does, like he lives in there. I’m not remembering him, things he’s said, he’s actually talking to me. And lately I’ve been talking back. It’s insane.”