He braced himself to touch her, hoping she wouldn’t brush him off. Sure, he wasn’t in the mood to make love to her, but as he’d discovered in their marriage, sometimes he didn’t have to want it to make it the right thing to do. She needed to know she was precious to him right now, that her honesty hadn’t widened the gap between them. And he needed to feel the connection between them as she came apart in his arms.
He closed the distance between them and kissed her greedily. Her hand rose to his waist and clutched him, her fingernails digging into his side. So, he thought, as her body pressed closer to his, she knew they were on the edge of another precipice. The precipice of the future. It wasn’t going to be easy and gentle tonight. No, their lovemaking was going to have claws, and he welcomed it.
He yanked her to him and took her mouth with greedy possession. She mewed in her throat and raised her leg onto his hip, tunneling close under the covers until they fit skin to skin. There was little foreplay. Their tongues dueled and their hands sought out each other’s pleasure centers, raising their arousal to a fevered pitch.
When the pleasure from her touch started to feel too acute, he turned away and grabbed a condom from the drawer. She hadn’t gone on the Pill yet, and it felt like another sign of her uncertainty. He hadn’t asked about it, and it had taken considerable effort for him to force back the resentment he felt over this additional boundary between them.
After fitting it on, he rolled on top of her, spreading her legs wide. Inch by inch he filled her. Her head was twisting back and forth already, her body straining for release. He knew he would need just a few deep strokes to take her over the edge, but he stopped.
He couldn’t take it anymore. It had to be said.
Her hands gripped him, trying to pull him deeper. “Why are you stopping?”
“I want you to go back on the Pill. I don’t want there to be anything between us anymore.”
“Okay.” She dug her nails into his flesh. “Please, Blake.”
He thrust in, once, and then stilled again, his heart pounding in his chest. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you,” she rasped out.
It should have been enough, but it only made him more desperate. “Tell me you want me.”
“I want you. Please don’t stop.”
Tell me you know you’re enough for me, the future be damned. He let his thrusts speak for him. He ground into her, setting off a release that made her whole body shiver.
He primed her again, ignoring his needs, thrusting in shallow bursts and then going deep, right to the heart of her. She arched up against him, crying out another release, but still he kept going.
Believe in yourself. Believe in us. Believe in my love for you. Believe we can make this work.
Even though his body was straining to empty into her, he couldn’t seem to stop. Couldn’t seem to let go. He continued to thrust into her until he felt her hands on his face, tracing the bones of his cheek and jaw.
“Blake.”
She called him back from the verge of desperation, of agony. He pressed his forehead to hers. She lifted to him, open and welcoming now, where before she had been frantic and desperate. He felt her hands stroke his back to help him come.
“Let go, love,” she whispered.
He gripped fistfuls of the sheets and lunged into her. She locked her legs around him, like she was trying to absorb him into her very flesh. With a harsh cry, he finally emptied into her, pouring himself out until he was a hollow shell.
This time it was she who gently pushed him onto his back, cleaned him up, and cuddled him close.
“Go to sleep,” she whispered, tracing the space where his heart rested, swollen and unsettled. “Everything will be okay.”
He knew she was saying it to reassure both of them.
Chapter 33
A few days later, Natalie surrendered to the impulse to stop by her mom’s house so she could thank her for all the help she’d given Blake with the camp. Blake was taking another long hike in the mountains to think through his career goals and options, so she had the time.
After their intense talk the other night, he’d told her about the Special Olympics offer, which she knew was right up his alley, but she was worried they wouldn’t let him do the job from Dare Valley like he hoped. He’d only kissed her on the cheek and said it was just one of many options.
She had walked around with heartburn since their discussion, wondering if she should offer to relocate, but she’d only just started her job here. And she loved it. Plus, she didn’t want to let Terrance and Mac down. She’d forgotten how difficult it could be to manage two people’s interests without one of them giving up more than the other.
As soon as her mom opened the door, she noticed April’s swollen eyes and ruddy complexion. “Mom,” she said, fear lacing her blood. “What’s the matter?”
Her mom might cry more than she did, but it still wasn’t often. How many times growing up had she heard that phrase about keeping a stiff upper lip? Too many to remember. Seeing her like this was alarming.