“I tried to see you yesterday. What happened… after I went? Was it… okay?”
His voice was low, hesitant.
“David didn’t suspect, if that’s what you mean.”
By contrast my voice was unnecessarily harsh.
Sebastian’s eyes reflected his hurt.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I said coldly.
You can do this. You can let him go.
“Caroline…”
“What?”
He took a deep breath.
“I’ve been thinking about you ever since...” His words came out in a rush. “We can go back East if you like, wherever you want. I can get a job.”
I stared at him, stunned.
“We can be together,” he whispered. “Forever.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry; instead I continued to sit and stare.
“Caro?”
Caro? Oh, I liked that… What a lovely dream.
“Caro!” he said, sounding panicked.
But just a dream.
I sat at the table and rested my head in my hands. This wasn’t what I’d expected; it certainly wasn’t how I’d planned the course of the conversation. Where was my resolve to end this?
I heard a chair scrape across the floor and he sat down next to me.
His beautiful face, so earnest, was just inches from mine. I straightened up and looked at him directly.
“Sebastian: I think you’re very sweet but…”
He cringed as if I’d slapped him.
“Give me a chance – I know we can make it work, Caro.”
“No, we can’t. You’re only 17… I could be arrested. I should be arrested! No, listen to me: the other night was…” I hesitated, unable to find the right word. “But the point is, it was wrong.”
“Not for me.”
I sighed. Again I recalled the sensation of his body against mine, how good it had felt. Good, bad; wrong, right.
“Then we’ll wait until I’m 18,” he said defiantly. “It’s not so long. We can be together and no one can stop us.”
Stupidly tempting.
“I’m married, Sebastian.” You were married two nights ago. Whore!
“You don’t love him, Caro.”
My eyes darted to his. How did he know?
He sensed a small victory and pursued his advantage, grasping my hand.
“I love you. I’ll… I’ll do anything, go anywhere. You can do your writing – we’ll be happy.”
So, so tempting. And his touch: flesh on flesh.
My traitorous mind filled with images of our sweet, gentle, glorious love-making. I’d never been touched like that before: it had been an education, a delicious, dangerous awakening.
He could sense the feebleness of my will. His lovely eyes were unclouded, free of all doubt, confident and reassuring. And when he leaned forward pressing his lips lightly against mine, it was a peaceful moment at the heart of a whirling pool of emotions. It was an electric moment, the eye of the storm.
I tried to understand the feelings that filled me, making me lighter than air. I felt beautiful for the first time in my life, safe and secure.
Loved.
Cherished.
He gathered me to him and I clung to the protective circle of his arms, feeling the warmth of his body, and listened to the steady beating of his heart.
Had David ever told me that he loved me? I couldn’t remember that far back. I knew he was cold and controlling, and I knew that he didn’t love me. Sometimes it felt like I was utterly despised.
And finally my poor, starved heart caught up with what Sebastian had been saying: he loved me. He’d always loved me. Such a balm to my shrunken soul. My damascene moment hit me with extraordinary clarity.
I loved him, too.
Chapter 5
A summer of stolen happiness: that’s how I remembered the days that followed. The storm clouds gathered in the distance while my days with Sebastian were filled with light.