“Proud?” How could I be proud of the ugliness on my body, left on me courtesy of the ugliness in people?
“Yes, proud. They make you powerful. Each line is a road traveled, an experience you had, whether it was good or bad. Each mark is proof of pain in the past, not the present. You are a survivor, you are a warrior. These are the scalps hanging from your fucking belt. You took the beatings and here you are, in front of me.” He kissed me softly on my lips and my mouth opened to him before he pulled away again. “You are fucking amazing.”
What?
“How can you not see how fucking beautiful you are? He lifted my right arm to his mouth and trailed kisses and caresses from my shoulder to my hand, like he needed to experience with his lips each and every mark, dent, line, and poorly-healed patch of skin on my body. My mind reeled from bringing to the surface the memories I had pushed deep inside since the very night it happened.
Jake didn’t hesitate. He pulled me into an untamed embrace. “She should die for what she did,” he said.
I nodded. She should have. I wished I would’ve killed her then. I wished it every day.
Jake held me tighter, but we weren’t close enough. He raised himself up, just enough for him to remove his shirt before pulling me into him again, with my back to his chest. He leaned into me and pulled the tip of my ear into his mouth. He gently sucked and licked, working his mouth and tongue down to the sensitive spot right behind my ear. I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of his mouth.
“Do you know how proud of you I am?” he whispered. “That you got away? That you defended yourself against those sick fucks?” His tongue was in my ear, his cool breath danced over the hairs on my neck. “My strong girl.” His hand moved from my stomach, traveling further up, his fingertips grazed the underside of my breast. I couldn’t hold back the long moan that came out even if I’d tried. Jake responded with a groan from deep within his throat. “If I knew who those guys were—” He tried to pull me even closer. “—the one you stabbed in the eye—” I felt his hardness against my leg through the thin fabric of his sweat pants as he pressed against me. “—I would find out if you really had finished off that fat fuck.” His hand moved further until he was cupping and massaging my breast in his palm. “If you hadn’t and I found him alive—” He brushed his thumb over my nipple and back again. I writhed against him, arching into his touch. “—I would tear that one-eyed bastard limb from fucking limb for you.” In one quick motion he had ripped my panties off, tossing the scrap of fabric to the floor. “Then, I’d end him with a bullet through his fucking skull. Would you like that baby?”
“Mmmmmmmm……” My body released a flush of wetness between my legs.
“Answer me, Bee.” He kneaded my breasts in his palms then rolled my nipples in between his fingers. “I need to know if you would like it if I put him to ground for you.”
No secrets. No lies.
“Yes,” I answered honestly. I arched my back into him.
Jake moaned into my neck. He pulled on my shoulder and positioned me onto my back. He lowered himself over me, holding my face in his hands. We were looking right into each other.
Broken soul to broken soul.
Jake’s bare chest pressed against mine, his hardness and my softness finally together. “Now that we know all of each others’ secrets…” He dipped his fingers below my belly button, teasing my skin until he made his way in between my legs, cupping my mound. All I could do was moan.
I was done with words anyway.
All my hesitation was gone. The voice that had always told me to run was a distant memory. I had lost my ability to have a conversation sometime after he ran his thumb over my nipple. A pulling sensation in my lower stomach had already started.
Jake pushed his hand down lower, until his fingers found my wetness and spread it over my sensitive nub. At the same time, he sucked my right nipple into his mouth, lavishing his tongue over and over the hardened peak as his fingers stroked my tender flesh.
My body had never been so alert. It was as if his mouth was right on my core. Every lick, every gyration, every sound he made sent me further and further toward a place I wasn’t familiar with.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said again. He covered my mouth with his, stroking my lips with his tongue, urging me to open for him. When I did, he tasted my tongue in long slow strokes before breaking our kiss to lavish his attentions on the nipple he hadn’t yet tasted.
“You know I’ve never done this before,” I whispered. Since I’d never just come out and said it, it felt foreign to me. I guess I was technically a virgin, although I never really felt like one.