He began to move faster, more confidently, more desperately, and I let the feeling carry me with him.
I opened my eyes to find his locked on mine, almost feral in their intensity. I moved faster, meeting each movement he made, grinding down as he squeezed his eyes shut, his hands locked over mine. He came quietly as his body quivered inside me. I fell forward onto his chest, breathless and relieved.
We lay peacefully for a few minutes, and I listened to the sound of his heart, slowing to its normal rhythm. Then I slid off him and lay on my back. I think I was smiling.
I felt the bed move and I opened one eye; he was leaning on his elbow looking down at me.
“Hi,” I said, almost shyly. “You okay?”
He nodded solemnly. “That was… that was…”
“Yes, it was.”
I stroked his cheek and his eyes closed with a sigh. Then he turned his lips towards my hand and kissed the palm. The unexpected, intimate gesture took me by surprise.
“I love you, Caroline. I always have. My whole life.”
I smothered a delighted laugh.
“That’s a very long time,” I teased him. “You’re only 18 – your whole life isn’t that much, really.”
He smiled. “It feels like it sometimes. Anyway, I’m not 18 for another four months; I’ll let you know then.”
As I processed his words, cold shock rushed through me, and a look of abject horror etched itself on my face.
“What?” I couldn’t believe the words he’d just said.
He looked at me, puzzled.
“You… you’re only seventeen?”
He nodded, his expression anxious.
“For God’s sake, Sebastian! Seventeen?”
Shit! Shit! Shit!
He looked at me nervously. “What’s the matter?”
I threw my arm over my eyes, unable to look at him. What had I done? What the fuck had I done?
“Please, Caroline. You’re scaring me.”
I took a deep breath and turned to glare at him, needing to take my sudden panic and anger out on him.
“The matter, Sebastian, is that you’re a minor. What we’ve just done… what I’ve just done… it’s against the law. It’s a felony, for God’s sake!”
“But I love you.”
I wanted to scream.
“Sebastian: it’s statutory rape! Do you know what that means? I could go to prison. If anyone found out…”
“I won’t tell anyone. I love…”
“Don’t say it! Do not say it!” I shouted the words and he flinched.
I ran to the bathroom, afraid I was going to be sick. I held my hand over my mouth as dry heaves raked me. Tears sprang to my eyes and I felt him hovering uncertainly behind me.
“Caroline, please.”
I held my hand out like a traffic cop, stopping him from coming any closer.
What had I done?
The words echoed emptily.
“Please!” His voice was begging, desperate, but I couldn’t look at him.
My skin felt icy-cold then hot with shame, as a torrent of emotion engulfed me. I staggered to the bathroom door, plucked my robe off the hook and wrapped it around me, as if the thin material could hide my crime.
I tried to push past him to the bedroom but he blocked my way.
“Oh, God, please, Caroline!” and he tried to pull me to him.
“No!”
I made it as far as the bed before my knees gave way and I sat down, gasping.
“What have I done? What have I done?”
I hid my head in my hands and tried to fight the rising panic.
I knew he was watching me but I couldn’t look. Silently, he sat down next to me.
“I’m not sorry,” he whispered. “That was the best experience of my whole life. I love you; I can’t help it.”
And he pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, taking care of me, soothing me.
Slowly the shock wore off, and finally I was able to sit up, pushing his arms away.
“I apologize, Sebastian. It isn’t your fault. Please forgive my… behavior.” I spoke coldly, formally, afraid to give way to further emotion. “I think you’d better leave now.”
“Please. Don’t send me away.”