His words tore a thin strip from her defenses. Staring off across the parking lot, she wrapped her arms around herself, pulling her sweater closer around her body.
“We can wait inside the restaurant or out here for the tow truck,” Ryan said. “It’ll probably be at least an hour. Once he gets here, you can decide if you want a lift home or not.”
She didn’t respond, her mind racing.
“I can’t do anything you don’t let me do,” he said into the silence.
Her stomach trembled. Therein lay the problem. Seeing Ryan had awakened a storm of emotion, and she was more afraid of herself than him. She gnawed the inside of her cheek while he patiently waited.
“Fine,” she said, heaving a sigh. “I’ll call a tow truck, and then . . . then we’ll see.”
No emotion displayed on his face. He simply nodded, and she retrieved her purse from the car to make the call.
They stood in silence in the parking lot as they waited, both of them leaning their backs against her car.
Finally Ryan spoke. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I didn’t want to hurt Holly either,” he said. “I couldn’t just spring it on her. She and I had history.”
“Is that the real reason, or were you worried about yourself?”
“A little bit of both.” He looked over at her, but Shawna continued to stare across the parking lot. It gradually emptied as diners left for the night. “I broke things off with her. She didn’t understand, and our families still wanted us together, which made it hard. She kept asking me questions, wanting to know if she’d done something wrong. One day, I admitted everything. And she forgave me.” His laugh was hollow again, like in the restaurant. “Forgave me,” he said quietly in disbelief. “That’s when we slept together again. Because she forgave me and I needed to get you out of my mind. But it wasn’t enough. When I finally ended it for good, she badmouthed me to all of our friends and family. She told everyone what I’d done, but I didn’t care as much as I thought I would. I still felt terrible, but nothing mattered because I’d lost you.” He sighed. “I swear, I never touched her again because she didn’t deserve to be treated like a substitute for you, to help me forget you. I know you don’t understand, but that’s what happened.”
“I do understand,” Shawna said quietly. She’d done something similar when she moved to Atlanta. She’d met someone and used him to try to forget Ryan. It didn’t work, and so she’d thrown herself into building her business. At least that had turned out to be successful.
She watched a couple exit the restaurant arm in arm and walk to a car before driving off.
“You still play pool?” Ryan asked in an effort to make conversation.
“On occasion, although I suck at it.”
“Yeah, you do,” he agreed, his voice sounding amused.
She swung her gaze around to him. “You’re not supposed to agree with me.”
He chuckled, the sound of his laughter way too attractive. “Why not? It’s the truth, and we both know it.”
Shawna straightened to her full height. “I did all right when we played those guys at the bar,” she pointed out. “We beat them and won some money.”
“Poor guys never stood a chance,” Ryan murmured. “You distracted them in that dress.”