I threaded my fingers through his and slowly lifted his right hand to my breast, moving in a slow circle, showing him what pleased me, letting him explore my body as I shivered beneath his touch. The sensation of flesh on flesh.
He curled his left hand behind me, slowly drifting upwards, then pressed the palm flat against my spine, his right hand now cupping my breast. He kissed me again. My own heart rate escalated and I was aware that my whole being was responding to his touch.
“Kick off your shoes. I want to undress you.”
He hesitated briefly, allowing the instruction to soak into his flooded brain, then he levered off his sneakers. His feet were beautifully bare.
I pulled him towards me again and undid the button on his jeans. His eyes were huge, gazing at me with unmistakable lust. I didn’t dare stop to analyze how I felt. Boldly, I unzipped his jeans and pushed the denim off his hips. I surprised him by sinking down to pull the material from his legs.
His erection was freed and I was surprised and slightly appalled. He was so much bigger than David. I’d never been with another man before or since my marriage; I was disconcerted, knowing that Sebastian was counting on me to continue taking the lead.
I ran my careful hands up his calves, behind his knees, over and between his thighs, then let my fingers drift through his pubic hair, stroking his erection softly. It was really kind of beautiful: soft and silky on the outside, but firm, too. I’d never wanted to spend time looking at David that way: this was different. Sebastian seemed so vulnerable standing there, trusting me. I continued stroking him, gently massaging him, rubbing my fingers along his tip.
His entire body quivered, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
I stood up and undid my bra as he watched me with stunned disbelief. I took a deep breath, then hooked my fingers into my panties, pulling them off my hips and stepping out of them.
For a moment, time seemed to billow outwards as we stood and stared at each other, drinking in our nakedness.
I held out my hand and Sebastian took a step towards me. Suddenly, it was as if a switch had been flicked on inside him and he wrapped his body around me: his hands on my breasts, my shoulders, my buttocks, my thighs; his tongue in my mouth, on my neck, between my breasts; overwhelming me everywhere.
I grabbed hold of him almost violently, pushing my fingers hard against his length; I heard his breath hiss through his teeth.
I pulled his erection once again, my fingers wrapped firmly around his sweet skin. He exploded suddenly, his body shuddering. I felt the dampness on my thigh and looked down to see the pale, creamy fluid.
A familiar feeling of disappointment trickled through me. But the look on his face halted my thoughts.
Crushed by the weight of further humiliation, he shattered, falling to the floor, weeping brokenly.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
He heaved out the words again and again, his face hidden in his hands.
“No, don’t. It doesn’t matter. It’s okay,” I whispered, stroking the soft, golden skin of his back.
How many times had I said those words before without meaning them? Until now.
I sank to the floor and held him in my arms, rocking him to and fro, crooning wordlessly as his sobs wracked him.
Eventually he stilled but refused to look at me.
“Sebastian, it’s okay.”
There was no response.
“Sebastian. Look at me.”
“I’m sorry,” he muttered again, his face turned away.
I wasn’t sure what to do, how to show him that it didn’t matter; or, at least, that I didn’t think any less of him because of what had happened, or rather, not happened.
I pulled one hand away from his tear-stained face.
“Come on.”
He finally looked at me, utterly bewildered.
Gently I tugged his hand.
“Come.”
Chapter 4
Sebastian looked confused as I led him back into the bedroom.
I pulled the sheets away and tried to erase the thought that this was David’s side of the bed.
“Lie down.”